To Tell Or Not To Tell, That Is The Question

[migrant]

To me the key is when you said you would want to be told, I would also.

Tell him, either in person, or by note, if you think there could be difficult consequences.

Good Luck!

[astral]

Only one of the marriages can have been done legally at the Amphur.

It is surprising how many farangs think the ceremony with the monks is actually a marriage.

[wolfmanjack]

I've got a rule for myself now for dealing with these awkward situations: if it's a real friend, I tell them once, briefly, what I think. Then I clam up about it. If I make it an ongoing discussion, it just leads to resentment and a combative attitude in the friendship (plus the making of all kinds of defensive statements about how *my* partners are not ideal, etc., etc.).

So far, I've mostly been right about others' partners and my own....

"Steven"

I agree. If you mention it to him do so only once. After that it is up to him. Any further comments will be considered harping. I also agree with falang prince and girlx. An anonymous note would be the best way to go because of the family connection.

I have told 2 different falangs something that I knew about there girlfriends.

The first guy was running around with a married girl. He did not believe it since she was a secretary instead of a bar girl. He told her that i told him and it caused problems for me. He eventually got murdered by a jealous partner.

The second guy was sending money to a bg who was supposed to have quit working at bars. I started out by saying i do not know if I should tell you or not but I think your girl is still working at the bar. You might think about having it checked out for sure. He did not believe it after asking the girl but thanked me for the warning. We remained friends.

[Sarpedon]

I think the anonymous note is the best idea. Give him a clue and let him follow it up by himself if he wants to. At least you have done your part and its certainly very important that no one knows that its you that is the source.

[farang prince]

One thing I forgot to mention...print the note on your computer...don't hand write it. Adds a little more anonymity to the process. By the way, something similar happened to me. When I was a cop in the USA, some guys from the vice squad stumbled upon my first wife in a ... shall we say ... delicate situation with a guy she worked with. The guys from the vice squad approached me the next day and started to hum and haw about the fact that they saw something that they really were embarassed to tell me about...did I want to hear about it? I said I did...they told me...I divorced the bitch and thanked the guys on the Vice Squad for being honest with me.

[sriracha john]

I have recently come across an expat who has been telling his life story. He has met a bar girl who he says is different, got married etc. and is putting a lot into her financialy.

I hate to see him being made a fool of, but I am not close to him and all my instincts tell me I should not say anything.

What would you do?

If you are not close to him, do you know the people that are?

and what do they think about the situation? What do they plan to do about it? If they plan on telling him, so be it. If they don't plan on telling him, so be it.

As for an anonymous letter, I wouldn't put much stock in that as he is not likely to put much stock in it in terms of believability.

[Jai Dee]

Or email him a link to this thread.

Now that is a subtle way of doing it...

[Maigo6]

Or email him a link to this thread.

Now that is a subtle way of doing it...

And if some malicious guy is out to make your life difficult ?

Scenario:

Someone maybe pizzed off with you for any reason, so what can he do anonymously with absolutely no comeback at all, he can send you an e-mail telling you that he is your friend and he knows that your wife is seeing another man.

It's a complete lie, but it cost him nothing and it could make you feel very uncomfortable.

Anonymous tips are often false and only made to cause problems for someone with whom the tipper has a problem.

Let people live their own lives and deal with their own problems, you have yours to deal with, they have theirs, your life is your business, their life isn't.

Edited June 4, 2007 by Maigo6

[Maigo6]

I remember whe we was kids, about 15 - 16 years old, there was a gang of us, one of the girls would pick a number out of a phonebook and call the number, if a woman answered she would ask for the womans husband and act upset, naturally the woman would ask why this girl wanted to talk to her husband, what was it all about..............

She would act like she was crying and tell the woman that she was pregnant and don't know what to do as she is only 15 and can't tell her parents.

Then she would really act out the crying game and say her Father just came back into the house and she will call again later.

It was all lies, she never knew who the person was, she didn't care either, but I imagine those calls caused a lot of problems for many people, there are some sick people around chaps.

This is the problem with anonymous calls or tips.

[soundman]

I remember whe we was kids, about 15 - 16 years old, there was a gang of us, one of the girls would pick a number out of a phonebook and call the number, if a woman answered she would ask for the womans husband and act upset, naturally the woman would ask why this girl wanted to talk to her husband, what was it all about..............

She would act like she was crying and tell the woman that she was pregnant and don't know what to do as she is only 15 and can't tell her parents.

Then she would really act out the crying game and say her Father just came back into the house and she will call again later.

It was all lies, she never knew who the person was, she didn't care either, but I imagine those calls caused a lot of problems for many people, there are some sick people around chaps.

This is the problem with anonymous calls or tips.

That is so mean maigo.

Soundman.

[Ping]

I would put more emphasis on the revenge bit. Back home, you would tell your friend; in Thailand, you are inviting serious trouble. I agree with the arguments against anonymity, but it seems to be the best of a range of difficult option. Perhaps an anonymous note/email that says 'Do yourself a favour and THOROUGHLY check-out your G/F's marital status' is the answer; then it is 'up to him'.

