Dowry?

[catman20]

4 hours ago, AYJAYDEE said:

dream on

Edited May 12, 2018 by catman20

[ubonr1971]

On 5/11/2018 at 8:24 AM, torrzent said:

this is total nonsense.  Where did you get those rates, from cnbc.com?

Only speaking from experience. I married the 500k category

[MaeJoMTB]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

He never brought a party up, so why are you? I never paid for a party, as we didn't have one. IMO have to be a bit daft to pay for a load of people one doesn't know, and will probably never see again, to get pissed.

Me neither, Amphur wedding 30bht, afternoon in bed, followed by evening meal at our local rice restaurant 100bht

Including tip cos they brought out the rice in little heart shapes with candles on the top after noticing we were wearing the free orchids provided by the local Amphur office. Much more romantic and authentic then the previous wedding I had in the UK that cost $$$$$s. 

[473geo]

No party guys - to quote your often asked question

 

Is this what you would do in your own country no wedding reception?

 

 

[starfish]

On 5/7/2018 at 6:11 PM, meechai said:

A couple of decades ago I was in your shoes

 

So I asked my future mother in-law (rest her soul) what was expected

They were poor farmers & she told me her daughter was not for sale but

should we marry she hoped I would take care of her daughter & hoped that we would be very healthy & happy together.

 

I knew then & there that this was a good family & I was not proved wrong.

 

Good Luck to you

You are lucky as anyone could ever be. Please tell me you are still together with her !

[Kadilo]

7 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

He never brought a party up, so why are you? I never paid for a party, as we didn't have one. IMO have to be a bit daft to pay for a load of people one doesn't know, and will probably never see again, to get pissed.

The difference being the Dowry boys wouldn't even have a say in the matter.  Part two of the show. 

[473geo]

20 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

The difference being the Dowry boys wouldn't even have a say in the matter.  Part two of the show. 

You don't know how the party works do you? Another culture gap I guess.

[Kadilo]

4 minutes ago, 473geo said:

You don't know how the party works do you? Another culture gap I guess.

 Mate, do yourself a favour and stop thinking you are so much more knowledgable than the rest. Be happy with your deal. It's like buying a new car, some people get better deals than others, just be happy with the deal you got. You just paid a much bigger deposit than many and a higher APR 

but least you know she will stay right........

Edited May 12, 2018 by Kadilo

[473geo]

3 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

 Mate, do yourself a favour and stop thinking you are so much more knowledgable than the rest. Be happy with your deal. It's like buying a new car, some people get better deals than others, just be happy with the deal you got. You just paid a much bigger deposit than many and a higher APR 

but least you know she will stay right........

And you have no idea if I paid a dowry or not either....

[Elkski]

Lots of various opinions.  

I do wish we knew the financial backing behind each opinion.   I imagine it's much easier to accept a sin sod if it has zero chance of impacting a nice retirement if it is lost and the marriage fails.   

 

On the other hand some women seem to have been raised thinking a big sin sod comes to good girls.  And it's almost a measure of a woman's value. 

I don't really like the concept.  I think if it is supposed to be given no matter if first it 3rd marriage this just give reward to the woman for ending marriages.     I am confused about what I will do if and when I may cross this bridge.   

[starfish]

Whats marriage anyway ?

Two strangers get together and want a contract on that ?

There is no contract for friends for life ! Simple.

 

 

[IsaanFam]

On 5/8/2018 at 11:44 AM, kenk24 said:

Tends to depend on the financial status of the family - - a Thai friend of mine, thai/thai had to build a 15MM baht home and this was about 15 years ago.... I have seen Thai/thai pay 1MM baht... 

 

If he had the money and got the virgin he wanted, why not?

[473geo]

12 hours ago, starfish said:

Whats marriage anyway ?

Two strangers get together and want a contract on that ?

There is no contract for friends for life ! Simple.

 

 

You have a point, the paper 'contract' of marriage is certainly not the glue in the relationship, possibly more so for the Thai. The bond is strengthened by demonstrating commitment, security, and 'taking care' so if sinsot is the Thai method of evaluation then why not?

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎5‎/‎12‎/‎2018 at 3:32 PM, 473geo said:

No party guys - to quote your often asked question

 

Is this what you would do in your own country no wedding reception?

 

 

Had I got married in my own country, my partner's wealthy father would have paid for it.

When I got married in LOS, I didn't know anyone I'd have invited and I don't believe in paying for people I don't know to get pissed at my expense.

She wasn't worried about it, and certainly wouldn't have paid for it ( or her family ), so why bother?

[thaibeachlovers]

8 hours ago, 473geo said:

You have a point, the paper 'contract' of marriage is certainly not the glue in the relationship, possibly more so for the Thai. The bond is strengthened by demonstrating commitment, security, and 'taking care' so if sinsot is the Thai method of evaluation then why not?

Because there is no refund if the goods are not as advertised, or stop satisfying after a period of time.

[thaibeachlovers]

21 hours ago, Elkski said:

Lots of various opinions.  

