Iamfalang Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 I've gotten thousands of massages, so I have some experience. Maybe three years ago I realized that at 250 (tip 50 or 100 baht), almost everything can go wrong and, well, this is Thailand and no sense complaining. 350 isn't even $10 USD and some lady is touching you for an hour and it's definitely (not always) better than being alone. Let's start with the comedy: 1. Lady texting with one hand, massaging with the other 2. Phone louder than a nightclub at 3 a.m. Ring, Ring, LINE message. DING, DING!!!! 3. Lady talking to people outside the shop on the street while she "massages" you 4. Lady rubbing your head for like 10-minutes just to get to that hour 5. Lady leaves, comes back, leaves, comes back. 6. Wants to break all your bones, regardless of what you say (in Thai) 7. Softer than a feather when you actually want some muscle relief 8. Constantly talks to you while your eyes are closed and you're trying to relax 9. Other people in the shop talking to you 10. The owner sitting there, staring at you. 11. They want you to teach them English .......... now!! I do think it's important to get at least a couple massages per month. Every week? I like to do that. Every day? wow, you got me beat. You will definitely "bond" with certain people way better than others. If she's young and attractive.......well, you can figure that out. Old and ugly, her hands are probably like bricks. Guy? a better massage, usually, but maybe you don't want to be touched by a guy. I've learned an expensive massage is almost always a waste of money. The 150 baht is the best, but sometimes you want some privacy to think. If 1.5 hours, you will usually only get the same as a good 1 hour massage. If you like the lady, then you're paying for a friend. nothing wrong with that. I'm a big fan of the 150 to 250 baht massage, but you gotta understand what you are in for. It's funny when a lady screams because she thinks the guy has changed but is standing there naked. lol. or when you hear some strange stuff and thought this place was not naughty....or some old lady randomly wants some crazy and lowers the price to basically nothing and you still can't accept. It's Thailand. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Lucky Bones Posted August 14, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted August 14, 2022 OK. Just what the hell was that all about? Maybe a 20 baht gold/plastic medal for the best response????????? My guess is troll/attention seeker. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Hammer2021 Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 Some people take anti malaria medicine and have psychotic reaction to it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 Moved to the Pub. /Moved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaosLover Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 (edited) I only get massaged in an a/c mall where I see plenty of Thai people inside -like a Truckdrivers spotted eating in diners assumption. If they also have facials and stuff, that's also a good sign. The a/c is worth the upcharge. But no way is a 250 baht massage as good as a $100 massage in the west. And Lonely Planet claims otherwise are nuts. I'll be surprised if I'll get even one a month here. I was talking to someone here about being pounded by hot herbal compresses. Even he said not all hot compresses are worth the trouble or expense. I notice they really mark that one up. I heard from my yoga teacher -but cannot verify- that the Woman's ex-prisoner's massage place is staffed by regular women, not ex-prisoners. Instead of being a tourist trap, it's a do-gooder trap. Edited August 14, 2022 by LaosLover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2baht Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 1 hour ago, Iamfalang said: I'm a big fan of the 150 to 250 baht massage Even the free lunch costs 250 baht! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubascuba3 Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 I have 1 or 2 a week, i agree 100 baht massages are no different to 300 baht ones, it's all trial and error. Yesterday too much groaning in the next cubicle, you know, some falang trying his hardest make her enjoy it (fake of course) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petermik Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 11 minutes ago, LaosLover said: But no way is a 250 baht massage as good as a $100 massage in the west. B/S......... plenty of excellent cheap massage shops here in LOS 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petermik Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 1 minute ago, scubascuba3 said: I have 1 or 2 a week, i agree 100 baht massages are no different to 300 baht ones, it's all trial and error. Yesterday too much groaning in the next cubicle, you know, some falang trying his hardest make her enjoy it (fake of course) I avoid these places........ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Hammer2021 Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 29 minutes ago, LaosLover said: I only get massaged in an a/c mall where I see plenty of Thai people inside -like a Truckdrivers spotted eating in diners assumption. If they also have facials and stuff, that's also a good sign. The a/c is worth the upcharge. But no way is a 250 baht massage as good as a $100 massage in the west. And Lonely Planet claims otherwise are nuts. I'll be surprised if I'll get even one a month here. I was talking to someone here about being pounded by hot herbal compresses. Even he said not all hot compresses are worth the trouble or expense. I notice they really mark that one up. I heard from my yoga teacher -but cannot verify- that the Woman's ex-prisoner's massage place is staffed by regular women, not ex-prisoners. Instead of being a tourist trap, it's a do-gooder trap. The quality of a massage is not dependent on price. The traditional Thai massage that my Thai friends get is not suitable for me or most Westerners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
problemfarang Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 were you drunk or high when having this 3am massage? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
proton Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 Not had one since 2008 which nearly crippled me, would not have another for free.. Many appear to be untrained or poorly trained, a weekend certificate from Wat Po means nothing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralf001 Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 This morning (like every Sunday morning) had a fantastic massage, 2 hrs cost 300b at my house. I have a no phone in room policy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaosLover Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 At the tourist-oriented places, it seems completely down to the luck of the draw. I've even had the experience of having a good and bad massage with the same masseuse. For me, 1 in 5 was very good-great, 1 was like the poor guy above me, and the rest were as described above with lots of time-wasting faffing about; not something I'm ever gagging to do. I hate the head massage at the end. Or when they're sadistically flicking at my ears. I tend to have a better experience with foot massage. It's likewise underwhelming, but more consistent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
