My B/f Is A Pornstar - Opinions And Advice

[Pawpcorn]

Pawporn..I agree eagle does indeed seem to have a beautiful soul....

Oops!

I was just reading over what i wrote, after i read replies, to see if it came across as i had wanted it to. Had no idea I misspelled Pawpcorn. Talk about a Freudian slip lol. Sorry Pawpcorn!

Well, that's funnier than (you know what) because I read your note today, and completely glossed over the misspell myself... lol

I was thinking on the long motorcy ride home (from Param Song to Klouy Nam Thai, after earning my measly 520 baht for teaching 2 hours) that I should post here... a long apology... saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," like 1000 times on the chalkboard.

I am really sorry, my intensity at the time of writing looks so caustic, now on re-read... that's one lousy way to introduce myself here.

Sometimes I can be really really stupid. This was one of those times. Can't blame it on Hah-Sip-Jet, either.

Please accept my sincere apologies.

Pawpcorn

[eek]

Hey we all get worked up from time to time, myself included. Smiles all round i hope.

[ngieen]

I can't believe no one's asked...

"what's the movie?" I might like to pick up a copy in the U.S. if it's really good.

I will NEVER tell you

why that/? i want to know too

[popshirt]

<snip>

Luckily I ran into a (straight) man who is my best Farang friend now, in Puckett, and he explained the Thai mind and Thai Love to me in such a straight forward manner, that it started me on the path of being able to adjust, and, really, UNLEARN so much of what I had taken for granted about what LOVE IS... Thai Love, and the Thai mind, is MUCH different than the Farang's.

It's really easy to assume that WE had it right, and Thais, somehow have it messed up... It's really the other way around. I see that quite clearly now. Thai Love is much more practical, and makes a lot more sense.

<snip>

... relax, and try not to "think too much" about this. Trust me, they don't.

Best analysis and advice on this thread so far! In my experience you are 100% correct, Khun Pawpcorn!

[thaicurious]

here in fort lauderdale fl usa, eagle, your boyfriend would be the bell of the ball and you would be the envy of all who came out to hobnob with the visiting porn star. i only wish i was as photogenic.

hopefully you both will be able to come to good terms with your lives. it sounds--from what you say--that you will.

[eagleflyinghigh]

here in fort lauderdale fl usa, eagle, your boyfriend would be the bell of the ball and you would be the envy of all who came out to hobnob with the visiting porn star. i only wish i was as photogenic.

hopefully you both will be able to come to good terms with your lives. it sounds--from what you say--that you will.

My b/f is really perfect, slightly effeminate but strong build and very kind character - more than one year of happiness (the movie has been produced just before). Be happy to be in Florida. Thailand is by far a more conservative country than most posters seem to believe. This is a society where "katoeys" are looked down on (except if they have status and money).

Sure we are already in good terms, it is his embarassement that is disturbing me.

It is now my favourite video , I am watching his scenes at least 10 times per day - can not work anymore. Anyway tomorrow I will fly to Bangkok.

[Espada]

of course you can't do nothing with his past. just learn to live with it and move on. You don't need to take all your time thinking about things that you could not change. i'm sure if you find out later it will hurt you both more. to be honest (at least) will keep this relationship moving on.

did i missed any point? i'm a bit dizzy today.

[jerry921]

The role-playing sounds like advice coming out of Western therapy, and I think it's a good suggestion. It's confrontational though, in the sense that it confronts the discomfort about the issue and tries to overcome it. The "Don't Think Too Much" approach is the avoidance approach, and is sort of opposite.

I suggest you find a good time and talk to your bf about it, and offer him the choice of whether to do the role playing or not, with the understanding that role playing will be followed by DTTM.

If you do role-play, there are really 4 different scenarios:

a) Your bf is not with you and a Thai person mentions the movie (perhaps a family member even)

Your bf is alone and is 'recognized' by a farang who hits on him.

c) You and your bf are together and a farang brings up the subject

d) You and your bf are together and a Thai says something.

If you do it, the role-playing is for both you and your bf. The idea is for you to rehearse reacting in a way that he will be comfortable with. If he goes through with it, you will need a friend to play the third person, to make it real and effective. Your bf probably has someone he knows that he's talked about this with already, that person could be the Thai for scenario A and D, and perhaps there's an expat that can sensitively help with B and C.

But then after that, forget about it!

One really beautiful thing you might tell your bf if you can say it and mean it is, "I think you're so hot and sexy that this scene really turns me on and I could watch it over and over, but because I love you and it makes you unconformtable, I won't." That would help a lot with the DTTM part and with your bf's self-esteem.

As for you, I think concentrating on his feelings and on him will help you to put behind you any remaining shock you feel. If, after you think you're over the 'shock' part, you still feel there's some kind of difference between working as a bar host and being in a movie like that, then that's a feeling you might want to examine more deeply and then decide in your own mind what you are going to do with that feeling.

[eagleflyinghigh]

One really beautiful thing you might tell your bf if you can say it and mean it is, "I think you're so hot and sexy that this scene really turns me on and I could watch it over and over, but because I love you and it makes you unconformtable, I won't." That would help a lot with the DTTM part and with your bf's self-esteem.

