Takin' Care Of Mama

[meom]

And to meom,

You are being quite arrogant to assume that every farang here is richer than every Asian. Or to assume that given the same amount of money, an Asian woman would prefer to marry a farang because I think that simply just isn't true. Given the huge number of Asians who outnumber Western people, there are certainly enough rich Asians to take care of the best Asian women, especially if you consider that they tend to prefer their own people.

You are right MTW I'm an arrogant sob although I have my saving graces as well

Anyway I don't assume an Asian woman would prefer to marry a farang and i'm also aware that there's plenty more rich Asians , or Thais in this case than rich farang in LOS.

However I do think, maybe wrongly that in the cases where farang marries thai the farang will end up being the wealthier person in the extended family.

[MTW]

Keemao, I can assume you are living in Thailand, as have I for several years, but are you living in a cave?? Of course it is ffffing true. Just tonight on the May Lee show on UBC there was some reports about this, but of course I didn't need this to clue me in. However they gave out this website which I have not gone to yet but here you go afesip.org. There are books about the sex trade in South East Asia. There are many shows about it. If you have never run across any of them well I can only think you must be walking around 100% blind and not wanting to see. I have never paid for sex in my life, never tried to go to any brothels in my life, but thanks to sleazy tuk-tuk drivers, when I asked to go to blind massage, was told they could take me somewhere better. My first night in Chiang Mai you know what I saw?? I was taken to a total brothel, with ladies photos on the wall, with numbers on their neck. (Why? Because the driver could make more commission than at a straight massage even though I was only paying and getting a straight massage.)

I was given some of the 50 year old women to give me my massage. When I came out, and was tying up my shoes in the lobby I saw two police men come in, point at the photos on the wall with their sticks, and go back without paying. I made a joke about why they didn't have to pay first like I had to and everyone in the waiting area laughed. This isn't the only time this has happened to me, although every time I only got a massage.

[keemao]

Keemao, I can assume you are living in Thailand, as have I for several years, but are you living in a cave?? Of course it is ffffing true. Just tonight on the May Lee show on UBC there was some reports about this, but of course I didn't need this to clue me in. However they gave out this website which I have not gone to yet but here you go afesip.org. There are books about the sex trade in South East Asia. There are many shows about it. If you have never run across any of them well I can only think you must be walking around 100% blind and not wanting to see. I have never paid for sex in my life, never tried to go to any brothels in my life, but thanks to sleazy tuk-tuk drivers, when I asked to go to blind massage, was told they could take me somewhere better. My first night in Chiang Mai you know what I saw?? I was taken to a total brothel, with ladies photos on the wall, with numbers on their neck. (Why? Because the driver could make more commission than at a straight massage even though I was only paying and getting a straight massage.)

I was given some of the 50 year old women to give me my massage. When I came out, and was tying up my shoes in the lobby I saw two police men come in, point at the photos on the wall with their sticks, and go back without paying. I made a joke about why they didn't have to pay first like I had to and everyone in the waiting area laughed. This isn't the only time this has happened to me, although every time I only got a massage.

You have one very interesting life!!!

P.S- Whats wrong with my cave??? From reading some of your stories, my cave sounds like an ideal place to be.........

[MTW]

Well meom, I don't think that Asian culture says that the richest kid should support the parents. I think it says that the eldest male should have the most resonsibility to do this. However I do think that the family sets up the oldest male to have the most money, the most education, so that they can take this job on. I think the fact that so many Thai women say they need to support their family is because they are the only person available to do this, i.e., maybe there is no eldest male, or that the eldest male is busy wasting all the money, and therefore they are the next best thing, or in some cases, it is a total lie, as some girls are just saying anything to get money out of their spouse or husband.

You cannot deny that many families spend the most amount of money to educate the eldest male, if there is one, because they expect a good return on that. How much did your wife's family spend to educate her? If she was the only kid who can say what they should have done. I mean it all depends. If you have two sons, have some money, can educate them, then have two girls well, what should you do? Your sons can get good educations, and your girls can marry well you hope. If your sons are good guys, don't drink, don't gamble, are smart, then your family can gain status, then your girls can marry better. If your sons die in a motorbike crash or turn out to be jerks, then I guess you have to rely on your girls. Well if you spent all your education money already on the sons, and they are losers, what do you have to give to the girls? Would you have done better to spread the money between all 4 of them in a society that doesn't value women workers and doesn't pay them equally?

Or in a society, that if your sons failed, your girls could make more money as sex workers, without any expense for education than they could have earned as educated workers?? Or if they are lucky enough to marry a farang and move to another country you can have a life long income sent to you with no education, and no effort?

