x-pat Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Farangity loss is a creeping phenomenon which can affect anyone with sufficiently long exposure to Thai culture. It often happens without the victim noticing it. Episodes of acute farangity loss are often connected with prolonged stays in the land of smile. The symptoms are difficult to diagnose and are often overlooked by those affected. Fortunately, Dr. Expatricus has developed a dependable test that helps you to detect dwindling farangity. Take the test today and find out whether you are affected. (1a) Question for men - The woman of your dreams is: 70 kg, 180 cm, bosomy, blonde (0 points) 60 kg, 170 cm, slender, brunette (10 points) 50 kg, 160 cm, petite, dark-haired (20 points) (1b) Question for women – Your ideal husband is: Charming, handsome, faithful (0 points) 10 years younger, dedicated to drinking and gambling (10 points) 20 years older Caucasian who supports you financially (20 points) (2) You answer your phone with the following words: My first and last name (0 points) “Hello” (10 points) “Khap” (20 points) (3) You put toilet paper: In the bathroom (0 points) On the dining table and in the bathroom (10 points) Only on the dining table (20 points) (4) How much gold do you wear? None (0 points) Less than 1 Baht or alloys less than 99.5% (10 points) 1 Baht or more, all 99.5% pure gold (20 points) (5) Your preferred TV snack is: Potato chips or pretzel (0 points) Fried rice (10 points) Roasted ants (20 points) (6) And the beer that goes along with it: Guinness, Stout, wheat beer, German draft (0 points) Canned Lager beer (10 points) Chemically enriched beer resembling brine with animal names (20 points) (7) On the walls of your apartment one finds: Abstract art of the 20th century (0 points) Beer or whisky advertising posters (10 points) A picture of the Thai royal family (20 points) (8) Items in your garden include: A garden gnome (0 points) A gaudy light chain with blinking lamps (10 points) A banana, coconut, or mango tree (20 points) (9) Your preferred seating is: A couch or an armchair (0 points) A wooden or stone bench, or a folding/plastic chair (10 points) I don't own furniture for seating (20 points) (10) Which TV programme you don't want to miss: The evening news (0 points) The Saturday night quiz show (10 points) The last episode of my favourite soap opera (20 points) (11) What do you smell when you open your fridge? My fridge is odorless (0 points) Curry paste (10 points) Rotten fish paste (20 points) (12) Your bathroom contains a: A bidet or a shower cabin (0 points) A water barrel and a plastic scoop (10 points) A squat toilet (20 points) (13) You are late for work. You tell your boss: “I will work longer today to make up for it.” (0 points) “A lot of rain today, a lot of traffic.” (10 points) “Grandmother sick, doctor late, buffalo dead.” (20 points) (14) Your private library consists of: A good selection of fiction, classics, reference books, etc. (0 points) Cook books and pulp magazines (10 points) A phone book and three comic books (20 points) (15) Your TV is broken. How do you spend the evening? Grumbling, sourpussing, going to bed early (0 points) I grant myself a second dinner (10 points) In invite my friends for whisky and gambling (20 points) (16) How do you greet someone you meet in the street? “Howdy!” (0 points) “Hello. Where are you going?” (10 points) “Hello. Did you eat already?” (20 points) (17) At a party you meet new people. To break the ice you say: “Pleased to meet you. Did you already taste the 97 Burgundy?” (0 points) “Hi, my name is Michael. And how much do you make per month?” (10 points) “Hi, are you as drunk as I am? Hahaha.” (20 points) (18) Items in your car include: A car jack, a fire extinguisher, and a first-aid kit (0 points) A selection of drinks and snacks (10 points) Talismans, amulets, Buddha figurines, and an air freshener (20 points) (19) You think of this poll as: Entertaining (0 points) Meaningless (10 points) Exhausting, because it makes me think a lot (20 points) (20) How did you calculate your total score? Using mental arithmetic (0 points) Using a pocket calculator (10 points) I estimated it (20 points) 0-80 Points Your farangity is 100% sound. At this time you don't need to worry about loss of cultural identity. Probably you don't have any intentions to leave the latitudes where uninterrupted Coke & Hamburger supply is guaranteed. Skinny, short, flat-breasted Asians don't rock your boat. As a stiff-necked potato eater you can neither deal with tropical temperatures nor with curry digestion. 90-160 Points Although your farangity is not in acute danger, you have already removed yourself slightly from the Western norm. Such subtle deviations are difficult to recognise. Perhaps you stopped finding the British Airline inflight meals savoury? You ceased looking at your watch every 30 minutes? You push into elevators before anyone can get out? Be cautious! Theses are the first signs. 170-240 Points There are clear indications that your farangity suffers from frequent exposure to Thai culture. Perhaps you already flirted with a Bangkok beauty? Do you tend to lose focus at work? Do you daydream about white sandy beaches and smiling Thai girls? Do you scour the streets of your home town for Thai restaurants? Get a grip, lad! Eat more fish 'n' chips and book a trip to Scandinavia for the upcoming holidays. 250-320 Points You have severe farangity breakdowns which are caused by an advanced loss of cultural identity. You experience longer periods without karaoke/go-go bar entertainment as extremely depressing. Life in your home country appears like an unreal “film noir” to you. Your colleagues find your eating habits odd. There is still hope for you, however. Contact a rehabilitation centre and consider a six months potato and gravy diet. Burn your Hawaiian shirts. Play football, drink local beer, and watch sports or BBC/CNN for most of your waking time. More than 320 Points You experience the final stages of irreversible farangity loss. You are either constantly “butterflying” or you maintain at least one “mia noi”. Your eating habits have mutated to a degree where you find it difficult managing a knife with your right hand. You frequently indulge in rice liquor and cheap whisky. It is also likely that you already bought a pick-up truck with a 1000 Watts Karaoke system. If you haven't migrated to Thailand yet, you should do so immediately. It is already inescapable. By X-Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sceadugenga Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 You think too mutt X. Some of those questions were very hurtful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
