Worst Joke Ever 2024

[ballpoint]

I don't believe in fate,
But that's probably the way it was meant to be.

[farang51]

2 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Doesanyoneknowwhatthelongbuttononmykeyboardisfor?

Nope,wedon'tusethatinThailand.

[ballpoint]

One of the Russian Ambassadors comes to President Putin and tells him he'd like to resign.

"Why?" Putin asks him.

"Ah, Mr. President, I can't take these time differences! I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, I last woke you up at 4 in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday, I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."

"Well, these are just minor inconveniences," says Putin. "Do you remember when that Polish plane crashed, killing their president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't yet taken off!

[ballpoint]

"What are you looking for?" asked the salesman.
"So that I don't I bump into things", I replied.

[overherebc]

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I made a ventriloquist dummy out of old bits of carpet.

It was ruggish.

I bet he says his favourite snack is a goiled egg with gread and gutter washed down with a gottle of geer.

[owl sees all]

Farmer Fred was sick. The doctor arrived and was examining him. The wife was concerned. Two chickens were observing at the open door with interest.

 

"What the verdict doctor?" Asked Fred's wife.

 

"It's covid19 I'm afraid."

 

One chicken says to the other. "Thank ---- for that Chunky. For a moment there, I thought he was gonna say 'Asian Bird Flu'.

[ExpatOilWorker]

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

 

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Diogenes was shagging his wife.

It is kind of useful information.....

[ravip]

Touching story...

Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking 2 my wife about life.. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying. I told her : 'Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the connections that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die.'

 

My wife got up from her seat with the  look of admiration towards me proceeded to disconnect the Cable tv, DVD, ,the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, Gin, Vodka the Beer from the fridge...

 

-Think before you speak. The female brain works on a different wavelength!

[roo860]

[chickenslegs]

The concept of zero as a written digit in the decimal place value notation was developed in India, presumably as early as during the Gupta period (c. 5th century), with the oldest unambiguous evidence dating to the 7th century.

 

Thanks for nothing India.

[chickenslegs]

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[Zyxel]

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[ballpoint]

9 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

For some reason, the term "Meatloaf knickers" brings a very distasteful image to my mind.

[ballpoint]