Issues with my thai family

[Searat7]

I think he is either hitting on you or trying to antagonize you. He sees he gets some reaction so keeps doing his thing. With no reaction he might just forget about you and move on to his next target. If you can easily communicate with each other why not have a beer with him so that you can better understand each other.  After that the nonsense behavior should stop but you need to be more understanding and not homophobic. 

[jenny2017]

 He is a ladyboy

- His parents have said that they don’t click like on his facebook photos bc they are worried about their friends seeing photos of their son in strange clothes etc

 

OP, I wish I could help you, but I'm afraid it's too late when Facebook comes into play. 

 

  Plenty of men are bisexual. Is it possible that it turns you on, or gives you a particular feeling when he touches you? 

 

   If so, it's not a shame, we're all only human beings, with mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Please concentrate on the more important things, otherwise, your life will be so boring that you'll be alone. 

Edited May 18, 2018 by jenny2017

[Dick Crank]

Has nothing to do with your wife or her family!

 

this is about another man touching you u can't allow that to continue in any case if he don't get the message u gots to stand up for yourself and not blaming your mate or leaving your wife and kid how much power to u intend on giving this jerk it's not your wife's job to call another man off the fear of the almighty thai has come to a head here what would u do if this happened in your home country? Your gonna ask you wife or mother in law to get this guy in line what kind of respect do you think is forthcoming should that occur? ever find st like this happening with your kid or wife which they don't like you best say st and not just ignore it boy...

Edited May 18, 2018 by Dick Crank

[one baht]

You have plenty of colourful opinions to help you !

Does your brother in law live with you along with any other members of the family?

 how much contact do you have with him ?

Tightening the purse strings can get results

along with going away for a few weeks ,you will get some answers one way or another ,

and yes l realise you have a child 

Keeping it lighthearted, if your serious take control and sort things 

out. It appears to have been dragging on for some time now ?

[thaibeachlovers]

19 hours ago, Tongjaw said:

I wouldn’t walk away as you have a child. Although I wouldn’t be putting money up for a business until your 100% sure she’s with you. 

Impossible to know that. Just don't "lend" the money. Like Mae Jo says, if it's a good deal, the bank will lend the money.

I made the mistake of "lending" my ex money for a business as I was trying to save my marriage, but it was just more money thrown away on an ungrateful family.

Of course I never got it back.

If she actually "loves" the OP, she will stay with him regardless, and if she doesn't, she was just in it for the money.

[9653]

Make sure you lock the house title deeds in a very secure safe before you do anything.

THEN rid yourself of any unwanted issues for good.

This is YOUR family life, not anyone elses.

Good luck to you and YOUR family

[yogi100]

13 hours ago, jenny2017 said:

 He is a ladyboy

- His parents have said that they don’t click like on his facebook photos bc they are worried about their friends seeing photos of their son in strange clothes etc

 

OP, I wish I could help you, but I'm afraid it's too late when Facebook comes into play. 

 

  Plenty of men are bisexual. Is it possible that it turns you on, or gives you a particular feeling when he touches you? 

 

   If so, it's not a shame, we're all only human beings, with mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Please concentrate on the more important things, otherwise, your life will be so boring that you'll be alone. 

 

It might not do any harm if the OP were to have a discreet fling with the brother in law to ease the tension, at least they'd be keeping it in the family. This katoey probably feels left out of things and lady boys love to be the centre of attention but hate being rejected.

 

Sometimes it's necessary to make small sacrifices to preserve a marriage. You never know and as Jenny says the OP might like it.

 

There must be an attraction between the OP and the brother in law as katoeys can usually sense such things. Any sexual allure that may exist may not be so obvious to the rest of us.

[mogandave]

 
It might not do any harm if the OP were to have a discreet fling with the brother in law to ease the tension, at least they'd be keeping it in the family. This katoey probably feels left out of things and lady boys love to be the centre of attention but hate being rejected.
 
Sometimes it's necessary to make small sacrifices to preserve a marriage. You never know and as Jenny says the OP might like it.
 
There must be an attraction between the OP and the brother in law as katoeys can usually sense such things. Any sexual allure that may exist may not be so obvious to the rest of us.

You ga....guys crack me up...

[ubonjoe]

A post with racial content has been removed.

[AntDee]

2 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

It is called being an selfish person who runs away  for his responsibilities because he can't handle a bit of trouble. 

Well, us farang will never win here with all our Judeo-Christian/Protestant values. Local people don't care. If you want to enjoy your life, don't get caught up in our western notions of morality, be ruthless and look after self first. Locals are absolutely creaming us in this regard. We need to toughen up. 

 

"decent men in an indecent time"

Edited May 19, 2018 by AntDee

[FritsSikkink]

Just now, AntDee said:

Well, us farang will never win here with all our Judeo-Christian/Protestant values. Local people don't care. If you want to enjoy your life, don't get caught up in our western notions of morality, be ruthless and look after self first. Locals are absolutely creaming us in this regard. We need to toughen up. 

