The meaning of friends

[nobodysfriend]

6 minutes ago, RichardColeman said:

best friend you can have in Thailand is a decent, loyal and honest intelligent wife

 True , but hard to find  ... consider yourself a lucky man if you found one ...

[zyphodb]

Friends and acquaintances it's the old, old story, most of us have many acquaintances through life, far fewer friends, being able to tell the difference between the two is an important life skill that, unfortunately many never learn... 

[Asquith Production]

2 hours ago, Pilotman said:

As far as I know, it originates in the Military but is phased slightly differently:

 

'Prior planning prevents <deleted> poor performance'.

 

I first heard it on day one of Staff College

Similar to Fail to plan Plan to fail

[canthai55]

1 hour ago, JimmyJ said:

A "best friend" is someone who will help you move

a body.

That for sure is Friendship.

Another - someone you wake up at 0300 and say you need $20,000

They answer "No Problem" ... end of

My Father always said that when you die if you have the same number of friends as fingers on one hand you are a Very Lucky Man

Edited February 20, 2021 by canthai55

[chicowoodduck]

I have a few buddies, but they keep their distance as best they can...????????????

[J Town]

I got blackout drunk one night. I woke up the next morning in my hotel room with my wallet intact, three little bottles of Bailey's under my pillow, and my bum didn't hurt. That guy who poured me back into my room is now a friend forever.

[alex8912]

57 minutes ago, Asquith Production said:

Similar to Fail to plan Plan to fail

Or a friend with weed is a friend indeed. 

[Seeall]

5 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

What does the meaning of friendship mean to you ?

How many "real " friends do you have in Thailand or if you are a expat in Thailand do you have real friends back in your home country?

 

I say this because last week I get a urgent email from a farang  friend in Thailand that I have known for about 16 years .

He said he was in hospital...he is a aged pensioner Jerry  from Australia..79yo.living in Pattaya..he said he needed to have some urgent money put into his hospital account for expenses immediately for Television news ..books etc ..it was like only 500 baht but he doesn't know how to transfer it.

 

Then he needed some one sort out his insurance policy back in Australia...can u contact them for me he asked .

Yes I said

I offered to do that for him.

He said you are the only one that's helped me 

 

I called him on his mobile ( I'm currently in Australia)  ...and he told me I was the ONLY one that had called him...he then went on to tell me the other friends who he had known longer ( and regarded more best friend than me )  they had replied .." I hope u get well...let us know when u get out of  hospital..we will catch up for drink "

This was from a person he regarded as a best friend actually living in Pattaya .

Another farang in Pattaya also  he contacted to go feed his dog at home but he too was busy but.  Wait for it.  ....if he could get 200 baht for a motorbike taxi. .. so he Jerry  had to arrange a paid person to do it instead 

 

The other friends also from Australia just sent him generic..." Sorry to hear that ...I don't have time to help you with your life insurance as I'm very busy "

Another from Australia.. " oh wish u well Jerry ..too expensive to call you on the mobile " so wish u well by email 

I don't know about your insurance cannot you ask someone else ?

 

So all these " friends " he had ... I was the only one .

So it got me thinking.... especially when I go to live on Thailand next year ...can you rely on what you perceive as " friends ' to help you when u need it....I'm not talking about financial but things like visiting in hospital etc or running errands for you or doing urgent stuff to help you out when you need it.

 

Now personally I'm independent. Brought up that way.. I try not to rely on others for anything.  But as Jerry told me ( the aged pensioner guy) he has done a hell of a lot for some of these friends .   BUT when the tables are turned guess what.  They aren't there for him .

 

But does it mean say you this example ..your in hospital ..the people who u regarded as friends didn't visit you .. are they not real friends or they could just be busy as I said to Jerry 

 

It got me thinking too after this last week about friends or real friends...I just told a friend today not to message me again...he was constantly messaging me at all hours of the night when he split with his wife... depressed etc etc 

I answered every message ..I was there all the time for him

...then  he met another girl last week...

