My Wife Is Gambling

[dickjones2018]

as for most posts/posters on TV, you get useless advise...

 

gambling is an addiction, same as drugs, alcohol, sex, eating...

 

it is dopamine related...the instant reward neurotransmitter, not a happiness neurotransmitters

 

as you "perform" your addiction, you get used to it, your brain at least, you get a blunted response to your usual dose, so you need more, and more, for the same "reward"

 

talk therapy will do not much, the urge is too big

 

there is a medication called LDN, low dose naltrexone

 

the high - normal dose is used for alcohol addiction

 

the low dose, can help settle & normalize the dopamine receptors that got blunted

 

the low dose naltrexone, will for about 6-8 hours stop the receptors (no fun) but than there is a rebound effect for the rest of the day = make more receptors that can normalize some addictions

 

make sure to stop eating junk food full of msg, fish - oyster sause, chemicals as this has a bad effect on body & brain

 

I think many thai people overhere get crazy from all the brain destroying chemicals in the food (7/11 crap food full of chemicals, warmed in microwave...), in combination with yaba & alcohol

 

 

Edited November 24, 2018 by dickjones2018

[mogandave]

While gambling is an addiction like eating or drinking, plenty of people can eat, drink and gamble every day without becoming addicted to such a degree it has any significance impact on their lives.

I gambled almost every day for almost ten years and while I occasionally lost more than I should have, it was fun and had no real negative impact on my life.

[mogandave]

as for most posts/posters on TV, you get useless advise...
 
gambling is an addiction, same as drugs, alcohol, sex, eating...
 
it is dopamine related...the instant reward neurotransmitter, not a happiness neurotransmitters
 
as you "perform" your addiction, you get used to it, your brain at least, you get a blunted response to your usual dose, so you need more, and more, for the same "reward"
 
talk therapy will do not much, the urge is too big
 
there is a medication called LDN, low dose naltrexone
 
the high - normal dose is used for alcohol addiction
 
the low dose, can help settle & normalize the dopamine receptors that got blunted
 
the low dose naltrexone, will for about 6-8 hours stop the receptors (no fun) but than there is a rebound effect for the rest of the day = make more receptors that can normalize some addictions
 
make sure to stop eating junk food full of msg, fish - oyster sause, chemicals as this has a bad effect on body & brain
 
I think many thai people overhere get crazy from all the brain destroying chemicals in the food (7/11 crap food full of chemicals, warmed in microwave...), in combination with yaba & alcohol
 
 

Yes, it is important to wear a tinfoil hat when eating microwaved food.

[Tofer]

As others have said, restrict her access to funds, and very importantly, lock away your home title deeds, car registration documents etc to avoid the temptation to borrow against them.

 

I knew a chap who's wife gambled away their entire fortune including the house.

 

Good luck and I hope she curtails her habit soon.

[mogandave]

Restricting access to funds is no different than trying to booze away from a drunk.

It will do more harm than good.

[cyberfarang]

As I have mentioned, the Farang husband should always keep control of his money.

 

All the income in my household is my pensions income and all our bank accounts savings are in joint names that require both our signatures to withdraw . Every evening I insist we log down all that we spend for the day and on what so as not to exceed our daily budget. Besides me paying for everything I give my wife 12000 baht per month to spend on whatever she likes. she can go on trips, buy cloths, gamble, do whatever she likes with her money.

 

Those that buy businesses or whatever in their Thai wife`s name for income or land and homes in their Thai wife`s names and then get stung I have no sympathies whatsoever. It`s your own fault.  

[Mychoicetobehere]

On 11/22/2018 at 6:21 PM, Ned said:

This will end with you and your child penniless and your wife behind bars.

 

Negative Ned.  I bet you'd be a bundle of fun if someone came to cry on your shoulder and ask for some helpful advice.  She needs to spend a couple of weeks as a novice nun in a wat that helps in these situations. 

[DILLIGAD]

As others have said, restrict her access to funds, and very importantly, lock away your home title deeds, car registration documents etc to avoid the temptation to borrow against them.
 
I knew a chap who's wife gambled away their entire fortune including the house.
 
Good luck and I hope she curtails her habit soon.

