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Posted

A Couple were Driving at 70mph down the Road, (Husband behind the Wheel).
The Wife suddenly says,
"Honey, I know we've been Married twenty years but I want a Divorce".
He says nothing but Increases the Car's Speed to 80mph.
She says,
"Now don't try to talk me out of it. Cos I've been Screwing Delboy, your best friend for sometime now and he IS much better at Sex, than you could ever be",
He stays quiet, but Speeds up to 90mph.
She says, "And I want the House and the Car." (He is now doing 100mph.)
"Also, I want the Bank Accounts and the Credit Cards too"..?!?!? she says,
The Husband suddenly starts to veer towards the Side of the Road and a Large Grove of Big, Cedar Trees.
The Wife gets a bit nervous and asks,
"Isn't there ANYTHING you want"..???
"Nope, I've got all I need thanks". He replies.
"Oh Really", she says sneeringly,
"So what exactly do you have"..?? she asks,
Just a split second, before they Hit the Biggest Tree, now doing at least at 120mph.
He just smiles and says,
"The Only Air-Bag, Bitch"

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Posted

There once was a farmer whose wife had died and left him with three beautiful teenage daughters. Every weekend, when they went out on dates, the farmer would stand at the door with his shotgun, making it clear to their dates he wanted no trouble from them.

Another Saturday night came around. About 7 p.m., there was a knock on the door. He answered and the young man said, “Hi, my name’s Joe. I’m here for Flo. I’m taking her to the show.
Is she ready to go?” The farmer thought he was a clever boy and wished them a good time.

A few minutes later, another knock was heard. A second boy appeared and said,
“Hi, I’m Eddie. I’m here for Betty. I’m taking her for spaghetti. I hope she’s ready.” He thought that he must know Joe, but bade them off as well with his best wishes.

A few minutes after that, a third knock was heard.
“Hi, I’m Chuck…” The farmer shot him.

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Posted

I went up to an athlete alongside the track yesterday and asked him, "Are you a Pole Vaulter?"

He replied, "No I'm a German, but how did you know my name?"

  • Haha 2

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