Dowry?

[DJ54]

I’m hoping you’ve met a wonderful lady and have many years of happiness together and seek both your dreams together. 

 

I will share my experience about dowry when I got married. Married to a village girl which we’ve had many problems over the past two years.  

She said you need to give Mama 1 million baht when we get married. 

 

Knowing my wife being little concerned on our happiness when married 

and a habit to take off for 1,2 days or a week and no explanation. 

(Don’t need to hear why did you marry her I’ve asked myself that 1 million times). 

 

I told the wife ok 1 million I gave Mama 200k on wedding day with a clause for wife  if you take off and not say where etc. within 1 year no more money. If good 1 year then maybe more. She ran off a few weeks after being married.

 

She asked a few times when you give mama the rest of money. I said you know what I said and didn’t give more. I told her Mama should give me money back for broken goods.  

 

I really do hope you have a successful marriage as many have but please keep your eyes wide open. 

 

 

 

[473geo]

First please yourself but do not piss off your future in laws by long drawn out discussion over a few thousand baht

Let us be honest here the culture in the UK for instance is to get engaged and throw an engagement party. By way of example one of my friends is engaged the ring cost him around 200,000 baht

A small wedding in the UK can cost easy another 200,000 baht. Honeymoon 200,000?

So take the expenditure expectation in your own culture, think about the relevant Thai costs, and be honest with yourself, whatever the cultural base for sinsot, if you are smart you can reap all the benefits for much less outlay in Thailand.

[ToddinChonburi]

This is suppose to be old Thai culture.  You are not Thai !! 

I do not understand why Farang's fall for this scam. Because of social media - Facebook and Pantiff the word is out , get all the money you can from Farang.  Moms are now pushing there daughters to marry Farang and get house and pickup. Fools and there money.

[atyclb]

inform your girlfriend as you are a great admirer of mahatma ghandi you use the indian dowry system and you will need to receive an appropriate dowry paid by her family prior to consideration of marriage.

Edited May 8, 2018 by atyclb

[Stevemercer]

In rural Thailand the groom is expected to pay sin sod. It is a matter of face for the parents of the bride. It also means that the bride's family must accept you into the family for better or worse.

 

Assuming your intended has not previously been married, a reasonable sin sod would be about 200,000 Baht for a girl from the a poor family, and 500,000 for a middle class girl.

 

If you can't afford this much, often the family will accept less, but may make arrangements to 'borrow' the full amount for the wedding day to save face.

 

More important is the arrangement for the sin sod after the wedding. Wealthier families may return it to you or they may keep it themselves. Regardless, you would expect the family, rich or poor, to give your wife some land to build a house if you so choose.

[thaibeachlovers]

13 hours ago, maprao said:

Married before with kids pay nothing.

Then upto you.

You can pay from 30k to 10 million like the guy who married the guy the other day

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actually, one doesn't have to "pay" anything at all, kids or not, married before or not. All I did was "wai" mother in law and give her money I got back, for her "face".

My entire marriage only cost the 20 baht or whatever the certificate cost ( plus the embassy fee and translation fee and certification fee at Chaeng Wattana, and travel expenses ), as I didn't have a wedding party at the village. However, I'd have ended up better off if I'd just got a village wedding and had a party. Lesson learned too late.

[thaibeachlovers]

10 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

It also means that the bride's family must accept you into the family for better or worse.

I'm calling you on that. It's just not true. My "family" never accepted me once they knew I wasn't giving them any money. They spent their time working on her to divorce me, presumably so she could marry a real sucker that believes all the BS about having to support the family.

They got their wish re the divorce, but she's a bit past it as far as getting a farang ATM to marry her now, and is still single.

[thaibeachlovers]

14 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

Regardless, you would expect the family, rich or poor, to give your wife some land to build a house if you so choose.

How does that work if the family live in the city and don't have any land? Not everyone marries a farmer's daughter.

Besides, the absolutely worst thing the OP could do would be to live within a thousand km of the family. Thai families are best when far far far away, and rarely seen.

[The Fat Controller]

You will gain a lot of "face" with any Thai family if Sin Sot is produced at the wedding, not a good idea to piss off the future in-laws.

However, you do need to negotiate as to how much and what happens to the money, my wife and I got it all back on the day, but her brother, who married a poorer lady lost it all when the bride and her family did a runner shortly after the wedding, they had debts we did not know about.

