What kind of aftershave do genetic scientists wear?

-

Eau de clone. 
 

What do you get when you cross:- A banana with a red silk dress?

A pink slip. 
 

Chat-up Line:- •  Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position 
 

A Swiss man, on holiday in Dublin, needed directions. He was standing outside Davy Byrne's pub when he saw two youths walking by so he stops them and asks, "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?"
The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français ?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" Still absolutely no response from the two lads.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" The Dublin lads remain totally silent.
The Swiss guy walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood. One of the boys turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!"
"Why?" says the youth, "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good!"

Paddy and his wife Mary were having an argument in bed, when Paddy finally had enough, he jumped up and took a blanket to the couch.

The next day, Mary, feeling bad about what happened, decided to buy Paddy a gift.
Since he was an avid golfer, she went to the pro shop at the club where he usually played golf.

Mary talked with the pro, and he suggested a putter and showed her one of his finest. "How much is it?" she asked. "One-hundred and fifty Euros," he replied. She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so.

"But it comes with an inscription," the pro said. "What kind of inscription?" she asked.

"Whatever you wish," he explained. "But, one of the old golfers' favourites is: 'Never Up, Never In'."

"Oh, that will never do!" exclaimed Mary, "That's what started the argument in the first place".

There was a race between a brunette, a redhead and a blond to swim from the mainland to Vancouver Island, doing only the breaststroke.
After about 14 hours the brunette staggered up on shore and was declared the winner.
About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up to the finish line in second.
Nearly four hours after that, the blond finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporter asked why it took her considerably longer to finish the race, she replies, "I don't like to sound like a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms!"

The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him.

Finally, he was brought to an old physician. After about an hour’s examination, he came out and told the cardinals that he had some good news and some bad news. The bad news was that the Pope had a rare disorder of the testicles. The good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was have sex.

Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length.

Finally, they went to the Pope with the doctor and explained the situation. After some thought, the Pope stated, “I agree but under four conditions.”
The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over the noise, a single voice asked, “And what are the four conditions?”
The room stilled. There was a long pause.

The Pope replied, “First, the girl must be blind so that she cannot see who she is having sex with.
Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear who she is having sex with.

And third, she must be mute so that if somehow she figures out who she is having sex with, she can tell no one.”

After another long pause, a voice arose and asked, “And the fourth condition?” The Pope replied, “Big tits.”

An old lady was doing 60 mph in a 100 zone, when the cop pulls her over and says, your doing 60 in a 100 zone

 

She says, That’s what the sign says back there

 

The cop ask’s, What sign?

 

She says the little triangle with the 60 in the middle

 

The cop thinks, that’s the State’s Highway Route number, this is Hwy 60

 

Oh, that’s what it means, so the cop looks inside the car, all the women’s face’s, sheer white terror, bare-white knuckle’s clutching the seat’s, he say’s are they alright?

 

Oh, they fine, we just came off Hwy 240

Two German Shepherds are sitting in the Veterinarian's waiting room so they get chatting.

 

“What are you here for asks the first ?”

 

The second dog replies “ Do you see that human at the end of my lead, he got out of the shower this morning and he had this huge thing sticking up between his legs, I thought it was a bone so I jumped up and sunk my teeth into it !

I think I’m getting put down !

 

What are you here for ?

 

The first dog says, “See that human at the end of my lead, well she got out of the shower this morning and dropped her towel. As she bent over to pick it up, I thought to myself, I can’t miss an opportunity like this, so I mounted her!”

 

Second dog says “So you’re getting put down too?”

 

“No, I’m here to get my nails clipped”

2 hours ago, fangless said:

They should definitively pray for grammatical enlightenment.....

43 minutes ago, Zyxel said:

until that lowrideo bouncey wouncey suspension wiring shorts out...  ????