I’d second the above, as it took me over 2 years & 100’s thousands to get back my truck(in my name) away from a finance companies ‘books’ due to gambling. I chose to walk away and start again instead of looking over my shoulder wondering who will be the next person ‘claiming’ repayment for (now ex) wives debts.


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[Vacuum]

On 11/22/2018 at 3:57 PM, swissie said:

Legal experts tell us.

Can OP (legally) insist on an asset division in Thailand? Time is of the essence.
If not possible, when the loan sharks come knocking on the door, OP may have to grab his kid and leave Thailand in a hurry as he nor the kid will have any future in Thailand left.

He should leave now!

[JimmyJ]

10 hours ago, madusa said:

Your psychologist has more problems than you have without you knowing it otherwise you would have second thought about consulting him. They just trying to earn an honest living by talking nonsense much like those "Quantum Physicists " who talk about parallel worlds, they keep telling you it's there but you can't see it.

I know a method but many people would be very reluctant to try it. First get the agreement of your wife that you would slap her hard on the face each time she lost any money on gambling. I mean slap her hard on the face short of knocking out her teeth or bleed from the nose. This often suddenly wake people up when they do something stupid. It could even be enlightening for some people.

Just tell her it will work for her and it was done by some people and they never gamble again.

Bear in mind all the time that the slap must not be done in anger otherwise it will lose the healing effects. Why it will lose the healing effect because your wife ego will be damaged by your anger your need to keep the ego intact. It's the ego that helps to heal this gambling habit. When she first tells you she lost money you don't slap her yet but you do it after she lost money a few times then suddenly you gave her a big hard slap right across the face, this sudden and unexpected slap will do the trick.

Just do it. It's a very Zen thing you know.

This method not only cure gambling habits it also cures stupidity, a most difficult malady in view of many doctors.

Practice your slapping with a big watermelons. It will hurt your palm quite a bit but you will get the hang of it. If your wife sees you slapping the watermelon she knows you mean business. That's a good start. Cushion the shock of your wife by saying you are learning chinese martial art. You will get this tinkling sensation on the right palm (if right handed) after slapping hard on the watermelon but you need to practice so the slap is accurate otherwise like I said you might knock her teeth out. You don't want to do that. The police might charge you for grave bodily harm.

 

"When the pupil is ready the master appears".

I am a Zen master (2nd grade). Not some dirty doctor.

 

 

 

"Practice your slapping with a big watermelons. It will hurt your palm quite a bit but you will get the hang of it. If your wife sees you slapping the watermelon she knows you mean business"

 

"I am a Zen master (2nd grade). Not some dirty doctor."

 

If you had gotten to Zen master 3rd grade, you would know the next step is to hit her with the watermelon, preferably an overripe one.

Then, you and she sit down and eat what's left of it.

 

 

 

`

Edited November 24, 2018 by JimmyJ

[madusa]

9 minutes ago, JimmyJ said:

 

 

 

"Practice your slapping with a big watermelons. It will hurt your palm quite a bit but you will get the hang of it. If your wife sees you slapping the watermelon she knows you mean business"

 

If you had gotten to Zen master 3rd grade, you would know the next step is to hit her with the watermelon, preferably an overripe one.

Then, you and she sit down and eat what's left of it.

 

 

 

`

You got the grading backward Jimmy boy. You get from 2nd grade to 1st grade but .....1st grade is not the highest grade like in other teaching.  In Zen you go from 1st grade to 0 grade, yes O grade is the highest grade in Zen, because you completed the circle, you start from the beginning again.

[madusa]

3 hours ago, mogandave said:

While gambling is an addiction like eating or drinking, plenty of people can eat, drink and gamble every day without becoming addicted to such a degree it has any significance impact on their lives.

I gambled almost every day for almost ten years and while I occasionally lost more than I should have, it was fun and had no real negative impact on my life.

You are right mogandave, people who understood gambling don't get into trouble like those little miserable gamblers. There are professional gamblers who gamble all their lives and some made good money too.

It's a bit like alcohol people who just don't know how to handle alcohol cause too much problem for others.

