The Baaad Christmas Jokes Thread 2020 - Old, New, Ancient, Prehistoric - We don't care just make them Bad.

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A couple is walking through St. Petersburg Square in Russia on Christmas Eve when they start to feel something wet fall upon their faces.

“I think it’s raining,” says the man.

“No, it’s snowing,” replies the woman.

“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He’s always right!” the man insists. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”

“Definitely raining,” Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile, “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

[chickenslegs]

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Santa. Santa who? Santa Christmas card to you, did you get it?

 

Knock, knock! Who's there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are here again!

 

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Anna. Anna who? Anna partridge in a pear tree.

 

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avery. Avery who? Avery merry Christmas to you!

 

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!

 

Knock, knock! Who's there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open til Christmas!

 

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for Christmas sherry!

 

(Reminder - This is the baaad Christmas jokes thread, so please excuse the terrible puns)

[chickenslegs]

(Oh <deleted>! I can't remember whether I've posted this one already.)

 

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven.

 

On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas.

 

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

 

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

 

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

 

Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, 'How do these represent Christmas?'

 

Answer: 'They're Carol's.'

[chickenslegs]

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Liverpudlians out buying their loved one's Christmas cards.

 

[chickenslegs]

A pantomime horse walks into a bar. The barman says “would you like a pint?” The horse says, “no, two halves”.

 

I had a job as part of a pantomime horse team once, but I quit when I was a head.

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Many of the previous jokes are too good.  It's time to put the Baaad back into the thread with some Christmas cracker ones:

 

Where does Santa go to recover after Christmas?

An elf farm.

 

What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?
One day my prints will come.  (A little dated, but still worth a groan).

 

What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.

 

What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack.

 

What do you give a dog for Christmas?
A mobile bone.

 

What’s brown and creeps around the house?
Mince spies.

 

What do you call a blind dinosaur ?
Doyouthinkhesawus.

 

What do you call a blind dinosaur and his dog ?
Doyouthinkhesawus Rex.

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I was in Pizza Hut last night, Good king Wencelas came in and the guy behind the counter said "the same again sir?"
"Yes please, deep pan, crisp and even"

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