londonthai Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrbojangles Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 (2) You answer your phone with the following words:My first and last name (0 points) “Hello” (10 points) “Khap” (20 points) Good one How many points do you get if you answer your phone with "Waay" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farangsay Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Brilliant :D Just brilliant. You could try a post in the "You know you've been too long in Thailand" thread with just a link to this thread. Thank you for making my day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Question number 4 should have an extra one: (4) How much gold do you wear? None (0 points) Less than 1 Baht or alloys less than 99.5% (10 points) 1 Baht or more, all 99.5% pure gold (20 points) 1 baht or more but I am a woman and women need their jewelry (0 points) Seems only fair to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayo Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Brilliant O.P! 280. 250-320 PointsYou have severe farangity breakdowns which are caused by an advanced loss of cultural identity. You experience longer periods without karaoke/go-go bar entertainment as extremely depressing. Life in your home country appears like an unreal “film noir” to you. Your colleagues find your eating habits odd. There is still hope for you, however. Contact a rehabilitation centre and consider a six months potato and gravy diet. Burn your Hawaiian shirts. Play football, drink local beer, and watch sports or BBC/CNN for most of your waking time. and I've been out of LOS for two and half years! (but still in 2/3rd world though) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strap Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Nice one, Im afraid to say my points...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mobi Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 No takers for over 320 points so far. Not surprisng really. Anyone who is in the 'final stages of irreversible farangity loss', would be unlikely to waste their valuable time on Thai Visa. Most probably getting a skinfull of rotgut before puking up in their squat loo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slackula Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 No takers for over 320 points so far. Not surprisng really. Anyone who is in the 'final stages of irreversible farangity loss', would be unlikely to waste their valuable time on Thai Visa. Check again, I just posted my score :D Most probably getting a skinfull of rotgut before puking up in their squat loo HEY! I resemble that remark Great poll OP, very entertaining Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TLloyd Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Way to funny... :D The sad or glad part (according to your own personal perspective) is that it's true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jet Gorgon Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 How many points do you get if you answer your phone with "Waay" That's Cantonese, Bo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rogerinthai Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Excellent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leisurely Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I only had ten until I discovered Chang counts for a massive 20 points . Still, a final total of 50 isn't bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adjan jb Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 (11) What do you smell when you open your fridge?My fridge is odorless (0 points) Curry paste (10 points) Rotten fish paste (20 points) Very good thread But you're a city dweller, aren't you ? Otherwise you would not store your rotten fish paste in the fridge but on a shelf or the larder. So it can improve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkangorito Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 You think too mutt X. Some of those questions were very hurtful. Huh! What! Can't take a joke? I bet you bite like a wounded bull when someone so much as looks at you sideways. It's bloody hilarious...good for some tension relief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dereklev Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Great thread............... I loved this.... (13) You are late for work. You tell your boss: “I will work longer today to make up for it.” (0 points) “A lot of rain today, a lot of traffic.” (10 points) “Grandmother sick, doctor late, buffalo dead.” (20 points) Very Reggie Perrin............................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellatrix Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Classic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sing_Sling Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 How many points do you get if you answer your phone with "Waay" That's Cantonese, Bo. Mandarin . . . pretty much all Chinese dialects use it. Can be grating with the right/wrong intonation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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