Worst Joke Ever 2024

[techietraveller84]

This COVID-19 crisis is scary, especially for biz owners and those considering starting a businesses.

 

But in most disasters, some people come out better off than before.

 

Other than setting up a toilet paper factory at home, what ideas are you hearing about, or do you think would work, for turning this horribly sour lemon into lemonade?

 

https://www.vox.com/recode/2020/3/11/21174720/coronavirus-amazon-robots-air-purifiers

[PatOngo]

If you are sitting on artificially high Thai baht, now is a good time to buy GBP, USD or AUD. ????

[donnacha]

Almost any type of online business, in particular one selling training or services to other people setting up online businesses.

I own quite a few domains and enquiries about buying them have surged over the past week. What we're seeing is a significant portion of people who were already curious about not being trapped in an office and skipping the daily commute, now suddenly funded to stay at home and free to start planning a major jump.

I suspect many will simply take what they were already doing in an office, for an employer, and find a way to do it better, from home, for the same type of clients.

This situation will massively accelerate the shift to online that was already happening. Much like Germany having to rebuild after WWII, our economies could actually end up stronger than they would otherwise have been.

A lot of people will be in financial trouble over the next few years, but if you have the flexibility and intelligence to understand the direction in which the world is headed, you will do fine.

Also, if you are lucky enough to have money to invest, this is an incredible time to get into Bitcoin ($6,100) or Ethereum ($120). Many shares, such as Apple ($229), also looking very cheap right now. This is one of those moments people will look back to and say "Damn, wish I'd made some investments back then".

 

 

Edited March 20, 2020 by donnacha

[timendres]

41 minutes ago, donnacha said:

Also, if you are lucky enough to have money to invest, this is an incredible time to get into Bitcoin ($6,100) or Ethereum ($120). Many shares, such as Apple ($229), also looking very cheap right now. This is one of those moments people will look back to and say "Damn, wish I'd made some investments back then".

None of these "investments" are cheap enough yet, in my opinion. We've got a lot farther to go. Rushing into this fire is a fool's move. I recommend keeping your powder dry for at least 3 to 6 months until the extent of this pandemic becomes clear. The economic ripples have just started. They have a long way to go.

[Davo369]

[donnacha]

1 hour ago, timendres said:

None of these "investments" are cheap enough yet, in my opinion. We've got a lot farther to go. Rushing into this fire is a fool's move. I recommend keeping your powder dry for at least 3 to 6 months until the extent of this pandemic becomes clear. The economic ripples have just started. They have a long way to go.

Very hard to judge these things, but the current thesis I'm betting my money on is that the markets react to sudden events by guessing the worst case scenario based on the little information they initially have available. Then, as more information flows in, a consensus emerges that more closely reflects the likely reality, and reality rarely matches the worst case scenario. So, you pretty much always get a boost to prices, with the exception of the clear losers (cruiselines etc).

It is not healthy to worry too much about getting the absolute lowest possible price, you'll just drive yourself crazy. During the last big crash, a friend had around $200K to invest from a house sale. As an owner of the first iPhone (which was not a huge seller) I was convinced that Apple were really on to something. As the stock price smashed down through 100 and plummeted on past 90, 80, 70, 60, I urged my friend to buy, but he was scared to jump in because the price might keep dropping, meaning he would "lose" money. Then, the next day, the price rose back past 70 and he still wouldn't buy because he didn't want to pay more than it had been just yesterday. I felt like smacking my head off the wall. Or maybe his.

"Listen to me: ANY price below 100 is a bargain, just pull the trigger. Once we leave this territory, that's it, this won't happen again" I said but, by then, he was paralyzed. He came to his senses a few days later at around 140. It was still a good move. When you include dividends, currency fluctuations, and the 7-to-1 stock split in 2014, he made around 20 times his money over ten years, despite paying double what he could have on the initial drop.

So, yes, the market may well dip further, but there is no way to predict exactly when or how far. Unless you want to become a day trader, watched every movement, it makes more sense to just recognize that the prices we have right now are a big enough discount on what the prices will be in a year's time.

