I'm in a toxic situation...

[Tubulat]

1 minute ago, n00dle said:

 i don't believe for a second the OP is genuine.

that said, I could have more easily have cut off a leg than walked away from my daughter at age 3.

I didn't say: "Get out Now"

My answer was to bkk6060

[steven100]

Thais, lies lies and more lies, once a thief and cheat always a thief and cheat. imo

[edwardflory]

You should never allocate monies in ANY COUNTRY, that would prevent you walking out and closing the door.

Sorry ( and sad ) about the child, but YOUR sanity is your responsibility. You can try to make some arrangements for the child from afar - hopefully the child will receive the benefits.

[Yellowtail]

16 minutes ago, Peterphuket said:

Take a look in a mirror before making this retarded comment.

It's a wind-up. The guy has two posts and has not been back. I think he has another thread going about his recent tranny encounter. 

 

I just looked in the mirror, just some old man there looking back. 

[Kalorymetr]

On 6/16/2024 at 12:13 PM, fredwiggy said:

Your daughter will surely do better back home, but she's still pretty young so you have time. I'm going to bring my own daughter back to the states before she is 10, so she will fit in with the current curriculum in the school there. She's pretty good speaking English now, and I've been teaching her words, along with what she gets in school, which isn't much. For now, you can get a dependent visa, and stay until you can convince your wife to let your daughter go home with you. You are in the same kind of situation many here find themselves in. trusting you know your wife until things go wrong, and you feel stuck here. Once trust is lost, the relationship is gone, especially in a country where counseling isn't so prevalent, and women are less likely to go along with it to help the marriage. You're lucky you still have a house back home. I'll have to get a rent to own for a couple years, and then a mortgage again, all when I'm around 70. Not impossible by any means, but it will be a pain. Like you mentioned, her own family has told you how her parents were, and cheating is often learned at home, watching parents be disloyal. Kids know. You were never in any way responsible for any of her family debts, and can cut that off immediately. They will pressure you, and threaten, but since you're on the way out now, that doesn't matter anymore. If you divorce, you will get visitation, as fathers never get custody here unless it's given by the mom, or she's a drug dealer. They haven't a clue that dads are sometimes the better parent where a child is concerned. They see how most locals here are, and think foreigners are the same. This way, you can see your daughter (find a rental close by), see her every week (ask for more than they want to give, at least you can get weekends), and if your wife gets bored with raising your daughter, as happens quite a lot here, you can make a deal then.

Why have a kid whe you are so old? You probably won't be there for 18 birthday, this is genuine question l, I am curious what drives people like you

[JRG23]

On 6/16/2024 at 11:52 AM, HenryRoths said:

On top of that, and I know that people will find this shocking, but I’ve started to suspect that my wife’s “brother” might actually be her boyfriend. He’s always around, and they seem overly familiar with each other in ways that make me uncomfortable. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she gets defensive and angry and accuses me of not trusting her or her family. 

 

Years ago I knew an English guy who was in exactly the same situation as you. The 'brother' was actually the Thai 'husband' (and had been for years and years). In this specific situation (about 16 years ago) everbody knew apart from this poor English guy. They also had a small child. The relationship ended badly, as things things tend to, and he went back to the UK. The child is still here.

[Yellowtail]

34 minutes ago, Kalorymetr said:

Why have a kid whe you are so old? You probably won't be there for 18 birthday, this is genuine question l, I am curious what drives people like you

My father was older, some things are better, some are worse. 

 

 

[fredwiggy]

39 minutes ago, Kalorymetr said:

Why have a kid whe you are so old? You probably won't be there for 18 birthday, this is genuine question l, I am curious what drives people like you

I've taken very good care of myself all of my life, but yet you never know when you will pass. When my daughter is 18 I will be 78, which is still almost 8 years  before the average life span  anyway. I'm actually hoping I live to see her have children, which might be when she is around 23 or so, but again, you never know. What drove me to have a child at 60 was sex with her mom. Things happen.

[fredwiggy]

1 hour ago, ChaiyaTH said:

That confuses me a lot, my 5 year old son is not even half English and speaks fluent English and Thai. Just thanks to youtube, he hasn't even started with P1 yet. Maybe it is because we by default all speak English at home, but none of us are native speakers.

I only had my daughter on weekends until her mom left last year for 9 months, so she only heard Thai most of the time. When she stayed with me those 9 months, her English soared. Now again my ex is going to Germany to stay 3 months with her new boyfriend so I'll have her all the time, except when she's in school, when she again hears only Thai besides one English class where they learn little.

[kennypowers]

On 6/16/2024 at 6:12 AM, BritManToo said:

1. wife and family asking for money ......... learn to say NO!

