"Darling, the vacuum cleaner has stopped sucking".....????

 

"Oh, it must have got married when we were out"......????

 

4 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

Adam Schiff's dissertation...

Tex Ritter the singing cowboy.

 

Tex Ritter, the singing cowboy, was riding on his horse back to his ranch, when he came across a Yankee patrol. The Captain in charge of the platoon spoke to him.

 

"Are you Tex Ritter, the singing cowboy?"

"I am indeed Tex, the singing cowboy. Would you like me to sing a sweet ballad to your platoon?"
"Before you do Tex, I've got yo give you some news."
"Go ahead Captain, I am Tex Ritter the singing cowboy."
"Well Tex, we have just come from your home and it's not good. The injuns were there and they burnt it down."
"Any news of my wife and her parents."
"Bad news Tex. The injuns took your wife, stripped her naked, and tied her to a fence. You can guess the rest."
"And the old folks?"
"Scalped Tex; and left in the dirt."
"My trusted dog; Faithful?"
"Terrible Tex. Just plain awful. The injuns put him on a spit and roasted him. Then they ate him."

 

Tex was a tough cowboy, but couldn't hold back the tears.

 

The Captain spoke.

 

"The lads have been on the dusty trail for ages, and are in need of a pick-me-up. Now about that song you promised!"

7 hours ago, ballpoint said:

This is a song for Mathematicians:
Get your kicks, on 8.12403840463596

Worth a Groan. ????

Patient walks into a psychiatrists office completely naked but covered in clingfilm.

 

The doctor immediately declares "Well, I can see you're nuts!".