Worst Joke Ever 2025

scottiejohn · November 29, 2019

3 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

I know I should not have got the boyfriend to take that photo, but that was the only kind of "selfie" we had back then!

chickenslegs · November 29, 2019

5 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

Is that a Galaxy I can see - far, far away?

chickenslegs · November 29, 2019

Waiter exposes 2 German spies in a London restaurant in 1943 ...

1st German spy (in his best English accent): "We will have 2 martinis if you please, my man."

Waiter: "Dry sir?"

2nd German spy: "Nein, nicht drei, nur zwei!"

Andrew Dwyer · November 29, 2019

Meanwhile in Yorkshire !!

Andrew Dwyer · November 30, 2019

I should really go to Specsavers !!

scottiejohn · November 30, 2019

scottiejohn · November 30, 2019

Addition or Audition, that is the question!

A young and not very bright actor calls his agent from the set of his first film.

He is playing the lead role for the first time in his career.
"How's it going?" the agent asks.
"It's amazing!" the actor gushes. "The director told me that my performance is making him consider making two films with me."
"Two?" the agent replies.

"Yeah," the actor says,

"my first and my last."

scottiejohn · November 30, 2019

scottiejohn · November 30, 2019

The not so diplomatic President (insert you own nominee here!)

A President goes to visit the Queen of UK.

As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, the President is warmly welcomed by the Queen. They are driven in a car to the edge of central London, where they get into a magnificent seventeenth-century carriage hitched to six white horses.

They continue on toward Buckingham Palace and wave to the crowds gathered to greet them. Suddenly the right rear horse lets out the loudest f*rt ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is awful and both passengers put handkerchiefs over their noses. The two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the incident. Because the smell lingers, the Queen feels she must say something.

She turns to the President and says, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
The President looks at her and replies, "Your Majesty, I completely understand. Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."

scottiejohn · November 30, 2019

scottiejohn · November 30, 2019

Not me then!

A man is sitting at a bar during a costume party when a friend comes up to him and says, "You were supposed to dress up like something that symbolized your love life."
"I am," the man says.
"You look like Abe Lincoln," the friend responds.
"Yup," he replies, taking a sip of beer.

"My last four scores were seven years ago."