2. wife banging her 'brother' ............ find yourself a 'sister'.

3. suspected infidelity leading to other men fathering the kids ........ get your 3yo DNA tested.

 

Did I miss anything?

Yes. If he can prove infidelity and the gambling issues = toxic environment = get a good lawyer and he could win custody. The family problems are ironically his ticket out of this. 

[Hummin]

1 hour ago, steven100 said:

Thais, lies lies and more lies, once a thief and cheat always a thief and cheat. imo

How about taking some responsibility for your life so you avoid lying thieves  who cheat?

 

Why is it always men here who continue to blame all their bad experiences and  problems on thais, and even encourage others to leave their child behind? 

 

I think I have a new record in confused emotions in this thread! Says something about some of the members, really

[scubascuba3]

17 minutes ago, Sticky Rice Balls said:

no argument here....i myself wonder why i still am foolish enough to log in here daily.....glutton for punishment maybe...

 

RIP Thai Visa site

Where's better? the other Pattaya site is far worse, more like a library now

[SE23inPhuket]

On 6/16/2024 at 12:56 PM, MalcolmB said:

Gee that is pretty sick. 
if he has fathered your daughter then she is likely to have health problems. 

That whooshing sound was ‘the point’ utterly escaping you (again!). The point being made by the OP is that ‘the brother’ is not really a brother at all, but actually a boyfriend!

[susanlea]

10 minutes ago, Hummin said:

How about taking some responsibility for your life so you avoid lying thieves  who cheat?

 

Why is it always men here who continue to blame all their bad experiences and  problems on thais, and even encourage others to leave their child behind? 

 

I think I have a new record in confused emotions in this thread! Says something about some of the members, really

3yo daughters need their mum far more than dad. 

[susanlea]

25 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

I've taken very good care of myself all of my life, but yet you never know when you will pass. When my daughter is 18 I will be 78, which is still almost 8 years  before the average life span  anyway. I'm actually hoping I live to see her have children, which might be when she is around 23 or so, but again, you never know. What drove me to have a child at 60 was sex with her mom. Things happen.

What country has an average lifespan of 86? 

[Peterphuket]

1 minute ago, susanlea said:

What country has an average lifespan of 86? 

Yes, as far as I know the average lifespan is 82-83

[Yellowtail]

3 minutes ago, susanlea said:

3yo daughters need their mum far more than dad. 

They need both, but to claim they need the mother more, without knowing more about the mother and father makes little sense. 

[fredwiggy]

1 minute ago, susanlea said:

What country has an average lifespan of 86? 

That was a booboo. The average age for men is usually around 75 or so, but if you're not a smoker, heavy drinker and are healthy, you can get into your 80's fairly easily. Of course genetics does happen, but not always .

[susanlea]

1 minute ago, Yellowtail said:

They need both, but to claim they need the mother more, without knowing more about the mother and father makes little sense. 

So you want fathers to teach daughters about periods, bras and being a woman. How ridiculous. Then you want mothers to teach sons about cutting trees down and changing a tyre.

 

What makes little sense is the ideas people come up with.

 

 

 

 

[susanlea]

2 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

That was a booboo. The average age for men is usually around 75 or so, but if you're not a smoker, heavy drinker and are healthy, you can get into your 80's fairly easily. Of course genetics does happen, but not always .

Under 80yo for most males. Under 75yo for American males.

[fredwiggy]

6 minutes ago, susanlea said:

3yo daughters need their mum far more than dad. 

Though fairly true, they do need both for the ages from birth to 5, which are the most important years in your life, and where you learn most of what life is about. A girl needs a father more in her life than her mother, but not having a mom hurts them also. How a female relates to other males is taught by her father. This will be the most important thing in her life as she looks for a mate, which is why most of us are here.  Also a father is usually the main provider, protector and role model for a girl. God (for those who believe) made two parents for a reason, and when one is absent, the child suffers, unless they have a good substitute for the missing parent available much of the time.

[susanlea]

Just now, fredwiggy said:

Though fairly true, they do need both for the ages from birth to 5, which are the most important years in your life, and where you learn most of what life is about. A girl needs a father more in her life than her mother, but not having a mom hurts them also. How a female relates to other males is taught by her father. This will be the most important thing in her life as she looks for a mate, which is why most of us are here.  Also a father is usually the main provider, protector and role model for a girl. God (for those who believe) made two parents for a reason, and when one is absent, the child suffers, unless they have a good substitute for the missing parent available much of the time.

So you want 3yo to 5yo girls to learn about male relationships so she can have a great marriage. The most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

[fredwiggy]

Just now, susanlea said:

Under 80yo for most males. Under 75yo for American males.

