Relationship with two partners?

[Nam Kao]

My wifes brother Neeyan (thai - age 30) has 2 and they cohabitate successfully, but

at first there was alot of fighting. What happened was Neeyan was happily

married to a girl and another girl who he dated when he was 17-21 showed

up one day and wanted him back. The fur was flying as these girls fought

with fists, knives and "big wood" (wifes words,what is that?). After 6 fights

without a clear winner they just all settled down together. No problems

since then , ~ 3 years so far. Lucky guy, both girls are MINT and treat him

like a king.

Recently my wifes sister Gap from Khon Kaen who was happily married

had the same thing happen to her. A former wife came back and somehow

kicked her out of the house. I think it was the husbands doing for sure. So

she left with 500bt, went to BKK and is now working construction for 100bt

a day to support herself. But now the husband is calling her asking her to

come back and be the second wife! My wifes family is angry, brothers

sharpening knives really steaming!! Cant wait to see this one unfold

[WISteve]

""plasic-bag-taped-around-the-neck-and-hands-tied-behind-the-back""

I'm thinking anything short of a professional arrangement would inevitably end in this way. Have you ever seen one of these otherwise gentle and caring ladies turn into the hellcat bent on death and destruction? I really don't think you know what you are blindly walking into if you think you can get emotionally involved with two Thai ladies simultaneously in full view of each other. It would be a nearly an impossible task. And truly dangerous.

As you have stated, you are already married so it's going to take a bit of a professional arrangement anyway. Any dream of a "college girl" is rediculous. The uni girl who's willing/skilled at the talents you are asking for is going to rent by the hour or the night and she'll come dearly too might I add. She'll have all the pocket money she needs with a once or twice a week job, thank you.

If you find them together and if it is CLEARLY set out beforehand the arrangement you are hiring them for, there is a chance you will escape with your manhood. But I'm betting on the ducks myself.

You have a lot of work to do re: visa requirements and living arrangements to make. Why don't you have that efficient wife of yours work on this task as well?

~WISteve

[TizMe]

For a while there I had 2 sisters as my girlfriends. They had allways lived together and allways will. When we first decided that they would both be my GF it was OK for a while. There was definately no threesomes but they both slept with me knowing full well that the sister was also doing the same.

But in the end it all became too much emotionally for all 3 of us. One of the girls is now my fiance, the other sister will continue to live with us after we are married but there will be no more sleeping with her.

[sego]

Hey!

We are not thai but 4 sisters....

[dragonmasterzip]

Hey!

We are not thai but 4 sisters....

I am not sure being Thai is a requirement.

;-)

[medicinebox]

Ok, heres how you do it. Hire a fair sized apartment with at least 2 bedrooms. Go to a bar where two girls you like work. Suggest that its big enough for 2 girls to share with you for minimum rent. Say 1500bht a month. They have their own room, bathroom etc, and by their standards its a lovely place.

All you want in return is that they clean and look after the place. None of their friends and certainly falangs allowed.

Now heres the clever bit. When it comes to them paying the rent they are obviously gonna offer services rather than cash.....

See where I'm going. They both owe you and each one has a place to lose. If you want them to stop bar, then you will have to give them some house keeping money though.

You can refine this plan, but its one other way to get what you want. And to ###### with any critics, Two words to them "

CONSENTING ADULTS...

[Falang Pan]

Hi Dragonmasterzip.

I see you've taken a lot of heat for posting about polyamory. I made some posts about polyamory on the mangosauce.com site a while back and was surprised by the vicious negativity regarding the subject.

I've had between 2 and four girlfriends at a time for the last year and a half here in Thailand. The girls have always been well aware that I see other girlfriends. I don't date bargirls - only college educated self supporting women. I understand your desire for more than one girlfriend. I also have been trying to get my girlfriends to accept a third in bed, but no luck so far. It will happen, one day.

I agree with you that your minority sexual preferences are surely shared by some people.

I guess we'll both have to accept that a lot of people take offence to polyamory. I find that strange, and they find me evil. Weird.

[Payne]

I have had limited experience with hosting two girls. It has worked twice for me on one week vacation trips to Koh Samui and Chiang Mail. In the first instance I paired the two up myself, but the second time simply took two bi lassies who were already living with each other.

Among the advantages are variation in love making and giving the girls each others company....which leaves one comfortable to read a book or work on a lap top. Plus, I also have a hang up about sex close to a girl's monthly period. Having an alternate available deals with this phobia of mine. The fact that the lassies jabber away in Thai or Lao with each other has never bothered me one bit. What are they supposed to speak?