And also, I have asked my Thai boyfriend, and he says, Thai girls are not responsible to take care of their families. Either the Thai girls who go with Farangs use this as a reason to get more money from them, or possibly they are the only ones who are available to take care, but certainly in the case where there are brothers wasting the money away, this should not be the case.

[MTW]

I wrote my reply while you were writing yours. I guess if you want to live in a cave, nothing is wrong with your cave. Maybe you don't get ripped off as much as I do living outside the cave!

[Fred Sanford]

MTW lives in a different Thailand than most I would say

[MTW]

Fred, not to say you live in the wrong Thailand, but I live in the Thailand without Thai g/fs, except for the one plantonic Thai g/f I used to have that ripped me off beyone belief.

[MTW]

Oh excuse me jdinasina, and some of you others, I just did some new research and found out this: All sex workers in the world, according to a new UN report, and a new UNESCO report, start in the sex trade after the age of 21 and only becuase they love sex, also I discovered they have no need of money but only do it because of the enjoyment. They love every type of sex, with every age man or women, with any and all deviations from the norm. They don't really care how much money they earn, because most of it is for their family because like I already said, they are doing it because they like it, and it whatever you pay them or don't pay them, up to you.

And all reports that say children are sold into the trade, are beaten into submission, are forced to work and aren't given the money earned had been proven to be false propaganda put out by the CIA.

And I am just a troll.

[backflip]

OP,

Except for your current TGF, have you ever had a girlfriend in your home country? Did you ever give her money for her parents and other living expenses? Why would you treat a Thai women differently?

[Creeper]

OP,

Except for your current TGF, have you ever had a girlfriend in your home country? Did you ever give her money for her parents and other living expenses? Why would you treat a Thai women differently?

It would depend what country he came from, it is very easy for people that come from countries with Social Security systems and Old age pensions to be critical of a system where old people recieve nothing.

Thailand and many other countries are not in the same league as countries like UK, where hundreds of thousands of people who are quite capable of work, don't work because life is easier on the dole. Their bills are paid and a whole system is there to help them, thanks to Tax payers money.

If the Social Security payments and pensions finished in the UK tomorrow, I wonder how the UK would be affected, might even see UK citizens helping their elderly relatives out with money instead of sticking them in state run institutions waiting for them to die so they can squabble over who gets the house with their siblings.

Don't you think there are Social Security fraudsters living in Thailand claiming benefits from their own countries for disabilities they don't have and claiming they live in UK by using a bank account number and some other relative to provide an address, probably some reading this right now.

Many UK citizens seem bewildered at the Thai System, believe me, many Thai people are equally bewildered at your system, and would love to have your benefits, but they are just not available.

Some Farangs seem amazed that people help out their families, I'm quite sure that rich Footballers, Musicians, Actors etc,also help out their families too in UK.

Bob Geldolf gets Knighted in UK for his work in raising money for needy people, yet many UK people say it is wrong to send a few quid to one of their own family members if they have a Thai wife.

Thai men also help out their families, you may never see that from the dizzy heights of your barstool, or sat behind a PC 12 hours per day in your house or condo feeling superior to those that are financially inferior to yourselves, but it happens.

[traveldog]

well, I have done the gf support the family, mama and her kid from the thai bf who split....when it was small monthly allowance it was ok...however, more and more money needed for this that...and finally I ended it after yet another big sum needed for a medical problem that I was never allowed to cofirm with paper work...It wasn't so much the money, as to where it went....no windows/doors on the house but a new color tv, when they already had a small one??? So.anyway, stayed single for a few years. Found a great gal who has a real nice family as well. Mama/Papa don't want my money....or the daughters money. In fact these farmers sent all 3 daughters to uni with degrees now...and though they don't have much, an ancient motorbike, run down old thai house.....the most prominant display in their house are the framed photos of the girls at graduation.... Not all Thais expect the children to subsidize their life. Papa admits many of his friends do...and he doesn't understand it. The grandparents are still around as well...and still actively farming, I think I have found a really great family...and my advice to to research your prospective family before comitting into the relationship,as family is so tight knit and important ...So, I'm getting married next year, no sin sot wanted, or gold or anything...I will pay the costs of wedding and thats it.I expect to contribute to the parents/grandparents later years needs and mentioned that to gf...but she says if necessary the sisters will take care....not me.

