So many failed relationships

[jvs]

34 minutes ago, BobbyL said:

Language. The first thing that attracted me to my now wife (been together over 7 years) was her level of English. I had been here about 6 or so months and she was the first Thai I had met that could actually hold a proper conversation and was educated and interested in the world outside of Thailand or Asia.

 

I could never be in a relationship with someone who I couldn't communicate properly with. I know a few guys who have GFs etc and apart from ''Hello'' or ''How are you?'' the conversation doesn't stretch very far at all. Unbearable. 

In the west a large portion of divorces are because of communication breakdown and they speak the same language.

[ChrisKC]

For me, it is honesty, respect, unselfishness, share everything, including feelings.

[spidermike007]

Due to the true emergency situation in the West, men have become so hungry for love, or emotionally desperate for some kindness, and TLC. And most are so desirous of being around a real woman, who knows how to act like a woman, and manifest the dignity, within femininity. So, it is easy for the con artists, to take advantage of emotionally wounded men, who seem to be willing to do anything to regain a semblance of normality in their lives, with a decent woman. 

 

Always remember, if it is good, it is only going to get better. If there are problems, they will manifest themselves over time. The bottom line is this. Take your time getting to know a woman here, or anywhere. Time is your ally. It is rarely their ally. They are usually trying to step up the timetable. We need to push back. We need to assert control. An environment like this allows us to do so. Take advantage of that. Step up. Man up. Pay tribute to the gender. Refuse to lay down anymore. Refuse to be a doormat. Refuse to check your cajones at the door. Start making the decisions, and stop asking "Where do you want to eat?" all the time, and make a decision. Sure, part of the kindness that holds a good relationship together is making mutual decisions at times. But, I see such extreme examples of guys who just cannot make a decision without their woman's consent, to save their lives. I have so many friends, who come here, and from the very start, make the same mistakes they made back in the West. Except here, they do not need to make those mistakes. The environment does not dictate that they behave like lambs. Many do not know, or realize that, or they succumb to "force of habit". Every ship needs a captain. If the man is not willing to be the captain of the ship, the woman will take over, here in Thailand. Most women here seem to want a strong man. They want a man who acts like a man, is in control of his life, and is able to provide them with security and a feeling of safety. But, if they end up with a wimp, they will take over. They have to. Someone has to.

 

If she is a big baby, who only looks like a real woman, but in reality is a 13 year old, or if she is a con artist, if she is only in it for the money, those realizations will manifest themselves over time. Time allows clarity. Never, ever move too quickly. Most of the successful relationships I see here, are those where the guy took his time, and did not succumb to HER timetable! That is the undoing of most of these guys.

 

Be like Bond. Be a real man. Do yourself and the gender proud. Toxic masculinity? Deny the movement with every cell of your being! Masculinity is good! Be proud of it.

 

Edited March 7, 2019 by spidermike007

[totally thaied up]

My wife is not pretty. In fact, she would make most say why do I bother as she is nothing special and she knows that. Her overwhelming quality is she is honest and that is all I look for in a relationship. I had my share of lying women and that is the only real quality I look for in a relationship - honesty. I have little to offer as well apart from a permanent pension cheque that comes in once a month and that is not much. Sex fades with time. I am honest and won't lie. My wife loves me deeply and I can see it daily. At the start, due to previous failed relationships, I did not put all my heart into it but now, she has me all. 

 

No honesty is about all I need and the fact she is prepared to learn all the time (studies still) and that we can have well-rounded conversations is just a bonus. I could not be with someone that could not communicate clearly. I really think later I need to take my wife West for a while so she can study more and widen her horizons. It is something I have been thinking about a lot recently. I cannot further my life ambitions anymore at my age (50) but my wife can (she is 32). I think that is when you know you're in a good spot when you care more about them than yourself in the wider scheme of things.

 

My major failing in life is trusting people. I lost a great, great deal of money at 38 due to trust. My ex-wife left me at the same time, going to another man she had been seeing for seven years. I was left high and dry. Almost a pauper with legal battles from my ex. Just to say now after having that ruined relationship in my life, I needed that to make me stronger.

 

We learn from mistakes. I understand now what I need to make things work and I think that only comes from age and experience. I see so many of my friends with women just for sex and they have nothing in common at all. Back West, they cannot get the sex, so they come here but I really wonder what they are thinking.