As for you, I think concentrating on his feelings and on him will help you to put behind you any remaining shock you feel. If, after you think you're over the 'shock' part, you still feel there's some kind of difference between working as a bar host and being in a movie like that, then that's a feeling you might want to examine more deeply and then decide in your own mind what you are going to do with that feeling.

Alll what you state sounds perfect and fine, especially for a westerner.

The reality now is tht we are going through hel_l and I do not see the end of the tunnel. His discomfort is overhelming and caused deep problems to his life (not limited to his sex life).

My approach now is to make him accept what he did seeing it as part of his life without rejecting it.

This is probably one of the worst moments of my life.

[colino]

Just my two pennies worth

Everybody has a past and you both have to except it or it will always be brought up in future argument's. Theres nothing worse than a having a petty row over something , then the other half drag's up something from years ago '

good luck to both of you and i hope you can sort this out and move on in your relationship

[gery_songkran]

I am writing this making two assumptions:

1. Your BF is Thai.

2. Your post is genuine.

All I can say is it is highly unusual to find a gay Thai male who is so 'open.' Most Thai guys are really shy.

If it's for real - this is something from his past. We all have skeletons in our closet. Be grateful he told you first - rather than you discovering about his past second hand.

Peter

[drbill]

The past is the past.Your BF was honest.Live the present.Look forward to the future.

[canadiangirl]

If I can permit myself to offer my opinion as a female in this forum, I can say that I once had something similar happen to me. I found out that my (ex-) boyfriend has starred in gay porn on the internet by googling his email address! My reaction was a combination of

1) shock

2) that's hot!

3) "why did you lie to me?" (because I had asked him if he'd ever had sex with men, and he said he tried once but it didn't "work". I didn't press for further details. )

Mainly what bothered me was that he lied about it. If your boyfriend is honest with you about his past, I would personally think as another poster did "what's in the past is in the past, get on with your future together"

Plus all my friends were jealous that I had dated a porn star.

[eagleflyinghigh]

The past is the past.Your BF was honest.Live the present.Look forward to the future.

Right, this is also other posters and my opinion. I have zero problems.

Unfortunately the problem is now HIS and HIS feeling about HIMSELF and particuaryl HIS sexual life.

For me a nice example that not everything is so "relaxed" in Thailand and that perhaps we Westerners are much "easier".

[FranklyNoMore]

Unfortunately the problem is now HIS and HIS feeling about HIMSELF and particuaryl HIS sexual life. For me a nice example that not everything is so relaxed in Thailand and that perhaps we Westerners are much easier

This story doesnt really ring true. If you are indeed b/f\'s with a porn actor, I don\'t think one movie makes him a star, then I reckon your b/f probably thinks you might leave him so he is now acting out a guilt complex to make you feel better. This country is full of sex workers who just get on with life. I mean what is the big deal for him? I don\'t think his mum and dad are going to see the movie, are they? Surely he knows other guys who have sold themselves and could talk to them if he really has a problem with doing a porn movie.

Congratulations for keeping this thread going. I\'m sure you must be chuckling to yourself.

[exexpat]

Of course you can add, canadiangirl, females are more than welcome!

I think the author is going thru the same feelings, including the hubris that comes with it.  

As for the curious, don't worry tho, not too many commerical productions of thai gay porn these days. We can figure it out pretty easily, lah.

Oh that tops the thai guy any day!   A straight man doing gay porn.  Yum!

As for top chinese, don't pay, just come by and say hello.

[Pawpcorn]

Unfortunately the problem is now HIS and HIS feeling about HIMSELF and particuaryl HIS sexual life. For me a nice example that not everything is so relaxed in Thailand and that perhaps we Westerners are much easier

This story doesnt really ring true. If you are indeed b/f\'s with a porn actor, I don\'t think one movie makes him a star, then I reckon your b/f probably thinks you might leave him so he is now acting out a guilt complex to make you feel better. This country is full of sex workers who just get on with life. I mean what is the big deal for him? I don\'t think his mum and dad are going to see the movie, are they? Surely he knows other guys who have sold themselves and could talk to them if he really has a problem with doing a porn movie.

Congratulations for keeping this thread going. I\'m sure you must be chuckling to yourself.

You said it best, what I could quite put into words last night...

This story doesnt really ring true.

It doesn't sound like a Thai, in Thailand, at all, in fact...

Sounds more like a farang, in farangland.

Pawpcorn

[eagleflyinghigh]

You said it best, what I could quite put into words last night...

This story doesnt really ring true.

It doesn't sound like a Thai, in Thailand, at all, in fact...

Sounds more like a farang, in farangland.

Pawpcorn

I am becoming aware that on this board many "farang" seem to think in easy stereotypes. To make it short:

1. The story is true.

2. Thais are certaily more complex and less easy going than what many believe.

3. I believe to have some authority, speaking Thai on a good level and being able to read basically and write a little.

I will not reply if being made ridicolous or being attacked.

To all who have simple views about Thais I wish good luck!

