My wife loves more her relatives than me

[473geo]

18 minutes ago, Lacrimas said:

Do you understand she took the money without telling me and that they won't return it I didn't get angry? I already helped them by being patient for over a month and by the way, I already had my problem last year and that cousin didn't do anything to help me.

I understand it is normal in families to want to help each other out in difficult times, more so in Thai families where options are limited, and family are all they have. 

Part of Thai family life is contributing to the whole, take a step back and think who would support your wife with 2 children if you disappeared, not with money perhaps but with time and effort to allow her to continue to work.

Why your wife felt she could not tell you, and convince you to make what was in her eyes a reasonable decision, makes me think she knew you carried the western reservation about loans and would not support her decision.

Not about her love for you, more about your attitude to her family and friction she sought to overcome, unfortunately your 'anger' while garnering a swift return of your money will probably have undone her good work.

One important function in a good Thai family is where possible enhance and maintain the reputation of Yai, in turn she will do the same for you, a powerful ally indeed.

Some people have worked hard to become financially sound and independent, admirable, and can be difficult to adapt to the more flexible Thai approach, but a little kindness goes a long way as the saying goes.

Please don't condemn your wife for that act of kindness

[maprao]

15 hours ago, Isaanbiker said:

With all respect, the best way to say where you've met your wife.

 

  

While we were reading Philanthropy at Oxford.

[sangtip2]

On ‎3‎/‎19‎/‎2020 at 9:12 PM, Lacrimas said:

Yeah I had the same idea. We have a joint account, I'll keep the bank books for myself from now on and as soon as possible I will close it and open another one only on my name. 

Please let us know if the bank lets you do that  --  I have my doubts

[Lacrimas]

19 minutes ago, 473geo said:

I understand it is normal in families to want to help each other out in difficult times, more so in Thai families where options are limited, and family are all they have. 

Part of Thai family life is contributing to the whole, take a step back and think who would support your wife with 2 children if you disappeared, not with money perhaps but with time and effort to allow her to continue to work.

Why your wife felt she could not tell you, and convince you to make what was in her eyes a reasonable decision, makes me think she knew you carried the western reservation about loans and would not support her decision.

Not about her love for you, more about your attitude to her family and friction she sought to overcome, unfortunately your 'anger' while garnering a swift return of your money will probably have undone her good work.

One important function in a good Thai family is where possible enhance and maintain the reputation of Yai, in turn she will do the same for you, a powerful ally indeed.

Some people have worked hard to become financially sound and independent, admirable, and can be difficult to adapt to the more flexible Thai approach, but a little kindness goes a long way as the saying goes.

Please don't condemn your wife for that act of kindness

I understand and appreciate what you are saying. Unfortunately in my situation the Yai is only a leech constantly asking for money and doing nothing all day long but sleeping and gambling. My wife is a good person and I love her much but she should listen to me more that's all I'm saying. Like others said Thais are generous but also not really intelligent financially speaking and that's why the suicide rate is so high here, I don't want to end up like that.

[Road Warrior]

my experience with loaning money to Thais is you wont get it back .as they bloods thicker than water !!!

[Isaanbiker]

2 hours ago, Lacrimas said:

Do you understand she took the money without telling me and that they won't return it I didn't get angry? I already helped them by being patient for over a month and by the way, I already had my problem last year and that cousin didn't do anything to help me.

Have you read my post where I've told you to wait a little bit longer?

 

 Now reading your reaction, you are far away from a good relationship.

 

 "I already helped them"! Did you not realize that you somehow became part of THEM?

 

  If you stay together, there'll be many more situations where other people will rely on you.

 

 It's usually the wealthiest guy in the family, no matter if Thai or foreigner. 

 

If you react like a Baksida, don't be mad at them for threatening you like one.  

 

Som Nam Na, Khun Kee Niau Baksida. 

 

    

[Lacrimas]

10 minutes ago, Isaanbiker said:

Have you read my post where I've told you to wait a little bit longer?

 

 Now reading your reaction, you are far away from a good relationship.

 

 "I already helped them"! Did you not realize that you somehow became part of THEM?

 

  If you stay together, there'll be many more situations where other people will rely on you.

 

 It's usually the wealthiest guy in the family, no matter if Thai or foreigner. 