[a2396]

The lady in question was a student when I met her. She has since quit, sue to lack of interest it seems. For a few weeks she sold t-shirts and retired from that after we got reconnected. If she wants to give money to Mama, it is up to her, however she has an older sister & two older brothers. I have no idea what they contribute, if anything. She says one of the brothers has disconnectd from the family. Her Mother lives with a "Thai-style" husband, who is not the girl's Father. My lady says she gives 50% of her money to Mama. This is a lady (my GF) who recently pi$$ed away 3000 bht on fake braces and spent 300 bht in phone card money in a couple of weeks, none of which was used to call me. For awhile, she was a "lady of leisure" staying at home at her mother's village house. Recently, I have found it necessary to reduce my expenses and told her to she would be cut accordingly from 10,000 to 6,000. She then decided to seek "employment" at a karoke bar owned by her "Aunt" for 70 bht per DAY ( 7 days per week, 6pm-1am). After a couple of weeks at this she has decided to quit and look for something else (good idea). I did not see her during her karoke career, because of the long hours and did not care to see her in this situation. To my knowledge she has never been a "sex for sale" girl and did not work in bars before. I am really quite disgusted with the whole situation and am about to cut her loose permanently. She is typical, mor or less, of several I have met here.

[wolfmanjack]

Doesn't matter if you are thai or farang. That's is Thai story/culture..... agree or not agree ... the same story !

Manu

Farangs think it's a conspiracy against them, the fact that Thai men also send money to relatives goes above their heads.

The same as when a Farang is stopped for speeding by the police or for not wearing a helmet, he will pay up, then drive away cursing the Thais for singling out Farangs, the fact that 500 Thai people were also stopped and fined at the same checkpoint again goes over the Farangs head.

Farangs in Thailand seem to think everyone is out to get them.

Kinda sad really, and very shortsighted.

I don't think this is true at all for the majority of falangs. For the tourist i think it is kind of a kick for them to be able to get caught by the police for no helmet and only pay 100 or 200 baht to get away. You sure as hel_l can't do that in my home state. If you are not from our state and you get pulled over for a traffic offense you do not pay a bribe to get away. If it is the State police you pay the standard fine on the spot and get a receipt. If it is the city police then you go to the court house or police station and pay the fine. Then you have to find your own way back to your car. The only time we complain is when we get pulled over for not doing anything wrong and yes those of us that live here know that the thais get this also.

Now back to the OP. My wife gives money to her mother and her mother gives it back to me. If I refuse to take it she hides it in our things. Then again she is a very proud woman that takes care of her own land and makes her own money. I had her come to my house to help take care of the kids when my wife was in the hospital. I tried to give her money to make up for the money she was losing by not being home. She told me she was not a worker and if i continued to try and give her money then she would not come to my house any more. She is not a low land Thai though. She is Yao. Maybe that makes a difference. In a country that puts so much stock in the concept of "face" I am surprised at how little pride there is in being able to stand on their own 2 feet. The rest of her family is the same way. When her mother was sick and in the hospital for an extended period I was allowed to help pay the bill but as an equal share with the other children. This is the only time she has accepted money from me and it really was not her decision. It was agreed among all of the daughters. The sons had no money to contribute.

[a2396]

Doesn't matter if you are thai or farang. That's is Thai story/culture..... agree or not agree ... the same story !

Manu

Farangs think it's a conspiracy against them, the fact that Thai men also send money to relatives goes above their heads.

The same as when a Farang is stopped for speeding by the police or for not wearing a helmet, he will pay up, then drive away cursing the Thais for singling out Farangs, the fact that 500 Thai people were also stopped and fined at the same checkpoint again goes over the Farangs head.

Farangs in Thailand seem to think everyone is out to get them.

Kinda sad really, and very shortsighted.

I don't think this is true at all for the majority of falangs. For the tourist i think it is kind of a kick for them to be able to get caught by the police for no helmet and only pay 100 or 200 baht to get away. You sure as hel_l can't do that in my home state. If you are not from our state and you get pulled over for a traffic offense you do not pay a bribe to get away. If it is the State police you pay the standard fine on the spot and get a receipt. If it is the city police then you go to the court house or police station and pay the fine. Then you have to find your own way back to your car. The only time we complain is when we get pulled over for not doing anything wrong and yes those of us that live here know that the thais get this also.

Now back to the OP. My wife gives money to her mother and her mother gives it back to me. If I refuse to take it she hides it in our things. Then again she is a very proud woman that takes care of her own land and makes her own money. I had her come to my house to help take care of the kids when my wife was in the hospital. I tried to give her money to make up for the money she was losing by not being home. She told me she was not a worker and if i continued to try and give her money then she would not come to my house any more. She is not a low land Thai though. She is Yao. Maybe that makes a difference. In a country that puts so much stock in the concept of "face" I am surprised at how little pride there is in being able to stand on their own 2 feet. The rest of her family is the same way. When her mother was sick and in the hospital for an extended period I was allowed to help pay the bill but as an equal share with the other children. This is the only time she has accepted money from me and it really was not her decision. It was agreed among all of the daughters. The sons had no money to contribute.

