Need advice/help Emergency situation

[Tanoshi]

From your explanation it appears your Father is suffering from dementia issues.

You describe the classic symptoms, which is first anger, then quite often they start to lash out.

 

If the Police have been advised of the situation let them handle it, but it is essentially a marital dispute, unless your Father has ever struck your Mother, then it becomes a criminal matter.

They'll should be liaising with the Immigration department.

 

You could also advise the US Embassy in Thailand of the situation giving as many details as possible.

At some point I think your Father will need their assistance.

 

Your Mother meanwhile should just concentrate on restoring the water and electric supplies, to make the home habitable.

[BritManToo]

5 minutes ago, Taicha said:

Why did she leave? I didn't betray my father, he betrayed me. He said he would always love his daughter, but when I get in his way to stop him from arguing with mom and ranting on all day about pointless/nonsense he says he'll kick me out or let me cry outside the gate of the house. ????
It's hard for me.
 

You chose sides and he rejected you for your choice. Same with me.

Fathers generally view betrayal by their daughters as a game ender.

[Taicha]

From your explanation it appears your Father is suffering from dementia issues.
You describe the classic symptoms, which is first anger, then quite often they start to lash out.
 
If the Police have been advised of the situation let them handle it, but it is essentially a marital dispute, unless your Father has ever struck your Mother, then it becomes a criminal matter.
They'll should be liaising with the Immigration department.
 
You could also advise the US Embassy in Thailand of the situation giving as many details as possible.
At some point I think your Father will need their assistance.
 
Your Mother meanwhile should just concentrate on restoring the water and electric supplies, to make the home habitable.

A friend of my mom suggested she go to the U.S Embassy too. But isn't he stealing the car since the car is in her name? Plus all the stuff he took from the house and damaging property because he made a big hole where the sink pipes go so no one can use the water? Thats criminal?

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

[Taicha]

You chose sides and he rejected you for your choice. Same with me.
Fathers generally view betrayal by their daughters as a game ender.

I understand.. :(
But he's.. not normal.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

[1FinickyOne]

Sorry for your problems but I don't think there is much cure other than getting him out of your life - leave the rest to the police... best of luck to you and your mom... life will be better without him.

[Tanoshi]

1 minute ago, Taicha said:

A friend of my mom suggested she go to the U.S Embassy too. But isn't he stealing the car since the car is in her name? Plus all the stuff he took from the house and damaging property because he made a big hole where the sink pipes go so no one can use the water? Thats criminal?

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2
 

In marriage most possessions acquired are deemed as jointly owned.

Forget the household items he took, they can be replaced.

I doubt the Police will view leaving a hole in his own property as criminal damage.

The car would at best be viewed as taking without consent as it's in your Mothers name.

[Isaanbiker]

Dear Taicha,

 

           It's indeed a very difficult situation you guys are in. You wrote that he sold all stuff of a house that was just built? Any idea what has happened with the house?

 

  Even when he seems to have mental problems you can't make him to see a specialist, especially when he doesn't think that there's something wrong. 

 

Please be aware that a mental hospital would perhaps not be the right solution, do you know people your dad used to hang out with?

 

Sorry, to hear about your dead dog. just see is the way it is. Shi_e happens and that all the time. 

 

You need to talk to people from your family how to get the car back, but only if he didn't fully pay for it. If he did, forget about the car.

 

  What happened to the house? Is all paid, try to find out why he sold all the stuff and what the problems with the house in his eyes are.

 

If he is abusive then can't you call him on the phone? If not, take somebody who can intervene when he gets aggressive. 

 

First you'll have to talk to your mom to understand what's wrong with the whole situation. She might know more than you think.

 

If your father paid for the car, leave it to him. It's easier to get another car than fighting over it.

 

Try to find out what happened when you mom wasn't there, and why he sold all the things?

 

Almost all is replaceable, you can buy new fans, a new fridge, stuff for cooking.

 

If he's got some friends, talk to them. Do all that he knows that he's the guy who does something wrong, at the same time offer help.

 

  Best of luck getting this difficult situation solved.  

 

[NCC1701A]

15 hours ago, Taicha said:

Last week my mom left for the the United States to fix her Social Security and Pension money by changing the account number they are deposited in. She had a joint account with dad.

