Worst Joke Ever 2025

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[bluesofa]

9 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

Superb - and it's only Monday morning!

[billd766]

22 hours ago, tifino said:

getting it started...

 

A ship engine failed and no one could fix it, so they brought in a guy with 40 years experience.

He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.

After looking things over, the guy reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.

He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine burst back into life.

The engine was fixed!

7 Days later the owners got his bill for $10,000.

"What?!" the owners said. "You hardly did anything. Send us an itemised bill."

The reply simply said:
Tapping with a hammer: $2
Knowing where to tap: $9,998

Don't ever underestimate experience.

 

 

 

As Itried to explain to a couple of customers years ago.

 

You aren't paying me for what I know. You are paying me for what you don't know.

[ballpoint]

I'm giving up drinking for a month.

Sorry, bad punctuation.

I'm giving up.  Drinking for a month.

[ballpoint]

What do the films Titanic and Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

[ballpoint]

I've got a bottle of Newcastle Brown stuck in my foot...

The doctor says it's an ingrowing toon ale!

[Seth1a2a]

 

 

 

[Seth1a2a]

4 minutes ago, Seth1a2a said:

 

 

 

Next time, I'll do the driving.....

 

[Seth1a2a]

4 minutes ago, Seth1a2a said:

 

 

Right place ,wrong time

 

 

 

[fasteddie]

[Davo369]

[Davo369]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[fangless]

The following were created by taking any word from the dictionary,  alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing only one letter, and supply a new  definition. See what you can come up with!

 
a.. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you  realize it was your money to start with.

 
b.. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly
 
c.. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright  ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,  unfortunately, shows little sign  of breaking down in the near future.
 
d.. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject  financially impotent for an indefinite 
period.
 
e.. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
 
f.. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person  who doesn't get it.
 
g.. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
 
h.. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
 
i.. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
 
j.. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really  bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a  serious bummer.
 
k.. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day  consuming only things that are good for you.
 
l.. Glibido: All talk and no action.
 
m.. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they  come at you rapidly.
 
n.. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've  accidentally walked through a spider web.
 
o.. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your  bedroom at three in the morning and cannot 
be cast out.
 
p.. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the  fruit you're eating.

[Andrew Dwyer]

A possible explanation for the increased covid deaths in U.K. and US !!

 

[Andrew Dwyer]

Meanwhile, back in Borisland !!

 

[Peter Denis]

18 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Meanwhile, back in Borisland !!

 

>> Seems they learned some lessons from the True Masters in this communication discipline - Thai Immigration

[roo860]

[tifino]

the drug sniffer...

[ballpoint]

My wife comes out of the bathroom after her shower, stark naked, and walks into the bedroom.
She said to me, “Babe, shut the curtains, I don’t want the neighbours to see me naked.”
“Don’t worry” I said. “If the neighbours see you naked, they’ll shut their own <deleted> curtains!”

[ballpoint]

The prosecution lawyer calls the first witness.

"Do you know me Mrs Jones?" he asks.

"Yes I do Mr Williams, since you were a boy, and frankly you've been a big disappointment to me  You Lie, you cheat on your wife, manipulate people and think you're a big shot. You haven't the brains to realize you're a two bit paper pusher who'll never amount to nothing.  Yes, I know you".

Stunned and at a loss what to say he points at the defence counsel.

"Why, yes I have also known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster.  He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drink problem.  He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practise is one of the worst in the city. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three other women, one of whom was your wife.  Yes I know him".

The defence lawyer nearly died.

The judge called both lawyers to the bench and said quietly "If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me I'm sending you straight to the cells!"

[tifino]

 hot niplles 

 

 

[bluesofa]

 

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]