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Getting Older

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A  distraught senior citizen
phoned  her doctor's office.
"Is  it true," she wanted to know, 
"that  the medication
you  prescribed has to be taken
for  the rest of my life?"
"'Yes,  I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There  was a moment of silence
before  the senior lady replied,
"I'm  wondering, then,
just  how serious is my condition
because  this prescription is marked
An  older gentleman was
on  the operating table
awaiting  surgery
and  he insisted that his son,a renowned surgeon,
perform  the operation.
As  he was about to get the anesthesia,
he  asked to speak to his son.
"Yes,  Dad , what is it?"
"Don't  be nervous, son;
do  your best,
and  just remember,
if  it doesn't go well,
if  something happens to me,
your  mother
is  going to come and
live  with you and your wife...." 
Eventually  you will reach a point 
when  you stop lying about your age
and  start bragging about it. This is so true. I love
to  hear them say "you don't look that old."  
The  older we get, 
the  fewer things
seem  worth waiting in line for.  
Some  people 
try  to turn back their odometers.
Not  me!
I  want people to know why
I  look this way.
I've  traveled a long way
and  some of the roads weren't paved.  
 When  you are dissatisfied
and  would like to go back to youth,
think  of Algebra.  
One  of the many things 
no  one tells you about aging
is  that it is such a nice change
from  being young.
Ah,  being young is beautiful,
but  being old is comfortable.  
First  you forget names,
then  you forget faces.
Then  you forget to pull up your zipper...
it's  worse when
you  forget to pull it down.  
Two  guys, one old, one young,
are  pushing their carts around-  WalMart 
when  they collide. 
The  old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry  about that. I'm looking for my wife,
and  I guess I wasn't paying attention to where
I was going." 
The  young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm  looking for my wife, too...
I  can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The  old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her...
what  does she look like?"
The  young guy says, "Well, she is 27 years old, tall,
with  red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
long  legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What  does your wife  look like?'
To  which the old guy says, "doesn't matter,  
let's  look for yours." 

And Finally:- 
"Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder 
and  Your hand over my mouth!" 

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