Sharing my story - Advice please

[jak2002003]

I can't believe that this story is true because its so stupid... surely no one in their right mind would put up with that behaviour... and even still consider having a relationship with someone who acts like that? 

 

I mean, there are many more gay Thai guys out there.. so its not like OP is going to be alone for long.  OP is nearly 50, but seem to have the mindset of a teenager when it comes to love and relationships.  Perhaps this is his first gay relationship and he does not know how gay relationship work here in Thailand compared to straight ones.  Perhaps OP was straight in the UK,... or married with kids, and has no experience of gay relationships... let alone dating a Thai person.. with the differences in culture, language and the rest of it. 

 

Sorry OP, but if you story is true you must realise you are being taken for a tool by this guy.. who clearly lies to you, does not love you, and barely tolerates being with you unless you are throwing money at him and promising to fund his future lifestyle.  You really are considering staying with him?!!!

 

 

 

 

[khunPer]

18 hours ago, HVishalH said:

I would be interested in the opinions of people who know Thailand and particularly any Thai people. Also on how and when to end the relationship culturally speaking...

Thanks for sharing your story.

 

I'm not into gay community, but your story sound too familiar with stories told about relationships between a foreign (Western) man and a Thai lady; however keep in mind that there are at least 50 shades of gray between black and white.

 

For Thais a foreign partner is often – or rather almost normally – seen as a provider, like in old times in the West, where the husband was the provider for a family. I have som gay friends, and it seem to be kind of same situation; even with a sin sot (dowry) paid when ties are knotted in a village marriage ceremony. 

 

I presume that foreigners in most cases should be prepared to some level of provider role in a foreign-Thai relationship; on top of some cultural gap that in itself sometime can be a problem. May I recommend you to read the book "Thailand Fever" for better understanding of a foreign-Thai relationship (read more about the book here).

 

A story about heading into the sex-trade to survive, if the potential foreign provider won't provide (enough) is also not unusual. In my opinion one should consider if it's the right relationship, when things like that appear.

 

It's not difficult to end a relationship, simply politely say that you are sorry, but feel it's not what expected, and simply cut further contact. A Thai searching for a provider will not loose face, but move on to the next potential possibility.

 

Move on – I think it's exactly like the saying about ladies – there are thousands waiting out there; I know foreign-Thai gay relationships that seems to work extremely well for many years, and both parts looks very happy...?

[britishrepublican]

5 hours ago, giddyup said:

For crying out loud, how many signals do you need to see this will never work? To have to resort to asking complete strangers for advice, when the obvious is staring you in the face reeks of desperation.

Excellent comment. He sounds pretty pathetic.  That what happens while you're committing sins.

[MyFriend You]

15 hours ago, HVishalH said:

Nope, not made up, every word is true, you will notice to. I haven't given him money. Thanks for replying.  

My only experience is with PooYings, not PooChai's - but reading your post there is 100% similarity. You haven't given him any money of circumstance, so keep it that way, you were only a vehicle for his selfish 'dream'  -  his quote to you "I'm going to Pattaya to work as a Prostitute to pay off the money lenders"  was just a ploy to get you to feel sorry for him - PooYings do it ll the time, "You don't give me money, I have to go back work bar"  (they will go back to the bar anyway, regardless how much you give them) we on this forum and others have heard it all  -  you were a walking ATM, that is all.  Stay off the Dating sites  -  Come back to Thailand and look for yourself, visit the Gay Sex bars, get to know some people, Rule number 1>..........>  Don't fall in Love   Rule number 2 >.........>  Don't fall in Love...........love as westerners know it, doesn't exist in SE Asia - as  it's all about Face!!!!!  He is jealous of his friends that have a Farang guy on the hook and they send him money............don't be one of those smucks.    I wish you luck, Thailand is the most Gay Friendly Asian country I have ever been in, I'm not gay, nor am I curious, but I have friends in all circles, couples gay and straight, adopting kids, living a real normal life here.

 

But of your only interested in many, many, one night stands, I suggest Manila or Angeles City Philipines...........Thai boys are even more jealous than the girls, and more violent.  Buyer beware.

[4MyEgo]

In any relationship starting out, regardless if its a Thai, Western, straight or gay person, it has to be a two way street.

 

Whenever I was dating someone in the past, now happily married 11 years, i.e. I put an end to my wife's 7 month career as a bar girl which was a necessity for her to feed her one year old twin boys, coming from a poor rural family, long of the short, I saw past the facade and met the angel within her, and have had two children with her, she is loyal, listens, although challenges me when she feels the need, fair enough, although is prepared to play the role of the loving wife, is a great mother, undemanding, puts me 1st before her own family's needs and keeps them at bay, and always puts our family 1st, I am probably one of the happiest blokes in a relationship with a Thai "bar girl", but have heard there are others here on TVF, and I have met a few blokes at local waterholes, but there stories are the opposite, but their happy, sort of, but have lost lots of money through lies, affairs, etc, etc, but don't want to start over, too old.