[brianinbangkok]

If I was your friend I would want my friends to tell me about it.

I would send him an anonymous note that you printed , or an email but make sure to set up a new yahoo email account , and not use ur own email account , mention some details in the email like names otherwise he will think its spam.

If he does not react walk away from it , its his life !

Edited June 4, 2007 by brianinbangkok

[Edonista]

The big problem is that this guy has already wasted a lot of money on the whore, even buying real estate in her name.To avoid admitting he has been awfully stupid, he will probably refuse to listen to reality and will go ahead until he gets cleaned of his last satang.

On a moral consideration, you should tell him the truth and in person and not just once but twice, thrice and so on ....unfortunately you will not gain anything from it and will also risk retaliation from the whore's relatives, so it is up to you wether to dare such ungrateful task.

[bina]

u might just ask when they are doing the amphur marriage thing

u could hint to the guy that the woman in question should produce a proof of being single (whatever its called) for getting married;

u could always act 'surprised' about the whole thing since u found out from your wife that 'gf' had had a previous partner and mention this to the guy and then let the guy think things thru

u could mention a few samples of TGID (THIS GIRL IS DIFFERENT) that turned out not so good, just sort of general like, over a few beers, and let him do what ever he wants

i wouldnt say anything straight out; if he isnt slightly sceptible now, then deep down he doesnt want to know (unless this is first love or he is too old to think straight) about anything since he knows about the pitfalls etc and has proclaimed that she is different...

[DeputyDawg]

Give her a 1000 baht and then give her one and take some pictures he will beleive you then.

[Maigo6]

if he isnt slightly sceptible now, then deep down he doesnt want to know (unless this is first love or he is too old to think straight) about anything since he knows about the pitfalls etc and has proclaimed that she is different...

Maybe he's doing the Thai guy as well, maybe they are a happy threesome.................

Stay out of it!!!!!!

[onzestan]

I would have problems with myself knowingly letting him make a big mistake.

I would tell him and then it's up to him, but at least my conscience would be clear.

onzestan

[jackmuu]

Some very valid points there. We have done more research and she apparently told the guy she was married before but said the Thai husband had died.

I can only assume that the Thai wedding was a religious ceremony because the farang did register at the amphur. The anonymous option might not convince a man who is in love but I know who it will convince, and that is the liar. I think it might be an option to have a letter delivered to her by m/c taxi to her place and tell her to do the right thing and make her choice bfore someone makes it for her.

Can anyone see a flaw in this cunning plan?

I don't plan to tell him because he is not a close friend. I also know how the gossip mill works here and it is a Thai aquaintance who sussed this out, not my missus, he owned a Restaurant where the older sister worked. We both think it is better that this is found out but are wary of any consequences for the guy if it comes to a confrontation.

[chinthee]

I would have problems with myself knowingly letting him make a big mistake.

I would tell him and then it's up to him, but at least my conscience would be clear.

onzestan

I think the majority consensus is to tell him, in some form. Generally, I think most of us don't like whistle blowers, but... How about this: hire a local Private investigator to document it, then provide him with the results, either anonymously or not - ask him later to reimburse you for that. Then, present an invoice for half of what he would have lost had he stayed in the relationship.

[Maigo6]

I think it might be an option to have a letter delivered to her by m/c taxi to her place and tell her to do the right thing and make her choice bfore someone makes it for her.

Can anyone see a flaw in this cunning plan?

Yeah, i can see a flaw................ it ain't none of your business!

Why do you think you have the duty to involve yourself in another persons life in such a way?

Can't you take up a hobby instead of thinking about plans on how to anonymously involve yourself in someone elses life with no comebacks, if you ain't got the balls to show hard evidence in person ( though why you would want to do that, heaven knows ), then leave it alone!

Edited June 4, 2007 by Maigo6

[Maigo6]

hire a local Private investigator to document it, then provide him with the results, either anonymously or not - ask him later to reimburse you for that. Then, present an invoice for half of what he would have lost had he stayed in the relationship.

Why would you go to that expense to involve yourself in someone elses life ?

[chinthee]

hire a local Private investigator to document it, then provide him with the results, either anonymously or not - ask him later to reimburse you for that. Then, present an invoice for half of what he would have lost had he stayed in the relationship.

Why would you go to that expense to involve yourself in someone elses life ?

It was an attempt at some dry humour. Evidently failed.

[Thaddeus]

I was in a similar predicament last year.

Wifeys best friend (now ex-friend) married a chap from Norway (nationality not important, just didn't want to use the word farang) she came from a very large family, mainly brothers. I was quite suspicious of one of them, but my wife told me that they were in fact half brother and sister, different mother or different father, it was never made clear.