Your situation is interesting, but I have encountered nothing like such. I have never met a Thai woman, who was a potential GF who did not ask for money. In the case I mention in my post, I have no idea what her siblings give to her Mother, if anything. I think I asked once any the reply was they give litle or nothing. I certainly have never had an offer of money refused by anyone in 3 years here.

[Heng]

One (well, most folks, presumably) would screen out smokers, excessive drinkers, and gamblers while choosing a significant other.... why not add to that list and screen out those who would expect you to be the breadwinner for the extended family?

My guess is that they are already hooked on the girl when they find out about the latter.

No doubt... mine was a word to the warning to the guys (and gals) not yet in line at the bank or post office to transfer funds "upcountry."

[Luckydog]

My girlfriend barely even mentions her parents or family. She just tells stories of how her brother is a bad boy and I know her sister. She has never asked for money and never seems to send any to her parents. She says she sent some money to help her sister through school but I don't know whether that was a bullshit story to stop me from 'borrowing' anymore money off her. She pays the rent for the bungalow, bike and I pay for food and drink. If she wants to buy new clotes then she can buy them out of her own money, just like I do when I buy clothes for me. Thats why she has a job, for financial independence. Why is it that I only read these stories of girls asking for money blah blah blah on TV? Where do you find these girs?

Where did you find THAT gir?

[bina]

i think it is the daughters who have to support their families at least in most of the issaan area (lao); mabye among chinese thai it is the eldest son;

not all asia has the same rules: every ethnic group or nationality has its own 'standards' of who supports mamma... and not just in asia.

from what many of the issan men have told me, they married and moved to where their wife's families were, to help wife's family; and their sisters married and they stayed with parents and husband came to help out.

at present moment, husband's family has not asked for one cent (well his brother tried when he wanted to pay back a loan to someone so we gave a small amount as a 'contribution' for helping us with the wedding procedures.... if anything, my husband is very frugal and thrifty, and a 'cheap charlie' as far as money spending... on the other hand we dont live in thailand close to family either.

i'm the one who wants to send clothes and toys and school stuff for all the nieces/nephews, and i send the stuff around our holiday times as a sort of 'holiday gift ' thing and not as 'free charity', to avoid confusion on any financial or material matters.

on other hand, i dont see his sisters and husbands sending money to parents either even though one husband has a fairly decent 'real' job. and brother is a nurse in hospital and supporting a daughter from previous marriage... i see his parents helping them out (mortgaging land) although physically one sister lives in same housing area and gives a hand in daily chores. both his parents are very proud, independant people ...

i always seem to cme ot the conclusion that a large amount of men seem to associate with a set of people that i would never associate with (men or women): i.e. the materialistic, shallow, money hungry free loading types...

if a thai woman is working and has money and wants to send to her family, so be it. if farang husand wants to help out a bit, good also if they can afford it. if farang husband doesnt want his wife/gf to work, then he may have to shell out a few bucks in place of her although i cant understand why a man wouldnt want his wife/gf to work. if she cant work (like due to visa regualtaions) an other story altogether.

if my husband was the type to 'demand' new cell phones, clothing whatever, i wouldnt have married him in the first place. as it is, i think he's the absolute opposite!! to have someone follow me around and look pretty i have two dogs...

i really dont understand msot men in general i guess.......

bina

[wolfmanjack]

Fred, not to say you live in the wrong Thailand, but I live in the Thailand without Thai g/fs, except for the one plantonic Thai g/f I used to have that ripped me off beyone belief.

MTW,

I am really confused. Are you male or female ???????

[tijnebijn]

Yes Bina,I agree with you on the point the girls take care of the parents instead of the men.Like you thought it is true that in the chinese culture,so also the thai chinese the men normally provide the finances,but the old mother is the boss!

The oldest sibling always plays the boss with the chinese......The thai men normally need their money so much....to drink whisky and for borowing repayments,at least that is what I most of the time see........

[wolfmanjack]

Doesn't matter if you are thai or farang. That's is Thai story/culture..... agree or not agree ... the same story !

Manu

Farangs think it's a conspiracy against them, the fact that Thai men also send money to relatives goes above their heads.

The same as when a Farang is stopped for speeding by the police or for not wearing a helmet, he will pay up, then drive away cursing the Thais for singling out Farangs, the fact that 500 Thai people were also stopped and fined at the same checkpoint again goes over the Farangs head.

Farangs in Thailand seem to think everyone is out to get them.

Kinda sad really, and very shortsighted.