For this stage of the crash, I'm all in on Bitcoin and Ethereum because, being naturally more volatile, they will bounce back up far faster than the stocks, so better to grabs gain there over the next month or so before converting into stocks for the long haul. If anyone took my advice when I posted yesterday in another thread here yesterday, they would already be up 20%, whereas stocks are still finding their footing.

 

 

[Number 6]

Best place to be is cash USD.

 

If you could get hold of 100% pure alcohol in any large quantity I would imagine you could make 150% on handgel and still undercut competition.

 

Buying handwash 70% in large bottles and selling online in smaller qtys

[bkk6060]

Digital nomads in demand now and the future.

[ChipButty]

Has the price of Oil bottomed out if so that looks a good bet

[cmarshall]

Just buy the whole US stock market through an index fund.  The US economy will recover and buying it now is cheap.  Or wait.  The virus hasn't peaked yet, so the market hasn't bottomed yet, although trying to time the actual bottom is always dicey.  

 

There is now more analysis showing that coronavirus displays seasonality.  If this research holds up to scrutiny it may mean that the virus may soon dissipate as the US warms up in April and May.  Here's the abstract

 

This theory would also explain the absence of community spread in Thailand, although other explanations are also possible.

 

Temperature, Humidity and Latitude Analysis to Predict Potential Spread and Seasonality for COVID-19

Abstract

Background: A significant number of infectious diseases display seasonal patterns in their incidence, including human coronaviruses. Betacoronaviruses such as MERS-CoV and SARS-CoV are not thought to be seasonal.

Methods: We examined climate data from cities with significant community spread of COVID-19 using ERA-5 reanalysis, and compared to areas that are either not affected, or do not have significant community spread.

Findings: To date, Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19), caused by SARS-CoV-2, has established significant community spread in cities and regions along a narrow east west distribution roughly along the 30-50o N’ corridor at consistently similar weather patterns consisting of average temperatures of 5-11oC, combined with low specific (3-6 g/kg) and absolute humidity (4-7 g/m3). There has been a lack of significant community establishment in expected locations that are based only on population proximity and extensive population interaction through travel.

Interpretation: The distribution of significant community outbreaks along restricted latitude, temperature, and humidity are consistent with the behavior of a seasonal respiratory virus. Additionally, we have proposed a simplified model that shows a zone at increased risk for COVID-19 spread. Using weather modeling, it may be possible to predict the regions most likely to be at higher risk of significant community spread of COVID-19 in the upcoming weeks, allowing for concentration of public health efforts on surveillance and containment.

 

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3550308

Edited March 21, 2020 by cmarshall

[allanos]

"Timing" the market is extremely difficult.  Persons who claim to do it, or have done it, have actually benefited from luck, rather than judgement. 

 

Time in the market is a much better bet over the long haul and doesn't require any special skills.  Those who climbed into stocks during the market crash of 2008, and held their positions, are still showing a return of 2-3 times their original investments, despite the huge falls of late.

 

Theorising doesn't enrich anyone.  Kipling said it best in "If", "if you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs" . . .   It takes clear thinking, and ACTION, in times like these.  If history repeats itself, one will be rewarded handsomely in the future,

[Sydebolle]

Have a careful and long look at the stock exchanges around the globe. There are shares out there, massively underpriced at the moment, which have real substance. You might have to wait some time to see the share going back to where it fell from two, three weeks ago though. Keep away from companies not producing anything and do it only with money you could, worst case scenario, lose. Inmidst of difficulties lies opportunity ......... 

[sitti]

I have been shorting gold and especially GBP, and made $h!t load of money???? thanks to GBP becoming worthless, literally made months worth of profits in just a few days hehe

[wwest5829]

11 hours ago, donnacha said:

Very hard to judge these things, but the current thesis I'm betting my money on is that the markets react to sudden events by guessing the worst case scenario based on the little information they initially have available. Then, as more information flows in, a consensus emerges that more closely reflects the likely reality, and reality rarely matches the worst case scenario. So, you pretty much always get a boost to prices, with the exception of the clear losers (cruiselines etc).