I do wish we knew the financial backing behind each opinion.   I imagine it's much easier to accept a sin sod if it has zero chance of impacting a nice retirement if it is lost and the marriage fails.   

 

On the other hand some women seem to have been raised thinking a big sin sod comes to good girls.  And it's almost a measure of a woman's value. 

I don't really like the concept.  I think if it is supposed to be given no matter if first it 3rd marriage this just give reward to the woman for ending marriages.     I am confused about what I will do if and when I may cross this bridge.   

It's NOT supposed to be paid for previously married women. Those that want it anyway are just trying their luck.

[thaibeachlovers]

20 hours ago, starfish said:

Whats marriage anyway ?

Two strangers get together and want a contract on that ?

There is no contract for friends for life ! Simple.

 

 

Marriage had a point back in the middle ages when people died at 30 or 40, and children were needed to look after the parents when they couldn't work.

Those days are long gone, but the con on men is that it is still used. Men should wake up and stop playing that game, which has no benefits for them.

In the west, men don't even have to be married to have half of everything taken if a couple split up.

[cyberfarang]

Pay the dowry and get a legal agreement, that if not satisfied within the first 6 months, you can return her to her parents and claim a full refund.

[473geo]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Men should wake up and stop playing that game, which has no benefits for them.

Oh there are benefits....every day....you just have to learn how to appreciate them and concentrate on keeping things that way.

Giving the girl confidence that you are going to be around a while is a good start, a little donation to the parents to show your appreciation for all they have done for your intended is a good introduction at an engagement party, a house, kind of suggests you are in it for the long haul. Spending a little less in the pub and a little more on your new family may also look good and inspire confidence. If those three are not on your immediate radar you may look like you are playing for time, or just playing. 

I guess the looking for better options comes into play around about this time for the girl.

Edited May 13, 2018 by 473geo

[Elkski]

2 hours ago, 473geo said:

Oh there are benefits....every day....you just have to learn how to appreciate them and concentrate on keeping things that way.

Giving the girl confidence that you are going to be around a while is a good start, a little donation to the parents to show your appreciation for all they have done for your intended is a good introduction at an engagement party, a house, kind of suggests you are in it for the long haul. Spending a little less in the pub and a little more on your new family may also look good and inspire confidence. If those three are not on your immediate radar you may look like you are playing for time, or just playing. 

I guess the looking for better options comes into play around about this time for the girl.

Sounds like a fairytale relationship to me!  NOT!!!

What if this gal has given 50% of her hard earned money to mom last 17 years and at 40 has nothing material to show in life except a generous heart.   Mom seems to not be starving and likes her Leo. 

 

How much love is there from a Thai woman? when sin sod topic keeps coming up.   Farang tries ti understand and accept sin sod tradition and offers 300,000 sin sod and 4,000/ mo support but.  But I stipulate that mom can't take in any more abandoned teens to feed, and your not going to support anyone else in the village.  And other sister needs to start contributing to mom.  

And this gal says. Bye

 

And all the Thai I've talked to about sin sod say prior marriage or kids, still must do sin sod.   I need to keep looking.  I'm leaning to the no sin sod ever b#tch! 

[AYJAYDEE]

6 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Because there is no refund if the goods are not as advertised, or stop satisfying after a period of time.

You expect a refund when something you obtained stops satisfying you after youve enjoyed it for a period of time??  Lol! good luck with that one. And if the goods were not as advertised and you purchased them without adequate inspection, thats your lookout. 

[473geo]

8 hours ago, AYJAYDEE said:

You expect a refund when something you obtained stops satisfying you after youve enjoyed it for a period of time??  Lol! good luck with that one. And if the goods were not as advertised and you purchased them without adequate inspection, thats your lookout. 

Also take into condideration user incompetence and failure to correctly maintain

[473geo]

11 hours ago, Elkski said:

Sounds like a fairytale relationship to me!  NOT!!!

What if this gal has given 50% of her hard earned money to mom last 17 years and at 40 has nothing material to show in life except a generous heart.   Mom seems to not be starving and likes her Leo. 

 

How much love is there from a Thai woman? when sin sod topic keeps coming up.   Farang tries ti understand and accept sin sod tradition and offers 300,000 sin sod and 4,000/ mo support but.  But I stipulate that mom can't take in any more abandoned teens to feed, and your not going to support anyone else in the village.  And other sister needs to start contributing to mom.  

And this gal says. Bye

 

And all the Thai I've talked to about sin sod say prior marriage or kids, still must do sin sod.   I need to keep looking.  I'm leaning to the no sin sod ever b#tch! 

Many Thai are very practical, in the rural areas for years they have learnt to survive over the years with help from friends and family, when they are in a position to assist others they do so.

Think about it Thai people go to a wedding, they give cash, not gifts cash. Thai people go to a funeral, they give cash, sympathy too loads of it but also practical assistance.

You love some body you want to improve their lives - cash

We may well be seeing a shift because in the cities the rural community does not exist so of course the whole help each other and community spirit is diluted to almost non existent.