You might to need toughen up, me certainly not. Don't have any Judeo-Christian/Protestant values too. Get along fine with most locals and when not, I don't care. 

[AntDee]

Just now, FritsSikkink said:

You might to need toughen up, me certainly not. Don't have any Judeo-Christian/Protestant values too. Get along fine with most locals and when not, I don't care. 

Me too. Sorry if I misinterpreted you. 

 

Many guys do indeed need to toughen up, that's for sure. I love my people, but alas they need to love themselves, too. 

[rumak]

20 hours ago, AntDee said:

Respectfully, I feel sorry for all the old blokes who marry into very questionable families with very questionable women. Back in Farangland, we would never make such outrageous life decisions, but somehow the Thais with their beautiful smiles and ability to act encourage us out of our typical character. 

 

There really is not much to say. The family is likely very poorly educated. Maybe the wife, too? OP has not provided a short bio on the wife. Without it, we have very little idea. 

Just as often it is young "blokes" that fall for the Killing Smile ( you might all try some Christopher G. Moore novels for entertainment).   Loneliness opens one up to all sorts of deceptions, like the rose colored glasses

people also refer to.   

Contrary to what some  amazing  TV posters say........ there is a long and often rocky road to seeing beyond the  facades .  Everyone who has learned a "hard lesson" raise your hand !   Maybe only the newbies think its all so easy....

 

[rumak]

2 hours ago, mogandave said:

3 hours ago, yogi100 said:

 
It might not do any harm if the OP were to have a discreet fling with the brother in law to ease the tension, at least they'd be keeping it in the family. This katoey probably feels left out of things and lady boys love to be the centre of attention but hate being rejected.
 
Sometimes it's necessary to make small sacrifices to preserve a marriage. You never know and as Jenny says the OP might like it.
 
There must be an attraction between the OP and the brother in law as katoeys can usually sense such things. Any sexual allure that may exist may not be so obvious to the rest of us.

 

You ga....guys crack me up...

 

I think yogi was saying this.....tongue in cheek    

[yogi100]

2 minutes ago, rumak said:

I think yogi was saying this.....tongue in cheek    

 

We don't really know the full strength of this affair as we've only heard the OP's version.

 

It's not beyond the realms of possibility that the OP had actually been intimate with the brother in law prior to his relationship with his wife who appears to be the katoey's sister. If that is what actually happened then it would account for the aggressive attitude that has been displayed by this lady boy ever since. It's also possible that the lady in the story may have at one time been the lover of the katoey. The green demon lurks in all of us including lady boys.

 

We must not overlook the fact that there is a topic in force that implies that around 50% of male visitors to Thailand have partaken in dalliances with members of the 'third sex'. So it's quite likely that there's more to this little domestic menage a trois than meets the eye.

[MaeJoMTB]

1 hour ago, FritsSikkink said:

You might to need toughen up, me certainly not. Don't have any Judeo-Christian/Protestant values too. Get along fine with most locals and when not, I don't care. 

I get along with all locals, mainly 'cos I don't speak to them.

[jenny2017]

6 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Impossible to know that. Just don't "lend" the money. Like Mae Jo says, if it's a good deal, the bank will lend the money.

I made the mistake of "lending" my ex money for a business as I was trying to save my marriage, but it was just more money thrown away on an ungrateful family.

Of course I never got it back.

If she actually "loves" the OP, she will stay with him regardless, and if she doesn't, she was just in it for the money.

One part of the OP was that they all left and stayed at a resort for one night. Doesn't that say it all? If my wife would act like that over such a joke, I'd rethink my marriage twice. 

[BEVUP]

40 minutes ago, jenny2017 said:

One part of the OP was that they all left and stayed at a resort for one night. Doesn't that say it all? If my wife would act like that over such a joke, I'd rethink my marriage twice. 

The next morning I spoke to the parents and they said sorry to me. I made the guy wait in the car and said he is banned to come back inside. The wife and the family all spent the night at a beach resort and left me alone. Its was all a bit awkard.

 

Your right Jenny

So if the wife chose the family over the OP & he banned the BIL from coming inside where did he end up 

By the sounds of it inside 

[rumak]

i guess it wasn't.....

Edited May 19, 2018 by rumak
not useful

[jenny2017]

2 minutes ago, BEVUP said:

The next morning I spoke to the parents and they said sorry to me. I made the guy wait in the car and said he is banned to come back inside. The wife and the family all spent the night at a beach resort and left me alone. Its was all a bit awkard.

 

Your right Jenny

So if the wife chose the family over the OP & he banned the BIL from coming inside where did he end up 

By the sounds of it inside 

Let's just guess that the night spent in the resort was paid by the OP. There has to be the point where a man must do something that might hurt for a while. But still better than going through such a Thai soap opera-like story.

 

  The guy was holding my arm for 3 seconds, help me, please. 

 

   

[thaibeachlovers]

18 hours ago, jenny2017 said:

One part of the OP was that they all left and stayed at a resort for one night. Doesn't that say it all? If my wife would act like that over such a joke, I'd rethink my marriage twice. 