My advice is to go with the flow, you'll have a happy wife and in-laws.

The nay-sayers on here told me I was mad to put several million Baht on the table, but it went straight back to my wife's bank under armed guard (police friends) on the day and had been earning interest ever since.

[thaibeachlovers]

47 minutes ago, ToddinChonburi said:

This is suppose to be old Thai culture.  You are not Thai !! 

I do not understand why Farang's fall for this scam. Because of social media - Facebook and Pantiff the word is out , get all the money you can from Farang.  Moms are now pushing there daughters to marry Farang and get house and pickup. Fools and there money.

I do not understand why Farang's fall for this scam.

Because farangs are getting led around by the small head, and lose their brains. Then they end up divorced and wondering where it all went wrong.

 

Yes, I know some of the expats on TVF marry hiso Chinese Thai virgins and get given loadsacash by their doting in laws, along with palatial mansions to live in, so you do not need to respond how we that got scammed are all wrong and there are wonderful Thai women out there. Frankly, I'm not interested in tales of village paradise where farangs live in bliss with the delightful family that love them more than their own.

[welovethailand]

Introduced to a Thai in the US (worked at Thai resturant) and married her. Said I would not pay , but would take good care of her. Lasted 7 years,,,she stole alot money.

Married again, 8 years now, no dowry, still doing good.

[thaibeachlovers]

6 minutes ago, The Fat Controller said:

The nay-sayers on here told me I was mad to put several million Baht on the table,

You would be very much in the minority of TVF posters then. Most of us will be lucky to see more than a million at one time, and certainly won't be giving that much to any in laws, no matter how hot and virginal their offspring.

[jackdd]

My GF said i should pay 2 million THB, 50% back to us, 50% for her parents. I told her i won't pay anything and if she wants to present money at the wedding she can use her own money. Let's see how it goes...

[thaibeachlovers]

OP, I strongly suggest you read all the topics on the TVF divorce subforum before leaping into marriage with a Thai woman to find out the things you would not otherwise discover till too late.

I wish someone had given me that advice before I got married.

 

NB I'm not saying that you shouldn't get married, as many do have very satisfactory marriages. Just be aware of the pitfalls, and don't believe anyone that says you HAVE to do something because it's Thai "culture", like paying sin sod ( dowry is when the girl's parents pay the bridegroom ).

[thaibeachlovers]

Just now, jackdd said:

My GF said i should pay 2 million THB, 50% back to us, 50% for her parents. I told her i won't pay anything and if she wants to present money at the wedding she can use her own money. Let's see how it goes...

A man with sense .

 

IMO the first mistake would be letting the intended beloved know that one even had a million baht of disposable money. If they won't marry you without knowing how much you have, they're only after the money.

[thaibeachlovers]

18 minutes ago, The Fat Controller said:

not a good idea to piss off the future in-laws.

Doesn't matter if one has the sense to live far, far, far away from them, and don't ever let them stay in the same house as one lives in.

That was the thing that led to my divorce. We were happy till we lived where they could get their grasping hooks into her.

[thaibeachlovers]

12 hours ago, idman said:

Would you pay a dowry to wed the woman you love in your country of birth??  Sod this dowry b.s. and please dont try and excuse this Thai practice as something a Farang has to do.  

EXCELLENT answer.

OP needs to make it clear from the start that he's not playing that game, or he'll be seen as a soft touch ever after.

If she demands that the OP give money, that's all she's after, regardless of the smile on the face of the tiger stalking the tethered goat.

[AYJAYDEE]

1 hour ago, ToddinChonburi said:

This is suppose to be old Thai culture.  You are not Thai !! 

I do not understand why Farang's fall for this scam. Because of social media - Facebook and Pantiff the word is out , get all the money you can from Farang.  Moms are now pushing there daughters to marry Farang and get house and pickup. Fools and there money.

so sorry to hear about your disillusionment

 

[AYJAYDEE]

11 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

EXCELLENT answer.

OP needs to make it clear from the start that he's not playing that game, or he'll be seen as a soft touch ever after.

If she demands that the OP give money, that's all she's after, regardless of the smile on the face of the tiger stalking the tethered goat.

not true for everyone. 