 

15 hours ago, Taicha said:

The house and land is in my mom and my names because we are both Thai/american citizens.

 

15 hours ago, Taicha said:

Should I just wait it out and let the police do there job. I feel like if I do he'll be out of the country.

i know it was shocking to see your house ruined but it sounds like to me like IN THE LONG RUN you are golden. sorry about your dog. the car might show back up. 

 

if you report him to the police immigration might find him at some point. it might be a few years from now and by then you will wish you did not have to think about him again.   

[NCC1701A]

16 hours ago, Taicha said:

Dads on the run somewhere. He's stealing, he let my dog die.

and later in life when you have the money, you should talk to a therapist because these childhood traumas will affect you in a negative way your whole life. If you can't get a therapist, find a friend who has similar issues and talk about it. good luck.  

[otherstuff1957]

Just read Tanoshi's post (#32), and follow his advice.  The personality changes you describe are typical of dementia, either Alzheimer's or another sort.  Unfortunately, your father is not going to get better. 

 

Help your mother by listening to her problems.  If she has a helpful, supportive person to talk to, even if it's just over the phone, will help her calm down and get on with her life.

 

As for your father, let the police handle it, though they may ignore it as a domestic problem.  Be sure to let the Embassy know about the situation.  I wouldn't be surprised if your father ends up in the IDC (immigration detention center) and is then deported.

 

If your father has  other relatives in the US, you might let them know about the situation so that they be prepared if an angry, demented man possibly shows up on their doorsteps.

[JWRC]

The people replying to your post are just guessing, we don't know if your father is suffering from some form of mental illness or he's just a nasty prick who is showing his true colours, So I would suggest to you just deal in the facts. At this stage the matter has been reported to the police and at the very least he should be charged with theft. I would be worried about personal safety and I feel it may benefit your mother to speak to a lawyer to see if a restraining order can e placed on him. This will not stop him but it gives you a lever if he is seen near the premises.

If you cannot come to Thailand to be with your mother then you support her as best you can, you know what you can and can't do in that department.

Lastly most of these people replying to your post are male as can be understood from some of the replies, I won't go further with that comment.

I am a woman and lived with daily mental and some physical abuse as a child, It has made me a very strong person, you be strong this situation won't last forever, and try and help your mum to be strong, Don't ever give in, otherwise the B_____ds win.

[Taicha]

 

 

 

Dear Taicha,

 

           It's indeed a very difficult situation you guys are in. You wrote that he sold all stuff of a house that was just built? Any idea what has happened with the house?

 

  Even when he seems to have mental problems you can't make him to see a specialist, especially when he doesn't think that there's something wrong. 

 

Please be aware that a mental hospital would perhaps not be the right solution, do you know people your dad used to hang out with?

 

Sorry, to hear about your dead dog. just see is the way it is. Shi_e happens and that all the time. 

 

You need to talk to people from your family how to get the car back, but only if he didn't fully pay for it. If he did, forget about the car.

 

  What happened to the house? Is all paid, try to find out why he sold all the stuff and what the problems with the house in his eyes are.

 

If he is abusive then can't you call him on the phone? If not, take somebody who can intervene when he gets aggressive. 

 

First you'll have to talk to your mom to understand what's wrong with the whole situation. She might know more than you think.

 

If your father paid for the car, leave it to him. It's easier to get another car than fighting over it.

 

Try to find out what happened when you mom wasn't there, and why he sold all the things?

 

Almost all is replaceable, you can buy new fans, a new fridge, stuff for cooking.

 

If he's got some friends, talk to them. Do all that he knows that he's the guy who does something wrong, at the same time offer help.

 

  Best of luck getting this difficult situation solved.  

 

 

He didn't sell all the stuff, he took mostly all the stuff in the house. The house is fine. My mom checks on it and the dogs by getting calls from the neighbors in the village. All the people dad use to hang out with are either dead or they defriended him.

The car is fully paid for. It's in my moms name so it's hers. Everything this man bought was with his and her money. You see, he controls the money and sends some of her money in to her Thai bank, not all of it. She makes way more than him because she has a pension plus social security and he has the nerve to say it's all his money and mom should pay him to fix the house.

