Worst Joke Ever 2024

[roo860]

[scottiejohn]

Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation!
„Well“, says the boss, „if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff.“

The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired.

Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office.

“You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?”

The cannibals swear that they are innocent.

The boss believes them and leaves the office and they all turn to their leader.

 

“You idiots!”, he screams. “Who ate the cleaner?”

 

One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand.

“You fool!”, shouts the leader.

"For weeks we've been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers and human resource staff, and then you go and eat someone they'll actually miss!"

[scottiejohn]

A blonde and a redhead head into their ranch and find their bull is missing!
The women plan to buy another one, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."

She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.

Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."

Skeptical, the operator asks,

"How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?"

The redhead replies,

 

"She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

[scottiejohn]

A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans yesterday over what was thought to be a pending/imminent  engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico.

Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.

[scottiejohn]

"A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN"...

The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

[scottiejohn]

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel...

and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.

"I've just discovered what I believe is a nearly 3,000 year old mummy of a Philistine who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

Abe replied,

"Bring him in. We'll check it out." So he did so!

A week later, the amazed curator Abe called the archaeologist.

"You were right about both the mummy's age, nationality and cause of death. How in the world did you work that out by just looking at him?"

"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

[roo860]

????????

[roo860]

[VBF]

9 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Sadly, not enough! ????

[chickenslegs]

21 hours ago, still kicking said:

Somebody reacted to a post in a topic Worst Joke Ever 2023.

[still kicking]

[still kicking]

[still kicking]

[still kicking]

[scottiejohn]

5 hours ago, still kicking said:

And what Trump says!

[dcsw53]

[carlyai]

14 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation!
„Well“, says the boss, „if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff.“

The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired.

Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office.

“You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?”

The cannibals swear that they are innocent.

The boss believes them and leaves the office and they all turn to their leader.

 

“You idiots!”, he screams. “Who ate the cleaner?”

 

One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand.

“You fool!”, shouts the leader.

"For weeks we've been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers and human resource staff, and then you go and eat someone they'll actually miss!"

Two cannibals were eating a human, when one said to the other 'how you going?'

The other one replied, "great! I'm having a ball."

[scottiejohn]

58 minutes ago, carlyai said:

Two cannibals were eating a human, when one said to the other 'how you going?'

The other one replied, "great! I'm having a ball."

And they made Cock-a-Leekie soup with some of the other bits!

 

PS;  For non Scots Cock-a-Leekie soup is a real dish Traditional Scottish Cock-a-Leekie Soup Recipe (thespruceeats.com)

[Digitalbanana]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[ballpoint]

I've finally found out what it is I did at work all my life:

 

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

Whatever you do, don't get held hostage in Cambodia!

 

[ballpoint]