tifino Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 (edited) 6 minutes ago, rumak said: No doubt very true. Unfortunately this should have been established LONG time ago . Just like with a spoiled child: once you let something that you do not like go on, getting your power back is a very hard task. Yes but apparently this has only been for a week... OP is caught between a rock&a hard place... the only witness to say he didn't do it right, was an unreliable unspeakable baby. The only evidence she had on him was attributing the crying ' to him... and the proof in the timing of events becomes irrelevant to her opinion. The Right of Reply does not exist, when you are arguing with a brick wall. Edited August 8, 2019 by tifino Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rumak Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 4 minutes ago, tifino said: Yes but apparently this has only been for a week... OP is caught between a rock&a hard place... the only witness to say he didn't do it right, was an unreliable unspeakable baby. The only evidence she had on him was attributing the crying ' to him... and the proof in the timing of events becomes irrelevant to her opinion. The Right of Reply does not exist, when you are arguing with a brick wall. My main point was about PREVIOUS time spent together QUOTE:" the pattern of who set the rules was established way before this development." This development being not being allowed to hold baby. Maybe this is not such a big deal, but to me "being forbid" to do something by a wife does not make much sense in this case and I suspect is the classic wife wears the pants story. But I could be wrong ???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartiniMan Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 4kg and 50cm your baby is bigger than anyones I have ever met are you sure that is right... You probably got a lot of ground to cover with your wife I'd start by trying to do something useful around the house and proving your worth - maybe that will change her tune 4kg is insane man congrats! What the hell are you feeding your wife Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soistalker Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 (edited) . Edited August 8, 2019 by soistalker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 1 hour ago, 473geo said: The op has admitted picking up the baby and not supporting its head, a big no no and actually dangerous for the child Now he has to be patient until his wife has confidence the the baby is strong enough to with stand his clumsy approach without knowledge or experience Nothing to stop him rocking the cradle gently and touching talking to the baby, holding can come later What load of 'be assertive' codswallop on this thread Not sure if my writing is poor or you simply misunderstood. I was holding the baby's head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
essox essox Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 On 8/7/2019 at 11:53 AM, sammieuk1 said: Just tell her you cant find your bank book and she needs to look for it the baby will be in your arms in an instant???? or A T M card...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy59 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Man up properly put your foot down stop being a doormat and show her who's boss tell her till you hold the baby there's no money BOOM!! you'll be holding the baby within minutes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomahawk21 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Do Thai men not hold their babies? there long gone before that stage 555 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomahawk21 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 On 8/7/2019 at 11:25 AM, Skallywag said: Wife controls your life now, baby is now an additional bargaining chip, hold or no hold you are looking at 18 years of support at whatever amount wife decides is necessary. Better have a good job, pensions are never enough. Keep fit and don't make waves Yes cynical to a fault am I 55 Good luck, and dog bless classic, loved it ! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaanbiker Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 On 8/7/2019 at 12:15 PM, Date Masamune said: Does she let her "brother" hold the bay? Or the guy who had his fun making it..... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaanbiker Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 12 minutes ago, Tomahawk21 said: Do Thai men not hold their babies? there long gone before that stage 555 Not if they didn't produce it. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffbezoz Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Isaanbiker said: Not if they didn't produce it. Are you saying they leave it to others as most Thai males are nothing but w$$$ers ? ???????? Edited August 8, 2019 by geoffbezoz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gilltom Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 On 8/7/2019 at 11:53 AM, sammieuk1 said: Just tell her you cant find your bank book and she needs to look for it the baby will be in your arms in an instant???? Love that reply???????? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atyclb Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 On 8/7/2019 at 10:42 AM, shootrrdave said: She says she's too small. I must wait 1 month until she is bigger. I'm dying here. Want to hold her so bad. Is this a common thing here? Do Thai men not hold their babies? Or is this my wife's way of saying she thinks I am too clumsy? There are no issues with the baby. She is healthy and was 4kg and 50cm at birth. She's a week old now and I've only gotten to hold her once and only because my wife was in another room when the baby started crying so I picked her up. She calmed right away but my wife took her away from me immediately when she returned to the room. I am so jealous. Every lady in the village has held her by now, but I note that none of the men have. Am I going to have to wait another 3 weeks? redefines the term "pussy whipped" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 2 hours ago, tifino said: Yes but apparently this has only been for a week... OP is caught between a rock&a hard place... the only witness to say he didn't do it right, was an unreliable unspeakable baby. The only evidence she had on him was attributing the crying ' to him... and the proof in the timing of events becomes irrelevant to her opinion. The Right of Reply does not exist, when you are arguing with a brick wall. To clarify, I was left alone in the bedroom with the baby. Yes, she trusts me alone. I am also allowed to touch the baby and can put on her little mittens and foot covers. I didn't pick her up until she started crying and it was apparent that mom wasn't coming back immediately. She immediately stopped crying and I continued to hold her until mom's return at which point she took her away from me. She did not accuse me of making the baby cry. She simply said the baby was too small for me and I must wait until she is bigger. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elcaro Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 I have a newborn and I would not cope with this. I set very strict rules regarding others touching and carrying the baby and this includes they have to disinfect their hands before they get even close. I was the first one to hold the baby after birth as I was in the operation room for the c section. (Incredible experience!). We take decisions together, but if I put my foot down about something, then that happens. There is no day that I dont hold and play with our baby and I would not accept it if my wife told me otherwise. If you dont set boundaries now, I'm not sure how the future will go, but doesn't look good. