The week that was in Thailand news: Cocks galore – well it’s still the Year of the Rooster!

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: Cocks galore – well it’s still the Year of the Rooster!

 

 

As Thailand and the rest of the world had their ubiquitous and annoying “countdowns” - that I missed by tucking myself up before 11pm – I would like to remind all and sundry that it is still the Chinese Year of the Rooster.

 

It’s my time at least until mid-February when the Year of the Dog is ushered in.

 

While the last eleven months have been un-auspiciously full of cocks and cock-ups one wonders what the Year of the Dog may bring……certainly with His Generalness embroiled this week in “Puppy-gate” it seems that it is not just in political shenanigans that Big Too aims to get a head start on his rivals.

 

The PM – who might need to tone down his barking now that he has apparently discarded his army fatigues officially unleashing himself as a politician – had been presented with some puppies by an adoring member of the public that his entourage managed to find.

 

These yapping gifts, however, threatened his equilibrium for a Nana-second (that brief moment when old barstool numpties like Rooster think girls are still interested in them when they have not bought them drinks).

 

Prayuth felt the canine heat after a lawyer claimed he should not be receiving mutts with a value over 3,000 baht. Caught in a spot by Spot, Prayuth intimated that rather than pass on his gifts to his underlings he would get some cash – maybe even for government coffers, General? – by selling them.

 

If only he could persuade deputy Prawit to do the same – the sale of his “friend’s” watches would surely give the state sufficient funds for a few more bullet trains or the odd submarine.

 

Dog really seems appropriate for what is on the horizon this year. For while nothing will be done about the mangy mutts that inhabit our sois guarding 7/11s, those other unclean and often dangerous mongrels, the politicians, threaten to turn 2018 into something we haven’t seen for a while.

 

Is it any coincidence that it’s D for Dog and D for Democracy?

 

Of course, anyone with a semblance of reading up their sleeves will know that what the Thais –mostly those in authority – refer to as Democracy is not what the Greeks had in mind. At least since I have been in Thailand – and in reality much longer – the hierarchy have said that Western style democracy is “just not appropriate” for the kingdom. You see, they know best.

 

The people are either “not ready” or just “don’t want it” they opine, they prefer to be told what to do, even what to think, forever reminded of their place where of course they are happy to be anyway.

 

If this sounds convoluted, as a forum poster suggested of my writing this week, then of course it is. Thai politics IS convoluted and very hard to comprehend especially if one starts from a Western standpoint.

 

Few Thais – even supposedly well-educated ones - have the first notion about what really constitutes Thai politics. As Taksin came to power it all seemed a lot easy for the populace as it was color coded but what the populace failed to appreciate were all the abundant shades of red and yellow.

 

It all stank reminiscent of what you get when you mix red and yellow – namely brown.

 

Rooster once entertained – albeit whimsically – the notion of running for parliament. My platform was the appalling carnage on the roads.

 

My colleagues thought I was barking and they were proved right – nobody cares enough to make death an election issue. More’s the pity – if people had listened about the carnage decades ago, with a bit of procreation thrown in there might be half a million more Thais today enjoying the “fish in the rivers and the rice in the fields”, as proclaimed by a ‘democratic’ Sukhothai period inscription.

 

Rooster is still harping on about the issue – I can’t stop. But this week I was reduced to nothing more than black humor as officials proudly trumpeted that deaths were down 11%. Though one poster believed my attempts at addressing the issue were “puerile and insensitive” I was left with little alternative as reason has fallen on deaf ears.

 

Black is the only color I have left when thinking of this national disgrace and explaining it in terms of my favorite film “Kind Hearts and Coronets” is all I can do. Ealing studios proclaimed the Dennis Price and Alec Guinness classic was “a hilarious study in the gentle art of murder”, after all.

 

Certainly the headlines proclaiming the return to politics this year could equally be seen as feeble attempts at humor!

 

On Friday alone we had “Prayut refuses to rule himself out of future PM role”, “Democrats petition court over junta use of absolute power” and “PM slams media for creating confusion”.

 

The name may have changed from Prem to Prayut but the “J” word was still there I had more than a wry smile on my wrinkled chops as I checked the calendar.

