Jump to content

Part Two Of 2: Penang Pointers For Pattayans


Weho

Recommended Posts

Part Two: Penang Pointers for Pattayans

Day 1:

After a stressful and sometimes painful 3 day visit to Langkawi Island, (if you didn’t read that thread, it was simply a listing of the various sights and tourist attractions on that Malaysian island), I made my way to Penang, by my economy class flight on budget airline Firefly, owned by Malaysia Airlines, and checked into my 5 star Gurney Drive area hotel in Penang.

I’ve had to cut out many sights, attractions and incidents in this guide to Penang, because some of it was just too upsetting, and might put me in a bad light. But regardless, here is pretty much all you need to know to plan your dream vacation/Visa run to Penang:

Upon arrival in the lobby, the first thing I noticed was the high number of people from a particular region of the world there. I knew this stay might not be easy.

Penang Day 2: this day was pretty much a blur, except I do remember going to the hotel’s fitness center/steam room, and observing many nud_e Asians. I will give the people with skin conditions credit for NOT going in there… I know that over in Amerigay, people could care less what’s oozing out of their body in a public spa type area. Once in Las Vegas, I saw a woman change her baby’s diaper… INSIDE the hot tub… with no embarrassment, no shame, no hesitation. Asians don’t do that. I did see what appeared to be a teenage arab girl get in the outdoor swimming pool in FULL ROBE/Burkah/veil. Draw your own conclusion.

NOTE: if you’re already bored reading this, and if you know you can write better travelogues, please stop reading. Cause it’s just going to get worse for you. If you’re bored and have comments to make, please make them about matters only UP TO THIS POINT in the posting, including this sentence. Thank you for your cooperation.

Back to the guide to Penang. In any event, I went to the hotel’s restaurant for a late dinner… I ordered spaghetti Bolognese… but it came with a marinara sauce… so I sent it back… while I waited for the correct dish to arrive, I filled up on these yummy rolls… when the spaghetti arrived, I was no longer hungry, and only had a few bites… it wasn’t bad though… and also the room service waiter Alfred (from the prior guide post) was working… so he worked the previous day’s lunch room service, then dinner, then today breakfast, lunch and dinner… I just didn’t have it in me to complain… even though I had every right to… and I have to admit some of the pent up anger from NOT complaining about the spaghetti, well it probably carried over to Day 3.

Penang Day 3: A.K.A. “Another Day, Another Heartache”, (sometimes it just don’t pay, getting out of bed).

THE PENANG MUFFIN THIEVES: At the breakfast buffet, I sat at a table next to a family from a particular region of the world. They were four of them… and they had two ENORMOUS plates of breads, muffins, rolls, croissants, etc. Definitely each plate was 8 inches high. TWO big platefuls… I say to myself, “I’m going to frickin’ watch them, and make sure they eat every frickin’ crumb, or they are going to get a lecture from me about waste, and high buffet prices…“

Then I hear the son dropping them into his plastic bag, which he’s holding just below the table. The bag was real loud, you know the kind of LOUD plastic bag, like Bookazine uses… so I give the kid a really good evil stare…to let him know that I knew what he was up to… and he stops… then I turn away, and then he puts some more rolls into the bag, one by one… but it’s still real loud… and I look again quickly, and I smile… I had to let him know that he was caught… but honestly, they didn’t seem to care that much. The matriarch had this big black flap over her face, and she would lift that thang every time she stuffed her pie-hole. I guess they like bread… but all those carbohydrates are just going to make the whole family want to go to sleep. It’s going to zap any energy out of them. I was so tempted to give them a lecture on muffin theft, but I suppose I just gave up… and they looked kind of burly, especially the mother, at least I think it was a woman… I could only see the beady eyes, and occasionally the pie hole, when the flap was up. They won. I didn’t say a word.

But I’ll digress just a tad… I had always wanted to be a parking “meter maid”, who issues citations for illegally parked cars, and/or for those that don’t put money in the meter, or buy those parking receipts one puts in the dashboard window. I know I would have been good at it. I imagined writing out a ticket, and just when the person showed up, they would be screaming something like, “I WAS ONLY IN THE BANK FIVE MINUTES!!!!”, and then I would get to calmly say, “mamm, can you just show me where on the parking sign it mentions anything about a five minute grace period for those doing banking, and I’ll happily and quickly cancel the ticket…” It was just a dream career, but it never happened.

