Paddy and Mary win a first class ocean cruise in Farmers Weekly.
On the first morning at breakfast they're seated at the same table as an English couple and an American couple.

The English guy gazes at his wife and says "please pass me the sugar, Sugar".

A little while later the American guy turns to his wife and says "please pass me the honey, Honey".
"I'll show them I'm no bumpkin", thinks Paddy.  So he turns to Mary and says "please pass me the bacon, Pig".

A guy goes to see his doctor and tells him that when he goes to the toilet for a Number 2 it comes out like spaghetti.

"Ok", says the doctor, "take off your shirt and drop your pants and I'll take a look. Ah! I'll soon fix the problem". 

He goes over to a shiny box and when he raises the lid steam drifts out. With a gloved hand he removes a large pair of scissors and approaches the terrified looking patient who asks "what the heck are you going to do with those?  Will it hurt?"

"No", says the doctor, "I'm just going to trim six inches off the hem of your string vest".

A small boy gets lost in a shopping mall so goes over to a security guard and, with tears in his eyes, says "I lost my Grandpa".

The guard says "don't worry son, we'll find him for you. What's his name?"

"Grandpa", the boy says.

"Ok", says the guard. "What's he Like?"

The boy thinks for a minute and replies "single malt Scotch and women with big boobs".

28 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Yes,very common rookie mistake.You are focusing too much on getting the job done.

Preparation is the key.

Always remember!!!You gotta lick it,before you stick it.

Please watch this instructional video.

 

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I Love 'Donuts and Chips' Island 2023

 

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

The giggle pin has fallen out of the laughing shaft.

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15 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

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They must be cutting costs.  That's the same dog they used in the remake of "Old Yeller"

Engineering class, first lesson. The teacher asks "so who knows what a Ball Race is?"

Little Johnny replies "a tom cat with 5 yards start on the Vet".

During a golf game a guy with a terrible slice angrily turns to his caddie and says "every time I tee off you look at your watch, is there somewhere you have to get to?"

With a grin, the Caddie replies "it's not a watch, it's a compass".