[sawadee1947]

10 hours ago, madusa said:

Your psychologist has more problems than you have without you knowing it otherwise you would have second thought about consulting him. They just trying to earn an honest living by talking nonsense much like those "Quantum Physicists " who talk about parallel worlds, they keep telling you it's there but you can't see it.

I know a method but many people would be very reluctant to try it. First get the agreement of your wife that you would slap her hard on the face each time she lost any money on gambling. I mean slap her hard on the face short of knocking out her teeth or bleed from the nose. This often suddenly wake people up when they do something stupid. It could even be enlightening for some people.

Just tell her it will work for her and it was done by some people and they never gamble again.

Bear in mind all the time that the slap must not be done in anger otherwise it will lose the healing effects. Why it will lose the healing effect because your wife ego will be damaged by your anger your need to keep the ego intact. It's the ego that helps to heal this gambling habit. When she first tells you she lost money you don't slap her yet but you do it after she lost money a few times then suddenly you gave her a big hard slap right across the face, this sudden and unexpected slap will do the trick.

Just do it. It's a very Zen thing you know.

This method not only cure gambling habits it also cures stupidity, a most difficult malady in view of many doctors.

Practice your slapping with a big watermelons. It will hurt your palm quite a bit but you will get the hang of it. If your wife sees you slapping the watermelon she knows you mean business. That's a good start. Cushion the shock of your wife by saying you are learning chinese martial art. You will get this tinkling sensation on the right palm (if right handed) after slapping hard on the watermelon but you need to practice so the slap is accurate otherwise like I said you might knock her teeth out. You don't want to do that. The police might charge you for grave bodily harm.

 

"When the pupil is ready the master appears".

I am a Zen master (2nd grade). Not some dirty doctor.

My friend would judge you as crazy, MAD or insane.

My friend actually is doing well. 

[sead]

Well. My friend wanted to be a trader and businessman, talking about the lucky binary stocks and trades. He earned 5000-6000 euro a month netto as a welder while trying to keep his dream up. . After 15 years he finally stopped. He didn't stop because he got rich.....And the same argument and answer arised every time I confronted him. I'm learning and soon " you just wait and see"

So tell her to stop. There's no shortcuts when it comes to money...separate bankacc.  Or you withdraw what she spends and hide it somewhere and be prepared to start life again before she drags you with her to the bottom.

[sead]

4 hours ago, dickjones2018 said:

as for most posts/posters on TV, you get useless advise...

 

gambling is an addiction, same as drugs, alcohol, sex, eating...

 

it is dopamine related...the instant reward neurotransmitter, not a happiness neurotransmitters

 

as you "perform" your addiction, you get used to it, your brain at least, you get a blunted response to your usual dose, so you need more, and more, for the same "reward"

 

talk therapy will do not much, the urge is too big

 

there is a medication called LDN, low dose naltrexone

 

the high - normal dose is used for alcohol addiction

 

the low dose, can help settle & normalize the dopamine receptors that got blunted

 

the low dose naltrexone, will for about 6-8 hours stop the receptors (no fun) but than there is a rebound effect for the rest of the day = make more receptors that can normalize some addictions

 

make sure to stop eating junk food full of msg, fish - oyster sause, chemicals as this has a bad effect on body & brain

 

I think many thai people overhere get crazy from all the brain destroying chemicals in the food (7/11 crap food full of chemicals, warmed in microwave...), in combination with yaba & alcohol

 

 

So you're suggesting him to tell and explain this to his thai wife?? 

To stop eating thai food and start with supplements. And I don't try to say something bad about your suggestions but let's admit we can quickly forget those ideas as long as we are talking about this in Thailand where superstition and good luck exists in its forms..

[sead]

2 hours ago, Tofer said:

As others have said, restrict her access to funds, and very importantly, lock away your home title deeds, car registration documents etc to avoid the temptation to borrow against them.

 

I knew a chap who's wife gambled away their entire fortune including the house.

 

Good luck and I hope she curtails her habit soon.

I totally agree.  If money is restricted to her the those papers needs to be locked away asap

[Straight8]

On 11/23/2018 at 8:02 PM, Darkside Gray said:

Been through it twice, its a disease, ditch her now, take the kids with you.

In case you're not aware, TiT. Taking the kid and going is probably the best thing to do, but he wouldn't get very far.