I don't think this is true at all for the majority of falangs. For the tourist i think it is kind of a kick for them to be able to get caught by the police for no helmet and only pay 100 or 200 baht to get away. You sure as hel_l can't do that in my home state. If you are not from our state and you get pulled over for a traffic offense you do not pay a bribe to get away. If it is the State police you pay the standard fine on the spot and get a receipt. If it is the city police then you go to the court house or police station and pay the fine. Then you have to find your own way back to your car. The only time we complain is when we get pulled over for not doing anything wrong and yes those of us that live here know that the thais get this also.

Now back to the OP. My wife gives money to her mother and her mother gives it back to me. If I refuse to take it she hides it in our things. Then again she is a very proud woman that takes care of her own land and makes her own money. I had her come to my house to help take care of the kids when my wife was in the hospital. I tried to give her money to make up for the money she was losing by not being home. She told me she was not a worker and if i continued to try and give her money then she would not come to my house any more. She is not a low land Thai though. She is Yao. Maybe that makes a difference. In a country that puts so much stock in the concept of "face" I am surprised at how little pride there is in being able to stand on their own 2 feet. The rest of her family is the same way. When her mother was sick and in the hospital for an extended period I was allowed to help pay the bill but as an equal share with the other children. This is the only time she has accepted money from me and it really was not her decision. It was agreed among all of the daughters. The sons had no money to contribute.

Your situation is interesting, but I have encountered nothing like such. I have never met a Thai woman, who was a potential GF who did not ask for money. In the case I mention in my post, I have no idea what her siblings give to her Mother, if anything. I think I asked once any the reply was they give litle or nothing. I certainly have never had an offer of money refused by anyone in 3 years here.

My mother in law is a real gem. I made it well known that she can come stay at my house and that i would take care of her 100% when the time comes that she can no longer work or simply does not want to work any more. She did not ask for sinsod and said we should use that money to make a life for ourselves. She has never asked for money in the 8 years I have been married to her daughter and refuses if I offer. She has land in the mountains that she works. Some of which she got for free from the gov and some of which she purchased by her own labor. When her husband got a mia noi she moved out of the house with her 6 children and built another. At this time she has 2 houses in the village not counting the one her husband and his mia noi lives in. As i said she is a very hard worker, a very honest, and a very proud woman. A credit to society.

Some other post talk about the oldest son or child. In her case the youngest daughter is the only one that graduated from University. The youngest of the family is a son and he plays like a hip hop gangster that dropped out of school. All of the girls in the family own businesses except the youngest and she became a school teacher.

[jdinasia]

Basically, all kids are expected to help take care of aged parents.

I am also fortunate to have a partner that comes from a landed/monied family. Other than a few friends that met their GF's/BF's through bars etc ....I don't know of any that are sending money upcountry to relatives. Mostly because there are Thais that are self-supporting but also because contrary to popular belief there are middleclass Thais interested in farang.

My biggest dating rule in Thailand has always been .... 'don't date someone here that you wouldn't date back home'

[wolfmanjack]

My biggest dating rule in Thailand has always been .... 'don't date someone here that you wouldn't date back home'

And that quote should be printed and hung on the wall.

[Maigo6]

My biggest dating rule in Thailand has always been .... 'don't date someone here that you wouldn't date back home'

And that quote should be printed and hung on the wall.

Jesus H Christ.....judging by the state of the women most English guys are with back home, that leaves a heck of a lot of scope, thats why the majority came to Thailand in the first place.

I can't talk about the men JD, Gay guys I knew in Uk all seemed to be well off and look after themselves pretty good.

Vicky Pollard and Co don't inspire me much.

[terry57]

I would like to inquire of the learned members, who are living in Thailand and have a Thai GF, if the are asked or are expected to make contributions to take care of the GF's Mother. I have encountered this several times. My opinion is that I am willing to provide for a reasonable monthly amount for the GF's expenses, but I am not comfortable with other family member add-on's.

You are on one of my favourite Hobby Horses old Bean.

I object strongly to handing out money to GFs Family Members as you will see posted elsewhere.

But having said that, most Farangs do so if they value their relationship enough.

So, I would say this to you. If you can afford it, and it's not excessive. Give it to the old Lady.

Trouble is, it probably won't stop there!

Goooood Luck.

I had the whole 'papa has debts and lives in very small house which is flooded and cannot sleep at nights' thing a while back.

I said fine, I understand, let me just call my parents and see if they need anything, if there is any money left over in MY pocket after that your Papa is welcome to it.

I don't disagree with helping out, I do disagree with being seen as a walking ATM, my girl is free to leave any time she wishes if she feels I am not helping out enough. I'm far too old and jaded to get into the whole emotional blackmail thing, it's just not worth my time.