I asked the hotel concierge for a recommendation on a good place to soak up the “local charm”. He suggested Little India, but I told him that didn’t sound like much fun to me… and probably not a lot of air conditioning…

SHOPPING CENTER FOR LOCAL CHARM: So I went to the strangely named Gurney Place [“upmarket”] shopping mall, where I figured I would at least get to mingle with some locals. I did enjoy browsing in the mall’s Fung Shui shop… I’d never been to one of those… it was real wacky stuff. For nutcases and other freaks. And I bought some nice socks, and 3 “sizzling wok” cookbooks that were ½ the price of Bookazine’s fake sale at the Royal Garden. I also bought this book “Tyrants--2500 years of absolute power and corruption”, which covers all sorts of evil people… since I’m currently reading “Tyrants--20 of the world’s worst LIVING dictators”… the two books are unrelated, but now I feel I’m covered past, present, even future. I like to read a chapter or two every night, before bed… helps me relax. I’m reading about the guy from Belarus tonight… seems like a real putz.

Then I ask someone in the Tower Records store if they can tell me how to get to the restaurant Chili’s…and I got the usual blank expression. I said to the guy, “so let me get the right, you work here every day, you walk in and out of this building everyday, and you can’t tell me how to find this restaurant that has about 100 advertising signs, [but no directions how to get there]…” Then the look became even more vacant. Vacuum brain. Not sure if he or I “lost face”… maybe we both did… but I pulled myself together, and headed in the direction of where I thought Chili’s might be… just based on “gut” feelings and instinct… this led me to:

THE ESCALATOR CRISIS: I’m about to enter a down escalator, and a heavily-perfumed Arab woman, in a beautiful beaded long black burka steps on, turns backwards, almost trips, and is instructing her male companion to take her picture--ON THE FRICKIN‘ ESCALATOR. Now who the frick wants their picture taken while riding an escalator? And especially someone in a burka, who you can’t even identify in a photo who she is… But I’ve seen this many times… people have a desire to be photographed RIDING ON an escalator. I don’t get it.

Can someone explain why anyone would want to be photographed riding on an escalator? Anyway she’s facing backwards, towards me a few steps behind/above her… and I think she’s not going to turn around fast enough… especially with that burka flapping around… so I yell out to her, LOUDLY, “HONEY, SWEETIE, YOU BETTER TURN AROUND”… the male companion was too engrossed in camera settings on the escalator that he didn’t have the time or sense to give the burka woman any “heads up” that she was about to have an accident. I was just doing god’s work, but I didn’t get any “thank you”, or even any remote kind of appreciation for possibly saving her life.

But before dinner, I made my way to the Cold Storage supermarket downstairs, which is kind of nice, reasonable prices, lots of foreign products. I bought some peanuts (shelled), from Thailand. Then I see a Caucasoid woman with a male child, maybe 3 or 4 years old STANDING in the shopping cart. I said to the woman [presumably the mother], “why don’t you just tip the cart over, it will be a lot quicker…“, and she gives me this ½ smile, along with the standard vacant expression, which is becoming so popular in Asia nowadays…

I told the woman she was endangering her child, and if it were up to me, I would press charges against her for child endangerment by letting the kid stand INSIDE the cart. As I was now raising this mother, cause her own mother must have done a very poor job, she did move the little twerp to the slightly safer child seat portion of the shopping cart.

I told her that 15 years ago, I was in a large supermarket over in Amerigay, in the frozen vegetable aisle, and I heard loud screams, then I ran over in the direction of the screams to investigate… sure enough some idiot mother had TWO children standing in her shopping cart, and it tipped over. Surprise! Splat! Well, it was a frickin’ bloody mess. It’s very dangerous… while the mother was busy doing a cost-benefit analysis of sanitary napkin prices, the kids were rockin’ the shopping cart like a playtoy. True story… And I’m sure that negligent mother SUED the supermarket, no doubt claiming it was THEIR responsibility to post signs “no standing in cart”, or to have an employee constantly checking up on rotten parents.

