March 8, 20215 yr Popular Post My parrot broke its leg today, so I made it a splint using a matchstick. You should have seen its little face light up when it tried to walk.
March 8, 20215 yr Popular Post Two cannibals sat eating Michael McIntyre, One said, "Does this taste funny to you?" The other replied, "No, not in the slightest"
March 8, 20215 yr Popular Post My mate from Liverpool phoned me and said his wife was making him sleep on the sofa tonight... I feel sorry for the guy. It must be cold in the front garden.
March 8, 20215 yr Popular Post I met a dyslexic Yorkshire man the other day. He was wearing a cat flap.
March 8, 20215 yr Popular Post A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of police officers, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, “Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news.” “Well,” says the bloke, “I guess I'd better have the bad news first.” The Sarge says, “I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.” The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, “Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.” He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it. “Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that .... so, what's the other possible good news?” “Well,” the Sarge says, “If you fancy a quick trip, young Bill and I get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again.”
March 8, 20215 yr 2 minutes ago, ballpoint said: Two cannibals sat eating Michael McIntyre, One said, "Does this taste funny to you?" The other replied, "No, not in the slightest" The original version: Two cannibals eating a clown. One said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
March 8, 20215 yr 4 hours ago, bluesofa said: The original version: Two cannibals eating a clown. One said, "Does this taste funny to you?" still not funny
March 8, 20215 yr Popular Post “Steve”.......”Yes Dave”.....Steve, what am I always telling you about the need to disable cookies on your phone .
March 10, 20215 yr Popular Post A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”
March 10, 20215 yr Popular Post I went to Cash Converters today trying to raise some much needed cash as skint due to Covid.... They gave me £3200 and they never even took the gun....
March 10, 20215 yr Popular Post In the lingerie shop today I asked the assistant “are these panties satin?” "No", she replied, "they’re brand new".
Create an account or sign in to comment