Worst Joke Ever 2025

[ballpoint]

And another boat themed one from the late, great Dick Emery:

"What's that thing crossing the deck?"

"That's a hawser."

"Ooh, is she?"

[sanuk711]

6 hours ago, fangless said:

I'm still trying to fathom that one out!

Wow you of all people......... <deleted> see even the censor gets it---

try again with spacing   W  anchor

 

Oh to late posted it....yer fathom.........DUH...........????

 

 

[fangless]

31 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

That's true. I heard that good fences make good neighbours, so I moved to Liverpool.

Are you posting from there?

[fangless]

25 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Oooh, you are nautical.

No just out my depth with all there naughty buoys!

[fangless]

12 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

Wow you of all people......... <deleted> see even the censor gets it---

try again with spacing   W  anchor

 

Oh to late posted it....yer fathom.........DUH...........????

 

 

Come again!

I am not going to tell you what a sailor does with a monkey's fist!

[Yellowtail]

2 minutes ago, fangless said:

No just out my depth with all there naughty buoys!

Sounds like your in a league of your own...

[fangless]

What do you call 3.14% of sailors?

They're π-rates.

 

 

 

 

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[tomazbodner]

[tomazbodner]

[tomazbodner]

[tomazbodner]

[roo860]

[ravip]

1 hour ago, fangless said:

Come again!

I am not going to tell you what a sailor does with a monkey's fist!

Normally they throw the heaving line; to send a mooring rope from ship to shore.
(there maybe 'other' uses too ???? )

[tomazbodner]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[fangless]

21 minutes ago, roo860 said:

Be careful!  The phrase "the eye sees what it wants to see" come to mind!

[ravip]

A butcher is serving his customers...

... when a stray dog comes in and starts barking.

 

The butcher is about to shoo him away when one customer says, "give him few lamb chops".

 

The butcher agrees and puts some in front of the dog. The dog eats everything in front of him but is still hungry. He looks at the butcher and starts barking again.

The customer now says, "give him 5 pounds of the steak over there". The butcher puts a new bowl in front of the dog who, once again, eats everything in few minutes and starts barking again.

 

The customer now says, "I think he wants some ham". The butcher agrees and puts a large piece of ham in front of the dog. This time, the dog is content. He finishes eating and leaves with a smile.

 

The customer is about to leave as well when the butcher yells, "Hey, you haven't paid for the dog".

 

The customer says, "I never said I would pay for him, I was only translating

[ravip]

2 old-west cavalrymen were standing on a bluff. It was late at night, and there was a lot of noise from the nearby Indian camp.

 

One said “Sergeant, I don’t like the sound of those drums.”

The sergeant replied “Neither do I, Captain.”

 

A voice out of the darkness said “It’s not his fault; our regular drummer is sick!”

[ballpoint]

3 hours ago, fangless said:

Are you posting from there?

No, I had to stop as people found it a fence sieve.

[ravip]

A plane is on its way to Toronto , when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to Toronto and i'm staying right here."

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to Toronto and i'm staying right here."

the co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, i'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, i'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"i told her, 'first class isn't going to Toronto."

[ballpoint]

3 hours ago, fangless said:

No just out my depth with all there naughty buoys!

Sounds fishy to me, but whatever floats your boat.

[roo860]

[ballpoint]

All the prior talk of fences reminded me of the classic Kiwi comic strip - Footrot Flats, by the sadly departed Murray Ball:

[fangless]

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

No, I had to stop as people found it a fence sieve.

Any more of these and you will be gated!