Kind of reminds me of these people you read about every summer, where the mother has the kid in the backseat of the car, then goes into the store, and she FORGETS this kid came out of her vagina, and the kid bakes TO DEATH in the backseat of the car… then the mother comes out, discovers this, and is crying and sobbing, “I forgot…. AAAHHHhhhhhh”. Honestly, it were up to me, these bad parents would be:

1. Sterilized

2. Jailed for life

3. Made to pay the costs for police/ambulance/court/legal services

And remember the old Chinese proverb: Children are for one’s old age as corn is for a famine…

LOCAL RESTAURANT EXPERIENCE: I felt before I left Malaysia, I should have one meal, strictly local, you know, where local populace goes, so I went to Chilli’s Restaurant, in the Gurney Place shopping facility. It was all locals. I had heard the food in Penang was especially good, and yes, that was a good choice. But there were seating issues that came up.

At Chili’s, I asked for “non-smoking, as far away from the smoking as possible”. Their setup had a square bar in the center of the restaurant, which allowed smoking all around the bar, and there were a few so-called “non smoking” tables, almost adjacent to that smoking bar. I insisted that there was no non-smoking area. The manager said it WAS the non-smoking area. I had to TRAIN the manager that “non-smoking area” doesn’t mean it’s simply labeled “non smoking”, but rather is an area where there is no nearby or adjacent smoking permitted. I told him “I’m not paid as a consultant to tell you how to run your restaurant, but it seems like I’m doing all your work for you”. The guy suggested I eat outside. I asked if outside was all non-smoking, and he said it was ALL SMOKING, but he assured me the breeze would blow any tobacco smoking AWAY from me. I asked him if he had some kind of metrological training in weather and wind patterns that he could make that claim, and guarantee my comfort. Then I asked him how he was so sure it would be fine outside, and he said he “just knew” it was fine outside. He “just knew”.

I asked why they didn’t provide a non-smoking area OUTSIDE on the patio, and he gave that vacant look I get so often… kind of like a deer in the headlights… I asked him if they charge non-smokers less money, because they have fewer seating areas open to them than they do for smokers. Then he suggested I sit inside. I instructed the manager to remove the ash trays from one side of the bar, and not to seat any smokers there while I was a customer, or I wouldn‘t pay. I must be very charming, cause he complied right away. And I reminded him to monitor that bar while I was there, and look for any transgressions. Fortunately, there were none.

I wanted haggis, but I had some kind of breaded chicken instead…not good for cholesterol. But as I’m eating, the guy comes out and starts mopping the floor all around, with a foul smelling bleach… I told him to clean the floor AFTER I left, and he was ruining my meal. This was similar to a breakfast buffet incident, where the hotel decided to change light bulbs in the buffet restaurant right in the middle of the busy breakfast traffic time… and they are moving this enormous ladder all over the place, including right next to the buffet area. I instructed the manager to have the light bulb team complete their work AFTER the breakfast buffet was done, at 10:30 Am. I’m so tortured. I’m so violated.

I was pleasantly surprised that the side salad I ordered, did, in fact, have DRY lettuce in it, unlike the drenched in water salads we’re used to in Thailand. Anyway, I have to say the food at Chili’s was really good, but not real healthy… so I’ll be on a strict diet for ten days to make up for that one meal at Chili’s… but I really enjoyed it, and I enjoyed the ambience of eating in a place that was almost 100% locals. I felt I was experiencing the real Penang… the TRUE Penang… almost like an adventurer of sorts… like Lewis and Clark, mingling with the native populace.

Still reading? Want more?

About 10 pm, I decided to check out what was passing for entertainment in the hotel’s lobby bar… I lasted for one song… I just couldn’t take it… imagine a bad Malaysian singer trying to belt out Vicky Carr’s “It Must Be Him”. That song is a musical crime… the feminist movement was probably set back about 30 years with that one. “I tell myself, ‘what’s done is done’”, I’ll play the field, and “play it cool”, “I’m no chump”, “Let is please be him, dear god, it must be him, it must be him or I shall die…“ but it’s not him, honey… he‘s not coming… and you‘re a spinster. And you’re Malaysian… you’re not Vicky Carr. Puh-leese. What a way to end an evening.

