Engaged to be Married.

[smotherb]

25 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Why?

We lived far from the family for a year, and were perfectly happy. I was first in line for her affections, and she never took short holidays to go visit them.

Why should I have known that she would change just because we lived with the family in the village?

Many posters live with their in laws and have happy lives. I just made a bad decision to move there, that's all.

You assume too much to say that "I should have known". Life isn't that simple.

I agree, I do not know you, so assuming you should have known is a stretch. However, I said you need to get to know your prospective partner, which should include getting to know her family and friends as well as her. If she indeed did change her feelings toward you when you went to live in her village; the changes should have been apparent to you. The key to a meaningful relationship is communication; if you did not share that close communication, change may have happened without your knowledge. You both have to express your feelings, and note how all of life's challenges, including your individual actions, affect your interpersonal relationship. It truly has to be give and take; you need to listen to her, expect her to listen to you, and reach a compromise when opinions differ.

 

Of course, this is my opinion, but it is based upon never having had a bad relationship with a woman.

[sanemax]

On 3/31/2018 at 12:18 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

Obviously you have your opinion, but while it may be correct 99% of the time there are always exceptions.

My ex was delightful before we got married, and I don't think anyone is that good an actress to hide it for a year. However, given that hindsight is wonderful, where I went wrong was in agreeing to go live in the village, where the family got their hooks into her. Certainly, looking back, that was where our later problems stemmed from. She didn't become the shrieking harpy till 2 years later, when she was under a lot of pressure to get me to give her family money, and I would not. I'm guessing, but she was just too torn between me and her family and it destroyed her.

Other factors come into it, but I believe that had we stayed in Pattaya, we would still be together, the main reason being far away from her family.

I did become very dissatisfied when her nephews caused me problems and she always sided with them.

Our breakup wasn't a sudden thing, but a slow disintegration, brick by brick of our "house of love".

Perhaps some may have been able to see the seeds of destruction before we got married, but not I.

She was very nice to you .

You didnt pay her for being very nice to you .

Relationship over 

[ChrisKC]

3 hours ago, smotherb said:

I agree, I do not know you, so assuming you should have known is a stretch. However, I said you need to get to know your prospective partner, which should include getting to know her family and friends as well as her. If she indeed did change her feelings toward you when you went to live in her village; the changes should have been apparent to you. The key to a meaningful relationship is communication; if you did not share that close communication, change may have happened without your knowledge. You both have to express your feelings, and note how all of life's challenges, including your individual actions, affect your interpersonal relationship. It truly has to be give and take; you need to listen to her, expect her to listen to you, and reach a compromise when opinions differ.

 

Of course, this is my opinion, but it is based upon never having had a bad relationship with a woman.

Very well said! In my case, where this thread started, I have been very careful for us both to have good understanding between us arising from talking these matters through properly and meeting family and friends to try and appreciate the impact they may have due to their personal aspirations and proximity to us.

My partner has no parents alive and no children. Her immediate family of two sisters are completely independent and  wish only for us to have a peaceful and happy relationship.

I know nothing is guaranteed. For those who said my first marriage wouldn't work - they were right: it lasted only 42 years and, yes, it really did work!

[smotherb]

4 hours ago, sanemax said:

She was very nice to you .

You didnt pay her for being very nice to you .

Relationship over 

Well, now that is very subjective. I prefer to get it straightened-out at the onset. For example, tell her family that you will happily give them the same amount of money they give your family. Simple, honest and fair as it can be.

[catman20]

7 hours ago, smotherb said:

I agree, I do not know you, so assuming you should have known is a stretch. However, I said you need to get to know your prospective partner, which should include getting to know her family and friends as well as her. If she indeed did change her feelings toward you when you went to live in her village; the changes should have been apparent to you. The key to a meaningful relationship is communication; if you did not share that close communication, change may have happened without your knowledge. You both have to express your feelings, and note how all of life's challenges, including your individual actions, affect your interpersonal relationship. It truly has to be give and take; you need to listen to her, expect her to listen to you, and reach a compromise when opinions differ.

 

Of course, this is my opinion, but it is based upon never having had a bad relationship with a woman.

Brad Pit.

[smotherb]

10 hours ago, catman20 said:

Brad Pit.

Well, that may be, but I think the reason is I have something other than money to offer women. If you or anyone else has a history of bad relationships with women; it may be you who needs to change.

[catman20]

4 hours ago, smotherb said:

Well, that may be, but I think the reason is I have something other than money to offer women. If you or anyone else has a history of bad relationships with women; it may be you who needs to change.

agree 100 % with you, Brad.

[smotherb]

2 hours ago, catman20 said:

agree 100 % with you, Brad.

You still seem to misunderstand my good man. One doesn't have to be a Brad Pitt to have a good relationship with a woman. Although your looks might help; honesty, caring and respect are far more important.

[catman20]

14 hours ago, smotherb said:

You still seem to misunderstand my good man. One doesn't have to be a Brad Pitt to have a good relationship with a woman. Although your looks might help; honesty, caring and respect are far more important.

yet again i agree 100 % with you, Brad.