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macthehat Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 (edited) Superstition plays a big part in thai lives . My gf told me when our son was a few weeks old he needed to have his head completely shaved ASAP . I couldn't understand the logic in this ,It wasn't as if he looked like a gorilla fs , just a normal hair length for a child that age . And the best about it was , not just anyone could shave his head ..it had to be the oldest lady in the village . I was horrified at this and quickly declined and explained this is not normal for someone with 1 foot in the grave to take a razor to a newborn's head . So after a lot of talk I decided the only option to keep all happy was to shave it myself . At least I had a steady hand and the child would have all his ears afterwards. Holding your own child is something she shouldn't deny you , so I would stand firm and explain this is an insult to you . If she declines then this is a prelude of more problems to come for you. Goodluck Edited August 8, 2019 by Macthehat Spelling error Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 1 hour ago, MartiniMan said: 4kg and 50cm your baby is bigger than anyones I have ever met are you sure that is right... You probably got a lot of ground to cover with your wife I'd start by trying to do something useful around the house and proving your worth - maybe that will change her tune 4kg is insane man congrats! What the hell are you feeding your wife Yes 4kg and 50cm. I myself was 4.3 and 55 She was delivered ceasarian. The doctor was rightfully nervous about mom's ability to deliver safely. If there had been any doubt about her being mine it was erased by those numbers. ???? And now, at the risk of being told yet again that I need to "grow a pair" I am already helping out as much as possible. Dishes, laundry, I'm on it. I even cooked spaghetti for her on Sunday. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justin case Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 you just got a baby well now she has a way to make you pay the rest of your life with your child as bargaining chip, insurance for ATM second child, she might eventually love, raise as golden child you know, thainess 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamesgplayemail Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Luckily kids are not made with balls... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spidermike007 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 22 hours ago, marcusarelus said: What are your qualification for marriage adviser in Thailand? I have a very successful marriage here. And I took my time getting to know her, and set boundaries and limits from the beginning, and always remained the man of the house. Something alot of ex-pats do not seem to be willing to do, be capable of, or are afraid of even trying. Someone has to be the man of the house, or the captain of the ship. I think most Thai women want to man to assume, and maintain that role. However if he is unable to do so, she will take over. Then life becomes a pale shadow of what it could be. Role playing in a relationship can be a very healthy thing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritManToo Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 4 minutes ago, spidermike007 said: I have a very successful marriage here. Which means she hasn't kicked me out of the house and land I bought her so far. Success or failure in a marriage can only be calculated after one of you has died. My marriage here was also very successful, until it wasn't. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanadaSam Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Dave, something is not right here. You say baby is 7 days old, delivered by C section. Then you say mother comes back into the room and takes baby from you. I say, no way in hell 7 days after a C section any woman on this planet will be able to walk around, let alone take babies away from you. She was cut open down her middle, and would be lying in bed (probably a hospital bed) 7 days after this type of major surgery. Are you sure you are not mistaking wife for MIL, LOL? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritManToo Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 (edited) 6 minutes ago, CanadaSam said: I say, no way in hell 7 days after a C section any woman on this planet will be able to walk around, let alone take babies away from you. My Brit wife had a last minute C-section in the UK (age 41 in 2001), she was walking around Tesco with me and the baby 24hrs later. She pushed the trolley while I carried the baby. Edited August 8, 2019 by BritManToo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thailand49 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 On 8/6/2019 at 9:25 PM, Skallywag said: Wife controls your life now, baby is now an additional bargaining chip, hold or no hold you are looking at 18 years of support at whatever amount wife decides is necessary. Better have a good job, pensions are never enough. Keep fit and don't make waves Yes cynical to a fault am I 55 Good luck, and dog bless Tough, she won't hesitate when you need to buy the formula, vaccines, pamper, etc etc.. sit her down and have a good talk with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shootrrdave Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 28 minutes ago, CanadaSam said: Dave, something is not right here. You say baby is 7 days old, delivered by C section. Then you say mother comes back into the room and takes baby from you. I say, no way in hell 7 days after a C section any woman on this planet will be able to walk around, let alone take babies away from you. She was cut open down her middle, and would be lying in bed (probably a hospital bed) 7 days after this type of major surgery. Are you sure you are not mistaking wife for MIL, LOL? We stayed in the hospital for 3 days after the birth. She still had considerable pain but she was mobile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post shootrrdave Posted August 8, 2019 Author Popular Post Share Posted August 8, 2019 Everyone can relax. Same scenario again today. Mom out of the room and baby starts crying. Picked her up and she's got the hiccups. Put her to my shoulder until she stopped and then settled her into my lap on the bed in a nice safe position (with proper head support) as has been suggested by several people. Got a good 20 minutes with her. When mom came in she gave me a "what do you think you are doing" look and I explained that the baby was crying and needed attention and specifically made no move as if to give her up. Mom hesitated a moment and then seemed to accept it. It helped that the baby was clearly comfortable. She didn't try to take her away and even allowed me to move her back to the crib on my own. I imagine we will still have issues but at least it's a step in the right direction. Thank you everyone for your comments. It has been mildly entertaining. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffbezoz Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 7 minutes ago, shootrrdave said: Everyone can relax. Same scenario again today. Mom out of the room and baby starts crying. Picked her up and she's got the hiccups. Put her to my shoulder until she stopped and then settled her into my lap on the bed in a nice safe position (with proper head support) as has been suggested by several people. Got a good 20 minutes with her. When mom came in she gave me a "what do you think you are doing" look and I explained that the baby was crying and needed attention and specifically made no move as if to give her up. Mom hesitated a moment and then seemed to accept it. It helped that the baby was clearly comfortable. She didn't try to take her away and even allowed me to move her back to the crib on my own. I imagine we will still have issues but at least it's a step in the right direction. Thank you everyone for your comments. It has been mildly entertaining. That's all good news. Perhaps you can post again when you change her pampers as most of TVF await with baited breath. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CharlieH Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Given the OP post above #157,I think this can now close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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