Top Ten hard truths of living as an expat in Thailand

[Andrew Dwyer]

Compared to the places I've lived top ten.
1. Visas;
Brazil-very difficult
Costa Rica- difficult
US- EZ unless you weren't born there
Thailand-Retirement EZ
2.Corruption;
Brazil ***********
CR**************
US*****
TH*********
3.Paperwork;
BR******************************************************************
CR*******************************************
US********
TH**********************
4.Business;
BR****************************************************************
CR************************************************
US**********************************
TH*************
5.Two-tier pricing
BR***
CR*****************
US***
TH*******************************
6.Bar Girls don't love you
BR-Money aint for nothing, chicks for free
CR-Don't love you and cost 3X as much
US-Wives and GFs cost 10X as much
TH-don't love you but they smile and get drunk
7.Not the way I did it last time;
BR****************************************
CR****************************************
US***********
TH****************************************
8.Don't lose your cool
BR_Wake up dead/dismembered
CR- Duck/Machete
US- S&W 45
TH- 15 Stomps to the head
9. Deadly roads
BR- TH on meth
CR- Macho Latino on Guaro 151
US- Life in the fast lane
TH- No education, no situational awareness, tourist van drivers
10.Queues
BR- average 4 hours
CR- average 5 hours
US- average 10 minutes
TH- Still waiting
 
All in all Thailand isn't that bad if one just plans ahead and you come off your wallet to have an official get your docs from the bottom to the top of the stack.

Gotta agree with you about Brazil, waited a year and 3 months for my ID card to be ready ( used a protocol in the meantime). Then another 10 months on the 10 year renewal !!

Glad to be out of that place !!

[JAZZDOG]

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Gotta agree with you about Brazil, waited a year and 3 months for my ID card to be ready ( used a protocol in the meantime). Then another 10 months on the 10 year renewal !!

Glad to be out of that place !!

Ironically my first Brazil visa was for investment. Supposed to be permanent but after fives years they reneged. Then I turned around and got a permanent visa because I had a Brazilian GF, called a stable union visa. Interesting, had to have emails and pics of me and my gf going back 5 years, cops came to the house and checked out our closets, made sure my clothes were there. That one took 2 years. Funny thing is if you overstay successfully for 3 years or so they grant you permanent residency. Pretty safe there, got a Ranger 4x4 with bullet proof glass and steel plates in the doors, CCVC, electric fence and two Rottys and a miniature Doberman to keep them awake. Ten years, no issues.

[Kimber]

On 2/2/2018 at 8:20 AM, Samui Bodoh said:

Good, well-written article that should be given to all who come here for a long stay!

 

However,

 

"The 20-something bar girl with the short skirt and fetching smile probably doesn’t love you."

 

is just plain wrong. They have told me on numerous occasions that they love me and I believe them.

 

 

 

Certainly sir,  possibly the only place left on earth where a guy affordably can fall in and out of lerve a number of times every day !

[Kimber]

On 2/2/2018 at 8:54 AM, Ruffian Dick said:

I don't mind paying bribes, I just dislike over-paying bribes.

True, a little corruption gets things done.

[Kimber]

On 2/2/2018 at 10:04 AM, Laza 45 said:

 

But a lovely "lady" never the less.

[Kimber]

On 2/2/2018 at 10:14 AM, catman20 said:

extortion ?

 

Not at all, consider it as a "Tax" ,  strangely enough Thailand isn't the same as where we come from.

And it's never going to change just to comply with what we expect.

 

[Kimber]

On 2/2/2018 at 10:18 AM, BaldPlumber said:

Am I the only one who has never met anyone who has claimed to be ex-SAS or Navy Seal?

 

I can't remember meeting you.

 

 

 

Edited February 21, 2018 by Kimber

[Kimber]

On 2/2/2018 at 10:35 AM, Kadilo said:

They are all in Pattaya undercover .........in a bar. 

Telling anyone who'll listen.

[joeyg]

Honestly I didn't find the article very useful.  Maybe because I've been coming here since 1971 US Military.  Now that I've been living here 3 years it just keeps getting easier.

 

Visas?  Retirement visa for Americans is an "absolute piece of cake."  We don't need a deposit in a bank.  Fire away.

[Jai Dee]

An off-topic post about Trump has been removed from this thread.

[bkk6060]

Stupid to me none of those seem to apply or bother my life.

