How Independent Is Your Bf Financially?

[peteinCM]

IMO, what it all boils down to is the happiness of the two people in the relationship.

If you want to support your BF and have him not work, and you are both happy, then more power to you. Likewise, if you and your BF both work hard, and neither of you would have it any other way, then more power to you. Relationships are very unique to the two people involved, and no two relationships are ever alike.

I have various friends in the US who disagree with so many aspects of my relationship with my Thai BF: our age difference of 12 years, the fact that I pay for his University and give him an allowance, the fact that he looks much younger than his 25 years, the fact that I met him in a bar. My friends know me however, and know that I have little interest in trying to justify my relationship to them. Years ago, I learned to stopped justifying my homosexual relationships to the religious conservatives and the bigots, and it cured me of needing to justify anything in my relationships to anyone. As long as I am in a mutually-satisfying relationship with someone of legal age, then the dynamics of the relationship are strictly the business of me and my partner. I could give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks.

Life is very, very short. If you and your BF are both happy, then that is all that matters.

[dukkha]

Could not have expressed it better and taught English for 25 years...The relationship is YOUR relationship and needs no analysis, criticism, judgement, comment, justification blah blah from anyone...indeed time is too short, just live it and enjoy it for what it is, not for what others may deem it to be... Dukkha

[farang prince]

Could not have expressed it better and taught English for 25 years...The relationship is YOUR relationship and needs no analysis, criticism, judgement, comment, justification blah blah from anyone...indeed time is too short, just live it and enjoy it for what it is, not for what others may deem it to be... Dukkha

Bravo!!! Totally agree.

[dukkha]

Oh Princely One...many thanks for your comment...just get a little tired of reading all the stuff about we farangs who have a realtionship with a thai man...that we have one is enough, dont need to have threads that go on and on and on ad nauseum dessicating every nano second of our existence....one should not ask why, but rather, when, with regards to many of lifes issues...mindfulness is the key, and hapiness of course which comes from the NOW...less stress on the suffering issue, the being happy is the key in my humble opinion, and if that comes from ones relationship with a person whose mother tongue or whatever is not your own, well then just get on with living, the alternative aint all that appealing...

[jdinasia]

Could not have expressed it better and taught English for 25 years...The relationship is YOUR relationship and needs no analysis, criticism, judgement, comment, justification blah blah from anyone...indeed time is too short, just live it and enjoy it for what it is, not for what others may deem it to be... Dukkha

Bravo!!! Totally agree.

I agree too ... in principle .... but that kinda makes talking about relationships moot no?

[dukkha]

Eggzaktamente JD...dont talk about them, have them... Dukkha

[jdinasia]

Eggzaktamente JD...dont talk about them, have them... Dukkha

can I stick with only having one?

[dukkha]

To quote a dear thai friend JD ....Woooo cares??.... Dukkha

[FranklyNoMore]

Oh Princely One...many thanks for your comment...just get a little tired of reading all the stuff about we farangs who have a realtionship with a thai man...that we have one is enough, dont need to have threads that go on and on and on ad nauseum dessicating every nano second of our existence....one should not ask why, but rather, when, with regards to many of lifes issues...mindfulness is the key, and hapiness of course which comes from the NOW...less stress on the suffering issue, the being happy is the key in my humble opinion, and if that comes from ones relationship with a person whose mother tongue or whatever is not your own, well then just get on with living, the alternative aint all that appealing..

Of course mindfulness is the key but not everyone is mindful and living in the moment are they? infact very few living on this planet are in that state of mind. So what do they do? They find a way to share experiences, find insights, talk about problems they may be having, go to church or temple. Of course there are numerous outlets to try and find your way to happiness.

If one is being mindful they really should\'nt be bothered about what they read on a forum. If what you read affects you so much then one should look at the reasons why. If reading something takes you away from your happiness then do something about it. Blaming the messenger isnt the answer here. I always think talking and typing is cheap and actions speak far louder than any words. Anybody complaining on a forum or who are unduly affected by it really arent helping themselves. Infact they are far from being mindful and need to start asking questions about themselves rather than complain about what is being written by others. Those who talk about being mindful and happy are more often than not unhappy with their life. That\'s why they keep going on about it!!!