 

If you react like a Baksida, don't be mad at them for threatening you like one.  

 

Som Nam Na, Khun Kee Niau Baksida. 

 

    

So you want me to completely ignore the fact that she gave the money even after I said no? By the way, if you want to write in Thai use Thai characters. What you wrote makes absolutely no sense. I might be a ขี้เหนียว but at least I speak, read and write the language. 

[jak2002003]

'I told her I didn't like the idea before she loaned and that I was against it '

 

That is not the same as you telling her 'no' or forbidding it.

 

Now you know what will happen in future situations like this.. so just put it down to experience, and never give her money you don't want to loose.  Easy.  

 

 

[rech]

Funny boy ! What did you expect ? This is why anybody who love a Thai is plain stupid.

 

 

[Lacrimas]

12 minutes ago, jak2002003 said:

'I told her I didn't like the idea before she loaned and that I was against it '

 

That is not the same as you telling her 'no' or forbidding it.

 

Now you know what will happen in future situations like this.. so just put it down to experience, and never give her money you don't want to loose.  Easy.  

 

 

Yeah I agree with you. Should have been more firm since the beginning.

[Isaanbiker]

4 minutes ago, rech said:

Funny boy ! What did you expect ? This is why anybody who love a Thai is plain stupid.

 

 

Insane post.

[Lacrimas]

On 3/19/2020 at 4:56 PM, NancyL said:

The OP and his wife need to have a serious discussion with a financial planner about their life goals. With several million in the bank and two small children, they shouldn't just be letting the money sit around in accounts that earn small interest and are easily accessible. I know that Bangkok Bank and probably the other major banks have special accounts where they can invest funds for their children's college education and their own retirements. There are some really good bank investment options in Thailand, at least my the standards of what I knew in the U.S., and it would help the OP's wife to realize that their savings are for their children's future, not for the whims of her relatives.

Financial planners are scammers in my book. I made investments by myself in the past but right now the money will be deposited in a simple high interest savings account. Bangkok Bank and other banks have mutual funds but I'm not ready to pay 3-4% commission. It's insane.

[rech]

7 minutes ago, Isaanbiker said:

Insane post.

 

Truth is often insane for some .....

 

 

[Isaanbiker]

24 minutes ago, Lacrimas said:

So you want me to completely ignore the fact that she gave the money even after I said no? By the way, if you want to write in Thai use Thai characters. What you wrote makes absolutely no sense. I might be a ขี้เหนียว but at least I speak, read and write the language. 

 What I've tried to write in Karaoke Isaan might be what they think of you and call you now.

 

  I didn't say to ignore it entirely, but perhaps it's time to get to know your wife. 

 

You have your money back, but she seems to hate you for your reaction.

 

  If your wife finds out that you've made this to a topic asking other foreigners for help, I do not think she would appreciate that.

 

 No hard feeling please, we've been married for 18 years, and I still learn new things about my wife.

 

  The save face problem is part of it.

 

Thais do not like to say no, and that includes money lending as well.

 

   

 

    

[soalbundy]

Get a dog.

[Isaanbiker]

5 minutes ago, Lacrimas said:

Financial planners are scammers in my book. I made investments by myself in the past but right now the money will be deposited in a simple high interest savings account. Bangkok Bank and other banks have mutual funds but I'm not ready to pay 3-4% commission. It's insane.

When I settled down in Isaan 18 years ago, I made a mistake in opening a bank account at Bangkok Bank.

 

 At this time, I only received 1.2 % interest, but I could have had 3.0 % if having a joint account with my wife.

 

  But nobody told me that, and I've lost good money over the years.

 

 No idea where you are, but the Bangkok Bank is the most incompetent in my eyes.

That includes their weak credit card and services. 

 

 Nobody speaks a word of English; having an online account turned out to be a problem, and that goes on.

 

If I were you, I'd look for a much better option to let your money work.

I changed my bank and opened up an account at SCB, totally different.

 

 Spend some time and see what options you have. It's a lot of cash you might not be able to receive if you stay at BB.

 

  

     

[garygooner]

Heard this kind of experience so many times. Most Thai women certainly do care more about their own families than their foreign husbands. However, sometimes wives are pressured into helping. "He's foreign, he can afford it" 

[burgdawg]

Lacrimas...you need to download and watch that movie "The Crying Game" again. Yeah, the lesson about the frog and the scorpion.