The Visa many complain about took me less then 1 hour at Jomtien last time.

 

Edited February 24, 2018 by bkk6060

[thaibeachlovers]

37 minutes ago, bkk6060 said:

Stupid to me none of those seem to apply or bother my life.

The Visa many complain about took me less then 1 hour at Jomtien last time.

 

Depends on the office. Pattaya immigration appears to be the best one for farangs, probably because so many using it.

Other offices around the country invent things to make it difficult, like having to have a medical for a retirement extension, or requiring the village headman to turn up to say the farang lives there.

Because offices can require different things, instead of the same requirements in all of Thailand, it makes it difficult for those unfortunate enough to live in places other than Pattaya/ Jomptien.

[Odysseus123]

I found the Ubon Ratchathani/Pibhun/Sirinthorn office to be excellent.

 

Even though I no longer reside in Thailand (due to health reasons) , I commend them for their excellence and compassion.

 

They were as professional as anywhere in the world.

 

Well done.

Edited February 24, 2018 by Odysseus123

[sanemax]

1 minute ago, Odysseus123 said:

I found the Ubon Ratchathani/Pibhun/Sirinthorn office to be excellent.

Even though I no longer reside in Thailand (due to health reasons) , I commend them for their excellence and compassion.

They were as professional as anywhere in the world.

Well done.

You may not be living in Thailand NOW , but you are on Thai Visa .

You cannot post anything positive about any Thai officialdom 

You need to complain about something .

Brown envelopes , bad service , corruption .

May I suggest that you go and get yourself a large Chang for breakfast and come back to complain that its only 5.5 % now and not 6.7 % , like the good old days .

  You levels of grumpiness seemed to have declined , you need to book yourself a holiday in Thailand to get them back

[Andrew Dwyer]

Depends on the office. Pattaya immigration appears to be the best one for farangs, probably because so many using it.
Other offices around the country invent things to make it difficult, like having to have a medical for a retirement extension, or requiring the village headman to turn up to say the farang lives there.
Because offices can require different things, instead of the same requirements in all of Thailand, it makes it difficult for those unfortunate enough to live in places other than Pattaya/ Jomptien.

My Immigration doesn’t do online 90 day report and my Amphur don’t give out the yellow book !
Gives me something to complain about !!

But that’s okay because I’ve no reason to complain about the weather, the women or the food !

[Odysseus123]

5 minutes ago, sanemax said:

You may not be living in Thailand NOW , but you are on Thai Visa .

You cannot post anything positive about any Thai officialdom 

You need to complain about something .

Brown envelopes , bad service , corruption .

May I suggest that you go and get yourself a large Chang for breakfast and come back to complain that its only 5.5 % now and not 6.7 % , like the good old days .

  You levels of grumpiness seemed to have declined , you need to book yourself a holiday in Thailand to get them back

No...

 

I appreciate your sense of humour..but..if  you  look back upon my posts you will see that I have ALWAYS favourably commented upon thelevel of Thai professionalism either related to health or Immigration.

 

They stood by me and-by God-I will stand by them.

 

Credit where credit is due-many thanks to theUbon/Phibun/Sirinthorn offce.

[Odysseus123]

5 hours ago, Odysseus123 said:

No...

 

I appreciate your sense of humour..but..if  you  look back upon my posts you will see that I have ALWAYS favourably commented upon thelevel of Thai professionalism either related to health or Immigration.

 

They stood by me and-by God-I will stand by them.

 

Credit where credit is due-many thanks to theUbon/Phibun/Sirinthorn offce.

Now for something deeply personal..

 

On my last visit I was so ill (cancer) that I laid down on the grass outside...so the  staff came out and gently chided me for coming all that  way...

 

I struggled to tell them that I  thoroughly enjoyed our drive thru the Thai countryside and it was a blessing to get out and about..

 

I did not know any of them but  they treated me with respect and I hope that I returned it.

 

Bless 'em.

[phetpeter]

The Thai woman I find hard to trust is the ones who wear fake designer glasses pushed backed on their heads, they believe their status is all knowing and false. and their experience is that of being able to fleece  any man because yes they are fit, and they know it!

[bkk6060]

22 minutes ago, phetpeter said:

The Thai woman I find hard to trust is the ones who wear fake designer glasses pushed backed on their heads, they believe their status is all knowing and false. and their experience is that of being able to fleece  any man because yes they are fit, and they know it!