My advice is put your foot down, lay down some ground rules. I will help out now and then but I will not help out at the cost of my own lifestyle. You earned your money, it is your right to spend it how you wish, that may involve some small help from time to time but for goodness sake don't get suckered into paying out of hand for the slightest little reason.

very nice and straight up reasoning my friend and i agree with your synopsis of this age old debate.

one must never let himself be emotionaly blackmailed and the guys that do are the ones to cry the loudest when the girlfriend does a bolt after sucking him dry.

a little bit is ok but to buying land, houses and cars is a recipie for disaster as one will be viewed as a soft touch and a silly farang.

thank you very much.

terence

the best way to reason out this old chestnut is to say to one's self, " they survived before i came along so why should i be the cash cow and walking ATM."

a lot of guys roll over on this one, as they are scared to lose there girlfriends and foolishly think there big fat wallets can by love.

sorry punters but it never will and all the stories about dudes getting " ripped off" after shelling out large amounts of money for the girlfriends family give me hours and hours of top amusement.

keep up the good work boys.

[GuestHouse]

My wife works and sends part of her income to her parents. So in truth, part of our income goes to help her parents.

I'm fine with that; when my eldest sister was dieing of cancer, my youngest sister gave up work to take care of her. I paid her mortgage, one of my other brothers paid her living expenses.

The basis of my wife's actions and those of my sister, my brother and I are good family values which we share and is a foundation of our marriage.

Edited June 12, 2007 by GuestHouse

[tijnebijn]

My wife works and sends part of her income to her parents. So in truth, part of our income goes to help her parents.

I'm fine with that; when my eldest sister was dieing of cancer, my youngest sister gave up work to take care of her. I paid her mortgage, one of my other brothers paid her living expenses.

The basis of my wife's actions and those of my sister, my brother and I are good family values which we share and is a foundation of our marriage.

I share your point of view,it is a beaytiful thing to do.And also very delightful to read,I utmost respect the elderly.They took care of us,so why don't we for them?

[GuestHouse]

I should add (given the expert advice we've had from a single man) that staying at home into your middle age holed up in your mum's spare bedroom is not what most of us think of when we say 'looking after mum'.

Even if you stay in yor room playing on the internet and not disturbing her while she watches 'Neighbours', 'Home and Away', 'The flying Doctors' and 'Skippy'

[mellow1]

I am a lucky man in having found a very good wife.She has never asked me for money, for the purpose of supporting anyone in her family.When we still lived in the states,we would have a great time shopping for presents for her family,to bring with us, on vacation here.Over the years, I have gotten quite close to my wife's immediate family.My mother in law has never asked me for money.After moving here, it has been the same.I have helped my mother in law out a number of times,mainly by providing workers,tools,and some materials.She needed a roof replaced one time,she bought the materials,I supplied the roofers.All participation was of my own choosing.I know my wife buys stuff for her mother,or a sister,or new born baby.I would like to think that this is normal in any family.My mother in law needed a cataract removed.I was there for the discussion.One of the brother in laws sprung for it,7000 Bath.Everyone was surprised,because he's usually such an ######.I know one day something else will happen.It will be my turn,because over the years I have come to care about her.It wasn't always this way.To get married,my wife and I had to run away from town.She is the youngest,but she had a business,and was supporting the entire family.Since then,they have done so on their own.

As far as giving away money,it's not only the Thais who will take you for stupid.Having said that, at times it is truly needed, and you, and no one else should make that decision.

[Dakhar]

Just to add some variety here, I would like to say that I have a Thai boyfriend. His parents have two children, both boys, my boyfriend is the baby, he is 44. His older brother is about 50, has a masters degree from an American University and makes much more money, although he also has a wife and two kids.

The parents are old, I think 80 and 75, but still have their own money and some contributions from the older son which helped them in the past to build a nicer house, etc. However, my boyfriend's parents, still help my boyfriend with money, and they have never asked and never gotten any money from me other than a few token gifts. The parents were not rich, they were farmers, sold things in the market, father was a local government official, but he managed to send both sons to a good school which gave them connections in life, at a significant cost.

Their mother is blind and has been for at least 20 years. They have had a maid to take care of her and the house for all of their lives. They have a pretty nice house, aircon, hot water, satellite TV, have a nice car and nice truck. They own a lot of extra land, which is just sitting there not making money. But at some point they were able to buy it. They would like to sell it now. They have suffered to some extent because on some of the land they own, a trash factory was built next door so the land is not worth much now, and the father is too old to farm on any land now so it all just sits there.