 

Yes, she'll replace some things. Like washer machine and microwaves because they are from America so they run on different current. He used a transformer to convert the current for these appliances.

 

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

 

 

 

[Taicha]

The people replying to your post are just guessing, we don't know if your father is suffering from some form of mental illness or he's just a nasty prick who is showing his true colours, So I would suggest to you just deal in the facts. At this stage the matter has been reported to the police and at the very least he should be charged with theft. I would be worried about personal safety and I feel it may benefit your mother to speak to a lawyer to see if a restraining order can e placed on him. This will not stop him but it gives you a lever if he is seen near the premises.
If you cannot come to Thailand to be with your mother then you support her as best you can, you know what you can and can't do in that department.
Lastly most of these people replying to your post are male as can be understood from some of the replies, I won't go further with that comment.
I am a woman and lived with daily mental and some physical abuse as a child, It has made me a very strong person, you be strong this situation won't last forever, and try and help your mum to be strong, Don't ever give in, otherwise the B_____ds win.

I know most of the people replying are men. I was in the women's forum a couple years ago asking for help on actually getting out of that house. Kind of helped me but didn't help me.

I'm sorry to hear you went through that but for me.. I turned out a very shy timid girl. My dad was very overprotective. I couldn't hang with my nice friends or go to movies, I couldn't even learn to drive at 16 because he always says I'm not ready. I just wanted to do more independent things so I could break out of my shyness. :(

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

[Taicha]

Okay, I'm reading the TM.30 News article posted. Where the Immigration Chief says. "foriegners must report where they are and who is staying with you." I don't like it but in this case, would this help find my dad quicker. I know he has to report to immigration every 3 months. I think he last went to immigration in April, sometime in July he has to go back there. Since the government is enforcing this law now, it would be bad for him? He has a retirement visa and renews it at the end of the year, like in December but he reports to immigration every 90 days.

 

 

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[sotonowl]

23 hours ago, Taicha said:

Okay. His mind is gone Soto. He's old. His anger management got worse over the years. I think he has dementia. Can't control his anger sometimes over little things. Like if mom cooks and drops a little oil if he's watching her cook he goes on a rant. Yet he's dirty living in a messy room full of dust and dog hair, clothes everywhere. If my mom saw him spilt liquid on the floor and she shows him later he says he didn't do it. He forgets things too.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2
 

Unfortunately Taicha this is life, our loved ones don't finish up how we'd like them to sometimes. He must have some faculties left if he has seen fit to strip the place. I don't know you or your parents but there's always 3 sides to any story, I wish you all well.

[ukrules]

9 hours ago, Taicha said:

Since the government is enforcing this law now, it would be bad for him?

I think it's an 800 Baht fine (maybe 400) if you don't bother to report, maybe more if they 'find you' while unreported.

[balo]

10 hours ago, Taicha said:

He has a retirement visa and renews it at the end of the year, like in December but he reports to immigration every 90 days.

Well if he stole your car you can always report it to the police , but I doubt immigration is interested. You need to ask your Thai relatives to contact them, maybe he can be found somewhere.  Good luck. 

[Taicha]

Now my mom's family are gonna post his passport and picture all over Thai social media. Thats what she told me on the phone.

My mom asked me to do the same to help catch him quicker.

Should I do that right now starting here?

If anyone sees him they can help us find him.

I also know who his username on Thaivisa. I will expose him. He's usually in the car/scooter forums.

 

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

 

 

 

 

[balo]

You can use Facebook and other social media , I doubt the moderators here will allow you to reveal his name and post on Thaivisa. 

[Taicha]

You can use Facebook and other social media , I doubt the moderators here will allow you to reveal his name and post on Thaivisa. 

I was thinking that earlier. Sigh....

 

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

 

 

 

[pieeyed]

Your mom should rent a place and try to figure out what she wants to do.

