My boss was supposed to deliver a training course on "Innuendo's in the workplace" after many staff members complained about me.

Unfortunately she wasn't well and couldn't attend, so I had to fill her slot instead.

There's been a spate of family pets being stolen in our area, and it's suspected by many that a Chinese secret society is responsible.

As usual, the police aren't interested, if they even bother to answer your call, all they say is: 'What's the matter, Tong got your cat?'

I went to a James Bond convention, it was really busy.

There were Qs everywhere.

When the 6 day war breaks out old Hymie wants to do something for Israel even though he knows he is too old for the Army.

He starts pestering Moshe Dayan until he gets so fed up with him, he gives him a box of pro-Israeli propaganda and tells him to go and distribute it on the other side, so off Hymie goes and vanishes.

5 years later, the Yom Kippur war kicks off and Moshe is in his Command Post planning a counter attack when Hymie walks in and says 'Moshe, can I have some more of that pro-Israeli propaganda you gave me'.

Moshe is flabbergasted 'Hymie, you've been away 5 years, what have you been doing?'

'Moshe, my boy, it takes TIME to sell that stuff over there!'

I just attended the annual Anorexia and Bulimia sufferers convention.

The grand finale was a cake jumping out of a girl.

"Get your play off scarves here". Whoops.....

4 beer company CEOs walked into a bar.

The CEO of Budweiser ordered a Bud Light.

The CEO of Miller ordered a Miller Light.

The CEO of Coors ordered a Coors Light.

The CEO of Guinness ordered a Coke.

The first three asked the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied: "I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer it would be rude for me to."

*1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?*

*Because he would have to convert.*

*2. Why do plants hate math?*

*It gives them square roots.*

*3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?*

*It was a mean thing to say!*

*4. Why was the math book depressed?*

*It had a lot of problems.*

*5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?*

*Because it is never right.*

*6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper?*

*They must be plotting something.*

*7. Why was the equal sign so humble?*

*Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.*

*8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date?*

*The odd couple (but 7 is in her prime).*

*9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place?*

*A Roamin’ numeral.*

*10. Did you hear the one about the statistician?*

*Probably.*

*11. What do you call dudes who love math?*

*Algebros.*

*12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics.*

*But graphing is where I draw the line!*

*13. Why should you never talk to Pi?*

*Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.*

*14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common?*

*It’s a shame they’ll never meet.*

*15. Are monsters good at math?*

*Not unless you Count Dracula.*

*16. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers?*

*They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.*

*17. How do you stay warm in any room?*

*Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.*

*18. Why is six afraid of seven?*

*Because seven eight ( "ate") nine!*

*19. Why DID seven eat nine?*

*Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!*

*20. Why does nobody talk to circles?*

*Because there is no point.*