Worst Joke Ever 2024

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[WorriedNoodle]

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Another holiday, this time Estonia, that I don't wish to discuss...

 

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[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[scottiejohn]

Wife comes home one day wearing a brand new diamond bracelet!
Husband asked were she got it from.

She tells him she won a raffle at work, than ask him to get a hot bath ready for her.
Not thinking to much about, the husband gets her bath ready.
A week later the wife comes home with a mink coat on. Again the husband asked were she got it from. She again says she won it in a raffle at work.
Again asked the husband to get a hot bath ready for her.
The husband again gets the bath ready.
A week later the wife come home in a brand new car, and yet again claims she won it in a raffle at work.

Without hesitation the husband goes and gets his wife a hot bath ready. When she entered the bathroom, she sees the tub only has an inch or two of water in it.
The wife asked the husband why it was almost empty, and the husband says

 

"I don't want you to get your raffle ticket wet"!

[scottiejohn]

Scottish blood!
An Arab Sheik was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world.

Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a BMW and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.

A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a further corrective surgery procedure. Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood.

After the second surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be more generous than that. Last time you sent me a BMW and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates?"

To this the Arab replied:

 

" Aye laddie, but I noo Hae  Scottish blood in ma veins."

 

(Translated; Yes my friend but I now have Scottish blood in me and am now a mean S.O.B. like all Scots!)

[scottiejohn]

Doing the wrong things!
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and had made it to Southampton, England, there to board a train bound for a few days in London.

 

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat he found was one directly across from a well-dressed, middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

 

The war-weary soldier asked,

"Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said,

"You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

 

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, but you are also quite arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier leaned against the swaying wall of the train and again asked if he might please sit down. The lady said, "Not only are you Americans rude and arrogant, you're also very inconsiderate."

The soldier didn't say anything else. Instead, he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train, and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, demanding that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

 

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding your fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

 

"And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
 

[Crossy]

[scottiejohn]

11 minutes ago, Crossy said:

Did they use the flint stones to sharpen their teeth or use them to start a fire so they could roast them!

Edited August 29, 2023 by scottiejohn
spelling

[Crossy]

[Crossy]

[scottiejohn]

3 minutes ago, Crossy said:

Watt do you get for scoring a bullseye apart from lots of shocking broken glass bits?

[Crossy]

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Jesus was ere.

[Crossy]

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