[dukkha]

I dont have the monopoly on mindfulness...but do make an effort to practice it..how others see that effort is their own subjective assessment...and I dont make any judgement in how others may seek to find a way to do so....one follows the way that is best suited to them, and discussing it does not mean that those who do are without any degree of happiness..to quantify happiness is an interesting concept, not all that familiar with those who come from a western background, where such a concept is perceived by the amount of money one has, the propery one owns, the goods and chattles one may possess, the ascribed status one may have through work etc...one makes an effort to understand oneself whatever path that may take and in discussing such an issue does not display whether one is happy or not...surely happines is something that one experiences regardless of cultue or race...if one feels happiness then isn't that sufficient evidence to assume that one is happy....but then how relevant is this to boyfriends and financial independency may I ask...........Dukkah

[popshirt]

<snip>

....but then how relevant is this to boyfriends and financial independency may I ask...........Dukkah

Exactly. Not relevant.

[PeaceBlondie]

My situation resembles that of ProThaiExat, and to some degree, it resembles others' situations. My b/f was a hotel manager who had worked full time since he left the wat school, almost 20 years before. His salary was still low and it wasn't worth it.

What hetero man has to justify his relationship with a stay-at-home wife? None that I know. Does my daughter have to justify her stay at home husband? Not for the last 22 years, she hasn't; he carries a full load at home, and works part time.

My boyfriend works around the house. When I had a stroke two weeks ago, he was right there to take me to the hospital, interpret for me, keep the electricity turned on when the landlords forgot to pay THEIR bill...the list goes on and on. And whilst I'm here in Ireland and Moscow with my lineal family, he's taking care of the house and will be there to pick me up when I get home. He earns his keep.

And I'm still guilty of being a former workaholic, but I'm repenting.

[farang prince]

My situation resembles that of ProThaiExat, and to some degree, it resembles others' situations. My b/f was a hotel manager who had worked full time since he left the wat school, almost 20 years before. His salary was still low and it wasn't worth it.

What hetero man has to justify his relationship with a stay-at-home wife? None that I know. Does my daughter have to justify her stay at home husband? Not for the last 22 years, she hasn't; he carries a full load at home, and works part time.

My boyfriend works around the house. When I had a stroke two weeks ago, he was right there to take me to the hospital, interpret for me, keep the electricity turned on when the landlords forgot to pay THEIR bill...the list goes on and on. And whilst I'm here in Ireland and Moscow with my lineal family, he's taking care of the house and will be there to pick me up when I get home. He earns his keep.

And I'm still guilty of being a former workaholic, but I'm repenting.

PB, sorry to hear about your stroke. I had wondered where you were but figured you were just taking a well-deserved break. Get well soon and hopefully we will cross paths in LOS in the future.

[FranklyNoMore]

Your b/f's financial independence and happiness is relevant if his earnings, or lack of, bothers you so much that it takes you away from happiness. So how one can say it's not relevant is beyond me unless your financial status is such that you can pay for anything your boy wants and it never bothers you, but this isnt the case for everyone. As i said before there seems to be 2 categories of bf's, those bought and paid for and those who dated. The second group some b/f's worked but were pulled out of their jobs by the farang. Either group can find happiness. it's up to the individual relationship to find what works for them. Every aspect of the relationship is relevant, including the financial one, if you want to find happiness.

[geriatrickid]

I know this supposed to be a "gay" thread, but d*mn if it isn't applicable to any type of relationship.

Ok Aretha, waddle on in and sing it now; Respect.

The guys that report a successful relationship are the ones that left their partner with his self respect, dignity and a measure of independence. Gee, go figure....

Consistently successful people are surrounded by other successful people. It's the common characteristic of people that do well, whether it's in love, work or personal relationships. At the risk of ripping your rainbow thongs, some of you people would have done very well whether it was boy or girl or even a blow up doll, because you have common sense and integrity. Good people do attract other good people.

I figured I was allowed to comment since I do have a b/f of sorts, although he has 4 legs. He is self reliant & independent except when he expects me to put food in the bowl, clean up his droppings or run around with a ball making an ass of myself.

[dukkha]

Although your avatar is somewhat of an oxymoron my friend, your wisdom of using humour, a great consciousness raising tool, gets the point across....but too much yankee TV I think when I hear expressions like,....'go figure'...having said that I hope you continue to have a rich and happy relationship with your quadruped bf....woof woof!! Dukkha

[jingjoe]

some of you people would have done very well.

[Rionoir]

This has been an interesting thread to read. It makes me wonder if there are many guys out there in my situation - which is my Thai BF just finished his masters degree here in the US, and when we move there in a couple months I completely expect him to be out-earning me, at least for a good while. How divided is Thailand in terms of upper and lower class? From what I understand the middle-class Thai is pretty rare? Just curious...