Ok, everyone's mind is different but to judge an entire female population based upon the glasses they wear.????

I assume you had a bad experience with a fake designer on head glass lady.....

 

[kolkolkol]

" there has never been western colonisation of the Kingdom. "

True. They just collab with the Jpn to invade their neighbours and provide free rice, all the time while their much smaller neighbours like Vietnam fight off the US, French and recently  China.

Curious, if you prostitute your women to foreigners, is that considered soft partial colonization? The women, they do make an effort to provide with some entertaining and hilarious sick buffalo stories you know? If a large portion of the foreigners are suckers, are the Thai women colonising these old lonely retirees, who end up having to feed half of the wife's village?

[The Deerhunter]

On 02/02/2018 at 5:20 AM, Samui Bodoh said:

Good, well-written article that should be given to all who come here for a long stay!

 

However,

 

"The 20-something bar girl with the short skirt and fetching smile probably doesn’t love you."

 

is just plain wrong. They have told me on numerous occasions that they love me and I believe them.

 

 

It's only because you are such a "Hansum Man."  It's your own fault.

[catman20]

11 hours ago, The Deerhunter said:

It's only because you are such a "Hansum Man."  It's your own fault.

with a low IQ

[The Deerhunter]

14 hours ago, catman20 said:

with a low IQ

At least you have 20/20 self insight.  A rare quality amongst us TVF respondents.  I often think I lack it myself. 555

[metisdead]

Off topic posts and replies regarding Thailand, Japan, the "colonization" due to WW2 have been removed. 

 

Quote

Unlike Myanmar, Laos, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia. Philippines and India (just to list the countries around Thailand), there has never been western colonisation of the Kingdom.

 

[Seeall]

Good one

[Puwa]

My rules for living happily in Thailand.

 

1. Speak Thai

2. Learn to smile properly

3. Don't work here; earn your money elsewhere and bring it in as needed

4. Exercise and eat well

5. See the country

6. Don't seek relationships with commercial sex workers

7. Pursue hobbies other than drinking and barhopping

8. Never show your wealth ostentatiously

9. Avoid unnecessary interaction with other farang

10. Figure out a proper visa, one way or another 

 

 

[Rc2702]

You realise wiping your ass versus using a bum gun is a bit funky and you are happy you use a bum gun. Your so happy that when you go home you keep a water pistol in the toilet.

[Dexlowe]

3 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

You realise wiping your ass versus using a bum gun is a bit funky and you are happy you use a bum gun. Your so happy that when you go home you keep a water pistol in the toilet.

Or you can do what I did. I searched aliexpress for a portable bum gun and came up with one with a hooked nozzle that you squeeze manually, and a very classy one for us lazy baztards: It has a battery-powered motor that sends out a jet stream of water -- TAH DAH! Both work brilliantly. Tip for the delicate: In very cold climes (such as where I am now), fill the tanks with warm tap water before going to the khazi, as a jet spray of ice cold water not only shrinks your testicles, it is rumored to promote haemarrhoids.

 

And now ... back to the topic at hand.  

[bkk6060]

12 hours ago, Puwa said:

My rules for living happily in Thailand.

 

1. Speak Thai

2. Learn to smile properly

3. Don't work here; earn your money elsewhere and bring it in as needed

4. Exercise and eat well

5. See the country

6. Don't seek relationships with commercial sex workers

7. Pursue hobbies other than drinking and barhopping

8. Never show your wealth ostentatiously

9. Avoid unnecessary interaction with other farang

10. Figure out a proper visa, one way or another 

 

 

I think your info is good.

But, I am having a great time eating, drinking, spending money, smiling only when necessary, hanging out with farang, not speaking Thai, and spending lots of time with sex workers.

If I wanted a purgatory boring life I would have stayed in my home country.

[garyk]

13 hours ago, Puwa said:

My rules for living happily in Thailand.

 

1. Speak Thai

2. Learn to smile properly

3. Don't work here; earn your money elsewhere and bring it in as needed

4. Exercise and eat well

5. See the country

6. Don't seek relationships with commercial sex workers

7. Pursue hobbies other than drinking and barhopping

8. Never show your wealth ostentatiously

9. Avoid unnecessary interaction with other farang

10. Figure out a proper visa, one way or another 

 

 

+1