 

A 20-year-old is not looking at a 60-year-old for little less than money. I think for them it is just a paid relationship giving the woman what they want in exchange for youth. We are far superiorly more educated than a 20-year-old Thai but it does not seem to be that way with the number of friends I have seen taken for a ride.  I think this is pretty sad. Like I said if I could not have a conversation with my wife that we could not hold for more then a few minutes, I would go crazy. Many of my friend's girlfriends can say little more than hello in English and the guys can speak little in Thai. How is that going to hold up with time? It does not and hence the reason it does not work. If it does work at that level, it is for the extras given to the girl - money, land, etc, etc.

 

I won't begrudge anyone that wants to get into a relationship with a woman Thai but sometimes I just wonder why they even try. 

 

 

[FruitPudding]

I don't get why anyone would want to be in a relationship anymore; been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

[marcusarelus]

In America I was considered a sex addict - here I'm normal to conservative.  No problem with relationships as long as the women is Thai and we stay in Thailand. 

[mauGR1]

I have been very successful in my relationships so far, with a little help from my ex-partners, we've managed to stop all of them.

I am still friends with many of them, and the mother of my children is my best friend.

All women i dealt with have taught me a lot, perhaps they learned something from me too, so there is nothing like a failed relationship imo.

[soistalker]

1. She's not a whore.

2. She's not a whore.

3. She's not a whore.

[marcusarelus]

7 minutes ago, soistalker said:

1. She's not a whore.

2. She's not a whore.

3. She's not a whore.

OK, so your gay.  It's OK. 

[totally thaied up]

14 minutes ago, soistalker said:

1. She's not a whore.

This is the part I cannot understand. Most I know are with bar girls and they seem pretty happy but I could not do it, seeing how hard these girls are raping these guys wallets. Maybe they are not looking for much in the way of stimulating talk and I have seen so much money wasted over the years over something these people could change daily at a bar. If I was only looking for a girlfriend, a short time bar girl is all you need as, in the end, it is much cheaper then paying someone to be with you with all the extras given. I suppose I am not made up to spend the cash I earnt by working hard on someone that just offers sex as a subject. In my formative years here I tried but it is not in my makeup. I think you have to take that under consideration. 

[Kurtf]

18 hours ago, Boomhauer said:

Definitely! That is point 6 on my list ????

And when you get old and you can't get it up anymore, she's gonna be looking somewhere else. Stupid criteria.

[Kurtf]

If you want a truly long lasting relationship, I recommend finding an educated Thai woman. Someone with at least a BA. That way you will have eliminated all the bar girls and women looking for a meal ticket. 

[sanemax]

1 minute ago, Kurtf said:

If you want a truly long lasting relationship, I recommend finding an educated Thai woman. Someone with at least a BA. That way you will have eliminated all the bar girls and women looking for a meal ticket. 

Lets be realistic , that isnt a possibility for most retirees in Thailand 

[marcusarelus]

Just now, sanemax said:

Lets be realistic , that isnt a possibility for most retirees in Thailand 

Go gay.  I've met many more educated men looking for farang relationships than women.  Easy to meet and a better fluency in English.  What's not to like plus they can lift a lot more saving your back (old guys have to watch heavy lifting).

[totally thaied up]

6 minutes ago, Kurtf said:

If you want a truly long lasting relationship, I recommend finding an educated Thai woman. Someone with at least a BA.

I have met my share that have had BA's and are thick as fence posts and for most retirees, finding such a woman that is also in demand from Thai men is difficult. Unless they go to a higher tiered University and at least have passed a Masters, would I say education is on a level playing field.

 

There is a lot more to a person than a degree

[marcusarelus]

8 minutes ago, Kurtf said:

If you want a truly long lasting relationship, I recommend finding an educated Thai woman. Someone with at least a BA. That way you will have eliminated all the bar girls and women looking for a meal ticket. 

I've met a number of Thai women with BA degrees at the upscale places in Bangkok.  Not uncommon at all.  I'd shoot for an MA in one of the sciences if this is going to be your criteria.

[Baerboxer]

You provide a nice life style for her and any offspring and never use the word "no"; ask questions about money and where it's gone; and never cause her to loose face.

 

 

[Janner1]

19 hours ago, rumak said:

What are the 3 or 4 most important traits they want to find in the woman that they think they can be happy living with ?  

Honesty, Honesty, Honesty and finally Honesty

[rumak]

2 hours ago, scorecard said:

 

 Well what traits, in your opinion, should the man bring to the relationship to be successful?

that's easy.   basically the same traits that he wants in a woman.   I posted the question to men because most of the members are men.  and most of the stories here are about problems with farang/thai relationships.  if anyone doesn't believe that he obviously has not been reading the never-ending sagas posted on this site.     