 

What I am saying is, if its not a two way street from the beginning, i.e. if there ain't no sparks, your being blindsided by his elusiveness which of course creates a major head fark for you as the Black Widow spins its web around you, making you feel inferior.

 

We all crave for love, respect and loyalty, and we have to remember that there are two types of people out there, the ones like us, and the ones that know what we are looking for and will play us, bar girls as well, if we listen too our hearts and not our minds, we will fall, your mind has spoken, you have accepted it, but your heart aches every now and then, which makes you doubt your mind, hence the reason you have landed here on TVF, you will get good advise at times, cruel comments at times, the experiences etc etc, all you have to do is go back to your mind and control your heart.

 

I don't need to tell you what you need to do, you all ready know, your not stupid, your hurt, but wise for not giving into his demands, who the fark does he think he is, God's gift to men ?......do you believe in Karma !!!

 

I will say this as I finish, love yourself first and foremost, then share your love to those who are worthy of it, and keep baiting those who you meet, dating sites, traps from what I have heard, bars, one on one I have always found more inviting, as one can move on pretty quickly when one notices any signs of those others wanting to bring you down for their own needs.

 

Wish you the best of luck, money should never come into the relationship, as for assisting every now and again in moderation, sure, why not, but never a demand.

[jgarbo]

21 hours ago, HooHaa said:

Just walk away. It is that simple. There is no good way to end a relationship. 

 

Be prepared for histrionics, he will mourn an opportunity lost, not the end of the relationship only you were in.

How does one spell stupid in Thai? Ah Yes. โง่.  

[jgarbo]

2 hours ago, britishrepublican said:

Excellent comment. He sounds pretty pathetic.  That what happens while you're committing sins.

What exactly is the sin? Not stupidity or ignorance.  

[AlexRich]

6 hours ago, scorecard said:

OK, so don't keep us in suspense, what are you going to do?

He's arranging the Sin Sod with his bank ... ?

[madusa]

Well what are the risks of him stabbing you while you sleeping? Quite common for Gay to stab their lover in this land of smiles. He smiles while he stabs you hence the land of smiles.

You are now expose to danger you need to assess the risks. The likelihood and the degree of harm.

Get out now. Don't get involve with Thai gay, go to Singapore or Malaysia you get good gays people there that don't even need your financial support, they are educated (some overseas institutions). Those gays will understand you and you will find your true love there.

Being Gay in Thailand is a business venture, you should know that.

You might end up in prison if your gay friend decided to get his friend to frame you in drug case then you looking at 40 years in prison. Get out now, get out now, get out now.

I say this because I was framed though not because of gay relationship because I offended a Thai colleague. Lucky it wasn't drug. I had a short term in prison paid the fine and was discharged.

GET OUT NOW.......( get out now means quit the relationship totally moved to a further place not likely to meet him and change your plan . Go to Malaysia.

[HVishalH]

Hi Luckily I am in The Uk so not much he can do to me, actually zilch. My only contact is through Facebook. I will cut all ties and he is going to be blocked.

 

I will add a little footnote. He has been telling me today about being in Pattaya and being scared and loving me and missing me.

 

Unfortunately for him he is a Stupid predator (its what shocked me in Thailand, he made absolutely no effort at all to pretend I mattered, which is why I have not given him money since) He has a friend on Facebook who is always posting herself live. so I had a look today on her page and there he is in Udon happily singing Karaoke. So the Pattaya thing was completely made up. I did believe it. None of you did! I am a ridiculous fool but it hasnt cost me  me very much.

 

I am going to block him and cut all ties. Tempted to do something to piss him off first, but may wait till I have blocked him and then send him a you are a **** message on line (he is my only Line friend). Wont do any good I know but.

 

You lot have been so good at replying. I am interested in any ideas. I do have a photo of his ID. I dont think it is criminal though what he has done but maybe it is. 

 

I know some people on here think I am making it up. I really am not. I thought I was being clever getting to know someone through the internet first, I do know the Sugar factory was true. He regularly used to video call me from there (to show me off to his friends).

 

If you want after it is done I will attach a picture of the <deleted> on here.

 

[AlexRich]

9 minutes ago, HVishalH said:

Hi Luckily I am in The Uk so not much he can do to me, actually zilch. My only contact is through Facebook. I will cut all ties and he is going to be blocked.

 

I will add a little footnote. He has been telling me today about being in Pattaya and being scared and loving me and missing me.