It is not healthy to worry too much about getting the absolute lowest possible price, you'll just drive yourself crazy. During the last big crash, a friend had around $200K to invest from a house sale. As an owner of the first iPhone (which was not a huge seller) I was convinced that Apple were really on to something. As the stock price smashed down through 100 and plummeted on past 90, 80, 70, 60, I urged my friend to buy, but he was scared to jump in because the price might keep dropping, meaning he would "lose" money. Then, the next day, the price rose back past 70 and he still wouldn't buy because he didn't want to pay more than it had been just yesterday. I felt like smacking my head off the wall. Or maybe his.

"Listen to me: ANY price below 100 is a bargain, just pull the trigger. Once we leave this territory, that's it, this won't happen again" I said but, by then, he was paralyzed. He came to his senses a few days later at around 140. It was still a good move. When you include dividends, currency fluctuations, and the 7-to-1 stock split in 2014, he made around 20 times his money over ten years, despite paying double what he could have on the initial drop.

So, yes, the market may well dip further, but there is no way to predict exactly when or how far. Unless you want to become a day trader, watched every movement, it makes more sense to just recognize that the prices we have right now are a big enough discount on what the prices will be in a year's time.

For this stage of the crash, I'm all in on Bitcoin and Ethereum because, being naturally more volatile, they will bounce back up far faster than the stocks, so better to grabs gain there over the next month or so before converting into stocks for the long haul. If anyone took my advice when I posted yesterday in another thread here yesterday, they would already be up 20%, whereas stocks are still finding their footing.

 

 

Ha! Yes. My eldest Son will never forgive me for having bought Apple in the 90s and selling when Steve Jobs was relived of command. I could be retired  ... wait, I am retired. oK, I could have been retired much more comfortably! I bought a handful of Apple shares at $150.00 not too long ago ... yep. Again should have bought substantially more.

[Surasak]

I find it a lot more than sick, if people want to make a profit from others misery.

[Nyezhov]

1 hour ago, Surasak said:

I find it a lot more than sick, if people want to make a profit from others misery.

Life goes on. One isnt making a profit off folks misery, one is doing ones best to keep the economic engine running and better oneself at the same time. That benefits even the miserable.

[Rimmer]

Troll post and reply removed

[SiSePuede419]

this is an incredible time to get into Bitcoin

 

There's something called a "debit card" that fits into any ATM all around the world that allows you access to your money in the local currency.

 

 

Can Bitcoin do that?  Maybe it's just for criminals, not for serious investors. ????

[donnacha]

1 hour ago, SiSePuede419 said:

There's something called a "debit card" that fits into any ATM all around the world that allows you access to your money in the local currency.

If you were referring to my point that Bitcoin can be an efficient way to move money between currencies, we are talking about different scales.

I had actually already heard of this "debit card" concept.

Your debit card is terrific for taking out a few hundred dollars to give you a little walking around money, enjoy a few beers, get a massage etc.

I'm talking about instantly moving, say, $100K into Thai baht to snap up a nice condo being panic sold.
 

2 hours ago, SiSePuede419 said:

Can Bitcoin do that? 

Yes, of course. There are several debit card that withdraw from your Bitcoin holdings into any currency at the current rate. Personally, I prefer to have my Thai exchange deposit directly to my Thai bank account and use that card to spend or withdraw money while in Thailand.
 

 

2 hours ago, SiSePuede419 said:

Maybe it's just for criminals

 

So, I take it you are unaware that the global black economy still mainly depends on suitcases stuffed with bundles of cash. The Euro €500 note was introduced with the knowledge that it would be enthusiastically adopted by the various cartels and mafias because it would allow them to pack in more value.

Bitcoin transfers are significantly easier to track than paper notes.

 

2 hours ago, SiSePuede419 said:

not for serious investors

This is a bit like Warren Buffet eschewing investments in Apple for years on the grounds that he "didn't understand technology". He later realized that this bias led him to miss a terrific opportunity and is now one of their biggest investors.