I retired to my sea-view room, that I paid a $7 daily supplement for that ocean view, which was jet black at night. Everything happens to me… I make a date for golf, and it rains… isn’t that an old song??? Anyone know it? Who sings it?

Penang Day 4:

LAST MINUTE SHOPPING: In the hotel room was an “amenities card” with a price list for all the items in the room. It had this sort of nasty message on it about “theft of hotel property”… every single item in the room was on that list…. Everything had a price. Even down to the smallest item in the room. As I went down the list, I noticed the 25” t.v. was a good deal, but it would be too much of a pain to get back… everything else was overpriced, I guess to discourage theft… then all of the sudden, I think I notice a mistake… the bathmat was listed as 5 ringitt, (about 50 baht), when I’m sure they meant for it to be listed as 50 ringet (about 500 baht). They were really nice too, really thick absorbent cotton, it looked brand new… very heavy duty, truly 5 star quality bathmats. So I pick up the phone, call housekeeping, and I said “I’ll take four bathmats please, 5 ringitt each… can you bring them right away, because I‘m checking out shortly…”. And the head of the maids said, “oh sorry, not right price… if you want, you can buy the one in your room for 50 ringitt”. I said “but it doesn’t say that on the card, it doesn’t say there’s any limit, and it clearly says it’s 5 ringitt”… and the housekeeping head honchess says, “sorry, I no make rule…if you want, take one in room, we charge you…” Then she adds, “we’re not a store here where you can just buy what you want”. I said “but why is there a price list in the room… doesn’t that mean they are for sale? Is this your first day on the job?” Then she says “I give you one bathmat for 50 ringitt”. I said she was committing fraud, which is probably illegal in Malaysia. Then I added “buddah no like fraud, buddah remember you…” Then I realized she might be muslim, or maybe she was Jewish… I had no idea. Since I had lost the will to fight, I caved in and didn’t buy anything from the housekeeping store. I felt defeated.

Off to the airport. I checked in for my Air Asia budget flight back to Bangkok. After check-in, I went over to the Malaysian Airlines desk that had a sign that said “ticketing and information”. I asked for the current printed timetable, because I would like to start planning my next trip to lovely Malaysia. The agent said, “we don’t have any”. I asked to speak to the supervisor who told me “we didn’t get any this month”. And I said, “so this is the information desk, and you didn’t think to ask for some? Am I the first person to ever ask for one? Is this your first day on the job?” Then she gave the typical vacant expression.

ANOTHER TROLLEY CRISIS: After going through security at the Penang airport, I immediately looked for one of those smaller duty-free sized trolleys, almost every airport has. Penang airport had NONE. I know they are subsidized by the duty free stores inside airports. I will milling around the duty free store, and I picked up a box set of an overpriced product made by Guerlain of France. The saleslady came by, and I told her to tell the manager I wanted to buy it, but since they don’t provide or subsidize trolleys in the duty free area, and I had to schlep a backpack around while trying to have a pleasant duty-free experience, I was in no mood to contribute to them. I told her to tell the manager when they start providing trolleys INSIDE the departure areas/duty free shopping area, then I would probably buy something. In the meantime, it was NO DEAL.

I never really noticed this before, but no airline on earth has less attractive customers than Air Asia does. Some of them were brutal. Just brutal… And I’m no Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie (who I understand lectures the rest of the world now on parenting, yet she hasn’t spoken to her own father in like five years…)… but the physical caliber of Air Asia passengers was really about as low as can be. Trust me, there were no beauty contest winners on that flight. No raving beauties. Fortunately for me, I had an empty seat next to me (I board early, and spread all my stuff around all over the adjacent seat, and lean well into the middle seat… so anyone thinking of sitting there will know, in advance, they are in for an hour and forty minutes of armrest war hel_l if they take MY empty adjacent seat).