So, if your wife stayed with the family for one night because of a family crisis you'd "think" of leaving your wife?

IMO either you don't understand Thainess, or you have unrealistic expectations of Thais.

Sounds to me that the problem is the OP and his apparent phobia of ladyboys. However, easily solved by moving himself and wife far from the annoying BIL. If he has money to "invest" in a "business", he has money to move elsewhere.

[jenny2017]

30 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

So, if your wife stayed with the family for one night because of a family crisis you'd "think" of leaving your wife?

IMO either you don't understand Thainess, or you have unrealistic expectations of Thais.

Sounds to me that the problem is the OP and his apparent phobia of ladyboys. However, easily solved by moving himself and wife far from the annoying BIL. If he has money to "invest" in a "business", he has money to move elsewhere.

My sincere apologies when my post wasn’t clear about the background on what I’d do. It was not about one night where the OP’s wife was obviously trying to show him that she’s on her brother’s side.

 

   If you read his post once more, you’ll see that she doesn’t seem to appreciate the OP’s decisions not to live with her brother. It’s in no way about one night, it’s about her not being loyal to him.

 

   I’ve never experienced any problems with my wife’s family, so I might see it a bit differently. If my wife’s brother would be more important to her, I’d rethink my marriage, which doesn’t mean that I’d immediately go for a divorce.

 

    We all live only once, life is already complicated enough from time to time. There’s no need for additional problems in form of a brother who seems to be attracted to the OP.

 

   All the OP needs to do is to have an open word with the brother and the wife and things should get back to normal.

[mogandave]

My sincere apologies when my post wasn’t clear about the background on what I’d do. It was not about one night where the OP’s wife was obviously trying to show him that she’s on her brother’s side.
 
   If you read his post once more, you’ll see that she doesn’t seem to appreciate the OP’s decisions not to live with her brother. It’s in no way about one night, it’s about her not being loyal to him.
 
   I’ve never experienced any problems with my wife’s family, so I might see it a bit differently. If my wife’s brother would be more important to her, I’d rethink my marriage, which doesn’t mean that I’d immediately go for a divorce.
 
    We all live only once, life is already complicated enough from time to time. There’s no need for additional problems in form of a brother who seems to be attracted to the OP.
 
   All the OP needs to do is to have an open word with the brother and the wife and things should get back to normal.

I doubt very much the ladyboy is attracted to the OP. The ladyboy is baiting and antagonizing the OP.

[davidst01]

2 hours ago, mogandave said:

 

I doubt very much the ladyboy is attracted to the OP. The ladyboy is baiting and antagonizing the OP.
 

 

exactly...

[mogandave]

exactly...

Don’t be baited.

All smiles and buddies, and when he touches your but, laugh and grab his “chest”.

[one baht]

davidst01 ,

Just read over your post again , and these points stood out among other

 things you have spoken about.

1.  Now I don't know if l want to invest money in her bussiness . 

2.  l don't know if she is 100% loyal to me .

3 . l rank very low , well below her famly .

4. She has never really supported me on this issue .

5. lf we break up he wins ?.

 

  l would tell you to "Hang onto your money"

 

  Best of luck for your future.

 

[davidst01]

On 5/17/2018 at 11:47 AM, Sheryl said:

From what you say, he is inappropriate with everyone, not just you,  and may be a bit mentally unstable.

 

I think you should stop taking this so personally, it is not specific to you alone.  The rest of the family has obviously opted to just put up with him, but if you do not wish to, then avoid him as much as possible, but indeed, as your wife said, in either case don't over-think the situation.

I take your point. 

 

In my shoes its hard for me to not overthink the situation when

- 5 yrs ago after the first wedding day incident my wife didn't support me or fix the problem

- 4 yrs ago after picking up the baby at the hospital to take home the next time he did it. Nothing was done about the problem. We tried talking to him but he will do whatever he wants to antagonise me. 

- 3 yrs ago before songkran he now touches me on my butt. Nothing is done. Wife is not supporting me

- 2 yrs ago in his home town repeat of the above

- 1 more incident again somewhere else and recently 1 week ago. 

 

Its really affected my relationship with my wife with whom I suspect is not really that loyal to me. The next time it happens I will start involving her parents friends and work colleagues, and maybe violence. 

 

Until that time happens I will try not to 'over-think' things...

[BEVUP]

7 minutes ago, davidst01 said:

I will start involving her parents friends and work colleagues

Why involve them, nothing to do with them

 

[davidst01]

8 minutes ago, BEVUP said:

Why involve them, nothing to do with them

 

because it makes the family lose face. Maybe then the father will come down hard on this guy and tell him to stop doing this

[473geo]

4 minutes ago, davidst01 said:

because it makes the family lose face. Maybe then the father will come down hard on this guy and tell him to stop doing this

You are pushing the family into confrontation they will not appreciate

 

Relax, accept the way he is, it's only a few occasions and if he gets no reaction he may well stop on his own accord!!

Alternatively use this as a rather poor excuse for the bail out you appear to be anticipating