Moonlover Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 (edited) 4 hours ago, shootrrdave said: but I note that none of the men have. Am I going to have to wait another 3 weeks? I think this line of yours tells it own tale. I've also noticed that many Thai fathers seem to lack empathy with their kids, especially small ones. In fact I'd say your newborn is a very lucky one. Many mothers don't seem to care either. It's straight off to granny with them. I wife's attitude could simply be a result of social conditioning. I suggest you be patient but quietly persistent. Wifey will come round eventually. Edited August 7, 2019 by Moonlover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 25 minutes ago, Briggsy said: Your wife cannot trust you to do the simplest thing. My father was the same, "Don't touch it, you'll break it!" I must have heard that a thousand times. The issue is trust in others' competence. I would expect your wife to be a little OCD and uptight. That can be a good thing but not in this instance. My father used to open my letters, inspect after my chores and go through the bin, a total inability to trust anyone. Does your wife do stuff like that? Not particularly which is why I was caught a little off guard by the baby holding issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 22 minutes ago, geoffbezoz said: She is probably only interested in opening bank statement letters This line of attack is becoming rather annoying. She hasn't said "you can hold the baby if you increase my allowance". Nothing of the sort. It seems to be a protection issue. She genuinely seems concerned that I am incapable of holding the baby without hurting her. The one time I picked her up when the wife left the room she made a show of supporting the baby's head when she took her back from me even though I had one of my hands completely underneath her head and neck while I was holding her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffbezoz Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 1 minute ago, shootrrdave said: This line of attack is becoming rather annoying. She hasn't said "you can hold the baby if you increase my allowance". Nothing of the sort. It seems to be a protection issue. She genuinely seems concerned that I am incapable of holding the baby without hurting her. The one time I picked her up when the wife left the room she made a show of supporting the baby's head when she took her back from me even though I had one of my hands completely underneath her head and neck while I was holding her. How old is the baby now ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 14 minutes ago, Moonlover said: I think this line of yours tells it own tale. I've also noticed that many Thai fathers seem to lack empathy with their kids, especially small ones. In fact I'd say your newborn is a very lucky one. Many mothers don't seem to care either. It's straight off to granny with them. I wife's attitude could simply be a result of social conditioning. I suggest you be patient but quietly persistent. Wifey will come round eventually. It could be partially that she just doesn't know what to do with me. She never knew her own father and her 12 year old's father didn't even hang around long enough for the birth. I will be patient. I can play the long game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 2 minutes ago, geoffbezoz said: How old is the baby now ? 7 days Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BritManToo Posted August 7, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted August 7, 2019 (edited) 4 minutes ago, shootrrdave said: She never knew her own father and her 12 year old's father didn't even hang around long enough for the birth. 12 year old's father probably realised she was a headcase earlier than you. I don't blame him for clearing off, you've already lasted 6 days longer than I would have. Edited August 7, 2019 by BritManToo 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffbezoz Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 1 minute ago, BritManToo said: 12 year old's father probably realised she was a headcase earlier than you. I don't blame him for clearing off. So she never knew her own Father either. Well maybe both the wife and her Mother are strange. One good reason to avoid picking up women based on a "friends" email recommendation, as was the case this time, by the sounds of it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 5 minutes ago, BritManToo said: 12 year old's father probably realised she was a headcase earlier than you. I don't blame him for clearing off, you've already lasted 6 days longer than I would have. I'm amazed how dismissive some of you guys are. How does anyone grow a relationship when the 1st thing they think of is walking (running) away? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyboy2018 Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Was her ignorance and manipulative obduracy in evidence before this? Is the wife very strong willed or the OP weak willed. His future does not look bright. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post bluebluewater Posted August 7, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted August 7, 2019 You need to grow a pair . . . 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritManToo Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 (edited) 3 minutes ago, shootrrdave said: I'm amazed how dismissive some of you guys are. How does anyone grow a relationship when the 1st thing they think of is walking (running) away? As previously posted it's called 'dread game'. You keep your woman in a state of fear that you'll leave, so she has to constantly try that little bit harder. No woman wants a guy who lets her carry his balls around in her purse. Edited August 7, 2019 by BritManToo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyboy2018 Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 (edited) 16 minutes ago, shootrrdave said: It could be partially that she just doesn't know what to do with me. She never knew her own father and her 12 year old's father didn't even hang around long enough for the birth. I will be patient. I can play the long game. Parenting is not a game. What is your relationship with the 12 year old. Edited August 7, 2019 by sunnyboy2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beggar Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Buy a book in English language that explains how to give the best care to babies. Hoping that she doesn't understand English too well you both can read in it with your help and develop trust into each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matzzon Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 That´s just