Sent from my CPH1823 using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[Taicha]

Your mom should rent a place and try to figure out what she wants to do. Sent from my CPH1823 using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app 

 

 

 

 

She's at home now, taking care of the dogs. She bought new locks for the big front gate and small gated door. People in the village and family are helping my mom a lot. I can only wait and see what happens. She said not to worry now. It was a very hard few days since she returned back to Thailand. I was scared she wouldn't get a new batch of pills soon for her diabetes. Plus the stress of what dad did to her made her blood pressure go up. But everything is calm now for her because her family took her to the doctor to get a check-up and new pills. Now she has to finish construction of the house. All it needs is electricity outlets/plugs and celing needs to be put up. She needs a refrigerator to store food and a washer machine. The doggies give her company while she waits for me to return to help her out with house. If the police can find dad soon, we won't have to buy new cabinets or toilets, etc, because we got all the stuff back he took.

 

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[mooping20Baht]

does thailand have TRO   temporary restraining orders , if so  seems that would be in order

 

nowadays should be fairly trivial to find people, esp if they use mobile phones,   something like a private detective

[BritManToo]

On 7/22/2019 at 6:02 PM, Taicha said:

Now my mom's family are gonna post his passport and picture all over Thai social media. Thats what she told me on the phone.

My mom asked me to do the same to help catch him quicker.

Should I do that right now starting here?

If anyone sees him they can help us find him.

I also know who his username on Thaivisa. I will expose him. He's usually in the car/scooter forums.

Defamation is a criminal offense in Thailand.

It could cost you a lot of money and possibly jail if you were to ever visit Thailand.

 

Best to stay out of disagreements between your parents.

[rumak]

osted Sunday at 11:31 AM

  On 7/21/2019 at 11:25 AM, BritManToo said:

You chose sides and he rejected you for your choice. Same with me.
Fathers generally view betrayal by their daughters as a game ender.

I understand.. ????
But he's.. not normal.

 

 

Good that you at least say you understand (what your father possibly feels).    Like you said, we on a forum are not there to see, so impossible to really know.   It does sound like your father is "ill",  or maybe he mostly feels betrayed.  Could be his is old, lonely and bitter about life NOW.   Or maybe just an arrogant old man.   or this    or that   .     Do the best you can,  try to see all sides.   And realize that life for old people isn't always so easy.     You will be old one day yourself.  congrats for at least trying to help.

[Taicha]

Defamation is a criminal offense in Thailand.
It could cost you a lot of money and possibly jail if you were to ever visit Thailand.
 
Best to stay out of disagreements between your parents.

:( Okay

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

[ukrules]

On 7/22/2019 at 6:02 PM, Taicha said:

Now my mom's family are gonna post his passport and picture all over Thai social media. Thats what she told me on the phone.

My mom asked me to do the same to help catch him quicker.

Should I do that right now starting here?

If anyone sees him they can help us find him.

I also know who his username on Thaivisa. I will expose him. He's usually in the car/scooter forums.

 

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

 

 

 

 

You should beware that the defamation laws apply to everyone, even if what you post is true.

[Taicha]

We'll good news is mom got a call from the police today and they said they saw him again in the car. They said he rented a house. He's still in the city where she lives. Police said when they catch him they'll bring her to the police station to let her talk to him and see what she wants to do with him.

I knew he couldn't go far with all that stuff he took.

 

 

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Tanoshi]

56 minutes ago, Taicha said:

We'll good news is mom got a call from the police today and they said they saw him again in the car. They said he rented a house. He's still in the city where she lives. Police said when they catch him they'll bring her to the police station to let her talk to him and see what she wants to do with him.

I knew he couldn't go far with all that stuff he took.

 

 

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy J2

What exactly are you hoping to establish …. a reconciliation.

From the sound of it your Mom is better of without him.

Pushing him, he could request a divorce then your Mom has a lot more to lose.

 

Apart from the land, which a foreigner cannot own, the house, the car and all other items are jointly owned when bought in wedlock, regardless of who's name is on a document.

 

At some point your Father should be submitting his 90 day report at Immigration.

Have the Police contacted his Immigration office?

He's probably already in violation of the Immigration Act because he should have notified Immigration of his new address within 24 hours of moving.

If he complied with the law, then Immigration should already have his new address.

[BurgerGung]

Well, he seems to be a dangerous lunatic. Who would engage in vandalism?!? You might take out TROs, if Temporary Restraining Orders are available.