 

Just to make sure it was 2018 and not the 1980s.

 

Fortunately there are still the dying embers of the ribald Year of the Rooster to enjoy before that dastardly dog takes over. And several news stories on the Thaivisa pages referred to cocks of one kind or another.

 

Leaving the junta aside, we had the story that more and more Thai men are turning to laser surgery to lighten their members. It seemed incongruous as much of the rest of the world seems to be obsessed with hanging like a stallion.

 

Of course, this was about color and not size or weight though the forum wags came out of every corner to poke fun at the Thai male. With the collective smugness about their own proportions it was if the Ugandans had not be sent home in the latest crackdown after all.

 

And, one wondered, just how do they know so much about the size of Thai men anyway?

 

(Wondered, that was, until Manager reported on Saturday about a ‘survey’ on the size of Thai men’s “younger brothers”).

 

A five minute residence in the kingdom is all that it takes to appreciate the Thai’s fixation, not so much with their members, but with the color white.

 

Missus Rooster has benefited from condo life avoiding an existence tilling the fields of Loei but she always was one of the lightest skinned in the village.

 

However, this source of unspoken pride has never been good enough as she tries various tricks to get a further shade towards the Nirvana of deathly pale. For my part, if I want peace to prevail in Ratchayothin and get more oats than Quakers, all I need to do is praise her for being particularly white on any given day.

 

The trick is to mask my mockery under the veil of sincerity – something I am well practiced at in Thailand.

 

Another kind of cock that is altogether more of a Thai handful is the fighting variety that featured in my favorite story of the week; though perhaps it was more bull than cock, police and military in Chumporn had raided a cock fighting arena and rounded up 148 gamblers.

 

No wonder the authorities at least had a smile on their faces – the Lamae arena was clearly shown in signage, proclaiming “justice and fair play”, that the owners were plod and a soldier!

 

Methinks an underling has desires to be an over-ling thus leading to arrests of all the hapless-ling.

 

Apropos, in 1999 I bought a house in Pathum Thani with my savings up to that point. Just prior to handing over the 3.8 million baht I posed for what would later be known as a “selfie” with my kids at the ATM showing my erstwhile wealth – before handing it all over to their mother and signing the bit of paper that said I had nothing to do with the purchase.

 

I didn’t mind – she deserved it after putting up with me for nine years. After the transfer of all my worldy wealth was complete I took the kids – aged about 7 and 8 – on a tour of the neighborhood where we found a cock-fighting area. Come on kids, let’s take a look!

 

To this day the children claim they were traumatized by the experience – I say it was education!

 

The reality was we got the weirdest looks imaginable from the locals and we left before a single cock entered the arena and Rooster never did go back to this particular Thai “sport”.

 

Both Lo-So’s and Hi-So’s were in the news this week. The former referred to rocker and mischief maker “Lek Lo-So” who – surprise, surprise – had some drugs in his system after firing his gun into the air at a temple.

 

I’m sure the publicity will result in more record sales, so not to worry.

 

The Hi-So was a man who brazenly – probably for fair reasons – went on Facebook to show him with a gun in a car being escorted around Bangkok by motorcycle riding constabulary.

 

The obligatory investigation is underway but it reminded Rooster of my own fun with police escorts.

 

I was in charge of educational trips at a famous international school – that shall remain nameless though it rhymes with arrow.

 

Many of its hi-so parental patrons were rozzer-related and offered me police escorts for coaches travelling on upcountry expeditions.

 

Cue that smiling Rooster face as I said that it was “regrettably” school policy not to use police escorts as they were deemed dangerous by hogging the outside lane. I wrote the policy myself and always felt it put me, if somewhat facetiously, one up in the enforcement stakes!

 

And so to this week’s Rooster awards and there is but one. That is “The Bloody Well Said But Watch Your Back” award to the Nation opinion writer for the excellent editorial about those in power saying that a delay in elections would be a “threat to national security”.

 

Going even further the article bravely referred to the detriment of “perpetuating a military role in politics” and then put two words together that must have had caused a few sharpening of knives at Government House – “dictatorial junta”.

