Worst Joke Ever 2025

[NanLaew]

So an Englishman walks into a bar. The Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman are still self-isolating at home.

[ballpoint]

In a sign that things are slowly getting back to normal, it's been announced that later this year the international flicking a ruler against the edge of a desk championships will be held in Dordogne.

[ballpoint]

11 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

So an Englishman walks into a bar. The Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman are still self-isolating at home.

So just like the world cup then.

[Skallywag]

[Skallywag]

[bluesofa]

Boris Johnson stated that from Wednesday 13th May, you can go drive somewhere and meet one person. Is this not the same as dogging?

Asking for a friend.

[bluesofa]

I saw a woman had broken down at the side of the road. I didn't stop to help her.

I'm not a psychiatrist.

[bluesofa]

The Mediterranean migrant season is now gathering pace. Refugees are asked to maintain a distance of one fathom.

[bluesofa]

My psychiatrist suggested I joined a bridge club to take my mind off suicidal thoughts.

We all agreed that The Golden Gates would be the best to jump off.

[bluesofa]

I asked the old assistant in the auto parts shop if he had any jubilee clips. "No," he replied, "but I kept some footage of the coronation."

[bluesofa]

I asked my wife to get me a green jumper for my Birthday.

Just unwrapped a Frog.

[bluesofa]

"Are you a glass half full or half empty type of person?"

"Half full."

"Very good. So you're an optimist, always looking on the bright side of life?"

"No. I'm an alcoholic."

[bluesofa]

A policeman knocked on my door, showed me a picture of the wife and said, ''I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus.''

''I know,'' I replied, ''but she's good with the kids.''

[bluesofa]

My wife told me she's loving me because I don't listen to her properly.

[bluesofa]

Does anyone know if your allowed to have a shower yet, or do we just keep washing our hands?

[bluesofa]

My wife recently told me that now I am a parent I need to make sacrifices. But then she hit the roof when she came home and saw the giant pentagram on the kitchen table and what I had done to the cat.

[bluesofa]

Just spent four hours waxing the car.  I dunno know how it gets so hairy...

[bluesofa]

There was no milk in the supermarket so I bought some evaporated milk instead.

When I got it home it was just an empty tin.

[bluesofa]

Apparently, most taxi drivers only listen to the first word said to them by a client.

Which would explain the large amount of Chinese people in Harrow.

[bluesofa]

"Do you have any change for a cup of tea?"

"Yeah, try coffee."

[bluesofa]

I gave a homeless guy a tin of beans outside Sainsbury's today,

"What am I supposed to do with these?" He asked.

"Egg and chips." I replied.

[Andrew Dwyer]

Perhaps a rethink is in order ?

 

 

[Andrew Dwyer]

Tell me what you think of this ?

 

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

55 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Tell me what you think of this ?

The video won't play?????

[VocalNeal]

8 hours ago, bluesofa said:

The Mediterranean migrant season is now gathering pace. Refugees are asked to maintain a distance of one fathom.

 

I still cannot fathom this social distancing thing.

[VocalNeal]

When a poll was taken of an expat group in Bangkok of what will be the first thing they do after business and behavioural restriction are lifted. 

 

The most popular response was:

 

Go to Siam Paragon, have a huge dump and not wash my hands.