What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!

 

I was going to tell a joke about kitchen paper towels.
Never mind… it’s tearable.

Three nuns are talking together.

The first nun says, “You would never believe what I discovered.”

Intrigued, the others signal her to continue.

"I found a porn magazine in the priests room." said the first nun.

“Oh that's nothing, I found condoms in one of his drawers.” said the second nun.

"What did you do with them?" asked the first nun.

"I poked holes in all of them." she replied with pride.

"Oh sh*t…” said the third nun.

Queen of UK got pregnant and they fired a 21 gun salute.

Two nuns got pregnant and they fired a dirty old canon.