Anyhoo, they married and planned on returning to Norway together, while he was over for a short break he spent most nights at our place stressing out to me that his new wife was spending an excessive amount of time with her family, one person in particular. My tack was always the same, confirm that they were brother and sister and she was probably wanting to spend time with them as he was whisking her off to a foreign country for a very long time.

One night we went out for a BBQ as a foursome and I asked galee sip baht what I thought was an innocent question, did she and her brother share a mother or father.

I got an empty bottle of beer Chang to the side of the head and a quick trip to the hospital. She is still in Thailand (but she did get turfed out of the village) he returned to Norway, and he still sends her money. What makes it worse is that this is the second time he has been taken to the cleaners.

In my opinion, the OP should put as much distance as possible between himself and the chap in question. As if he ever does come to his senses, who is going to get the blame?

[Maigo6]

I got an empty bottle of beer Chang to the side of the head and a quick trip to the hospital.

Did he bottle you or did she ?

[Scott]

Love is blind, that's for sure. I know a fellow in a similar situation. One of his friends, now an ex-friend, tried to let him know about the Mrs. antics. He got very upset.

Several years later they are still together, although she has to spend REALLY a lot of time with her family in the village. She does manage to come to town around pay day though. She usually cleans him out to take care of all the disasters: sick mother, sick aunt, sick kids, brother in jail, she needs surgery, tumors, floods, droughts etc.

He's a smart guy, but just doesn't want to see it. She stays in a very poor village and manages to get around 45-50K a month out of him. He barely has a clean shirt to wear to work.

Sad, sad, sad.

The most you can do is let people know. What they do after that is there business.

[Maigo6]

If I told a Thai wife of a Farang everything he gets up to when he is out with ' His friends ' would he thank me, would she, if it was YOU I was informing on when it's none of my business, would you thank me, would you think I was right involving myself in what you do with your life ?

I very much doubt it !!

What would I think of some Thai girl who told my wife I was having a short time in Soi 6 ?

Would I think that this girl who hardly knows my wife was right in breaking up our relationship, or at least causing many problems for the 2 people involved while she just melts into the background gloating over the carnage?

I would think she should have minded her own business and I would be rather pizzed off with her for involving herself in my business!

[LinkPopularity]

I don't get it ... the first time I walked in a bar I even didn't know it was bar, I was thinking it was just a pub, where there were also girls, like anywhere else in the world, it took me 1 game of pool with 2 English chaps to find out all about it, not just that I was in fact in a whorehouse, but the kind of games they play there ...

I did meet a girl there I liked and stayed with her for about 2 weeks, lot's of fun, no problem, but I also had to pay the bar every day, never ever I would think about getting seriously involved with her ... it was my first holiday here and I enjoyed it, but that was it.

even without all the warning stories from the other guys, how can anybody be so stupid to get serious with a hooker ?

do they really believe that those girls only do it because they have no other options ??

bullshit !! those girls are there because they have no moral values !!!

I met my girlfriend in a restaurant, she does have moral values and choose NOT to prostitute herself, meaning that she had to work much harder for half the money, but she didn't sold her soul and body !

anybody always have a choice !!

[wolfmanjack]

If I told a Thai wife of a Farang everything he gets up to when he is out with ' His friends ' would he thank me, would she, if it was YOU I was informing on when it's none of my business, would you thank me, would you think I was right involving myself in what you do with your life ?

I very much doubt it !!

What would I think of some Thai girl who told my wife I was having a short time in Soi 6 ?

Would I think that this girl who hardly knows my wife was right in breaking up our relationship, or at least causing many problems for the 2 people involved while she just melts into the background gloating over the carnage?

I would think she should have minded her own business and I would be rather pizzed off with her for involving herself in my business!

My daddy told me if you want to do the crime you better be willing to do the time.

Personally you can tell my wife anything you want as long as it is not a lie.

[jackmuu]

Why do you think you have the duty to involve yourself in another persons life in such a way?

If you have to ask that question you didn't read the post correctly.

Tool.

[qwertz]

I don't get it ... the first time I walked in a bar I even didn't know it was bar, I was thinking it was just a pub, where there were also girls, like anywhere else in the world, it took me 1 game of pool with 2 English chaps to find out all about it, not just that I was in fact in a whorehouse, but the kind of games they play there ...

I did meet a girl there I liked and stayed with her for about 2 weeks, lot's of fun, no problem, but I also had to pay the bar every day, never ever I would think about getting seriously involved with her ... it was my first holiday here and I enjoyed it, but that was it.

even without all the warning stories from the other guys, how can anybody be so stupid to get serious with a hooker ?

do they really believe that those girls only do it because they have no other options ??

bullshit !! those girls are there because they have no moral values !!!

I met my girlfriend in a restaurant, she does have moral values and choose NOT to prostitute herself, meaning that she had to work much harder for half the money, but she didn't sold her soul and body !

anybody always have a choice !!

Amen to that!

Unlike you, the girls are already well informed before they ever set foot in a bar.