It all depends on how you take care of yourself throughout your life, with those genetics as exceptions. Some people do everything wrong and live to 104. Some do everything right and die at 38. Sad, unfair and pretty much bull**it, but that's how it is.

[Yellowtail]

Just now, susanlea said:

So you want fathers to teach daughters about periods, bras and being a woman. How ridiculous. Then you want mothers to teach sons about cutting trees down and changing a tyre.

 

What makes little sense is the ideas people come up with.

 

So, if the mother is a drug addicted prostitute, and the father a pediatrician, you would still want the girl to stay with the mother so she could learn about her period and whatnot. 

 

"What makes little sense is the ideas people come up with."

 

 

[fredwiggy]

8 minutes ago, susanlea said:

So you want fathers to teach daughters about periods, bras and being a woman. How ridiculous. Then you want mothers to teach sons about cutting trees down and changing a tyre.

 

What makes little sense is the ideas people come up with.

 

 

 

 

It isn't what a man is known for doing, as in changing tires,cutting down trees or hauling wood. It's how a girl sees her dad treat her mom, and her, while she's growing up. A father is extremely necessary in teaching the girl how to relate to males in her life. Anyone can teach a girl most anything about what to wear, periods and such. A man can't teach her how to be a woman, as a mom can't teach a boy how to be a man. They can only try their best and hope there's another gender role model around, because learning things from friends or in the streets can be a disaster. This is a good read, there are others................https://billmuehlenberg.com/2014/08/27/daughters-and-their-dads-the-vital-relationship/.

Edited June 17 by fredwiggy

[susanlea]

Just now, Yellowtail said:

 

So, if the mother is a drug addicted prostitute, and the father a pediatrician, you would still want the girl to stay with the mother so she could learn about her period and whatnot. 

 

"What makes little sense is the ideas people come up with."

 

 

In 95% of cases a girl is better off with her mum. You raised an exception. The same sex parent is the best role model unless they are really bad in your example. Boys need to learn how to be men and girls need to learn how to be women.

[susanlea]

Just now, fredwiggy said:

It isn't what a man is known for doing, as in changing tires,cutting down trees or hauling wood. It's how a girl sees her dad treat her mom, and her, while she's growing up. A father is extremely necessary in teaching the girl how to relate to males in her life. Anyone can teach a girl most anything about what to wear, periods and such. A man can't teach her how to be a woman, as a mom can't teach a boy how to be a man. They can only try their best and hope there's another gender role model around, because learning things from friends or in the streets can be a disaster.

A 4yo will barely remember that. Most memories are formed from age 5 onwards. I have no memories at all under age 5. I have no idea what happened when I was 3yo and who said what.

[fredwiggy]

1 minute ago, susanlea said:

In 95% of cases a girl is better off with her mum. You raised an exception. The same sex parent is the best role model unless they are really bad in your example. Boys need to learn how to be men and girls need to learn how to be women.

It's actually about 75% or more that a father is more important. Reading up why is a very important thing because most were taught differently.

[Sandboxer]

Obviously an AI post (dozens of these with a very similar syntax over the last few days), but just for shts and giggles:

 

1. Just leave them. No advance talk/note/message/call. Cut all financial support immediately.

 

2. Have some fun in Pattaya for a month and have coitus with 100 LBFMs. Try to stay off the booze. Go to the gym every day. Don't fall in love with the next hooker.

 

3. Re-evaluate after a month if you want to stay here in Thailand or go back to your country (not sure what the financial situation is).

 

4. Forget the kid. Kids do just fine here (especially in the sticks) without their daddies. This isn't as bad as the 'Murican single black ghetto on foodstamps mom situation.

 

Offer to take the kid with you either to your new home here in LoS or your home country, with full legal custody, if the wife agrees to it. Incentivize the agreement with a one-time payoff, all contractually via lawyer and approved by the courts. All dependent on a positive DNA test, obviously. If she really loves her kid, she'll refuse and then you can at least have some small relief that the kid will grow up somewhat ok, but then you must also, in fairness to the situation, cut yourself off until she reaches late-teens/adulthood and gets to her make her own choices. 

 

Not a lot of 'winning' scenarios here, but it's not the end of the world. 

 

Again, one thing for certain - stop paying for all these village idiots' habits and/or bad decisions. 

 

It won't do your daughter any good, now or in 15 years, to have a broke ass pops.  

 

Best of luck and success.

 

PS. Get the kid her 2nd passport regardless of how things turn out, if you haven't done so.

 

 

 

Edited June 17 by Sandboxer

[susanlea]

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

It's actually about 75% or more that a father is more important. Reading up why is a very important thing because most were taught differently.

Where does your idea come from?