13 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Last week a man convinced me to join the R.A.C. so I handed over £55.
Must be a con, I still haven't received my uniform.

There's a new motoring organisation just started - it's only for Liverpudlians.

 

It's called the "AA, calm down!"

 

If they can't fix your car in an hour, they steal you another one! 

12 hours ago, billd766 said:

The H&S lot would probably have him arrested for unhygienic products

And the Muslims (among others - just to be all inclusive and PC) for him holding food in his left hand!

 

It was a cut above many others!

 Dave turned up unannounced at a friend’s house late one evening and asked whether he could stay the night.

The friend said: ‘Sure. You can either sleep on the floor in the living room, or you can sleep in the room with Baby.’ 
 ‘I think I’ll sleep on the floor in the living room,’ said Dave. 
 The next morning he went to the bathroom and bumped into a beautiful blonde.

‘Hi, who are you?’ he asked. * 
 ‘I’m Baby,’ she said. ‘I’m the new Au pair. Who are you?’ 
 ‘I’m stupid.’ 
 

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 The head of admissions at a school of agriculture asked a prospective student:

‘Why have you chosen this career?’ 
 The student replied:

‘I dream of making a million dollars from farming, like my father did.’ 
 The head was impressed.

‘Your father made a million dollars from farming?’ 
 ‘No, but he always dreamed of it.’ 

 

 A young woman told her father tearfully:

‘Dad, you know you told me to put all my money in an account with that big bank? Well, that bank is now in trouble, and I don’t know what I’m going to do!’ 
 ‘That bank can’t be in trouble,’ said the father. ‘It’s one of the major players in the financial world. You must have got it wrong.’ 
 ‘I don’t think so,’ she sobbed. ‘They just returned one of my cheques with a note saying, “Insufficient Funds”.’ 
 

 Why do schools suspend pupils as a punishment for truancy? 

What do you get when you cross:- A dove with a high chair in prison?

A stool pigeon. 
 

Chat-up Line:- •  "Your father must sell diamonds? Because you are FLAWLESS!" 
 

 Two men were sitting in a bar, complaining about their wives.

‘It really annoys me,’ said one.

‘Whenever we have a row, she gets historical.’

‘Don’t you mean “hysterical”?’ queried his friend. 
  ‘No, I mean historical. Every time we argue,

 

she says: “I still remember the time that you . . .

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7 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

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How long did it take the Police to catch you?

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