But what I want to say, is that in Asia, men have most of the earning ability, I think, unless women who work in the sex industry trump that. But I know what my boyfriend's brother earns since he is a top executive for a Japanese company, and before that worked for a top New York firm, I think he can out earn a Thai bar girl. And he doesn't have to give too much to his parents, and he is the eldest son. And I think, tradition in Asia is that eldest sons takes care of the parents isn't it? And at the age of my boyfriend, his parents still feel the need to help him, even though he makes decent money too ... how is it that every Thai girl married to a farang says she has to support her family? I mean maybe her particular family is just beyond repair.

But I also know some Thai girls, who have children, are taken care of by their families in the country, who don't send their families any money, either for the parents, or for the child. These have been the younger daughters however, and when I have said things to them, like, "don't you think you should get prepared to take care of your daughter, your parents are old, what are you going to do if they die?" They say that their older sister will take care of them and they seem to feel very little or no responsibility.

I mean, it seems ridiculous to me that your order of birth should dictate your responsibilities in life, and that younger sibilings can be complete idiots and that you have to take care of them. How is this fair if your parents have no money, decide to have 8 kids, you are the eldest, you are a woman who has the least opportunities in Asia, unless you become a hooker, the kids who follow you are all irresponsible, gamble, drink, or became hookers and got HIV, and now you have 20 kids to look after, I mean it just doesn't make any sense.

Or if you are poor or even rich parents who just plan poorly that your daughters should sell themselves in order to send you money for the rest of your life? I am not trying to sound like a jerk but how many of us Western people have children in order to have someone to take care of us when we are broke? And don't care what they have to do in order to give us money? And some parents might be spending the money on food and be too old to work, but some of them are not and are spending the money on drinking and the lottery and things they see as status symbols.

So basically, what I am trying to say is that for the farangs trying to decide if they should be sending money to their wife's family, and how much money to send, is to try to decide how moral or not the situation seems. I know the culture here is not the same as ours and can not be judged totally the same, but to some extent it can. If your girlfriend/wife has a jerk father who is only 45 years old and doesn't want to work anymore, gambles and drinks all the time, beats his wife, well I would say, don't send them any money and don't contribute to people thinking selling daughters is a legit way to make a living. If your wife has a 70 year old mother who lives alone, okay send her money.

If you want to make the world a better place, than contributing to a part of the world that sees females as something to sell as sexual objects, no matter if you are the buyer or the seller, only helps this to continue. And to people who go to brothels, but don't buy children, you have to know that everyone started there as a child, and is working there as a slave, as an abused child, with that mentality, even if now they are 20 years old or whatever. Okay, sorry I know this is somewhat off the topic and most of you are concerned about helping the families but I just want to give you another viewpoint.

MTW

Thus far you have failed Asian culture 101 pretty bad.

First it is the youngest male (in Chinese culture) that has the duty to take care of mommy and daddy. That is why they are usually horendous brats. Mom and dad spoil their retirement fund like crazy.

Secondly, your BF is rich by Thai standards, very rich by Thai standards. New cars, land, kids educated in America... crap that is like Paris Hilton standard for a lot of Thai's view point. I don't know how they got their money and frankly I do not care. But he is of a wealthy family that is for sure.

Further not all Thai girls marry falangs for wealth. My extended Thai family does not recieve money from me or my wife. My mother-in-law has a competive beef with me and always tries to flaunt that she can and willingly does out spend me. She makes it a point to tell me how much her new 42 inch plasma TV costs, new truck, new car, new SUV, new pogoda.... blah blah blah. Me, Oh I do well and have done well myself. I have no idea if we were to compare incomes who would be on top. I suspect me.... at 200K+ but, I sure don't flaunt it like she does. I do know that her net worth (if she does really own tittle on all her properties/realestate she is higher than me)

All of this was earned by her, all of this accrued in around 25 years. Not bad from a lady that never went beyond Jr high.

Edited June 12, 2007 by Dakhar

[terry57]

Just to add some variety here, I would like to say that I have a Thai boyfriend. His parents have two children, both boys, my boyfriend is the baby, he is 44. His older brother is about 50, has a masters degree from an American University and makes much more money, although he also has a wife and two kids.

The parents are old, I think 80 and 75, but still have their own money and some contributions from the older son which helped them in the past to build a nicer house, etc. However, my boyfriend's parents, still help my boyfriend with money, and they have never asked and never gotten any money from me other than a few token gifts. The parents were not rich, they were farmers, sold things in the market, father was a local government official, but he managed to send both sons to a good school which gave them connections in life, at a significant cost.