473geo Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 (edited) I always figured I had a high pain tolerance, but the last 2 massages at home, have been very uncomfortable, supposed to help but still had bruising 3 days later and not much relief or improvements Cost 300 baht one wanted to return in a fortnight, i don't think I was quite over it even then???? Those that have experienced this type of massage will understand ???? Edited August 14, 2022 by 473geo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparktrader Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 Older chicks better 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubascuba3 Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 35 minutes ago, 473geo said: I always figured I had a high pain tolerance, but the last 2 massages at home, have been very uncomfortable, supposed to help but still had bruising 3 days later and not much relief or improvements Cost 300 baht one wanted to return in a fortnight, i don't think I was quite over it even then???? Those that have experienced this type of massage will understand ???? You have to tell them and if they only have 2 power settings, too soft or too hard, they get fired Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebluewater Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 The first Thai massage I got in Thailand was 20 years ago. I was green as grass. It was up on the third floor of the Future Park mall. Rows of mats and open air viewing by all. The crowd could not wait to see what the white guy was going to do and, believe me, they got their money's worth. They told me to strip down then gave me a pair of shorts that tied at the waist that three of me could have got in to. Their next move was to take my right ankle and tuck it up behind my right ear and then proceeded for the next hour to beat the <deleted> out of me using knuckles and elbows. Pure torture. I was sweating like a pig and cramping at every move. I have never again had a Thai massage. When I got done I felt like had gone 10 rounds with the champ. It's actually funny to look back on now. Oil yes, Thai massage no. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
473geo Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 2 hours ago, scubascuba3 said: You have to tell them and if they only have 2 power settings, too soft or too hard, they get fired Its the problems that cause the pain - apparently Like dug her elbow into the base of my foot it was painful, but the other foot not so bad I think also they are more used to the flexible Thai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1FinickyOne Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 There are serious massuses out there who do know their stuff... when I lived in a small city I used to go 5x a week for a foot massage at the local temple.. all were pretty good... 100 baht... then they built an a/c room and it went to 120... There was a big lady boy there w/hands the size of a Volkswagen.. but he was so good he was always busy. There was a private shop that i used to go to and a tom boy who was excellent.. other than that - for a good massage avoid younger ladies - Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iamfalang Posted August 14, 2022 Author Share Posted August 14, 2022 sorry, meant to put it in the PUB I'm getting responses!!! give me attention!!! I'm using a fake name ............ why would I care if a fake name gets attention? lol Unfortunately, in the small cities, if the massage lady is attractive, they don't stay long. It's no easy work if you get customer after customer after customer. That's why you gotta show up before 9 am. Before they are tired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Hammer2021 Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 8 hours ago, LaosLover said: I only get massaged in an a/c mall where I see plenty of Thai people inside -like a Truckdrivers spotted eating in diners assumption. If they also have facials and stuff, that's also a good sign. The a/c is worth the upcharge. But no way is a 250 baht massage as good as a $100 massage in the west. And Lonely Planet claims otherwise are nuts. I'll be surprised if I'll get even one a month here. I was talking to someone here about being pounded by hot herbal compresses. Even he said not all hot compresses are worth the trouble or expense. I notice they really mark that one up. I heard from my yoga teacher -but cannot verify- that the Woman's ex-prisoner's massage place is staffed by regular women, not ex-prisoners. Instead of being a tourist trap, it's a do-gooder trap. The blind are also trained to do massage here. Wat Po in Bangkok used to be considered the best quality cheap massage in Bangkok. These growth of these western ' beauty parlours are relatively new. Also aimed at the tourist market but that is no bad thing necessarily. My very discerning Thai friends always reference 200 baht for their massages. There is no such thing as a do gooder trap. As for tourist trap- in many areas of service in Thailand there is no such thing at least not in a bad way. 30 years ago here I was a bit doubtful of taking up services offered to tourist but was pleasantly surprised at how great things turned out and what excellent value for money things were and great fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ESLTeacher1989 Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 You can get an oil massage, 150 baht/hour here in Phuket, really suprising really. they're all really well trained, and facilities clean but a bit cramped. Great value Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iamfalang Posted August 14, 2022 Author Share Posted August 14, 2022 6 minutes ago, ESLTeacher1989 said: clean but a bit cramped Oil massage in a cramped place????????????????????? Yea, not for me. hahahaha. I definitely want to pay a little more for privacy. Last month I paid 50 baht more for 1.5 hours to go on a different floor. It worked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubascuba3 Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 7 hours ago, ESLTeacher1989 said: You can get an oil massage, 150 baht/hour here in Phuket, really suprising really. they're all really well trained, and facilities clean but a bit cramped. Great value 150 for oil is smart, Pattaya it's 200+, if they offered it for same as Thai massage they'd make more money with extras but they can't get their head around that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayClay Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 1 hour ago, scubascuba3 said: 150 for oil is smart, Pattaya it's 200+, if they offered it for same as Thai massage they'd make more money with extras but they can't get their head around that Maybe they figure if you're not willing to stump up an extra 50 or 100bt for the oil option, you're also not likely to be a big tipper! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubascuba3 Posted August 15, 2022 Share Posted August 15, 2022 45 minutes ago, JayClay said: Maybe they figure if you're not willing to stump up an extra 50 or 100bt for the oil option, you're also not likely to be a big tipper! then they don't figure very well because clearly specials are a lot more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olmate Posted August 15, 2022 Share Posted August 15, 2022 1 hour ago, scubascuba3 said: then they don't figure very well because clearly specials are a lot more Tip goes to girl. not owner who pays the bills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparktrader Posted August 15, 2022 Share Posted August 15, 2022 4 hours ago, scubascuba3 said: then they don't figure very well because clearly specials are a lot more I thought specials were discounts 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1FinickyOne Posted August 15, 2022 Share Posted August 15, 2022 8 minutes ago, Sparktrader said: I thought specials were discounts massage does not have the equivalent of a breakfast special... try pee-sayt [over -easy ] dibp dibp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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