Instead of some people taking my question and turning it into another egotistical exercise in trying to dissect what is wrong with the question and trying to say what i did not say .... yes, just another TV pissing contest.    A few people gave an answer.   I  like humor and different points of view, but always pathetic when people have to turn a simple question into some personal nonsense.  

The poster who is being so combative with me on this post wonders why he rubbed some people the wrong way in his past blogs.   I now see what it is .  Obviously, he has not learned.  

BTW:  I did list some traits earlier such as honesty, respectfulness, a true desire to work together.  The same things I would bring to the table.   Unfortunately most of the posters did not choose to follow the thread but instead went off on their own trips

[rumak]

3 minutes ago, Janner1 said:

Honesty, Honesty, Honesty and finally Honesty

thats like location, location, location   ????     number one on my list too..... but i do hope for a few other good traits.

[rumak]

3 hours ago, villagefarang said:

I think the bit about looking in the mirror and asking why things don’t work out is great advice. ????

well, you are not the only one who looks in the mirror and sees why his relationship HAS worked out. ????

 

But i do not come on here to try to prove how special I and my lady are.  Everyone is different, as even you said.   Your posting on this thread is way out of line IMO.......  I can see that you would be a very difficult person to try to get to see that.    

[totally thaied up]

2 minutes ago, rumak said:

number one on my list too..... but i do hope for a few other good traits

Other good traits do not bypass honesty in my books. If a person cannot and will not be honest to you, their integrity has gone out the window. I have seen so many guys here buy the 'pretty book cover-story' (youthful and sexy) but to only see them six months later razed to the ground as the girl was not honest. Honesty takes a long time to work out and also work on and as others have said, being patient and not hurrying into a relationship here is or should not be a primary concern.

 

Slow and steady wins the race.

[BritManToo]

Just now, rumak said:

well, you are not the only one who looks in the mirror and sees why his relationship HAS worked out.

Until one of you has died, it's a bit early to be claiming success.

[FruitPudding]

43 minutes ago, Kurtf said:

If you want a truly long lasting relationship, I recommend finding an educated Thai woman. Someone with at least a BA. That way you will have eliminated all the bar girls and women looking for a meal ticket. 

A lot of women all over the world are looking for a rich man. Wealth is so attractive to a woman. It may be the most attractive male attribute. 

 

I had an educated (teacher) girlfiend in Asia and an uneducated waitress girlfriend, too.

 

They both come from the same type of village, and have similar outlooks on life, but the waitress made more money (including tips) actually.

 

They both stung me.

 

Question is: which one played the short game and was dumped within a year and which one played the long game and got the lot?

 

The answer may surprise you.

 

 

[rumak]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Until one of you has died, it's a bit early to be claiming success.

are you rooting for me or against ?   Cmon bm2...... you do not know the specifics of my situation .

 

 

[BritManToo]

Just now, rumak said:

are you rooting for me or against ?   Cmon bm2...... you do not know the specifics of my situation .

Dude, there's always time for it to fail while you're both still alive.

Only the surviving spouse in a relationship can truly claim 'success'.

[totally thaied up]

7 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Until one of you has died, it's a bit early to be claiming success.

My Grandfather died at 75 and my Grandmother at 99. She cried almost every morning in the bathroom calling his name, asking him to come to get her. 

 

It was harsh to see. There was little success in the outcome. Just 25 years of grief.

[scorecard]

3 minutes ago, rumak said:

are you rooting for me or against ?   Cmon bm2...... you do not know the specifics of my situation .

 

 

Why the question about for me or against?

 

Are other folks not allowed to have other ideas, other opinions?

 

 

[rumak]

2 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

Be like Bond. Be a real man. Do yourself and the gender proud. Toxic masculinity? Deny the movement with every cell of your being! Masculinity is good! Be proud of it.

 

Too long a post to copy it all.  But for the life of me I cannot understand why mr VF has withheld his beloved "sad" emoji for it.   Guess he is saving them all for me   ????

[AlexRich]

8 minutes ago, FruitPudding said:

A lot of women all over the world are looking for a rich man. Wealth is so attractive to a woman. It may be the most attractive male attribute. 

 

I had an educated (teacher) girlfiend in Asia and an uneducated waitress girlfriend, too.

 

They both come from the same type of village, and have similar outlooks on life, but the waitress made more money (including tips) actually.

 

They both stung me.

 

Question is: which one played the short game and was dumped within a year and which one played the long game and got the lot?

 

The answer may surprise you.

 

 

The waitress?