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Worst Joke Ever 2026

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6 hours ago, billd766 said:

It saves cutting the grass too.

... and trimming your eyebrows.

Uli Kusterer on Twitter: "Mom: Leave the damn sign in the kitchen where it  belongs! Dad: [picture of a sign over the toilet saying 'You only live  once, lick the bowl!'] https://t.co/N371XnY5WV" /

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Gymnasium in ancient Greek means "naked exercise"
Try telling that to the receptionist at Fitness First.

My son was baptised Times New Roman.
I think the priest used the wrong font.

The Nepalese government are planning to charge people up to £10,000 to scale Everest.
I think it's a bit steep.

Went to the doctor today and told him I was tired all the time and could he give me something.
He gave me a 20% off voucher for a new mattress.

For every bloke who fails at life there is usually a woman somewhere with a free house.

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Breaking News
Today in Las Vegas a man attempted to hijack a bus full of Japanese tourists.

The police have 3756 photos of him.

Need cheering up?
Start an argument with somebody when they have the hiccoughs!

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My daughter just phoned me and the conversation went like this...
Her: "You know that Gladiator movie that I got you?"
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "Wind it forward one hour, 16 mins and 28 seconds."
Me: "Right, I've done that"
Her: "Okay, you see the gladiator at the front fighting the lion!"
Me: "I can see that, yeah."
Her: "Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other!"
Me: Okay, I see them."
Her: "Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the screen, there's a woman gladiator holding a spear."
Me: "Yes! I can see her!"
Her: Right..! Those are the Sandals I want for my birthday.

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Ireland is putting a Bounty on Putin's head.

And if that doesn't work, they will put a Mars bar and a Twix as well.

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