Worst Joke Ever 2024

[still kicking]

[chickenslegs]

On 2/25/2023 at 4:41 PM, ravip said:

I think its Lake Tits

Predictive text error: Should have read Fake Tits.

[still kicking]

Why don't vegans moan during sex?

They don't want anyone to know they're enjoying a piece of meat.

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[Zyxel]

Frederick was the maintenance man at a Catholic church.

One day the priest called him in. “Frederick, I must go to the hospital to perform the Last Rites for a long-time parishioner. I can’t just close the church because Mrs. Jones is coming to confession. She never does anything bad, so after she confesses her sins give her a few prayers as penance and send her on her way. Here’s my spare cassock. Have fun!”

Frederick put on the cassock and got into the priest’s side of the confessional. Mrs. Jones entered.

“Bless me father for I have sinned. I was with a man last night.”

“Go on, my child.”

“He took me back to his house.”

“Please continue, my child.”

“We began to kiss, and eventually I performed oral sex on him.”

“Please wait. This is a very serious sin. I must have time to think about your penance.”

Frederick left the confessional and went to an open window. He spots a young boy outside pulling weeds.

“Hey kid! What does the father give for a <deleted>?”

“A Snickers bar and a Coke.”

[Crossy]

[ballpoint]

Ladies, if a man says he'll fix it, he will.

There is no need to remind him every other week.

[ballpoint]

There's an old army veteran living in the public toilets at my local park.

Apparently, he used to be a colonel, but now he's just a loo tenant.

[ballpoint]

I heard that Burt Bacharach died just as he was to release a charity song for those in Turkey and Syria.

Rooftops Keep Falling On My Head

[ballpoint]

I never thought I would get over my Phil Collins obsession...
But take a look at me now.

[ballpoint]

DAD! DAD! there's a man at the door with a bill.

Don't be daft son.  It must be a duck with a hat on.

[ballpoint]

I crossed a collie with a pit bull.

Now I have a dog that rips you to pieces and then goes for help.

[ballpoint]

Julius Caesar calls his favourite general Brutus to the forum. "Brutus" he says, "you have been a great help to Rome, what can I give you as a reward"?

Brutus immediately replies "I wish for nothing than to serve Rome".

Caesar looks pleased but responds "And Rome is grateful for your devotion, but I feel I must reward you some small token. On the table to your left you will see the skin of a Nubian slave, carefully preserved and stuffed with a million smarties, take this as a small token of our gratitude".

Brutus thanks Caesar, and takes the smartie stuffed Nubian slave home with him, stuck it in a cupboard and forgot all about it for a while. One day he was really really bored, so he decided to count the smarties in the Nubian slave.

He got the slaves skin out of the cupboard, opened the mouth and started taking out smarties, counting them as he goes.

After more than a few hours he found there were 999, 996 smarties. He shook the now empty Nubian skin, looked under the table, but nowhere could he find the last four smarties. Brutus was a little bit miffed, he loved and respected Caesar but felt cheated that the emperor would short change him four smarties, so he called for his chariot and rode off to the forum.

Brutus arrived just in time to find Caesar staggering out of the forum, his toga running with blood from dozens of stab wounds. Caesar saw Brutus, staggered towards his favourite general and collapsed in his arms, uttering the now immortal words "Et Tu Brute".

Brutus looked at the dying emperor and said "Well who ate the other two then"?

[ballpoint]

My mate quit his job at BMW.
We were shocked. He gave no indication he was leaving.

[ballpoint]

I got my wife a pair of crocs. She didn't like them but I thought they looked great on her.

Especially the one around her throat.

[roo860]

[roo860]

[still kicking]

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[oxo1947]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

 

 

Edited March 1, 2023 by WorriedNoodle