sick. You should be man enough to set your wife straight in this matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 33 minutes ago, BritManToo said: As previously posted it's called 'dread game'. You keep your woman in a state of fear that you'll leave, so she has to constantly try that little bit harder. No woman wants a guy who lets her carry his balls around in her purse. Yeah, that sounds real healthy. Keep your wife in a constant state of fear. My (perhaps idealistic) idea of a healthy relationship is one where we both trust each of us will always be there for the other one. I want a partnership that builds, not tears down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 36 minutes ago, sunnyboy2018 said: Parenting is not a game. What is your relationship with the 12 year old. Relax just a little bit. It's a figure of speech. She is accepting of me at this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritManToo Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 10 minutes ago, shootrrdave said: Yeah, that sounds real healthy. Keep your wife in a constant state of fear. My (perhaps idealistic) idea of a healthy relationship is one where we both trust each of us will always be there for the other one. I want a partnership that builds, not tears down. You obviously know best, but then I'm not the one whose wife won't let him hold his baby. Guys that ask for help, then tell you you're wrong when you do, you gotta love 'em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post spidermike007 Posted August 7, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted August 7, 2019 Well, if you have let your wife become a control freak, and she runs the house, and your life, maybe you will have to wait a month. I would not tolerate that for a nanosecond. I would give her one more opportunity. Then I would say I am going for a 30 day vacation. When I come back, I will hold my child, or file for divorce. Up to you. See ya. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 7, 2019 Author Share Posted August 7, 2019 12 minutes ago, BritManToo said: You obviously know best, but then I'm not the one whose wife won't let him hold his baby. Guys that ask for help, then tell you you're wrong when you do, you gotta love 'em. I clearly don't know best but thought maybe someone here might have some advice for me (besides running away or being abusive). Anyway, my main question has been answered. It's not a "thai" thing. It's something going on individually within our relationship. I will now work on it from that angle. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcusarelus Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 3 hours ago, Mitkof Island said: I think that might explain a lot A lot of what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CharlieH Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 A number of nasty/derogatory/ troll remarks and responses removed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canuckamuck Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 She needs to know how much she is disrespecting you right now. And that she is behaving ridiculously. Do you have a common language? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post shootrrdave Posted August 7, 2019 Author Popular Post Share Posted August 7, 2019 41 minutes ago, canuckamuck said: She needs to know how much she is disrespecting you right now. And that she is behaving ridiculously. Do you have a common language? I'm only starting to learn thai but her English is decent. We have a doctor appt in Roi Et tomorrow. I'm going to bring it up with the doctor. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcusarelus Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 7 minutes ago, shootrrdave said: I'm only starting to learn thai but her English is decent. We have a doctor appt in Roi Et tomorrow. I'm going to bring it up with the doctor. Tell her what you are going to do. Thai wife 101. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcusarelus Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 1 hour ago, spidermike007 said: Well, if you have let your wife become a control freak, and she runs the house, and your life, maybe you will have to wait a month. I would not tolerate that for a nanosecond. I would give her one more opportunity. Then I would say I am going for a 30 day vacation. When I come back, I will hold my child, or file for divorce. Up to you. See ya. What are your qualification for marriage adviser in Thailand? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonlover Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 2 hours ago, shootrrdave said: It could be partially that she just doesn't know what to do with me. She never knew her own father and her 12 year old's father didn't even hang around long enough for the birth. I will be patient. I can play the long game. Now that tells its own tale. I've just been reading a very interesting book by an American psychologist called John Selby. In it he writes at length about the negative influence that dysfunctional parenting can have on young children. And in particular abandonment, apparent or real can leave mental scars that can last a life time. What's worse, it passes down to the next generation. Very sadly, I see this all the time in this country. You have quite a challenge ahead of shootrrdave. I wish good luck. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meand Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 and this is a problem how? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffbezoz Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 2 hours ago, spidermike007 said: Well, if you have let your wife become a control freak, and she runs the house, and your life, maybe you will have to wait a month. I would not tolerate that for a nanosecond. I would give her one more opportunity. Then I would say I am going for a 30 day vacation. When I come back, I will hold my child, or file for divorce. Up to you. See ya. Quite right too and 30 days is being generous. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gecko123 Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 Hey Shootrr: I did have an idea which might actually help you. Why don't you look on U-tube and find a bunch of videos showing new fathers caring for their newborn kids to give your wife a better idea of where you're coming from and help get her comfortable with the idea of you playing a more active parenting role. The below video is not an example of the videos I have in mind, and provided strictly for comic relief for you and maybe others on this thread: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.png.3b3332cc2256ad0edbc2fe9404feeef0.png)
Recommended Posts