 

OP is in a world of pain, if it weren't for his child this would have been an easy fix.

 

 

[smotherb]

On 11/22/2018 at 6:07 PM, BritManToo said:

You'll need to check all the business expenses are being paid as well.

Else she'll run up debt on the business.

And, be careful about her going  to loan sharks--you may find your home, your businesses and your vehicles used as collateral  

 

[rumak]

22 minutes ago, smotherb said:

And, be careful about her going  to loan sharks--you may find your home, your businesses and your vehicles used as collateral  

 

i guess you are saying that he needs to be with her 24/7 ?   how else is he going to know ?

[DILLIGAD]

And, be careful about her going  to loan sharks--you may find your home, your businesses and your vehicles used as collateral  
 

That was the exact reason she’s now my ex-wife. See my previous post re repossession of my own truck!!!!


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[smotherb]

7 hours ago, rumak said:

i guess you are saying that he needs to be with her 24/7 ?   how else is he going to know ?

Yeah, since he apparently cannot trust her, I guess he does need to be with her 24/7--and if the property or vehicles are in her name, you are doubly in trouble. However, I mentioned it because just stopping her access to your money is not enough either--is it?

[smotherb]

6 hours ago, DILLIGAD said:

That was the exact reason she’s now my ex-wife. See my previous post re repossession of my own truck!!!!


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Yeah, an all too common refrain, divorcing them seems to be the favored course of action. I know two men who are still with the wives who gambled away their possessions borrowing from loan sharks. Well, I guess it is only one; one of them died recently. The one left laughs it off saying, all he has now is his pension; so she can only get it a month at a time.  Not my idea of a life.

[DILLIGAD]

Yeah, an all too common refrain, divorcing them seems to be the favored course of action. I know two men who are still with the wives who gambled away their possessions borrowing from loan sharks. Well, I guess it is only one; one of them died recently. The one left laughs it off saying, all he has now is his pension; so she can only get it a month at a time.  Not my idea of a life.

Nor mine, but some people are scared of change.


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[bwpage3]

Addiction is a disease, not a problem that goes away on it's own.

 

You talking to her will do nothing to cure her addiction.

 

Help is probably not available in Thailand either.

 

That being said, you risk alienating her to the point of no return and causing a split in the marriage.

 

Some suggestions could be:

 

1. Make a deal with her that she is on a limited budget and she has to prove that she will stick with that budget (highly doubtful)

 

2. Encourage her to try something legally, perhaps Penny Stocks where she can still play but losses will be less

 

3. Perhaps contact the gambling site yourself and get her blocked or banned. This is perhaps the best option

 

4. If she continues to control the money, she will find ways around 1 and 2 . You might wake up one day broke and in debt.

 

Good luck, you will need it.

[mogandave]

Why does everyone assume his wife has a gambling addiction because she’s been taken in by on online trading scheme?

[DILLIGAD]

Why does everyone assume his wife has a gambling addiction because she’s been taken in by on online trading scheme?

Generally and not specifically, I’d suggest that this is a big and very common problem experience by many Isaan ladies.


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[bwpage3]

4 hours ago, mogandave said:

Why does everyone assume his wife has a gambling addiction because she’s been taken in by on online trading scheme?

https://chartyourtrade.com/gambling-vs-trading-the-difference-is-in-the-long-game/

[simon43]

...then you have no jurisdiction over those companies whatsoever and legally your wife can do what she pleases with the money

 

Yep, been through that about 12 years ago with my bipolar Thai ex-wife.  She legally owned our small hotel business (I was a minor shareholder). She wasted and gambled all the hotel profits away.  I used to plead with the bank not to honour the cheques that she was writing, but although fully aware of and sympathetic to the situation, the manager could only say that it was legally her money to do with as she pleased.

 

How did it end?  We had to sell the hotel at a loss (I did get 50% of the proceeds), our marriage broke up and my baby son went to live with a good aunt and uncle, (I didn't get custody because she falsified my signature at the amphur to show that I gave full custody to her...)

 

Yep, life is full of fun (NOT) when you're married to an addict. 

 

I second the advice given here ==> protect your own assets and plan for the future with your new baby and NOT with her...