My brother in law has married twice - first time sinsot 100k second time sinsot 200k  but he is in the rural environment

The more I read on this thread the more I believe that those who do not wish to provide sinsot should look for a partner from the cities, who will be content to waive sinsot, and live in a rented/farang owned condo, maybe even not marry.....good hunting guys.

 

 

Edited May 14, 2018 by 473geo

[totally thaied up]

5 hours ago, 473geo said:

Many Thai are very practical, in the rural areas for years they have learnt to survive over the years with help from friends and family, when they are in a position to assist others they do so.

Most Thai families I know will not help out if they have a bane to contend with in the family. I have seen it hundreds of times now between different families in our village. I have seen very wealthy families not help out with a relative, cause nothing to come back to them. We even had a road blocked off one night going into my wife's land as things did not go someone's way. 

 

Village politics are messy.

Unless you can pay it back down the line, the whole business of being grateful and reciprocating back especially in a rural area where money is tight and the chance you will never see that money again is and can be, 'very remote.' I can remember my ex-girlfriend telling so many people, 'no' for money (as in relatives and friends) as she said she would never, at any time see that money, ever again.

Once, I saw her brother lend a cousin 500 baht and the money did not come back. My ex's brother took his cousin's motorbike and chained it up to his mother's house until the cousins, mother came and paid the money back to them. A few days later, they beat the crap out of each other over is, as the cousin lost face over his mother.

Just over 500 baht ...

Another classic example, a wife's friend came to eat with us, three days before payday.

She loaned her cousin a 100 baht in the morning promising to give the money back that night after doing a day's work.

Cousin did not come back. Did a runner.

It was our friends last 100 baht until payday. She asked friends and family for 100 baht saying her cousin would give it back. They all said no as they said, the cousin has run from you; you will not see that money. 

Our friend only gets paid 5,000 a month. 2,000 baht go to her parents as they expect it, 500 for rent and the rest on food, power, phone, and fuel.

Not much of a life.

She ate with us until payday; just one meal a day as family or friends would not help. After payday, she asked us to go eat with her chicken and rice for breakfast and she wanted to pay. Some people are decent. Others are not.

Plenty of people in a position to help but if no chance of in the future, that the transaction cannot be reciprocated back, people like our friend (and others, we know), can go hungry.

Not all rural families follow the 'help the family rules.' 

 

It can very much be the opposite.

 

 

 

[473geo]

3 hours ago, totally thaied up said:

Most Thai families I know will not help out if they have a bane to contend with in the family. I have seen it hundreds of times now between different families in our village. I have seen very wealthy families not help out with a relative, cause nothing to come back to them. We even had a road blocked off one night going into my wife's land as things did not go someone's way. 

 

Village politics are messy.

Unless you can pay it back down the line, the whole business of being grateful and reciprocating back especially in a rural area where money is tight and the chance you will never see that money again is and can be, 'very remote.' I can remember my ex-girlfriend telling so many people, 'no' for money (as in relatives and friends) as she said she would never, at any time see that money, ever again.

Once, I saw her brother lend a cousin 500 baht and the money did not come back. My ex's brother took his cousin's motorbike and chained it up to his mother's house until the cousins, mother came and paid the money back to them. A few days later, they beat the crap out of each other over is, as the cousin lost face over his mother.

Just over 500 baht ...

Another classic example, a wife's friend came to eat with us, three days before payday.

She loaned her cousin a 100 baht in the morning promising to give the money back that night after doing a day's work.

Cousin did not come back. Did a runner.

It was our friends last 100 baht until payday. She asked friends and family for 100 baht saying her cousin would give it back. They all said no as they said, the cousin has run from you; you will not see that money. 

Our friend only gets paid 5,000 a month. 2,000 baht go to her parents as they expect it, 500 for rent and the rest on food, power, phone, and fuel.

Not much of a life.

She ate with us until payday; just one meal a day as family or friends would not help. After payday, she asked us to go eat with her chicken and rice for breakfast and she wanted to pay. Some people are decent. Others are not.

Plenty of people in a position to help but if no chance of in the future, that the transaction cannot be reciprocated back, people like our friend (and others, we know), can go hungry.

Not all rural families follow the 'help the family rules.' 

 

It can very much be the opposite.

 

 

 

There are sometimes hard lessons to be learnt within families, never always perfect.

There are some real grafters in our family, but occasionally they may over extend, the way my wife sees them ok is not to encumber them with loans but rather give them work. We are never disappointed with the outcome always good value for money, so all good all round. They just upgraded the kitchen, next year we plan another project all very economical.

My view of 'support' in the village is the 'in house' work process, earns a lot more respect than dishing out loans, in my humble opinion, helping people help themselves.

One of the reasons my wife handles the money, I no longer get requests to buy drink, today a guy stopped by and saw I was drinking coffee and my wife made him one too!! How times change

 

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎5‎/‎13‎/‎2018 at 10:41 PM, AYJAYDEE said:

You expect a refund when something you obtained stops satisfying you after youve enjoyed it for a period of time??  Lol! good luck with that one. And if the goods were not as advertised and you purchased them without adequate inspection, thats your lookout. 

I didn't get a refund on the sin sod because I didn't give any, so no problem there.