 

I was checking that calendar again just to make sure I had got the year right.

 

Rooster

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2018-01-06

[F4UCorsair]

The week that was in Thailand news: Cocks galore – well it’s still the Year of the Rooster!

 

And it may have been white cocks galore, but the cosmetic clinic has been fined for "over advertising".  Presumably that means false advertising?

 

White willies will not be the thing of the future in Thailand, it appears, in spite of it being reported that the local ladies prefer white.

Edited January 6, 2018 by F4UCorsair

[canuckamuck]

Red and yellow makes orange. If you want brown you can add some green. So you can say, when the green was added it all went brown.

[steven100]

damn  !   .....  that headline is so deceiving.  

[KMartinHandyman]

This weeks wonderfully sincere mockery should easily makeup for last weeks perceived slippage. [emoji106][emoji106]

[inactiveposter]

“Nana-second” - brilliant!


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[Soi Dog]

Just remember that when politicians are outlawed, only outlaws will be politicians.  Come to think of it.........

[Gandtee]

I was conceived and born under the cock. I'll rephrase that. I was born in the year of the Cock.

[lamyai3]

Kind Hearts and Coronets, what a classic. My favourite D'Ascoyne was the parson...

 

"Have you noticed our clerestory? The corbels are very fine. You will note that our chantry displays the crocketed and finialed ogee, which marks it as very early perpendicular. The bosses to the pendant are typical....

  "And I always say that my West Window has all the exuberance of Chaucer, without, happily, any of the concomitant crudities of his period!"

Edited January 7, 2018 by lamyai3

[Jane Dough]

9 minutes ago, lamyai3 said:

Kind Hearts and Coronets, what a classic. My favourite D'Ascoyne was the parson...

 

"Have you noticed our clerestory? The corbels are very fine. You will note that our chantry displays the crocketed and finialed ogee, which marks it as very early perpendicular. The bosses to the pendant are typical....

  "And I always say that my West Window has all the exuberance of Chaucer, without, happily, any of the concomitant crudities of his period!"

Yes indeed. And the way Dennis Price virtually dies of boredom after that little speech!

[lamyai3]

44 minutes ago, Jane Dough said:

Yes indeed. And the way Dennis Price virtually dies of boredom after that little speech!

As he drily noted, the family had followed the usual traditions of the landed gentry, sending the idiot of the family into the church! 

[tryasimight]

5 hours ago, Jane Dough said:

Yes indeed. And the way Dennis Price virtually dies of boredom after that little speech!

As did,  I dare to suggest,  many TVF readers. 

[Stargeezr]

Yes another good week in Thailand where way too many people were killed or

just killed them selves with their attitude that drinking then driving is okay because

they are wearing an amulet that should protect their foolish, or the motorcycle riders

who think they are protected if indeed they put on their 300 to 400 baht plastic helmets.

 So we all survived the first week of 2018, Haraah, Yahoo. and all that.  I hope the country

can elect someone democratically and it is not the PM former General who was certainly

tied to a coup , even if he forgets. Thanks for another good read,  Rooster, only 11 more

years til the next Year of the Rooster.

Geezer

[Farang99]

14 hours ago, lamyai3 said:

Kind Hearts and Coronets, what a classic. My favourite D'Ascoyne was the parson...

 

"Have you noticed our clerestory? The corbels are very fine. You will note that our chantry displays the crocketed and finialed ogee, which marks it as very early perpendicular. The bosses to the pendant are typical....

  "And I always say that my West Window has all the exuberance of Chaucer, without, happily, any of the concomitant crudities of his period!"

My favourite (I can't remember which of the impediments to his crown it was in a balloon) but I love the line: "I shot an arrow in the air, she fell to earth in Berkeley Square"

[lamyai3]

41 minutes ago, Farang99 said:

My favourite (I can't remember which of the impediments to his crown it was in a balloon) but I love the line: "I shot an arrow in the air, she fell to earth in Berkeley Square"

Lady Agatha D'Ascoyne, the suffragette brought down dropping leaflets over London. 

Edited January 8, 2018 by lamyai3

[Artisi]

And another cock up story making headlines today, it certainly is the year of the cock.