I guess she is putting up with his sob stories ...he has only known her a week 

So now he says sorry I'm too busy to talk nowadays but we can meet up once a month at a time 

I told him where to go ..don't bother 

 

I truly truly believe if your going to live in Thailand you need to NOT rely on others in times of difficulty you need to be independent...and able to look after yourself...I really think this is where many guys fail ..single guys I guess I'm talking about that fail to be able to think for themselves.

 

Also trusting people or relying on people who you thought were friends and I guess being used by people is where many fail 

 

 

I think its everywhere these days.... no time for nothin but me me

 

 

 

[GreasyFingers]

It is easy to say you are independent and plan for problems. What do you do when you have had a stroke, in hospital and cannot communicate with anyone. This has happened to a friend, really only a drinking buddy to me, but he was fortunate to have a friend to contact everyone necessary, do everything to help where he could, even paid half of the hospital bill as they wanted to throw him out. Now that is a real friend and a few others have helped with the hospital bill.

[4MyEgo]

5 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

I truly truly believe if your going to live in Thailand you need to NOT rely on others in times of difficulty you need to be independent...and able to look after yourself...I really think this is where many guys fail ..single guys I guess I'm talking about that fail to be able to think for themselves.

 

As we all know, friends come and go, however I have about 3 friends that I could call back in Oz, known them for decades, and know would come to my aid here if I ever leaned on them, well at least I would hope so, that said, I also grew up being independent and looking out for myself, so if they let me down, I wouldn't be surprised, like I said, friends come, friends go, but these 3 are tight, well at least I think we are.

 

The above said, my situation is a little different as I have a bestie that I married 14 years ago and know she has my back. 

[Odysseus123]

2 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

Another poster pointed out your little word play was a military thing - - never did that either... 

It actually originated with AMWAY after it won the US navy's laundry contract in 1943.

The British staff college got stuck with Persil-hence their major defeat at Maiwand in 1880.

 

but back to sunlight soap....an elderly American died in the soi next to mine after about 3 months of suffering from renal failure..all the boozers who used to bludge off him never showed up towards the end...

[nickmondo]

4 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

Fantastic quote !!

Never heard it before ...now it's going to be my motto!!

what you write is very very true.

Before I plan to live in Thailand I will go thru stuff like Wills and insurance etc and Plan like u said in if case scenarios so I don't have to rely on others 

there is another P word that goes before Poor.

see if you can work out what it is.

a clue.......urine

[Odysseus123]

31 minutes ago, GreasyFingers said:

It is easy to say you are independent and plan for problems.

Very,very,true.

 

Perhaps it is best to say that "even the best laid plans of mice and men gang aft agley".

One can only plan within certain realistic parameters..and catastrophic physical affliction can bring us undone very quickly.

 

As for true friends..it was only yesterday that an Australian women stepped up to the plate to help me thru a bit of a crisis..help that was neither solicited or anticipated-an almost random act of kindness.

[Aomelia]

I will never have farang friends , I had a Dutch ex friend bring 8 police  to my condo for a lil ganja few cigs , he always begged me for it , so I would give him a joint every once in a while not for Sale , but he ripped me off on a motorbike, and thought I would get deported even brought JW whiskey to police to finalize my demise , I was not black listed but spent a few nights in monkey house , this specimen is about 40 years old with Italian first name , Beware , this was supposedly my best friend for five years 

[RocketDog]

I think I was born cynical. I realized early in life that I must be prepared to take care of myself and not to expect much from others. My life experiences over the intervening 55 years has done nothing to change my opinion. 

 

Thankfully I am now in a position that allows me to help others, if I so choose, without requiring any help from them. I think it likely I will die alone. 

 

I'm not sad or bitter about it. I think most people try to do their best; they're just not very good at it. 