 

Unfortunately for him he is a Stupid predator (its what shocked me in Thailand, he made absolutely no effort at all to pretend I mattered, which is why I have not given him money since) He has a friend on Facebook who is always posting herself live. so I had a look today on her page and there he is in Udon happily singing Karaoke. So the Pattaya thing was completely made up. I did believe it. None of you did! I am a ridiculous fool but it hasnt cost me  me very much.

 

I am going to block him and cut all ties. Tempted to do something to piss him off first, but may wait till I have blocked him and then send him a you are a **** message on line (he is my only Line friend). Wont do any good I know but.

 

You lot have been so good at replying. I am interested in any ideas. I do have a photo of his ID. I dont think it is criminal though what he has done but maybe it is. 

 

I know some people on here think I am making it up. I really am not. I thought I was being clever getting to know someone through the internet first, I do know the Sugar factory was true. He regularly used to video call me from there (to show me off to his friends).

 

If you want after it is done I will attach a picture of the <deleted> on here.

 

 

Don't do anything, just ghost him, as if he never existed. And don't put his name or ID anywhere as it could backfire on you if you want to spend time in Thailand in the future. The defamation/internet law in Thailand is something you don't want to be involved in. 

 

 

[khunPer]

2 hours ago, HVishalH said:

Tempted to do something to piss him off first, but may wait till I have blocked him...

Thanks for your feedback.

The best advise I can give you is to cut, forget, and move on.

Wish you good luck in the future...?

[lucifer666]

Expect to hear the sick Buffalo story next. It's pretty clear, you should walk away from this relationship. He's trying to use you only.

[Tracyb]

It would be VERY unwise of you to make any comments to him that could lead to his taking steps for retribution.  Do NOTHING on the internet to upset him.  Your efforts to do so would become nothing but actionable under Thai law.  I suggest that you block him, as planned, but also consider changing your Facebook “name” as a  second level of security.  Dropping out of his sight with his being completely unable to track you down is, IMHO, the best way to end this fiasco.  Block him from your phone or better yet, get a new number.  Does he have your email address?  Take that into consideration too as you ponder next steps.Keep that copy of his Thai ID.  Retain it in more than one place so you have zero chance of losing it.  NEVER destroy your record of it.              I came to Thailand about 15 years ago looking for a gay relationship.  I found someone who was attractive and was attracted to me.  He was in college at the time.  We met several times over a long period before I began considering moving to Thailand.  He was sweet, unassuming, without demands for cash. We fell in love.  He came to the USA and obtained his Masters degree in Business Administration there.  We were later married in San Francisco.  A few years later we came back to Thailand, bought a condo and will soon celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary.  All of this is simply to say that there ARE Thai guys out there who are self sufficient and looking for love.  Keep looking.  Be patient. You will find someone better!

[HooHaa]

9 hours ago, HVishalH said:

Hi Luckily I am in The Uk so not much he can do to me, actually zilch. My only contact is through Facebook. I will cut all ties and he is going to be blocked.

 

I will add a little footnote. He has been telling me today about being in Pattaya and being scared and loving me and missing me.

 

Unfortunately for him he is a Stupid predator (its what shocked me in Thailand, he made absolutely no effort at all to pretend I mattered, which is why I have not given him money since) He has a friend on Facebook who is always posting herself live. so I had a look today on her page and there he is in Udon happily singing Karaoke. So the Pattaya thing was completely made up. I did believe it. None of you did! I am a ridiculous fool but it hasnt cost me  me very much.

 

I am going to block him and cut all ties. Tempted to do something to piss him off first, but may wait till I have blocked him and then send him a you are a **** message on line (he is my only Line friend). Wont do any good I know but.

 

You lot have been so good at replying. I am interested in any ideas. I do have a photo of his ID. I dont think it is criminal though what he has done but maybe it is. 

 

I know some people on here think I am making it up. I really am not. I thought I was being clever getting to know someone through the internet first, I do know the Sugar factory was true. He regularly used to video call me from there (to show me off to his friends).

 

If you want after it is done I will attach a picture of the <deleted> on here.

 

How old are you, 5?

 

He has done nothing wrong you did this to yourself out of desperation and fantasy.

 

Block him and be done with it. 

 

Quit playing stupid, vindictive games. 

[zaZa9]

Are you sure this bloke isn't a Thai lady ??

[HVishalH]

thank you so much everyone,

 

the advice has been helpful, i really appreciate the people that have replied.

[JAZZDOG]

Get tested right away

[JAZZDOG]

On ‎6‎/‎18‎/‎2018 at 2:43 AM, HVishalH said:

Nope, not made up, every word is true, you will notice to. I haven't given him money. Thanks for replying.  