Oh yes, and while standing in line, I overheard a conversation of someone behind me (I love to eavesdrop), and this girl was matter-of-factly saying to her co-traveler things like “I think I look more Asian than my sister”, and “remind me to get some skin whitening cream tonight… I only have two tubes left…” Good grief… isn’t there a song with these lyrics: “tosses her head and flips her hair, she’s got a whole lot of nothing in there…”

So I made it to Bangkok airport, but I just barely missed the 12 noon bus to Pattaya, so I had to take a taxi… there are two lines, one with two couples in it, and the other line with only one person… so I stood in that shorter line. Then, the guy behind the desk runs away, and I’m the only one left in the line. By this time, the OTHER line has like 8 people in it… and I’m thinking I’m about to get shafted, by being told to go to the REAR of the other line… and my blood pressure is rising at this point… so I wait it out a little, no action from any of the other taxi dispatch dudes… so I blurt out to a bunch of them standing and milling around, “I’m in line here… I want a taxi…” Fortunately, they didn’t try to tell me the line was closed…

But they did tell me a taxi to Pattaya would cost 1,600 baht. I strongly protested this price… and he says, “so how much you want to pay”, and I said 1,200 baht. He says “no way”, maybe I can find someone willing to take you for 1,300 baht. I knew he was trying to cheat me, but he wouldn’t budge, so I caved in and paid the 1,300 baht. And I asked the taxi dispatch guy “what’s the standard price to Pattaya”, and he said 1,600 baht… and I said, so why would you lower it to 1,300 baht? And he gave this stupid vacant expression, like he knew I was on to his game of thievery. And on my way to the taxi, I told the dispatcher, “Buddha no like taxi cheating… you gonna pay one day for that… Buddha remember you…” Then I called him a “douche”. I think that gave me some “street cred”.

I lucked out and got a safe taxi driver. I verified with him at the start of the ride, “you take motorway, tolls already paid”, and he said “yes, I know”… but then he gets OFF the motorway… about 45 minutes later, I told him I had paid for ALL the tolls on the motorway, yet he wasn’t using the motorway. He told me he already paid TWO tolls, I had lost track, and I’d also lost the will to fight. He gave the usual cockamamie excuse about “construction on motorway, faster to take this way”. Puh-leese. But I had to at least let him know that I knew he was pocketing about 150 baht in tolls that should have been paid, that wouldn’t be paid.

Better to negotiate a taxi for like 1,000 baht, and customer pays tolls, if any… cause there might not be any…

On the way back to Pattaya, I reflected on the last week, and somehow convinced myself that I made the world a slightly better place. Then I remembered the warm greeting we all got, just as the Air Asia plane first touched down in Langkawi, for our arrival into Malaysia, as the flight attendant read her prepared text:

“Welcome to Malaysia, where there is a death penalty for drug traffickers… have a pleasant stay… and we know you have a choice, so we thank you for flying Air Asia”.

I hope by now you have a better idea of the wonderful sights and attractions on Penang.

And I thought about the Malaysia Tourist Board’s commercials they run almost constantly on CNN: “Malaysia, Truly Asia”. It is so frickin’ true. Good people there.

End of part two of two.

COMING IN DECEMBER or JANUARY: Weho goes around the world… in economy class.

Probable stops: Dubai, Paris, Vancouver, Las Vegas, and either Seoul or Tokyo.

What could possibly go wrong?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for that weho! i learned alot about Penang and now i feel a bit more prepared for the trip.

I too have oftened wondered what the fascination was to take pictures on escalators.

And it's always nice to go to restaurants where locals go and Chillis sounds like a good choice.

Will there be a part 3?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Part Two: Penang Pointers for Pattayans

I did see what appeared to be a teenage arab girl get in the outdoor swimming pool in FULL ROBE/Burkah/veil. Draw your own conclusion.

What's so unusual - happens every day on the beaches of Saudi, Libya and other muslim countries. And they then keep these salt-water-soaked robes on for the rest of their time on the beach.

Most girls in Libya dress in a Western fashion, but mostly they don't go to the beach, 'coz their skin then darkens-up and that ain't good. So if they are on the beach most ladies / girls cover themselves.

Note that the men dress in white (cool, comfortable) while the women are expected to wear black (hot, stifling).

Further comments on your book-length post may take a while.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Weho, it sounds like you have lost some of your fight.

Time to recharge your batteries at the Sizzler and perusing Black Man cleaning products at the Friendship Market!