On the Samui trip the girls were reluctant to perform together with me. The beach house had two bedrooms so that was OK. But, up in Chiang Mai we are slept together and the two bi girls were also not inhibited at all in making love in front of me. In fact, a great time was had by all. When I returned to Phuket I slept alone for a week!

I should stress that it both cases it was strictly a business arraagement i.e. I was a customer...not a lover. My mia noi will not contemplate sharing me with another lassie. When its time for her monthly period, she has been known to say, "Go massage if want, but must use condom if full service." Still very broadminded compared to attitudes in the West. I usually just have a drink at the bar and go home, because at my age its not hard to lay off for a week. Also my mia noi can actually give a very satisfying massage herself.

[Debaryman101]

what

is

going

on???

Two?? wow i hope he don't have two tallywackers cause both are going to cooked

man i need some sleep

[mbkudu]

Payne, it's good that you tell it like it is without any appologies. I don't know what the big deal is as long as all parties are aware of what is going on. I too have been the primary victim on this forum for my relationship I have. I have a Thai wife I have been married to for just about ten years and I financially support her neice, her elder sister's daughter. We have separate house holds and all three get along well together. I'd rather not go into it too much because I've already done so on a past thread, 'Are you faithful to your partner.' What it is, is what it is.

I will say with utmost certainty that we three NEVER all sleep together. It's always a short spell here, and a short spell there, but we go to dinner together and other social things like shopping.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Hi Dragonmasterzip.

I see you've taken a lot of heat for posting about polyamory. I made some posts about polyamory on the mangosauce.com site a while back and was surprised by the vicious negativity regarding the subject.

I've had between 2 and four girlfriends at a time for the last year and a half here in Thailand. The girls have always been well aware that I see other girlfriends. I don't date bargirls - only college educated self supporting women. I understand your desire for more than one girlfriend. I also have been trying to get my girlfriends to accept a third in bed, but no luck so far. It will happen, one day.

I agree with you that your minority sexual preferences are surely shared by some people.

I guess we'll both have to accept that a lot of people take offence to polyamory. I find that strange, and they find me evil. Weird.

IF you are into it, you might as well learn to spell P O L Y G A M Y. The one chick alternative is M O N O G A M Y. They say you learn something every day

[Axel]

IF you are into it, you might as well learn to spell P O L Y G A M Y. The one chick alternative is M O N O G A M Y. They say you learn something every day

Aah Dr. you are too innocent, and I thought it is P O L Y G A M Y v.v.

M O N O T O N Y

As for Polyamory have a look in here:

http://www.polyamory.org/~joe/polypaper.htm#TypesOfPoly

Long time ago, I said Polly want a cracker now it's "Polly amore".

[ChiangMaiThai]

IF you are into it, you might as well learn to spell  P O L Y G A M Y. The one chick alternative is  M O N O G A M Y. They say you learn something every day 

Aah Dr. you are too innocent, and I thought it is P O L Y G A M Y v.v.

M O N O T O N Y

As for Polyamory have a look in here:

http://www.polyamory.org/~joe/polypaper.htm#TypesOfPoly

Long time ago, I said Polly want a cracker now it's "Polly amore".

http://www.polyamory.org/~joe/polypaper.htm#TypesOfPoly

Polyamory is a lifestyle in which a person may have more than one romantic relationship, with consent and enthusiasm expressed for this choice by each of the people concerned. Polyamory is distinguished from infidelity by the presence of honest communication between partners and lovers about the existence of each of these relationships in their lives (Hymer & Rubin, 1982).

Yeah... I'll just go have a talk to the Mrs. about this one. I'm sure she'll understand. i truly admire anyone who can pull this off, especially in Thailand.

[Axel]

Yeah... I'll just go have a talk to the Mrs. about this one. I'm sure she'll understand. i truly admire anyone who can pull this off, especially in Thailand.

Good luck to you, but before the talk do the deed, hide all the ducks and lock the kitchen with the knives.

[stroll]

I guess we'll both have to accept that a lot of people take offence to polyamory. I find that strange, and they find me evil. Weird.

To clarify: I do not object to polygamy or polyamore, as long as it is a choice made by consenting adults on an equal basis. Emphasis here on equal.

