Popular Post Zyxel Posted June 15, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted June 15, 2023 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zyxel Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Zyxel Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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scottiejohn Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 A doctor in an old people’s home is discussing an elderly resident with one of the orderlies. “I’m worried about Mr. Jones,” says the doctor. “He claims that when he goes to the bathroom God switches on the light for him, then switches it off again when he’s finished. Do you think he’s going senile?” “Nah,” says the orderly. “He’s just been peeing in the fridge again.” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 “Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.” George Burns 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted June 15, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted June 15, 2023 There’s a terrible accident at a railway crossing when a train smashes into a car. No one is killed, but the car’s driver takes the train company to court. At the trial, the railway engineer insists that he’d given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. The court believes his story and the suit is dismissed. “Congratulations,” says the defense lawyer to the engineer. “You did superbly under cross-examination.” “Thanks,” replies the engineer. “But the prosecuting attorney sure had me worried.” “How’s that?” asks the lawyer. The engineer replies, “At one point I was afraid he was going to ask if that damned lantern was lit!” 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted June 15, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted June 15, 2023 A young man professed a desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!” He now works for Microsoft writing error messages. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Do you want to hear the joke about the bed in the university dormitory? Well you can’t, it hasn’t been made yet. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted June 15, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted June 15, 2023 A man buys a parakeet, but is disappointed when it doesn’t speak. He goes back to the pet shop, where the owner suggests getting the parakeet a mirror to play with. This doesn’t make the parakeet any more talkative, so the pet shop owner next suggests buying it a cuttlefish bone. The bone has no effect either, so the owner suggests the man buys the parakeet a bell and a ladder. Finally, the man returns to the pet shop and announces he’s had success. “The parakeet looked in the mirror,” says the man. “It pecked at the cuttlefish, climbed the ladder, rang the bell, then said a few words, and fell dead off its perch.” “Oh dear,” said the pet shop owner, “What did it say?” The man replies, “It said, ‘Hasn’t that shop got any damn bird seed?’” 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted June 15, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted June 15, 2023 A German jumps into a river to save a dog from drowning. “Are you a vet?” asks a passerby. “A-vet!” says the German. “I’m bloody zoaking!” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted June 15, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted June 15, 2023 A Chihuahua, a German shepherd, and a bulldog are sitting in a park when an attractive collie comes along. The collie tells them that the one who constructs the best sentence using the words “liver” and “cheese” can take her out. “I love liver and cheese,” says the German shepherd. The collie is not impressed. “I hate liver and cheese,” says the bulldog. The collie doesn’t think this is very good either. Finally, the Chihuahua says, “Liver alone. Cheese mine.” 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravip Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roo860 Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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oxo1947 Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 . 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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chickenslegs Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chickenslegs Posted June 15, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted June 15, 2023 Note for Europeans: A dozen is 12. 2 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenslegs Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Alan: "Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?" Dad: "Because your mother loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter." Alan: ... 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fasteddie Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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