Two Jokes

[Jamesyboi]

Go Get Yo' Mama

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life.

The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his Son, “Boy, go git yo Momma….”

A business man met a beautiful girl & asked her to spend the night with him for $500.

And she did.

Before he left in the morning, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check & mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 & enclosed a note:

Dear Madam,

Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:

(1) it had never been occupied;

(2) that there was plenty of heat;

(3) that it was small enough to make me cosy & at home.

Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, & that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:

Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please don’t blame the landlord.