When a middle-aged, well-educated, financially independent Western male is looking for 'college girls' on a rent basis to fulfill their need to pay school fees, and expects not only sex but a display of genuine intimacy and emotional entangle with him and each other, until he will be ready to change or leave the country with no strings attached, it stinks of exploitation of those of lower standing financially and in life experience.

The original post has been modified already, had you read it, it would be even more obvious.

This is my opinion and I stand by it.

[Falang Pan]

I guess we'll both have to accept that a lot of people take offence to polyamory.  I find that strange, and they find me evil.  Weird.

To clarify: I do not object to polygamy or polyamore, as long as it is a choice made by consenting adults on an equal basis. Emphasis here on equal.

When a middle-aged, well-educated, financially independent Western male is looking for 'college girls' on a rent basis to fulfill their need to pay school fees, and expects not only sex but a display of genuine intimacy and emotional entangle with him and each other, until he will be ready to change or leave the country with no strings attached, it stinks of exploitation of those of lower standing financially and in life experience.

The original post has been modified already, had you read it, it would be even more obvious.

This is my opinion and I stand by it.

Hi Stroll.

Thoughtful reply.

However if you apply your same logic to monogamy, I think you would not approve of vast number of relationships between men and women. A lot of women look for some sort of nest building capability from men. Many women choose to not offer financial equality, and to demand some financial payment for whatever benefits they provide. Personally, that puts me right off, and I flat out refuse to have relationships where money enters the picture, but I do know that money and love are issues that are often not easy to extricate. Many women seem simply built from the ground level to see wealth and power as important qualities in their mate, but not as important qualities in themself. Notions of equality don't really enter into these primal values, anymore than notions of equality enter into a mans lust for youth and beauty.

I appreciate your respect for the individual, but to me you come across as overbearingly naive. People sell themselves, on purpose. It is anybodies right to do so. I have loveless sex regularly with my so called girlfriend, and she is completely aware that our relationship will end. She pays the price of a bit of heartbreak for another night of passionate sex. I pay the price of not being with someone I love deeply for the same. We choose the tradeoffs, fully aware, with no need of morality police explaining to us that we are being exploited.

Relationships tend to equalize, one way or another. If you look at women roles in cultures where women seem the most exploited, you may be surprised to find that it is actually the woman who dominates most household and family upbringing decisions. I'm thinking of Indian culture as an example.

I have met several young women who have chosen to have temporary monogamous relationships with sugar daddies. Works for them. Are they being exploited? That word is so easy to deconstruct. It is mostly emotional, with not much meaning. Anything short of slavery is usually mutual agreement. People choose to sell something in order to get something, compromises included. Any employment that doesn't include a share in the company and is based on market supply/demand payment can be said to be exploitative wage slavery. Whatever. You get an offer, you can take it or leave it.

I'll say again, I never mix money and relationships. I have had several relationships with Thai women of many ages, and with all of them it was clearly understood that I was in Thailand only for a short time, and that marriage was completely out of the question. I have loved and been loved. No strings attached. I refused to pay for love with my future. That was my limit. I didn't want to be exploited.

[stroll]

Just as well we widen the issue a bit, the original subject is emotionally charged.

I admit that I can not imagine myself being happy with two or more partners, for whatever reason, and I do feel personally challenged when other people actively seek such arrangements and are contented with it.

But this is not where my objections come from. The key issues here are choice and equality. Let's focus on the term exploitation for a moment.

When you say

"I have loved and been loved. No strings attached. I refused to pay for love with my future. That was my limit. I didn't want to be exploited."

To exploit:

- to use someone or something unfairly for your own advantage

Without knowing the details, I'd say your choice of setting your limit, or allowing yourself to trade into a situation you don't want, is based on your preferences and supported by your independence and power which are at least equal to your partner. I suggest exploitation doesn't enter the equation here.

Now you have two parties from different backgrounds:

1. a financially independent, educated man from a Western country, who has had a lot of experience of sexual relationships with one or more partners of different age groups and for varying length of time during his adult life. He also has the means to travel from one place to another and the experience to plan and do so without major disruption in his life.

2. adolescent or young adult Thai women during their academic learning, dependant on additional funds to finance their studies, with limited sexual experience if any at all with two or more partners of the same or older agegroup. Rarely traveled, if at all, outside Thailand and have neither the means, nor the experience to plan and do so without a major disruption of their lives.

" People sell themselves, on purpose. It is anybodies right to do so."