The phrase "serious investor" is meaningless. The only measure of how serious you are is whether or not you are willing to take a chance and invest. The only metric that then matters is whether or not you consistently make a profit. Understanding different forms of investment increases your flexibility and, especially at times like this, increases your chances of remaining profitable.

[Ventenio]

some bitcon "expert" said like 75% of all coins were mined and that some price structure was slashed in half; making it very hard to make money.  idk what he was rambling on about, but do some research before getting in bitcoin.  

 

he said 3000 was his target.  

 

his cred?  he actually started his own crypto coin and worked with a few other bitcoin-like companies.  

[Dumbastheycome]

Free offer in concept.

UV  cabinets .

Mounted  on  extensions of checkout counters with tumble steps to sterilize items. Just  don't  buy  eggs.

Similar  concept added to ATMs so all  cash notes are individually subjected to an intense dose.

Who  cares if the  notes  are  white so long as the numbers stay. A 1000 Baht  note cots no more to pump out than a  20 Baht  anyway. That is if  you retain any available funds  to draw on  given the economic cliff many are falling off.

Save water. UV  hand sterilizers. Skin cancer is  of no immediate  concern is it?

Perhaps the  massive reduction in factory produced pollution will allow  greater  uv penetration from the sun and it will save us all ?

There  must be many entreprenanal  opportunities  to take advantage (ethically).

Oh ! Funeral Parlors ! Bulk  discounts for  Master Card  holders. Nearly  overlooked  that one.

Good luck  y'all. I'm back out  to defend  my food  crop. 555

 

[donnacha]

6 hours ago, wwest5829 said:

Ha! Yes. My eldest Son will never forgive me for having bought Apple in the 90s and selling when Steve Jobs was relived of command.

The real trick there would have been to buy again when he came back and skip the whole fallow period between '85 and '97.

 

 

 

Edited March 21, 2020 by donnacha

[donnacha]

2 hours ago, Ventenio said:

some bitcon "expert" said like 75% of all coins were mined and that some price structure was slashed in half; making it very hard to make money.  idk what he was rambling on about, but do some research before getting in bitcoin.  

As an investment, you do not necessarily have to understand how bitcoins are mined, beyond the key fact that only a certain number can ever exist, unlike fiat currencies such as the dollar. There is no limit on the amount of money that governments, if they wanted, could print, whereas we know exactly how many bitcoins will ever exist.

I have never mined a bitcoin, in the same way that I have never printed a dollar bill, but I trust the number of bitcoins more than I trust the number of dollars. Especially now.
 

 

2 hours ago, Ventenio said:

his cred?  he actually started his own crypto coin and worked with a few other bitcoin-like companies.  

Saying "started his own crypto coin" is a bit like saying "installed his own WordPress site". Any idiot can start a coin. The question is whether it remains in existence and used by real people. Thousands of "alt coins" came into being over the past few years but the overwhelming majority were nonsense or scams. Working for "a few other bitcoin-like companies" may not be the sign of credibility you think it is.

I stuck to Bitcoin because, although less technically sophisticated than some newer coins, it has withstood the test of time ( and established itself as the "dollar" of the crypto world. That brand value alone ensures that people will continue moving money in and out of Bitcoin. Again, I am not a day-trader, I have other work to do. My simple bet is that, over the years, the general price of Bitcoin and Ethereum will rise. There are clear highs and lows. I will not buy when it is shooting up and everyone is talking about how a bitcoin will soon be worth 100K. I buy when the price crashes and everyone is saying things like "It's might be worth nothing soon because society is collapsing".

In the past 24hrs it rose 25%, but has now dropped around 5% from that. As I said, volatile, but, in general, the direction will be upward, either because it will become apparent that the world is not ending OR because the governments will print so much fiat currency that it will flood and artificially inflate all markets, including crypto. Sure, theoretically it could drop to 3k but my decision was that it made more sense to get in at 5k, 6k, 7k, or anything under 10k rather than wait for that to happen. I consider the chance of that to be low, we have already had the shock, the sellers have been shaken out, now you will see lots of movement up and down each day but the range will continue to creep up week-by-week until it is back to around 9 - 10k.