Top or bottom? Maybe you need to trade up?

[Ron19]

A post against forum rules and an answer to it have been removed.

 

11) You will not post slurs, degrading or overly negative comments directed towards Thailand, specific locations, Thai institutions such as the judicial or law enforcement system, Thai culture, Thai people or any other group on the basis of race, nationality, religion, gender or sexual orientation.

[Crash999]

15 hours ago, HVishalH said:

Hi Luckily I am in The Uk so not much he can do to me, actually zilch. My only contact is through Facebook. I will cut all ties and he is going to be blocked.

 

I will add a little footnote. He has been telling me today about being in Pattaya and being scared and loving me and missing me.

 

Unfortunately for him he is a Stupid predator (its what shocked me in Thailand, he made absolutely no effort at all to pretend I mattered, which is why I have not given him money since) He has a friend on Facebook who is always posting herself live. so I had a look today on her page and there he is in Udon happily singing Karaoke. So the Pattaya thing was completely made up. I did believe it. None of you did! I am a ridiculous fool but it hasnt cost me  me very much.

 

I am going to block him and cut all ties. Tempted to do something to piss him off first, but may wait till I have blocked him and then send him a you are a **** message on line (he is my only Line friend). Wont do any good I know but.

 

You lot have been so good at replying. I am interested in any ideas. I do have a photo of his ID. I dont think it is criminal though what he has done but maybe it is. 

 

I know some people on here think I am making it up. I really am not. I thought I was being clever getting to know someone through the internet first, I do know the Sugar factory was true. He regularly used to video call me from there (to show me off to his friends).

 

If you want after it is done I will attach a picture of the <deleted> on here.

 

Don't try to get revenge on him by doing something to piss him off. You're just wasting your emotions and anger on someone who isn't worth it. Besides, in the future you likely will meet someone else and you won't want this guy suddenly swooping in with crazy stories and causing trouble.

Just say something like it's best for you both to stop contact as don't have any plans to come back to Thailand soon, and you lost your job so you don't have much money.  The second one should be very effective.

[sead]

So im here 6 years and have been just like you are. Naive.. You just hope that what your guts are telling you aint true. Well it is. And when you start to come here more often you will soon master the game and hopefully find a better choice.

[HVishalH]

13 hours ago, Crash999 said:

Don't try to get revenge on him by doing something to piss him off. You're just wasting your emotions and anger on someone who isn't worth it. Besides, in the future you likely will meet someone else and you won't want this guy suddenly swooping in with crazy stories and causing trouble.

Just say something like it's best for you both to stop contact as don't have any plans to come back to Thailand soon, and you lost your job so you don't have much money.  The second one should be very effective.

thanks thats a great idea. I work in the NHS so likely to be true soon with our present government or working for Branson on a low wage! I culd also blame Brexit

[HVishalH]

1 hour ago, sead said:

So im here 6 years and have been just like you are. Naive.. You just hope that what your guts are telling you aint true. Well it is. And when you start to come here more often you will soon master the game and hopefully find a better choice.

Thanks Saed. Good to hear.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

 

When I get a divorce, I'll also post on this forum. I did it once already and its a great outlet for moving on.

 

Never go to a shrink or ask your family for advice. They are all useless morons. There's nothing like a bunch of strangers giving you advice and calling you an idiot at the same time. No fake emotions like "you're smart, you'll find someone", or "you're a good person, blah, blah".

 

Keep up the good work, guys

 

I 

[scorecard]

15 hours ago, Crash999 said:

Don't try to get revenge on him by doing something to piss him off. You're just wasting your emotions and anger on someone who isn't worth it. Besides, in the future you likely will meet someone else and you won't want this guy suddenly swooping in with crazy stories and causing trouble.

Just say something like it's best for you both to stop contact as don't have any plans to come back to Thailand soon, and you lost your job so you don't have much money.  The second one should be very effective.

 

Don't send nasty / sarcastic messages, revenge is always possible and more to the point, move on today.

 

Don't send excuses 'I lost my job' etc. You don't need to explain anything to him, that's just prolonging the mess and giving him opportunity to ask for more, ask for less, ask for 'but i have to have a new top of the range smartphone for my new job', etc. Don't be worried about how he will survive, guys / girls like this are world experts about survival and about sponging off friends, steal 100Baht from friends wallet etc., etc. Just delete all his contact details and move on today.

 

Many more honest and sincere young looking for love and companionship and want to give love and companionship, in this country and every country. 

 

 

 

[khundon]

Next will come the dying buffalo, the sick tractor, money for serious, but mistery illness etc, etc. 

Leg it mate, preferably to another city. 

?