Yes, it is. But I argue that a 'college girl' in Thailand would enter into a relationship as sought by the original poster without full knowledge of the possible consequences and without the degree of choice that would make it an agreement entered on equal foot by consenting adults.

There is a considerable inequality in personal, economic and emotional 'power' here for me to justify using the term 'exploitation'.

I hope I clarified my point of view and that it doesn't sound too naive.

[dragonmasterzip]

the original subject is emotionally charged.

To exploit:

- to use someone or something unfairly for your own advantage

1. a financially independent, educated man from a Western country, who has had a lot of experience of sexual relationships

2. adolescent or young adult Thai women during their academic learning, dependant on additional funds to finance their studies, with limited sexual experience

" People sell themselves, on purpose. It is anybodies right to do so."

Yes, it is. But I argue that a 'college girl' in Thailand would enter into a relationship as sought by the original poster without full knowledge of the possible consequences and without the degree of choice that would make it an agreement entered on equal foot by consenting adults.

There is a considerable inequality in personal, economic and emotional 'power' here for me to justify using the term 'exploitation'.

So the 50 yearold office manager, should not offer the same young lady a job because he has considerable experience in running offices and she has none?

When dealing between the elder and the younger there will always be an experience gap.

You exploit people you meet every day. In many cases because you have more money than they do, you come to these relationships from very unequal ground.

But then I do not consider a college aged young lady to be quite in "child-infant-helpless" status.

From your morally superior point of view, it would be better for the college girl to find a poor college boy and go for a bit of the blind leading the blind.

Since I am the man who started this mess, I feel it is my job to continue.

Yes, I would expect some "use" of one another. I certainly am going to offer a nicer place to live, better food, safe environment, with modern conveniences like computers et al. Certain none of these things would be beyond these young women's reach, but I am sure these are issues. I would also be a gentleman. You act like because I like women and sex and want to have two lovers, I am somehow dragging my knuckles along the floor, club trailing along behind.

The fact is I am educated, experienced, well read, well traveled and an enjoyable person to be around. I tell stories well. I am witty and reasonably handsome. I stand 6' tall and weigh 185 lbs. I am a health specialist and am in excellent health.

I am not looking to do this with a lock and chain. I am seeking someone who may lack experience, but has an interest and would like to give it a try.

I know it will come as a shock to you, but there are women who not only like sex, they like sex with men older than they are and some of them even like to have sex with other women. I am looking for two of these women.

I can appreciate you being concerned, but I think you are letting your holier than thou morality to be poetically skew your vocabulary a bit to the emotionally irrationally charged.

[Falang Pan]

Yes, it is. But I argue that a 'college girl' in Thailand would enter into a relationship as sought by the original poster without full knowledge of the possible consequences and without the degree of choice that would make it an agreement entered on equal foot by consenting adults.

There is a considerable inequality in personal, economic and emotional 'power' here for me to justify using the term 'exploitation'.

I hope I clarified my point of view and that it doesn't sound too naive.

Hi Stroll,

When I was in my early twenties I preferred to date older women. Now I prefer to date younger women. In both cases the imbalance of experience is part of what is positive about the relationships. That kind of imbalance seems natural and healthy to me. I disagree that young inexperienced people can’t make valid choices about relationships, or that they should stay away from older experienced people.

Regarding imbalance of financial resources, that seems most common and most powerful in marriages, where one spouse feels unable to leave for financial reasons. Not ideal, but not a reason not to be intimate.

[stroll]

Falang Pan:

There is always a degree of unequality in relationship, differences in age, income, background etc., one could say this is what makes it so fascinating. It is up to the parties involved to negotiate their arrangements.

But when the imbalance becomes a main feature, to the disadvantage of one partner, not only public opinion but also legislation will prevent abuse and exploitation, as is the case when an underage is involved in a sexual relationship or when a marriage partner wants out of the relationship and can't for financial reasons. S&M is another area where lawmakers introduced legal limitations.

I am not saying this is the case here, I just like to point out that there are areas which are not negotiable and justifiable as being 'right' solely by one's own opinion. When I read posts which in content and the way it is being said approach the edge of the acceptable (form my point of view), I will comment.

Dragonmasterzip:

"I know it will come as a shock to you, but there are women who not only like sex, they like sex with men older than they are and some of them even like to have sex with other women. I am looking for two of these women."