Then, from that base, it is just a question of waiting for it to become apparent that some economies have weathered the virus worse than others. You will start to see citizens desperately looking for backdoors to get their family wealth out. That, along with money-printing in almost all countries, will put a rocket under Bitcoin and Ethereum.

Of course, that may not happen, but, personally, I think it is a reasonable bet.



 

Edited March 21, 2020 by donnacha

[Iron Tongue]

Anyone wants to make money ethically?  Invest in companies and services that deliver food and essentials.  

[NCC1701A]

5 hours ago, SiSePuede419 said:

this is an incredible time to get into Bitcoin

 

There's something called a "debit card" that fits into any ATM all around the world that allows you access to your money in the local currency.

 

 

Can Bitcoin do that?  Maybe it's just for criminals, not for serious investors. ????

sorry to say you obviously know nothing about bitcoin.

 bitcoin when from $0.0008 to $19,783.

or how it works. how it is designed and what lies in the future. you should look to in. i made $30,000 USD on a very small investment.

our computer scientist at work turned me on to it in 2011. 

if i had bought more i would have potentially made millions of dollars. many did.

right now i am almost all USD and waiting for "blood on the streets" to jump back into something. 

this is the greatest single black swan event in history. but there is way more pain to come.

Edited March 21, 2020 by NCC1701A

[elgenon]

My niece works with a business that makes and sells fermented food. Very healthy. They are experiencing a pronounced bump in sales.

 

Other than that I would recommend becoming friends with Our Dear Leader in the US.

[techietraveller84]

On 3/21/2020 at 9:45 PM, elgenon said:

My niece works with a business that makes and sells fermented food. Very healthy. They are experiencing a pronounced bump in sales.

 

Other than that I would recommend becoming friends with Our Dear Leader in the US.

Good idea. I hear farmers are having to dump fruit and vegetables because they can't get to market. Switching to ferment mode, if the supplies are available, could be a good back up, and would surely help reduce food shortages that some predict are coming.

[TooBigToFit]

How about starting a business that offers a special International health certificate to hotels and restaurants that shows they meet certain standards. You could provide a 6-month check, wall certificate, stickers for all the rooms and other facilities as well as online badges for websites and links to a record of your check and certification. Of course this wouldn't work for all hotels and restaurants but it might pan out if done right.

 

Other than that, I saw a bakery was selling cookies with funny faces with masks on them.????  How about I survived the Plague of 2020 Tshirts? Lots of assets will be up for sale cheap such as hotels, nursing homes, airplanes, tourist-related businesses, motorcycles, etc etc Plus with the world in massive slowdown, people will start selling their stuff if they are out of work. There is also going to be a trend to buy more locally as many govts were caught off guard on supplies for this. That might have value. Opening a temporary employee business might be strong again. Local online teaching via the net could be a new alternative to going to the tutoring schools. Many kids have experienced online learning now. Using delivery and online sales will increase as a lot of people who never tried it, now have and many will like it. Netflix and other entertainment online should do well. 

 

As this cold season fades, the fear of a return or even worse cold season next year will get people to prep for it. Any useful new ideas for that could do well.

[elgenon]

On 4/2/2020 at 2:48 PM, techietraveller84 said:

Good idea. I hear farmers are having to dump fruit and vegetables because they can't get to market. Switching to ferment mode, if the supplies are available, could be a good back up, and would surely help reduce food shortages that some predict are coming.

The gov't finally approved more immigrant labor to work in the fields. I will have to be to be careful they don't rape and kill me (according to Our Dear Leader at least). What's the big whoop-t-doo about letting in farm workers that want to do the work US citizens don't want to do?

[Vigilante]

Make 'profit' in a 'crisis' and be 'ethical' at the same time?

A lot of straits to navigate there..

 

I would look to help some of the poor around me who were caught unprepared and think this will blow over 'tomollow'

Food and such..no cash (We all know what will happen to that ????)

Never mention it's from you but from  some church or NGO etc