 

Oscar Wilde:

"Life is a stage but the players are badly cast" 

[BritManToo]

Just now, Aomelia said:

I will never have farang friends , I had a Dutch ex friend bring 8 police  to my condo for a lil ganja few cigs , he always begged me for it , so I would give him a joint every once in a while not for Sale , but he ripped me off on a motorbike, and thought I would get deported even brought JW whiskey to police to finalize my demise , I was not black listed but spent a few nights in monkey house , this specimen is about 40 years old with Italian first name , Beware , this was supposedly my best friend for five years 

I never let anyone know where I live.

It's not their business.

[Aomelia]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

I never let anyone know where I live.

It's not their business.

Yes now that is practiced , but he was best friends for 5 years , that’s a tough one 

[NanLaew]

2 hours ago, nobodysfriend said:

I have some friends ...!

One always wants to be close to me , even sleeps near my bed a night ...

The others take care for my security and keep bad people away ...

They never ask me for doing them a favor , but I like to take care of them .

They never talk bad about anybody , they are always happy when they see me .

They never talk too much or get drunk and aggressive , but sometimes they bark ...

 

Yeah, but believe me, doggy style gets old real fast.

Edited February 20, 2021 by NanLaew

[connda]

I have family.  Well, until Thailand devises a way to kick myself and others like me who are supporting families out of the country by inventing some new scheme in the name of containing the foreigner national security risks.

Other than that a few acquaintances.  Most of my friends do not live here.  And I can't blame them.  If I wasn't married to a Thai woman who wants to remain in Thailand?  I wouldn't be here either.   I'd be with my friends in a country where expats are actually welcome.

 

Edited February 20, 2021 by connda

[hobobo]

6 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Any real friend should help his friends. I am pretty sure I have such friends in Thailand.

 

But, there is always a but.

The first example which you mentioned is about money. And that is a subject many of us don't want to hear anything about. And the reason is that we heard it too often.

And when someone is in Thailand in a hospital and needs help then I am sure in many cases this is (also) about money.

Would I care about someone's dog? Yes, I would, if I can (i.e. I wouldn't be able to bring that dog in my building)

Would I help someone with 500B for the phone? Sure.

Would I pay 50,000B to a hospital with the promise I get it back sometime? For my best friends (maybe 5 in Thailand) I would do that. But I definitely wouldn't do it for many people.

 

And with stories about who did what for whom? I guess often we do not know even half of it. If a friend would tell me something like all the others didn't want to help me then I would ask myself: Why didn't they do that. Did they maybe have a good reason for that?

 

And last but not least: Many of us what to have fun and a quiet life in Thailand. We don't want stress, we don't want (other peoples) problems and we don't want to be reminded that we all get old and maybe sick and die. With some problems we can help and for a real friend we want to help our friend. But for other people who are not our best friends maybe we don't want to get involved.

I really agree with you. I've been here 15 years now though I've been coming for regular holidays for over 30 years. I know a lot of people and I'd say I have 3 real friends, and loads of "mates" or acquaintances (though they prefer to identify themselves as "buddies").

[OneMoreFarang]

3 minutes ago, hobobo said:

I really agree with you. I've been here 15 years now though I've been coming for regular holidays for over 30 years. I know a lot of people and I'd say I have 3 real friends, and loads of "mates" or acquaintances (though they prefer to identify themselves as "buddies").

Thanks.

 

I think to be fair this is a two-sided process. Do we want to have i.e. 10 or 20 real friends? Would we have time for all these friends?

 

And I think it's a process of getting nearer and maybe going apart again. I.e. I knew one guy from seeing him in a bar for drinks. We became friends and I visited him in his apartment a couple of times. And we had similar interests and we saw each other regularly. He was a good friend at that time. But then we also discovered our differences and some of those different opinions didn't help with the friendship. And because he lost his job and contact with many people (who he knew through his job) he got more and more frustrated. And I, as his friend, was the guy who had to listen to those frustrating stories.