[PeaceBlondie]

This has been an interesting thread to read. It makes me wonder if there are many guys out there in my situation - which is my Thai BF just finished his masters degree here in the US, and when we move there in a couple months I completely expect him to be out-earning me, at least for a good while. How divided is Thailand in terms of upper and lower class? From what I understand the middle-class Thai is pretty rare? Just curious...

Not counting straight people like Heng, I've only known one gay Thai who went to the USA and returned to Thailand. Apparently he nearly bankrupted his Thai family in earning two MA's in the US, and then he sponged off his rich White closeted boyfriend for several years. Last I heard, he finally got kicked out of the b/f's condo, then he paid to get a green card, then went to BKK and proposed that I try to help him to scam some White and Thai boys into posing for porn.....I lost track of him last year.

We have a poster here who is full blood Thai, big London City lawyer, still in closet in Bangkok. I'm sure there are countless varieties, and until you got a reputable sample of 100 or more, couldn't draw a statistically valid conclusion.

[Rionoir]

That's too bad some people take such advantage of others like that. I gotta say though, look at what some of the guys who want a bf half their age are willing to put up with while continuing to dish out money... and you gotta admit it's easy to see how Thai guys fall into that situation. It's almost like older white men go to Thailand for the sole purpose of buying a boyfriend... and then feel bad down the road when they realize they aren't in a love-based relationship.

I want to say that I don't judge anyone if that's what they want to do... if I was 70, single and had the money I'd probably consider getting me a 30 year old bf too... but I think it was you who had posted that you need to treat the money you give like a salary and not just give it out no matter what they do... and look yourself in the mirror before you even go down that road and make sure one knows what they are getting into...

[Scott]

My bf earns about 4 times my salary. His last job paid 200,000 baht per month. Yet about every three months or so he seems to need to borrow money from me!!! Of course, he does drive a beautiful new car (I have an old pickup); he has the nicest clothes (I try to make sure my necktie covers the missing buttons) etc. etc. etc.

Fortunately for me, when he runs short, it's usually only in the neighborhood of needing to borrow 500-1,000 baht or so.

God, some people do like to spend money.

[pukkagent]

I'm actually in a strange position where I am the young man with the older person (he's only 11 years older than me!) and I don't work.

I actually gave up a very good paying job for a TV station in England to be a stay at home partner in Thailand. I take care of the house and I manage everything that needs managing. I've also learned Thai by myself, without any teaching, as I've tried to be frugal, now that I don't work.

I've been with my partner for almost 7 years. He asked me to come to Thailand with him, so he knew that he would have to support me financially. Our relationship has been taken to a different level with my 'dependence' on him, and I find him generous, being in this different position... It's also given me a new lease on life, now that I don't live a stressful existence, worrying about bills, etc. I can focus on being a good partner.

I can see how people might have sneered at my relationship with an older man when I was 16, and as a young person, I was bound to make a few mistakes with money and managing things, but over time I've learned how to manage things and having no job has actually made me more mindful of money than I ever was working, when I always had money every month to clear that overdraft. I now have no debt, some savings and I think that I could take anything that is thrown at me with my new found role that I've played. I used to have a credit card and everything before.

I don't feel any different to a Thai person, except there is a culture difference. I want to assimilate into the local culture, and live life as close to my neighbours as possible. My experiences aren't that different if you transpose them and take the time to see that a Western man comes to Thailand to live a different life away from an old life that wasn't working in the west. A Western man can be a second chance for a Thai woman or a Thai boy, just like a Western man can be a second chance for a Western woman in marriage.

In England there are plenty of people that will use you for your money, just like there are with people all over the world. Part of being an adult is discerning the genuine people from the false ones, and if you try to buy someone, you will end with less than you started off with. You can't buy people.

I don't see my position as any different to a Stay at home Mom. I even plan on adopting eventually. I may not be financially independent, but I know I am an asset in my relationship.

[Rionoir]

I even plan on adopting eventually.

Can we do that in Thailand? LoL In the US same sex couples can be foster parents but I don't think can fully adopt children.

BTW, good for you for being in what seems like a very healthy and happy relationship. I hope things continue to be well for you there.

[Scott]

As a correction, you CANNOT be a foster parent in all states. The decision about fostering children is left up to the states who either license or have a private agency do the licensing for them. In some states it precludes gays from being foster parents.

[Rionoir]

Ahh... well even worse then.