Are You A Real Brit?

[Crossy]

As part of an effort to crack down on terrorist activity within Britain, Prime Minister Tony Blair has instituted a new series of tests that any applicant for British citizenship must pass:

• The ability to express the full range of human emotion by gentle throat clearing.
  
• The ability to drink a full pint of warm flat beer (non-alcoholic beer is permitted, but in this case two pints must be consumed).
  
• The ability to complement the cook after consuming a dinner of cold mashed potatoes, cold peas and cold burnt meat.
  
• The ability to instinctively know if it’s tea first or milk first.
  
• The ability to praise the French while clearly indicating that since 1066 they’ve pretty much been a bunch of losers.
  
• The ability to praise the Americans while clearly indicating that they got lucky that one time in the late 1700’s.
  
• The ability to colour in red those bits of the globe that still should properly belong to Britain (extra credit if the United States is included).
  
• And finally
  
• The ability to utter the phrase “British Way of Life” without cracking even the hint of a smile.
  

Posted by a Brit who can relate to every b00dy one of them

Edited February 10, 2007 by Crossy

[PhilHarries]

The ability to assign the phrase "This is <insert country>" to any situation that isn't in perfect harmony with how they do it in England.

I do admit to having resorted to this at times.

The inability to grasp why the scruffy little fuzzy wuzzy in the taxi outside Nakon Nowhere bus station cannot understand the Queen's English even when bellowed at 120 decibels.

I consider myself culturally aware not to fall in this trap but have encountered those who do.