Again this is not what I object to. I like to inform you that most expats in Thailand are far removed from the puritan, head-in-the-sand, holier-than-thou attitude you accuse everybody of who criticises you.

"I can appreciate you being concerned, but I think you are letting your holier than thou morality to be poetically skew your vocabulary a bit to the emotionally irrationally charged."

I suggest you do some research on the meaning of 'exploitation', I have given enough points here already. Let's not dilute the term to include everybody who buys bubblegum from a street vendor.

Despite your education and professional background, you fail to appreciate criticism made to you, you don't even understand why people take offence to the content and style of your postings. This reinforces my belief that I am right in pointing it out.

I don't know you, I only go by what I read, maybe you have a way of expressing yourself that doesn't do you justice, as you suggested yourself before. Certainly responding to criticism without your cynical presumptions about other posters would go a long way here.

[Bluecat]

I went through all the postings and did not see any reply from the master of dual relationship.

Mbkudu, any comments?

[mexxx]

"rent" & "batch", man youre talkin steady barfines here > not polyamory.

[rainman]

At one time i had a relationship with two. It didn't go so well. One of them was a hamster. Needless to say, the freaking pussy ate it one night. And in the morning, the cat didn't eat his food. At first, i wondered why. It was awful..

[DJ Pat]

Guys like you lot on this thread are precisely the reason that proper normal Thai girls wouldn't touch you with a bargepole.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

I could not have a serious relationship with dual partners - maybe in fantasy land but not in reality.

I'm pretty open minded and very red blooded also but a long term relationship is something that should be shared with a significant other - one significant other, the chances of meeting two consenting girls let alone ones that were both 'the one' is virtually zero.

However, one thing I would suggest and something that I dream of doing myself before I meet Ms.Right - something I have to do while still single is go on a week or two week holiday with two fun loving, clean, good looking sexy, bisexual girls who also like me for who I am.

I doubt I am alone in this fantasy and if I can ever afford it then it's something I would love to experience very much.

The most important thing however would be the equal enjoyment of all three of us and it would have to be something they wanted to do also - the money it would cost would just cover their time off work.

[Johnny Moron]

Guys like you lot on this thread are precisely the reason that proper normal Thai girls wouldn't touch you with a bargepole.

It's crystal clear to anyone with half a brain that many of those who contribute to this and other similar Thailand-orientated forums are complete born losers who, as you say, would never have a chance with anything other than a cheap whore.

But who are you? I'd be interested to hear your story.

[rod_kalashnikov]

 

[Explorer]

From my experience if it's business first i think it would be okay just a matter of choosing the right girl for the situation that you have planned. But jealousy is always there, just play (pay) it fair and i think you'll might have your "Dream" come true.

And about the "kinky stuff" you got in your closset,.... talk it over with the girl(s) first before even bringing them "home".

Good Luck!

[whattodo]

I for one am totally bewildered by all this fasination in Bar Lady threads,yes when i first came here i indulged with the bar scene for 3 weeks then got bored with it all,

did some travelling found my now wife and the rest is history,and that was 3 years ago,am not slagging off bar ladys by any means but just cant understand what the fasination is all about apart from initial first time arrival here in LOS,just let it go for Gods sake

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Guys like you lot on this thread are precisely the reason that proper normal Thai girls wouldn't touch you with a bargepole.

It's crystal clear to anyone with half a brain that many of those who contribute to this and other similar Thailand-orientated forums are complete born losers who, as you say, would never have a chance with anything other than a cheap whore.

But who are you? I'd be interested to hear your story.

Yeah?

So we're all born losers are we who have no chance of getting anything but a cheap whore, yes?

How you arrogantly assume that we must all be old or ugly or unable to pull and how you arrogantly assume that you have more than half a brain.

Your brain has roughly the same mass as myself and the other contributors to this thread, though I'm assuming that you have a very avarage IQ.

However, you seem to know very little about people or life itself and as a result your experiences in life will be limited, not that it will ever bother you.

There is nothing morally wrong with any sexual activity providing it's between consenting adults, so I'm afraid whatever man made religion or upbringing has lead you against the forces of nature to believe, holds rather little water I'm afraid.

I'll also add that last year I had a very rich and very, very beautiful girlfriend who was 24 and spent a lot of money on me but unfortunatly for me she looked down upon friends of mine who were bargirls or taxi drivers and although she wasn't a bad person, she was rather boring, a bit like yourself as she had been raised with a Thai version of your general attitude.

This world is so full of crashing bores.