[AYJAYDEE]

16 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Doesn't matter if one has the sense to live far, far, far away from them, and don't ever let them stay in the same house as one lives in.

That was the thing that led to my divorce. We were happy till we lived where they could get their grasping hooks into her.

my in laws are one of the highlights

[thaibeachlovers]

8 hours ago, KhaoYai said:

as a very rough guide, if your girl is from a poor family expect to pay between 0 and 200,000 baht + gold. Middle class - 200,000 to 500,000 baht + gold.

Worth considering that if one is paying 200,000 plus, one could easily find a live in girlfriend for considerably less.

I want to know what one can expect to get back for one's "purchase", as that is all sin sod is- buying a wife. All that hooha about compensating the parents for raising the child is bunkum. Unless hiso they wouldn't pay anywhere near that much raising her.

For 200,000 thousand I could hire a maid and a live in lover for a long time, and don't forget that there are the ongoing expenses as well. If one is daft enough to GIVE the money ( and not get it back ) one is probably daft enough to be building her a house, them a house, buy cars all round, educate the relatives etc etc.

Far as I'm concerned, it's all BS and guys being led around by the small head because they lost their brain somewhere. I doubt any of us would be doing the same in our own country, so why here, just because she's young and lovely. Wise up guys. it's just a huge con job.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, AYJAYDEE said:

my in laws are one of the highlights

I don't doubt you at all, but my in laws destroyed my marriage and kicked me out of the house so they could steal everything they could get their hands on.

[AYJAYDEE]

36 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I do not understand why Farang's fall for this scam.

Because farangs are getting led around by the small head, and lose their brains. Then they end up divorced and wondering where it all went wrong.

 

Yes, I know some of the expats on TVF marry hiso Chinese Thai virgins and get given loadsacash by their doting in laws, along with palatial mansions to live in, so you do not need to respond how we that got scammed are all wrong and there are wonderful Thai women out there. Frankly, I'm not interested in tales of village paradise where farangs live in bliss with the delightful family that love them more than their own.

I wouldnt be either if I had gone thru what so many here seem to have experienced.  But then I knew what I was doing

 

[AYJAYDEE]

1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I don't doubt you at all, but my in laws destroyed my marriage and kicked me out of the house so they could steal everything they could get their hands on.

my sympathies.

[thaibeachlovers]

4 minutes ago, AYJAYDEE said:

not true for everyone. 

Unfortunately, we'll never know the stats, and satisfied guys don't normally come on TVF to tell us how great their marriage is.

However, the divorce sub forum does tell us that a very large number of farangs end up getting the shaft.

[AYJAYDEE]

Just now, thaibeachlovers said:

Unfortunately, we'll never know the stats, and satisfied guys don't normally come on TVF to tell us how great their marriage is.

However, the divorce sub forum does tell us that a very large number of farangs end up getting the shaft.

I know far more successes than failures. 

 

[sawadee1947]

A house for her parents would be appropriate if not married before. If married before 100k will be OK. Depends on your love ?

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, AYJAYDEE said:

But then I knew what I was doing

I thought so too, but I didn't know the family trap, and found that out the hard way. Had we remained in Pattaya and not moved to the village, I'm certain we'd still be together.

[AYJAYDEE]

6 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Worth considering that if one is paying 200,000 plus, one could easily find a live in girlfriend for considerably less.

I want to know what one can expect to get back for one's "purchase", as that is all sin sod is- buying a wife. All that hooha about compensating the parents for raising the child is bunkum. Unless hiso they wouldn't pay anywhere near that much raising her.

For 200,000 thousand I could hire a maid and a live in lover for a long time, and don't forget that there are the ongoing expenses as well. If one is daft enough to GIVE the money ( and not get it back ) one is probably daft enough to be building her a house, them a house, buy cars all round, educate the relatives etc etc.

Far as I'm concerned, it's all BS and guys being led around by the small head because they lost their brain somewhere. I doubt any of us would be doing the same in our own country, so why here, just because she's young and lovely. Wise up guys. it's just a huge con job.

they would explain it to you if they thought you would understand

 

[AYJAYDEE]

Just now, thaibeachlovers said:

I thought so too, but I didn't know the family trap, and found that out the hard way. Had we remained in Pattaya and not moved to the village, I'm certain we'd still be together.

My family is one of the best parts