Edited July 10, 2007 by eagleflyinghigh

[Pawpcorn]

You said it best, what I could quite put into words last night...

This story doesnt really ring true.

It doesn't sound like a Thai, in Thailand, at all, in fact...

Sounds more like a farang, in farangland.

Pawpcorn

I am becoming aware that on this board many "farang" seem to think in easy stereotypes. To make it short:

1. The story is true.

2. Thais are certaily more complex and less easy going than what many believe.

3. I believe to have some authority, speaking Thai on a good level and being able to read basically and write a little.

I will not reply if being made ridicolous or being attacked.

To all who have simple views about Thais I wish good luck!

Well...

I will say that I spend 6 of every 7 days, 12 hours a day, teaching Thais of all ages and backgrounds how to speak English, so let's assume that I am... "somewhat familiar" with Thais...

and understand that I love Thailand and the Thai culture, my best friends are Thai, and my Thai boyfriend and I just celebrated our ninth month together last night... and I plan on staying here, in much greater happiness than in my so-called homeland...

and understand that I would attempt to avoid the use of stereotypes, certainly... as it can have a demeaning effect...

Having spent, more times than I care to count... 30 minutes (or more) trying to explain the concept of "conditional" statements (If... then...) or the concept of the word "pretend"... and I don't even like to think about the many times I've tried to explain "hypothetical" situations to Thai students... I have to say... that... ok, "complex" is not really in my lexicon of words I would use to describe Thais.

Am I guilty of stereotyping? Maybe!

"Simple views"? Not a chance.

OK, maybe I'm wrong! ? ! ? I'm open to that distinct possibility.

BUT, I find it odd, that you refer, apparently in anger, to "farang" in the third person, as though YOU are not a farang.

And... ok, maybe it's just me, and the fact that I teach English for a living, but to be honest with you, your multiple mispellings and multiple awkward syntaxes are really what I expect from a Thai, who is rather advanced in their English language lessons.

Is there a chance that, EagleFlyingHigh, you are actually a Thai?

If so, it's no sin. I actually am much more relaxed and comfortable with Thais, as a rule, than fellow farangs, so don't sweat it. It's no big deal, it's NOT a problem.

The truth will set you free.

[eagleflyinghigh]

And... ok, maybe it's just me, and the fact that I teach English for a living, but to be honest with you, your multiple mispellings and multiple awkward syntaxes are really what I expect from a Thai, who is rather advanced in their English language lessons.

Is there a chance that, EagleFlyingHigh, you are actually a Thai?

The truth will set you free.

As an English teacher in this country you deserve high respect. I am a bilingual French / German "farang" and have often the opportunity to help Thais in these languages.

My English is far from perfect, but I can use it without problems. One can never get a native speaker . I will have to work on my syntax...., but thank you anyway for stating that I am "advanced".

P.S. : Nine month together is very little, but congratulations anyway and good luck!

Edited July 11, 2007 by eagleflyinghigh

[Pawpcorn]

And... ok, maybe it's just me, and the fact that I teach English for a living, but to be honest with you, your multiple mispellings and multiple awkward syntaxes are really what I expect from a Thai, who is rather advanced in their English language lessons.

Is there a chance that, EagleFlyingHigh, you are actually a Thai?

The truth will set you free.

As an English teacher in this country you deserve high respect. I am a bilingual French / German "farang" and have often the opportunity to help Thais in these languages.

My English is far from perfect, but I can use it without problems. One can never get a native speaker . I will have to work on my syntax...., but thank you anyway for stating that I am "advanced".

P.S. : Nine month together is very little, but congratulations anyway and good luck!

Thanks, EFH, and my respect to you, also; amazing for you to be able to speak 4 languages; I struggle just trying to learn Thai; the use of 5 different types of stress, or tonal sound, on a word by word basis really throws me.

Eh, yup, 9 months may not be such a long time, but I've only been in Thailand 1 year, in 4 more days...

Regarding your apparent situation, I'm inclined to agree with some advice you got earlier... that your b/f behavior is more likely a mirror of your feelings and reactions, and perhaps an attempt to act like he thinks you would expect him to act... ie I think it's more of an "act" than real substance.

He IS an actor, afterall eh?

I think if you make all efforts to just let it drop, in all regards, you will find that it will vaporize, poof!!! and just go away. It's not worth belaboring, anymore, in my humble opinion.

Take care, peace be with you.

Pawpcorn

[Scott]

Given all the bad things that happen in the world, porn is the least of my concerns. I think you should be proud to have a bf who is good enough to star in an international hit--never mind the content and let him know it.

[PeaceBlondie]

There are a hundred, maybe 500. all-Thai gay porn movies. On our first trip to Thailand we bought some, and the first Thai we showed the cover photos of the movies said, "Oh I know that guy; we were neighbors." I don't doubt EFH's story, and the term 'porn star' merely meant 'porn actor.'

[bruceboy]

There is a market for this material, and folks like John H. at ----- Studios has produced dozens of full length (!) movies using Thai performers. eagleflyinghigh, just let it pass.

Let it pass. We all have our moments