Three women, one engaged to be married, one a mistress, and the other married for 20+ years were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. They agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went.
The engaged one: The other night when my fiance came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
The married one: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,
" What's for dinner, Zorro?"

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A guy buys 2 books called "How to Solve 50% of your problems'" figuring he could solve 100% of his problems.

His buddy told him he was a moron, saying,"You could have just read it twice!"

Edited May 19, 20215 yr by tomazbodner

A guy got chatting to a girl in a club. "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.....

"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends."

 

He looked downcast, "No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago."

 

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please."

 

One glass of wine led to a second. A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle they headed off back to her place and made passionate love.

 

While he was putting his clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed. Can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"

 

He said, "My wife found out."

Went to see a psychic and he was in a bad mood, then I saw a clairvoyant who was rather grumpy...

 

I’m just trying to find a happy medium?

A farm boy arrives late for school one day.

"Why are you late?" asks the teacher.

 

"I had to take the bull down to the field to mate with the cow," explains the boy.

 

"Couldn't your dad have done that?" asks the teacher.

 

"He could have," replies the boy.

 

"But I think the bull did a better job than he would have done."