There's always one...

Cat charging station.

 

Kids these days get no exercise at all, and I blame the parents.

My mother and I would regularly go running together.

Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)

What’s the difference between a steel belted radial and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear, the other a great year.

6 hours ago, ballpoint said:

1. ‘Greek Style’ sex (for Greeks)
   1. Have dinner, get the kids to bed, 10 minutes in the missionary position, Melina sleeps in the wet patch.
   2. Kiriaki and Panos hook up at a rave and get busy in the back of her Toyota Yaris.
   3. Marianna and Alexia spend an idyllic weekend at a hotel ordering room-service and working their way through 300 ml of Exotiq Sweet Strawberry Kissable Massage Oil.
   4. Yiannis and Panos go to a Truffaut retrospective and then after a brief spat about the relative merits of The Last Metro and Day for Night, they have a make-up 69 on the kitchen floor.
   5. Anastasia calls Kostas five minutes before he is due to referee the Super League football match between Panathinaikos and Olympiacos. Her fertility predictor alarm has just gone-off and he had better get his arse home and deliver his little tadpoles in the next 30 minutes or else!!
   6. Aris is banging Irene but fantasizing about Marina who works down the supermarket. Aris comes in less time than the Olympic record for the 1500 metres and promptly falls asleep. As always, Irene finishes herself off with her trusty power tool!
2. ‘Greek Style’ sex (for non-Greeks)
   1. Danielle wears a Goddess dress off one shoulder and no underwear. Norman attempts to roger her for the entire 43 minutes and 11 seconds duration of a Best of Maria Callas CD by trying to remember the name of all nine Muses.
   2. Kyle and Krystal have a lamb kofta from the local kebab shop and then get off-their-faces on a hideous mixture of Ouzo, Retsina and Raki. They drunkenly perform the ‘Zorba the Greek’ dance and gratuitously smash some crockery before briefly copulating on the couch and then throwing-up a lot.
3. ‘Greek Style’ sex (for deities)
   1. Males pretend to be something they are not (e.g. a bull, a swan, a satyr, a shepherd, an ant, a shower of gold, someone’s husband) Females get seduced, conned, or raped. Rapist’s psycho wife then turns-up, blames the victim, and dumps more crap on the poor girl. Bonus prize: Victim transformed into a tree, or a constellation, or a cow, or a bear, or burned alive.
4. ‘Greek Style’ sex (for people that like sploshing)
   1. Get naked and liberally cover one another with sliced vine tomatoes, chopped cucumber, thinly sliced red onion, Kalamata olives, dried oregano, chunks of feta cheese and a liberal slug of extra virgin olive oil. You can now have Greek Style Salad sex.
5. ‘Greek Style’ sex (for people that like euphemisms)
   1. ‘Greek Style’ is a polite way of referring to male homosexuality.
   2. More specifically, it means anal sex. (A choice occasionally used by heterosexual couples as a cheap form of contraception.)
   3. The name arises from the fact that homosexuality was regarded as an important morale-booster in the Ancient Greek military. It was felt that soldiers would fight more bravely in the company of their lovers.
   4. You get to shout “THIS . IS . SPARTA!” as someone plunges into an unexpected hole?