An Airbus 380 is on it's way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

 

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here !"

 

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks, "Well, how was that?"

 

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now you look !"

 

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?"

 

Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?" 

 

The AirBus pilot laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.

 

The moral of the story is:

When you are young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

 

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, but Smarter.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. 

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. 
 
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill. 
 
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Wal-Mart    

 

Dear Mrs. Harris: 

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. 

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:   

 

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 

 

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 

4. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 
   

5. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 

 

6. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.   
 

7. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'   
 
8. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? 
 
And last, but not least: 

9. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' 

 

One of the clerks passed out.

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

If Mike has any sense…..he won’t attend.

 

I am told it was a cut above the rest but I think he was really cut up about it but it was so funny that even the audience were in stiches!

 

21 minutes ago, ravip said:

One of the clerks passed out.

Ok don't keep us in suspense, what did the clerk pass out?

28 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

What were your test results like?

33 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

How do the remember to turn up?

38 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

Can I just ask what the point of the sign is and where can I find it?

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

.

Must be a Titfer (Cockney rhyming slang)

54 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

What do you mean "when he was a lesbian?"

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

Maybe the Police thought they were just "Kidding"!

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

Did he chuck a bit of it back at you or did you just drill him full of nostalgia.?

Edited September 10, 20214 yr by fangless

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

 

Cheeky git---no you can not have bloody HUMVEE

 

So people really do put rockets up other people's ********!

22 minutes ago, doctormann said:

Must be a Titfer (Cockney rhyming slang)

I am from that part of the world also--but not heard that phrase---it was always "Brace & Bits" ..shortened to Brace.....

"Look at her-she's got a brace like Vera Lyn"...of course all not PC anymore.

1 minute ago, sanuk711 said:

I am from that part of the world also--but not heard that phrase---it was always "Brace & Bits" ..shortened to Brace.....

"Look at her-she's got a brace like Vera Lyn"...of course all not PC anymore.

Comes from 'tit for tat' - hat.