 

Which part did you not understand? The 100k baht "loan" was just an opening move. In Thailand, FAMILY trumps all. You know how Thais love aquariums, plantings, etc? Thais populate  their vases with fish that feast upon mosquito larvae. Any falang that trusts a Thai with any funds is two notches BELOW the social standing of mosquito larvae.

 

You can thank me later. 

[473geo]

4 minutes ago, garygooner said:

Heard this kind of experience so many times. Most Thai women certainly do care more about their own families than their foreign husbands. However, sometimes wives are pressured into helping. "He's foreign, he can afford it" 

Frequently misunderstood and greatly underestimated, the pressures on a Thai lady with a foreign husband

 

[billd766]

45 minutes ago, rech said:

Funny boy ! What did you expect ? This is why anybody who love a Thai is plain stupid.

 

 

Thank you very much for pointing out to me that I am stupid because I married a Thai.

 

So, if I and many others who have also married Thai ladies are stupid, what does that make you? A self proclaimed genius perhaps?

 

37 minutes ago, rech said:

 

Truth is often insane for some .....

 

 

And for you, it seems to be utterly confusing.

[Lacrimas]

1 hour ago, Isaanbiker said:

When I settled down in Isaan 18 years ago, I made a mistake in opening a bank account at Bangkok Bank.

 

 At this time, I only received 1.2 % interest, but I could have had 3.0 % if having a joint account with my wife.

 

  But nobody told me that, and I've lost good money over the years.

 

 No idea where you are, but the Bangkok Bank is the most incompetent in my eyes.

That includes their weak credit card and services. 

 

 Nobody speaks a word of English; having an online account turned out to be a problem, and that goes on.

 

If I were you, I'd look for a much better option to let your money work.

I changed my bank and opened up an account at SCB, totally different.

 

 Spend some time and see what options you have. It's a lot of cash you might not be able to receive if you stay at BB.

 

  

     

True I don't like BB either. Very bad bank also when it comes to technology they are 5 years behind other banks. I use SCB mainly and I'm happy with them. 

[ravip]

On 3/19/2020 at 7:39 PM, bwpage3 said:

Any one that comes on here complaining about 100K when they claim to have millions is not telling the truth.

 

Sorry, this is just not a believable story.

 

 

 

 

Why not?

You may have millions, but loosing 100K of hard earned money hurts.

[murraynz]

On 3/19/2020 at 9:56 PM, Logosone said:

 

A key step. 

 

Apart from that you also need to sit your wife down and explain to her your displeasure, that her actions are completely unacceptable and it can never happen again. 

 

She has to understand that can never happen again. That's, if you still intend to stay together and will not bail out.

Any woman that steals money like that,to give away,is criminal.get rid of her,she will do it again and again.....and again.

They have zero rrspect for you.

[patongphil]

3 hours ago, Road Warrior said:

my experience with loaning money to Thais is you wont get it back .as they bloods thicker than water !!!

Strange but I have leant money to family members on a few occasions and always got it back. 

Latest was B250,000 for an Etan to be paid back at B5,000 a month. Here we are just short of 3 years later and that B5,000 has arrived in my bank account every month.

Your experiences do not mirror mine.

 

 

[KhaoYai]

4 hours ago, Lacrimas said:

I understand and appreciate what you are saying. Unfortunately in my situation the Yai is only a leech constantly asking for money and doing nothing all day long but sleeping and gambling

Yes, I understand that, my reply was to the specific post by 'suitcase'.

[Suitcase]

6 hours ago, sangtip2 said:

Please let us know if the bank lets you do that  --  I have my doubts

If you cannot close the account just take the money out

it’s a done deal

[Maestro]

Removed a troll post and the replies to it.

[drbeach]

Wait until this pandemic situation passes and then think very carefully about what to do. Now is possibly the worst time in history to be making rash decisions on anything.

[hellohello123]

ok, so what would happen if OP asked another relative for $100k and refused to give it back?

 

putting "face" BS aside,

 

it should go both ways.........

[BTB1977]

Is the cousin good looking? Maybe she could make some interesting payments.  Than see if the wife loans any of your money again.