Their mother is blind and has been for at least 20 years. They have had a maid to take care of her and the house for all of their lives. They have a pretty nice house, aircon, hot water, satellite TV, have a nice car and nice truck. They own a lot of extra land, which is just sitting there not making money. But at some point they were able to buy it. They would like to sell it now. They have suffered to some extent because on some of the land they own, a trash factory was built next door so the land is not worth much now, and the father is too old to farm on any land now so it all just sits there.

But what I want to say, is that in Asia, men have most of the earning ability, I think, unless women who work in the sex industry trump that. But I know what my boyfriend's brother earns since he is a top executive for a Japanese company, and before that worked for a top New York firm, I think he can out earn a Thai bar girl. And he doesn't have to give too much to his parents, and he is the eldest son. And I think, tradition in Asia is that eldest sons takes care of the parents isn't it? And at the age of my boyfriend, his parents still feel the need to help him, even though he makes decent money too ... how is it that every Thai girl married to a farang says she has to support her family? I mean maybe her particular family is just beyond repair.

But I also know some Thai girls, who have children, are taken care of by their families in the country, who don't send their families any money, either for the parents, or for the child. These have been the younger daughters however, and when I have said things to them, like, "don't you think you should get prepared to take care of your daughter, your parents are old, what are you going to do if they die?" They say that their older sister will take care of them and they seem to feel very little or no responsibility.

I mean, it seems ridiculous to me that your order of birth should dictate your responsibilities in life, and that younger sibilings can be complete idiots and that you have to take care of them. How is this fair if your parents have no money, decide to have 8 kids, you are the eldest, you are a woman who has the least opportunities in Asia, unless you become a hooker, the kids who follow you are all irresponsible, gamble, drink, or became hookers and got HIV, and now you have 20 kids to look after, I mean it just doesn't make any sense.

Or if you are poor or even rich parents who just plan poorly that your daughters should sell themselves in order to send you money for the rest of your life? I am not trying to sound like a jerk but how many of us Western people have children in order to have someone to take care of us when we are broke? And don't care what they have to do in order to give us money? And some parents might be spending the money on food and be too old to work, but some of them are not and are spending the money on drinking and the lottery and things they see as status symbols.

So basically, what I am trying to say is that for the farangs trying to decide if they should be sending money to their wife's family, and how much money to send, is to try to decide how moral or not the situation seems. I know the culture here is not the same as ours and can not be judged totally the same, but to some extent it can. If your girlfriend/wife has a jerk father who is only 45 years old and doesn't want to work anymore, gambles and drinks all the time, beats his wife, well I would say, don't send them any money and don't contribute to people thinking selling daughters is a legit way to make a living. If your wife has a 70 year old mother who lives alone, okay send her money.

If you want to make the world a better place, than contributing to a part of the world that sees females as something to sell as sexual objects, no matter if you are the buyer or the seller, only helps this to continue. And to people who go to brothels, but don't buy children, you have to know that everyone started there as a child, and is working there as a slave, as an abused child, with that mentality, even if now they are 20 years old or whatever. Okay, sorry I know this is somewhat off the topic and most of you are concerned about helping the families but I just want to give you another viewpoint.

MTW

Thus far you have failed Asian culture 101 pretty bad.

First it is the youngest male (in Chinese culture) that has the duty to take care of mommy and daddy. That is why they are usually horendous brats. Mom and dad spoil their retirement fund like crazy.

Secondly, your BF is rich by Thai standards, very rich by Thai standards. New cars, land, kids educated in America... crap that is like Paris Hilton standard for a lot of Thai's view point. I don't know how they got their money and frankly I do not care. But he is of a wealthy family that is for sure.

Further not all Thai girls marry falangs for wealth. My extended Thai family does not recieve money from me or my wife. My mother-in-law has a competive beef with me and always tries to flaunt that she can and willingly does out spend me. She makes it a point to tell me how much her new 42 inch plasma TV costs, new truck, new car, new SUV, new pogoda.... blah blah blah. Me, Oh I do well and have done well myself. I have no idea if we were to compare incomes who would be on top. I suspect me.... at 200K+ but, I sure don't flaunt it like she does. I do know that her net worth (if she does really own tittle on all her properties/realestate she is higher than me)

All of this was earned by her, all of this accrued in around 25 years. Not bad from a lady that never went beyond Jr high.

maybe the trick is to marry into a family that already can support its self, as if you marry into a poor family the expectation will always be there for you to be the walking ATM.

makes sense really, as if you marry a woman in farang land whos family dont have 2 quid to rub together they will always looking at you for a loan and your sure to hit trouble.

so there you go punters,

how about choosing your partners a bit more carefully and possibly avoid this on going problem.

not very hard really, as theres a huge choise out there of females if you are a decent farang your self.