I tried to motivate him to become more positive. He didn't and he didn't want to. And then I lost interest in seeing him because every time I saw him it only got more frustrating. In a way it's sad. But I wasn't prepared to continue for years to listen to his frustrated stories. The friendship ended.

 

Life changes, we change, our friends change. And I think there is no point in trying to keep every friendship forever. Life changes.

[Captain Monday]

1 hour ago, Aomelia said:

I will never have farang friends , I had a Dutch ex friend bring 8 police  to my condo for a lil ganja few cigs , he always begged me for it , so I would give him a joint every once in a while not for Sale , but he ripped me off on a motorbike, and thought I would get deported even brought JW whiskey to police to finalize my demise , I was not black listed but spent a few nights in monkey house , this specimen is about 40 years old with Italian first name , Beware , this was supposedly my best friend for five years 

What you are saying is,  if I am not mistaken You agreed to sell a bike to a Dutchman.

He took the bike so to not pay he grassed you to Thai Police for a little weed thinking you would be deported?

 

[Leaver]

 

Thailand has a habit of turning "friends" into con men.  

[KhaoYai]

I think the test of a good friend is when the sh&t hits the fan and you need help.  I've read so many stories on here that say Thai's are never really your friend, they are just out for what they can get etc. etc.  Well, I have several good Thai friends and one that stands out above the rest.

 

A couple of years back I had some real nasty stuff happening in my life and it all came to a head one day.  My close friend in Bangkok, heard about it, jumped in her car and drove 130km through quite heavy traffic - just to give me a shoulder.  I didn't ask her to come, she did it because we are mates.  I've done similar for her - that's what friends are for.

 

The shame is, you only find out who your real friends are when things go wrong.

[mr mr]

wait you guys have friends ? 

[ramrod711]

No question that my wife is my best friend in Thailand. I have a best friend of 50 years in Canada and my sister deals with all the stuff that has to be handled there. I have acquaintances in Thailand and email friends, but many of the people that I have met here have died. Many really nice people that helped me in my early days here are now gone. I miss them, would love to sit and exchange lies over a cold beer, but sadly not possible. Money is not an issue, not because I'm rich but I have decent pensions and very small expenses. A good friend passed away suddenly in December, pretty much the last one. I plan to spend my last years in a local retirement/hospital that has individual cottages. I have no intention of interfering in my adult children's lives.

[ramrod711]

 

[ChrisKC]

At the risk of sounding altruistic to the letter, I don't need to be someone's friend to help them with something that is possible and not ridiculously onerous or even illegal.

 

When it comes to "time" and attention, I will help with whatever ability I may have to offer friend, acquaintance, or stranger!

 

[georgegeorgia]

4 hours ago, Aomelia said:

I will never have farang friends , I had a Dutch ex friend bring 8 police  to my condo for a lil ganja few cigs , he always begged me for it , so I would give him a joint every once in a while not for Sale , but he ripped me off on a motorbike, and thought I would get deported even brought JW whiskey to police to finalize my demise , I was not black listed but spent a few nights in monkey house , this specimen is about 40 years old with Italian first name , Beware , this was supposedly my best friend for five years 

Wow !!! Seems he wasn't your " real ' friend though...sounds like he was jealous of you .

[georgegeorgia]

2 hours ago, KhaoYai said:

I think the test of a good friend is when the sh&t hits the fan and you need help.  I've read so many stories on here that say Thai's are never really your friend, they are just out for what they can get etc. etc.  Well, I have several good Thai friends and one that stands out above the rest.

 

A couple of years back I had some real nasty stuff happening in my life and it all came to a head one day.  My close friend in Bangkok, heard about it, jumped in her car and drove 130km through quite heavy traffic - just to give me a shoulder.  I didn't ask her to come, she did it because we are mates.  I've done similar for her - that's what friends are for.

 

The shame is, you only find out who your real friends are when things go wrong.

How very true