Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson,

and bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he

could still have sex 3 times a night. Cilla Black,

who was also a guest, looked intrigued.

After the show, Cilla said, "Sean, if I'm not bein

too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer.

Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra

fun.

So they went back to her place. After a couple of

drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad

passionate sex together. Afterwards, Sean says, "If

you think that was good, let me shleep for half an

hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm

shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma

willie in your right hand".

Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says "Okay".

He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have

even better sex than before.

Then Sean says, "Cilla, that was wonderful. But if

you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht

shex yet. You'll have to......."

I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n

balls again. No problem hun".

Cilla complies with the routine. The results this

time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all

over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and

Cilla asks

"Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand

and yer willie in de other - does it really

stimulate yer dat much?"

Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla, but the last

time I shlept with a scouser, she shtole ma wallet !".

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson,

and bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he

could still have sex 3 times a night. Cilla Black,

who was also a guest, looked intrigued.

After the show, Cilla said, "Sean, if I'm not bein

too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer.

Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra

fun.

So they went back to her place. After a couple of

drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad

passionate sex together. Afterwards, Sean says, "If

you think that was good, let me shleep for half an

hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm

shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma

willie in your right hand".

Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says "Okay".

He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have

even better sex than before.

Then Sean says, "Cilla, that was wonderful. But if

you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht

shex yet. You'll have to......."

I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n

balls again. No problem hun".

Cilla complies with the routine. The results this

time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all

over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and

Cilla asks

"Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand

and yer willie in de other - does it really

stimulate yer dat much?"

Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla, but the last

time I shlept with a scouser, she shtole ma wallet !".

Right then, ere we go with the scouse jokes ! whats the difference between batman and a scouser? batman can go out without robin !

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson,

and bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he

could still have sex 3 times a night. Cilla Black,

who was also a guest, looked intrigued.

After the show, Cilla said, "Sean, if I'm not bein

too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer.

Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra

fun.

So they went back to her place. After a couple of

drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad

passionate sex together. Afterwards, Sean says, "If

you think that was good, let me shleep for half an

hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm

shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma

willie in your right hand".

Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says "Okay".

He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have

even better sex than before.

Then Sean says, "Cilla, that was wonderful. But if

you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht

shex yet. You'll have to......."

I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n

balls again. No problem hun".

Cilla complies with the routine. The results this

time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all

over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and

Cilla asks

"Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand

and yer willie in de other - does it really

stimulate yer dat much?"

Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla, but the last

time I shlept with a scouser, she shtole ma wallet !".

Did you hear that this year had the coldest day in Liverpool since records began?

All the scousers kept their hands in their own pockets!

Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?

Because if it walked it would get robbed!

What do you call a scouser in a suit?

"The Accused".

what do you say to a scouser with a job?

big mac and fries please.

Jesus and the Scouser

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!" Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."

Jesus then approaches the Scouser who knocks over a chair and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God. "What's wrong?" says Jesus.

The Scouser shouts, "F*** off, I'm on disability benefit!"