Yes, SOME of the fight was lost... but I'll be ready for Dubai November or December... I won't take any #### from them! Something tells me they will like me there, cause I'm so genuine. They need to get ready for that. As you can tell, most of the painful incidents in Malaysia were with encounters with tourists from other lands, who were misbehaving. I seem to get along with most of the locals, generally speaking.

Imagine, having a desire to be photographed on a moving escalator... or putting your child's life at risk by having them stand up in a shopping cart. Poor parenting... and if those parents didn't properly raise their children to be good parents, I have an obligation to point it out... you know, to try to make sure it doesn't happen again, or to someone else.

Just doing god's work in my own special way.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

COMING IN DECEMBER or JANUARY: Weho goes around the world… in economy class.

Probable stops: Dubai, Paris, Vancouver, Las Vegas, and either Seoul or Tokyo.

What could possibly go wrong?

I would give Dubai a miss mate, to many people from ''that part of the world'' for your liking!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, SOME of the fight was lost... but I'll be ready for Dubai November or December... I won't take any #### from them!

As you can tell, most of the painful incidents in Malaysia were with encounters with tourists from other lands, who were misbehaving. I seem to get along with most of the locals, generally speaking.

But in Dubai they won't be tourists - it's their home. It's the 'hood.

You will find Chili's in Dubai, also Fudruckers and other franchised eateries. So you won't starve.

But you will have to fight your corner - there is no such thing as a queue - it's a case of using your weight to get to the front - and boy, do the locals have weight!

Fancy sharing a taxi with three Bangladeshi's, a Yemeni and his goat? It is possible. Just hope that your taxi driver is registered. Over this last week the police have been checking all TDs and have found 40% are 'absconders' - have run away from their legitimate employer and are working as cab drivers. The unlicensed ones are being deported. It is so bad that this week the Pakistan government have cancelled the law that says any Pakistani being deported back to Pakistan will be arrested when he arrives for bringing P. into disrepute. (It is only suspended for those arriving from Dubai). All on local TV (City 7 and Dubai One).

And a Burkha is used in Afghanistan. The various forms of Abayya (black coverall) used in Saudi, UAE and so on are the local dress. In Iran it is a Chador - which is a floor-length head covering, where you grip the sides in your mouth to keep it closed.

Make sure you have someone outside the Middle east to check-in with each evening when you're there - it is very easy to disappear for good if you upset the wrong guy. And that could be anyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But in Dubai they won't be tourists - it's their home. It's the 'hood.

But you will have to fight your corner - there is no such thing as a queue - it's a case of using your weight to get to the front - and boy, do the locals have weight!

I believe I have "street cred"... trust me, if I get in a line, I will be watching for any transgressors. My usual line, in a loud unafraid voice of "ARE YOU FRICKIN' BLIND... YOU DIDN'T SEE ME???" always, always ALWAYS works wonders. I would like to give it a try in a more repressive place.

And it is true there are a lot of gluttonous people from "that part of the world"... they don't care. I believe, on average, "they" are more overweight than the average Amerigayan... and the Chinese are creeping up there too. Yes, the Thais will be there soon too, with so many now eating at Micky D's, KFC, etc.

(BTW, "Micky D's" is what many African Amerigayans refer to McDonald's as...) Perhaps someone else can attest to this.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe I have "street cred"... trust me, if I get in a line, I will be watching for any transgressors. My usual line, in a loud unafraid voice of "ARE YOU FRICKIN' BLIND... YOU DIDN'T SEE ME???" always, always ALWAYS works wonders. I would like to give it a try in a more repressive place.

.

But there is no line - just a scrum round the serving area.

Fortunately I played as #8 at school, and for 40 years after. (Rugby, that is. Union, that is)

And now I have the avoirdupois to boost my skills.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I make a date for golf, and it rains… isn’t that an old song??? Anyone know it? Who sings it?

Everything Happens To Me by Frank Sinatra. I think Chet Baker sung it too but don't know who was the original :o

Yep, that's it...

"I make a date for golf, you can bet your ass it rains, everything happens to me..."

Seems like the them of this entire trip to Malaysia.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.









×
×
  • Create New...